What makes breakdowns grab our attention?
It can be a small tweak in the bones, that slowly morphs into the unbearable, landing us on a hospital bed. Or the car dash set ablaze with warning signals that go ignored, eventually leading to a repair shop. It's usually when the troubles ballooned beyond trivial that we finally start to pay it some mind, and give it our attention.
What the small grows tall, it is then, we get desperate for answers.
What about you? How many times have you avoided or tried evading the uncomfortable? Only to find it waiting for you on the other side, in full form.
"We have two strategies for coping; the way of avoidance or the way of attention."
- MARILYN FERGUSON
Find a reason, there's many, as to why we 'work-shirk' or rationalize or attempt to escape the unpleasant. It can be finances, relationships, or the car troubles already mentioned. We're reactive as opposed to pro-active when it comes to life and its affairs.
Thomas Moore, a psychotherapist and author of over 30 books regarding matters of the soul and spirit, writes "people tend to neglect their souls until some problem emerges, like a difficulty in marriage or emotional urgency like depression or jealousy or loss." (Care Of The Soul).
So why wait until the thing breaks? Does it really have to go bad before we start to take notice or care? Indeed, I know first hand, an inattentive way of living can bring a bit of relief from stress or a sense of security and safety. But, it's both false and fleeting.
".... to the soul, the most minute details and the most ordinary activities, carried out with mindfulness and art, have an effect far beyond their apparent insignificance.”
How can we get to that place? Beyond the 'mundane Mondays' that last a lifetime? Is there something we can do to help us experience the world in a different fashion? And rather than avoiding or wishing life to be problem and trouble free. Causing us to react and behave, like soulless machines, leaving us impoverished, and helpless.
We can, through acts of our own imagination, creativity, attention, and care, give "ordinary life" depth, meaning and value. In a word, bring "soulfulness" back into it.
In his book, Care Of The Soul, Thomas Moore writes "In therapy we lay our problems at the feet of a professional who is supposedly trained to solve them for us. In [care of the soul], we ourselves have both the task and the pleasure of organizing and shaping our lives for the good of the soul"
The word care, says Moore, in "care of the soul", implies a way to respond to the expressions of the soul. Not heroically, but as a nurse would. In fact, the early meanings of the word therapy, in both Latin therapia and in Greek therapeia, is "to cure, treat medically," and "attend, do service, take care of". And this is the kind of devotion and attention our souls desperately need.
When used here, soul isn't a thing or an object of religious belief, but a quality of experiencing life and ourselves. "It has to do with depth, value, relatedness, heart, and personal substance", says Moore. You hear it regarding music, or a city, and even art. "It's got soul!" We know what that means, even though we might have a hard time putting a finger on what exactly is meant by it, the specifics.
Thomas Moore has a wonderful way in which he offers his private consultations for "psychotherapy." "The main difference between psychotherapy in the usual sense and mine is the emphasis on matters of soul rather than managing a person's life and resolving problems and emotional tensions." Adding, "It's more that I want to honor what is presented and let it offer the potential good it holds."
In ending, let's look at a list of principles provided by Mr. Moore, in his book, Care Of The Soul: A Guide for Cultivating Depth and Sacredness In Everyday Life. And perhaps, if we feel we're in lack. They can help with living a more soulful life.
Serve the soul rather than the surface needs of life. If your soul is suffering neglect, you'll have symptoms e.g. depressed, relationship problems. Understand the difference between caring for your soul and managing your life.
Your symptoms are the raw material for your soul making. When we have problems, emotionally, we shouldn't look to get rid of them as a default. Observe, take notice, and pay attention closely, to see what the soul needs. Symptoms are painful, and in need of refining. But, they also hold the answers we seek.
Don't take anything literally but always look deeper. One way to look at this, if you're a big drinker. Is to ask yourself "what is my soul looking for in the alcohol?" Or if you eat too much, what part of your soul is in need of nourishing? This approach is much more than on a surface level.
Take time for reflection and conversation. Don't be quick to make decisions and spring into action. You don't want to be passive, but thoughtful. Words can heal.
Seek another point of view from someone you trust. Our own interpretation of what's happening can very well be filtered by our own complexes i.e. confused emotions, defense mechanisms, etc. Always have a "therapeutic" resource available. Therapeutic, meaning healing or good for your soul.
'Til very soon,
PEACE.