Cancer Twice, And Bone Marrow Transplant, A Survivor || Jonathan

[00:00:31] Yes, we are back. This is Giants Amongst Us where we share in the unique human experience

[00:00:46] and where each and every time you're going to hear real stories told by real people,

[00:00:54] people just like yourself. I hope this finds you all in good spirits. I hope you guys are

[00:00:59] doing well out there. It's good to be back. It's good to have another story to share with

[00:01:05] you all. Let me know where you're tapping in from and if this is your first time plugging

[00:01:10] into the show, know that these stories they come from different places. They come from

[00:01:16] people that have different backgrounds. They were brought up differently. We all have

[00:01:21] our own unique struggles in history and what we do here is we celebrate and we highlight

[00:01:27] stories of individuals, of people who have overcome. They found a way to get past some

[00:01:33] of their struggles to make changes, to take matters into their own hands so to speak,

[00:01:38] become accountable and responsible for their emotions, their livelihood and their experiences

[00:01:44] in trying to create something better for themselves now in the here and now presently.

[00:01:50] And the hopes with sharing these stories is that in turn they might find somebody out there

[00:01:55] listening who's going through something similar, who's in a bad spot, who's in a dark place and

[00:02:01] hearing these stories, hearing these different experiences in life that might give them some

[00:02:06] type of encouragement. That might give them some type of motivation to keep on, to push

[00:02:12] through it, to figure out how to find the resources that they need so that they could apply

[00:02:17] that to their lives and change the way things are going for them. So again everybody, thank

[00:02:23] you for tuning in. If this is your first time checking us out, I hope you find value in this show

[00:02:29] and I hope some of these stories and experiences resonate with you where you're at and in your

[00:02:35] current situation, whatever it is you're dealing with. And to all you who have listened

[00:02:40] to past shows, who have returned to check us out each and every time there's a new episode

[00:02:46] published, appreciate you. Thank you, welcome back. Let's kick up our feet, let's settle in and

[00:02:53] take in this experience together or do whatever it is you do as you let this play in the background

[00:02:59] because today Jonathan joins us and he's got a story to tell. You know I come in contact with

[00:03:06] people in different ways, those that are interested in sharing their story and coming

[00:03:09] on the show and speaking from the heart, sometimes through email, sometimes through Reddit.

[00:03:15] Jonathan in particular we spoke and he shot me a message talking about his situation,

[00:03:21] having cancer twice, a bone marrow transplant and the aftermath that he still carries living with

[00:03:27] that. That's just a small dose of what he's going to share with us today. This conversation

[00:03:35] carried for over two hours and it was still only a taste of what this man has had to endure.

[00:03:43] In and out of the hospital since 12 years old for the majority of his life, surgeries,

[00:03:51] chemotherapy and then there was those times where he was close to death, just a body fading away.

[00:03:58] Conscience in hearing a doctor trying to persuade his mother into letting him go,

[00:04:04] taking him off life support, pulling the oxygen away, letting him go saying there's no hope.

[00:04:09] So much pain, so much hurt, so much torment and suffering body wise mentally. There is

[00:04:19] a lot that Jonathan shared with us today and I'm sure to anybody listening to this story

[00:04:26] it's going to hit you. So I don't want to carry this introduction for too much longer because

[00:04:31] Jonathan does a hell of a job of being open, honest and real with his experience.

[00:04:38] How does someone who has been through everything that he's been through in life

[00:04:43] still have some kind of hope and a positive outlook with being alive and living.

[00:04:50] For one thing, a strong loving mother behind him but it's not to take credit away from the man

[00:04:56] himself who has been to hell and back literally. But I want you all to hear this experience

[00:05:03] from the man himself. Ladies and gentlemen without further ado this is Jonathan and his

[00:05:11] story. Welcome back to the show we've got another guest, we've got another story to share with you

[00:05:20] all. This is Giants Amongst Us where we share in the unique human experience and today I'd like

[00:05:26] to welcome Jonathan to the show. You took a little bit of time out of your day to spend

[00:05:31] with us so appreciate you. How's it going? Hey man thank you very much for having me.

[00:05:37] Like I was telling you earlier, I'm glad that I got to talk and I can get a little bit of my story

[00:05:43] out there. Hopefully we can reach somebody that you know is going through some tough times and

[00:05:49] you know we can pop them out in some way. Absolutely, absolutely. We had a good talk

[00:05:55] before we started to record and just to you know start it off I always like to get a

[00:06:02] little backstory of my guests. So if you mind sharing with us a little bit about where you come

[00:06:08] from and how it was for you growing up? Perfect, well I'm Ecuadorian originally from Ecuador,

[00:06:14] South America. I roughly lived there until I was 12 years old. I moved to Canada

[00:06:22] from Ecuador when I was 12 like I mentioned. But I grew up in Ecuador with my family

[00:06:30] and I will say pretty nice environment of the divorced parents when I was eight years old. But

[00:06:40] a pretty normal childhood overall really loved by my grandparents, my family members

[00:06:46] and moving to Canada was a huge change of pace. Things change with when you move from

[00:06:53] the place you're originally from and a lot of things changes the way you conduct yourself,

[00:07:00] the way you manage your family and your friends. But overall I think my childhood was really

[00:07:09] was perfect I would say and I loved my childhood and like I said I was loved by my

[00:07:16] family quite a bit and yeah overall beautiful childhood. What made you guys decide to leave

[00:07:25] Ecuador and go to Canada? My mom after she got divorced she got an opportunity to come here and

[00:07:34] to come to Toronto to try things out. It wasn't out of necessity or anything of the sort.

[00:07:41] My mom had a really good job back home and she just thought that maybe it'll be a better future

[00:07:49] for us if we just provide a different country. We came to Canada, we lived here for roughly

[00:07:57] five months and at first we just didn't like it. We really didn't like it. It was a huge

[00:08:05] change. We came from I wouldn't say a super hot part of the country but we weren't accustomed

[00:08:13] to the cold. We arrived here in July and like I said we stayed for five months so

[00:08:19] we really got to see the cold part of Canada and that really drove us out. We didn't think

[00:08:26] we could make it and there were some also family issues at the time that we just decided

[00:08:32] this isn't for us and then we moved back home and things started to go wrong right after that.

[00:08:41] After you went back home to Ecuador things started to go wrong?

[00:08:44] Exactly. Okay family issues. Not really family issues there was some family issues

[00:08:51] because I did have some family here in Toronto before we moved here. I don't know things

[00:08:58] change when you live with somebody and you know personalities meet and just don't connect

[00:09:04] us as you think you were going to connect with family. We just decided not to make the situation

[00:09:09] worse and just go back to our regular lives and that's it. This wasn't for us.

[00:09:16] There wasn't a better future like we hope my mom also got a better job back home,

[00:09:23] a better offer so we just thought there's nothing here for us. Let's just go back.

[00:09:30] How long did that return back home last before you guys ended up going back to Canada?

[00:09:36] I want to say roughly four to five months. Unfortunately when we went back we started

[00:09:47] just into life back home. I was going to high school at that time and everything was going

[00:09:54] fine but at some point I started getting really really tired for some reason.

[00:10:02] Really really really tired and it wasn't like I was doing anything out of the ordinary or

[00:10:09] doing more exercises or anything. I was just tired overall but my family just thought it was

[00:10:16] you know maybe I'm making it up because I don't want to go to school or something.

[00:10:20] But as time progressed I started getting significantly worse. I started to get this

[00:10:28] awful pain in my close to my liver area. It was just painful, really really painful and

[00:10:36] then I got a little bit of jaundice which is just like a yellowing of your skin a little

[00:10:41] bit in your eyes. My mom took me to the doctor because you get yellow skin there's definitely

[00:10:49] something abnormal going on. So we went to the doctor and they thought that at that point

[00:10:57] maybe I had hepatitis because back home it isn't as terrible as it is now but we've

[00:11:05] never been a technologically advanced nation back home. If you need medicine or things that are

[00:11:14] a little bit more technological at that time you have to pay in order to get them because

[00:11:19] there's no free health care back home. In order for you to access those medications or

[00:11:25] treatments you have to pay for them as the majority of the South American countries they

[00:11:31] thought it was hepatitis so they treated it as such and I guess the treatment was giving me some

[00:11:38] fluids through IV and maybe they thought that that would make me better but for some reason

[00:11:45] I wasn't getting any better. I was getting more tired, I was running out of air as I was walking.

[00:11:52] I got like a small ball growing in the middle of my hand and my mom at that time just

[00:12:01] tried to go to different doctors to find what the hell is going on because if you see your child

[00:12:08] he's a healthy kid that's never been sick or anything or had the flu for that matter

[00:12:17] and then all of a sudden he is bedridden. He's out of breath and he's not doing

[00:12:25] anything out of the ordinary so we went to different doctors and to see what was going on.

[00:12:34] We met a surgeon that told us that that ball was probably just like a ball of mass that

[00:12:42] just needed to be removed so he did remove it but he didn't send it for a biopsy or anything

[00:12:50] of the sort. So probably we should have asked for it but at that time we didn't have any

[00:12:58] knowledge of this sort of medical terms or medical procedures so I wasn't getting,

[00:13:06] after the ball of mass was removed I still wasn't feeling better. I was still tired.

[00:13:13] I wasn't able to sleep anymore, not regularly. I was sweating crazy, a lot of sweat, high fevers

[00:13:24] and my mom had to take me to different hospitals, different clinics to find out what the hell was

[00:13:30] going on and I went to nature doctors. I don't know what the specific term for them

[00:13:39] those people are. He told my mom that I needed some vitamins and he got a syringe and then he gave

[00:13:46] me the shots on my forehead. He gave me three shots of whatever substance that was and maybe

[00:13:54] that's what my mom just was desperate. She was super desperate. Yeah, trying anything.

[00:14:01] Anything that would make me feel better, anything would work. So we went to like I said a

[00:14:09] herbologist I think it was called. So we went to acupuncture to see because I also started

[00:14:17] getting a lot of muscle pain, a lot of muscle pain in different areas of my body. At first

[00:14:25] it was the legs then it was my back and you know pain was unbearable so we my mom just took me to

[00:14:33] an acupuncturist and he's like yeah we can take care of him. He'll be better in a few weeks.

[00:14:39] So we tried that and you know the whole thing didn't help out and at this point I was in

[00:14:46] really bad shape. I lost a lot of weight, my hair was falling out so we just didn't know

[00:14:55] what was going on. So we finally went to a clinic and this doctor I think he knew my family

[00:15:05] so he just straight up told my mom I think your son has a really bad case of anemia.

[00:15:12] I think it could be a it's called a plastic anemia something that needs to be treated

[00:15:20] urgently and we just don't have the equipment here. You need to go to because we're not from

[00:15:25] the capital city of Ecuador. We're like a city away from the capital city he told us.

[00:15:34] Go to the capital city in Quito in Ecuador and go to the Red Cross and ask them to

[00:15:42] do all the tests. So my mom you know quit her job because she needed to take care of me.

[00:15:50] Money wasn't coming in. My family had to help out quite a bit because like I mentioned

[00:15:57] those things are not cheap. Back home you can get treated sure for minor things but when

[00:16:06] you're dealing with something that they haven't seen before or it gets really really expensive

[00:16:13] really quickly. So we went to the capital city and you know the Red Cross they did a few blood

[00:16:22] tests and they still couldn't find out what the hell it was. So they kept us at the Red

[00:16:30] Cross for like a week doing all sort of tests. So we finally ended up meeting an oncologist back

[00:16:37] home in the capital city and he straight up told my mom listen we need to do a lumbar puncture

[00:16:47] which is you know they take a blood sample from your bone marrow. It's either in your chest

[00:16:53] in the middle of your chest or on your back on your lower back where the tram stamps usually are.

[00:17:00] Yeah. So that's usually where they make the lumbar punctures. They take the blood sample from

[00:17:06] your bone marrow and he said to her it's either the anemia that I was telling you about

[00:17:13] or they told you about or it's leukemia. It's blood cancer. Those are your two options. There's

[00:17:22] no other explanation of why this is happening. Yeah so at that point we couldn't stay

[00:17:29] in the capital city any longer because we needed to go back home. My mom needed to work

[00:17:34] and get some money for the treatments and such. So we found an oncologist in my home city

[00:17:42] and he was able to do the lumbar puncture but he didn't have the equipment or just

[00:17:47] didn't have the complete knowledge of it. Usually a lumbar puncture is done with anesthetics

[00:17:54] so they usually put you to sleep for it because it's a really painful procedure

[00:18:00] and this guy just didn't know how to do it. He didn't know how to do it but just didn't

[00:18:06] have the equipment. I think that he didn't have the equipment. So he took I want to say a

[00:18:12] huge needle. The biggest I've ever seen is probably like four to five centimeters.

[00:18:19] That's how big the needle was and he stuck it right in the middle of my chest and he started

[00:18:26] pulling the you know when the needle goes in and they start pulling to get the blood out.

[00:18:31] Yeah. Whenever you get blood testings and stuff like that right but he needed to get it from

[00:18:36] the bone marrow so he took it and stuck it right in the middle of my chest.

[00:18:40] He starts pulling so that he can get the blood out and I never experienced such a painful

[00:18:46] procedure in my life. It felt like he was ripping on my rib cage like I thought that

[00:18:54] my rib cage was going to come out. That's how painful that thing was and he needed to get all

[00:19:00] that blood so he can test it right. It's hard, it's difficult to get a bone marrow sample from

[00:19:08] from your chest especially when the patient is awakened without any anesthetic. So he just

[00:19:14] kept on doing it and at the end of the day you know fine he was able to do it. He sent

[00:19:20] it in and we waited probably a week and the test came back and surprise surprise it was cancer.

[00:19:30] Wow and so how old were you? You said 12 was when you started experiencing the

[00:19:37] fatigue and everything but how old were you around that time?

[00:19:40] Yeah I think I was almost 13 because I was 12 when we got to Canada. We spent there five

[00:19:46] months and then we came back home and it was just a span of three I want to say four to

[00:19:53] six months and the span of four to six months all the stuff that I described to you

[00:19:58] that's what happened in that small amount of time. So I was almost 13, still 12 and you know

[00:20:06] that's when my mom you know we all became aware of what leukemia was. We didn't know

[00:20:13] it was such a new term. We didn't know anybody that had leukemia before

[00:20:20] or had cancer for that matter so it was a huge shock for me, for my mom,

[00:20:27] for my family and you know since that diagnosis I was still feeling sick so this was just the test.

[00:20:36] There was nothing being done aside from giving me like fluids or something but

[00:20:43] but I was still feeling really sick so at this point the doctor just told my mom we need

[00:20:50] we need to start chemotherapy and at that time he's like it's going to cost roughly

[00:20:58] between 10 000 and 20 000 dollars and back home that's the we have a US currency that's

[00:21:06] and 10 000 dollars to 10 to 20 000 dollars it's a lot of money even for me right now

[00:21:15] 10 000 to 20 000 dollars a lot of money so my mom didn't have that amount at that time.

[00:21:22] We did have our house so what my mom did is just she sold our house and got as much

[00:21:29] money as she possibly could and paid for the treatment and for I want to say roughly one

[00:21:37] month I got chemotherapy back home and I think it was one of the worst experiences I ever

[00:21:45] had to go through because chemotherapy it's the way that it that I was treated back home

[00:21:53] to the way that I was treated when I came back to Canada it's day and night. The way they

[00:22:00] they do the medications, the way that the diagnosis things it's it's day and night

[00:22:07] there's not even a comparison so after usually well I'll talk a little bit more about it later

[00:22:13] but in that first round of chemotherapy I was super super sick because of course it's

[00:22:19] chemotherapy but the way that it was that it was given to me it wasn't the correct way that

[00:22:25] it was supposed to be given there there was a lot of gaps of how the treatment were supposed

[00:22:30] to was supposed to be given so all the side effects of the leukemia at that time

[00:22:38] of the therapy at that time was just awful I never had to go through anything like that

[00:22:44] my my gums started to bleed of course I lost my hair because you know chemotherapy

[00:22:52] and I distinctly remember this because usually because you still have to pay for the clinic

[00:22:58] right because this is not it's not cheap to be in in the hospital for such a long time

[00:23:05] so after my round the chemotherapy they decided to send me home usually they don't you're not

[00:23:11] supposed to do that you're supposed to stay at the hospital and be treated there for anything

[00:23:15] that could happen but anyways they sent me home because you know it was getting super expensive

[00:23:22] and on top of that people just wanted to make money out of my mom because they saw that she

[00:23:26] sold her whole house or they were charging her everything extra for for everything at that time

[00:23:33] so I will I will send back I will send home I was staying with my family because we didn't

[00:23:40] have a house anymore so we had to stay with my grandmother and my aunt and then one night I had

[00:23:47] to I had to pee but I couldn't I was so weak that I couldn't get up so I had to get my

[00:23:55] uncle and my cousins to help me get up so they can take me to the bathroom but I couldn't

[00:24:00] get to the bathroom so they just brought me like a like something that I can pee on

[00:24:06] and this this thing still haunts me I I peed and as soon as the the first

[00:24:15] the little bit of liquid that came out it was clumps of blood so you know when you're

[00:24:22] you're bleeding from your your nose and and the blood and the blood dries out and you have

[00:24:28] that clump or fog related blood so imagine just urinating clumps of blood and it just

[00:24:38] scared the hell out of me it scared the hell out of everybody in the house my mom started to

[00:24:43] research like where to take me because back home things aren't getting any better we're

[00:24:50] running out of money we needed to find a way to get a better treatment because doctors at

[00:24:55] that time were telling my mother listen lady you're gonna run you're either gonna run out of money

[00:25:01] and your son is still then he's gonna die so you know just make up your mind because

[00:25:07] he's gonna die regardless of what you do wow you had um just been released from the hospital

[00:25:14] how many days right after chemotherapy was it the very next day they sent you home

[00:25:19] um I want to say one or two days if no more than that wow right after chemotherapy which is you

[00:25:28] know you need to be like the most careful because you're the weakest at that point

[00:25:33] critical care right there exactly so they send me back home now I know you um just because

[00:25:41] I'd like getting an idea like where your where your head was at because I know I can't even

[00:25:47] imagine the things you were going through physically your hair falling out your gums

[00:25:53] bleeding the fatigue your the body aches everything that you're going through physically

[00:25:59] and at such a young age I mean the tender age of 13 that's where most kids are outside

[00:26:05] they're active soccer football whatever it is they're out there playing with their friends

[00:26:11] what were you going through emotionally at that age were you thinking already about

[00:26:18] the worst case scenario so young like I might not even be alive in a few months or how was your

[00:26:26] your mental space at that time at that time you know um there was some some gaps between

[00:26:33] because I right I forgot and there's a there's a term called that chemotherapy brain which is

[00:26:39] you you missed a lot of your memories because of the chemotherapy you think of it but in any

[00:26:45] case I do remember some some of the stuff that I was feeling back then I was just ready to die

[00:26:50] that's the the best way to describe it I was set on dying I didn't think I was going to make

[00:26:57] it and I was so tired like I never felt that tired before in my life like you said

[00:27:04] was a kid I was not not even six months ago that was playing soccer with my friends

[00:27:09] I was fucking jumping up and down but at this point I couldn't get couldn't even get up I

[00:27:14] didn't even have the strength to get up how you said you were ready to die it was was it

[00:27:19] because you already had your body wise you've been through so much was it as if you were

[00:27:25] you felt like you were just ready to be relieved of all this pain and let me just

[00:27:30] I'd rather end it than continue to go through like this yeah the first thought was that you know

[00:27:35] this is going to be about that is going to be better than this and listening to the doctor

[00:27:41] not not only one doctor various doctors tell my mom your son's gonna die whatever you do

[00:27:46] you're gonna he's gonna die he's not gonna survive they're telling you they're telling

[00:27:51] your mother this in front of you oh in front of me yeah oh my god what is that what is

[00:27:56] that gonna do to a child's spirit motivation and just will to even feel as if there's any hope

[00:28:03] and you know at that time when I went in for chemotherapy there was another patient that was

[00:28:10] roughly a little bit older than me but his family his family was a little bit he had

[00:28:16] a little bit less money than we did so we went in to have the same treatment at the same

[00:28:22] time but um I'll tell you how that ended but for now let's just say he was there at the same

[00:28:30] time he didn't have the these the amount of money that we had at that point so his treatment

[00:28:37] was even worse than mine wow he didn't have you know nurses didn't even take care of him

[00:28:43] it was awful just seeing him just a couple of years older than me he had to be 15 16

[00:28:50] and just seeing him being treated even worse than I was it was just awful and like I said at that

[00:28:58] time my parents were divorced and I was living with my mom my dad was before I got sick still

[00:29:08] in my life but not a lot not not really present but but there but there was a point

[00:29:18] and in all of this that he got remarried and I started a new family and and my mom

[00:29:26] had a conversation with me they they thought I was sleeping but I was still

[00:29:31] still listening to it and my mom was just begging him to telling him please

[00:29:38] let's take our son and get him treatment somewhere else

[00:29:43] we I need your help please let's take our child and go somewhere else because he's gonna die here

[00:29:51] and my father's response at that time was um I can't do it I have another family now it's

[00:29:59] it's your son so you know you do what you need to do yeah then I think that was worse than

[00:30:07] everything at that point because when I was growing up I loved my dad as much as I love my

[00:30:13] mother he was there present after the divorce it wasn't he he was there but not really present

[00:30:20] but still I still love my father at that point but listening to his words saying he is your son

[00:30:28] you do what you got to do I have another family that hurt more than anything at that point

[00:30:35] man you had you had there was something in there something going on I mean your mother

[00:30:43] sounds like a strong woman who had unconditional love and she was willing to go to the grave with

[00:30:50] you it seems to try to help you and find some kind of assistance but for you to be going

[00:30:57] through everything you were going through physically and then on top of that psychologically

[00:31:04] and emotionally hearing the doctors write you up saying he you know things aren't gonna get any

[00:31:09] better and you're hearing it from one doctor you're hearing it from another and then on top

[00:31:14] of that your father to hear these words from him I mean that's like one blow after the other

[00:31:21] after the other and it's a wonder that that didn't just kill the will for you to want to

[00:31:32] even try to fight and you know hold on to whatever little strength you had because

[00:31:39] I'm sure you know in those kind of situations I could only imagine you know the human spirit

[00:31:44] can just let out and say you know and just give but there had to be something that was

[00:31:50] still pushing holding on fighting to stay alive and and you know to see if there's some way

[00:31:59] that you can recover eventually you know what until this day the major reason why I was able to do

[00:32:07] all of this and go through all everything is my mom there's no other explanation seeing how much

[00:32:15] she was she was hurt that I couldn't handle that more I think even more than the thing

[00:32:22] that my dad said seeing my mom suffer I couldn't handle that I needed to keep at it because my mom

[00:32:31] you know she's in my bed beside me and and she's praying every day and just

[00:32:37] whispering when she thinks I'm asleep please don't leave me alone

[00:32:43] were you the only child I don't know if you mentioned it only child yeah only child

[00:32:48] that that's the love that they say only a mother a mother can have and hold and

[00:32:56] like from you explaining everything that you explained and let alone everything that you were

[00:33:02] going through but all that your mother was trying to do putting the house up herself

[00:33:06] whether it's putting money into your recovery into some kind of some kind of assistance

[00:33:14] but then also emotionally there offering her prayers to see some kind of healing or recovery

[00:33:21] and then and then just being by your side through it all losing her job giving up her career

[00:33:27] and everything that she had going on because you were priority you you were more important

[00:33:33] than anything else in her life and she was holding on and if you didn't have the strength

[00:33:39] at that time but you did have to have something to want to hold on and you said it was your

[00:33:44] mother but she sounds like she was a lioness you know protecting her cub and she wasn't

[00:33:51] she wasn't gonna let you go alone man that woman is so strong because you know I

[00:33:59] I'm the patient I'm the one that goes through the pain but she is right next to me and she

[00:34:05] doesn't know what to do she is not able to help she is seeing her your kids suffering and

[00:34:13] physically there's nothing she can do so she's suffering way more than I am

[00:34:19] because mine it's just you know physical pain her pain of not being able to help

[00:34:27] that is something that that just she was able to fight she was able to keep at it for so

[00:34:32] long and still to this day there's only love and thankfulness for my mom I wouldn't be here

[00:34:41] without her that's a beautiful relationship to have and then also that you see you were there

[00:34:48] even when she she didn't think you were you were able to hear you were able to hear all of

[00:34:53] it and also not just hear it but you're able to feel it feel it deep down in your soul and

[00:34:57] in your spirit and even with your father not wanting to be a part of this your mother I guess

[00:35:03] she was the reason why you ended up going back to Canada to get help over there

[00:35:09] medically exactly yeah at that point my mom in her research she found out that

[00:35:17] in in Spain they had a really good leukemia program or cancer cancer treatments for for

[00:35:24] children at that time I guess my mom in her suffering forgot that we we had a permanent

[00:35:32] residency here in Canada she totally forgot about that and one of her friends told her

[00:35:38] Laura you have a permanent residency you have one of the best countries

[00:35:46] in the world right at your at your head not a lot of people have that option

[00:35:50] take your kid and go back to Canada you're gonna you're gonna find the help you need there

[00:35:59] and like I said I think she just forgot about it and and at that point seeing like how this

[00:36:06] isn't getting any better how everything is going wrong she decides you know let's go back home

[00:36:13] I mean let's go back to Canada it's not my home right I treat this as my home let's go back

[00:36:18] home let's go back to Canada so we tried to get everything ready to to come back home she bought

[00:36:25] the plane tickets we're all set she's pushing me in a wheelchair and as we're getting into the

[00:36:33] into the airport there comes this I want to say security or about the or and the doctor

[00:36:40] at the airport there's a doctor there and he sees me that that she my mom is pushing me

[00:36:46] that I'm not really I'm not really there I'm like my head is somewhere else I'm so weak and

[00:36:52] and beaten down that it was just like she was pushing a horse and that guy comes and tells her

[00:36:59] what are you doing you you can't take your kid you can't take him when he's like that

[00:37:04] we're gonna do some tests we're gonna do some blood work and if he matches I'll let you go

[00:37:11] but I don't think he will so you know they did the blood work because they have to check your

[00:37:17] your platelets and your red blood cells for you to be able to make it on the flight

[00:37:23] and for some reason they just decided that I wasn't was not able to delete the blood

[00:37:28] work didn't match so they didn't want to make me get into a plane so at that point we're

[00:37:36] we're losing hope and things are getting worse I'm feeling worse and worse so my mom goes to the

[00:37:43] to the doctor that told us that that I needed to get the Lumbar Puncture we went to that guy

[00:37:50] and he tells my mom you need to to give your son this medication that will help with his

[00:37:59] blood work that will is not faking it but it will give you the boost in his blood cells

[00:38:08] that will allow him to to travel but it's gonna cost you ten thousand dollars a shot and he

[00:38:14] needs to and so at that point we're losing hope my grandmother is just taking money out of her

[00:38:21] bank accounts and my family are helping out and we're able to pay it you know and

[00:38:29] my mom pays for those shots they gave me the shots we had to buy another flight for the following

[00:38:36] day and you know they did the blood work and you know I matched I was able to get into the

[00:38:41] plane that's all we needed at that time. How long is that flight? At that point like not

[00:38:48] right now it's between I think eight hours between because there's no direct flight

[00:38:54] that's another thing there's no direct flight between Ecuador and Canada so we either have

[00:39:00] to go through Columbia first and then Toronto or you have to go through Miami and then

[00:39:06] Toronto at that point because we did the changes so suddenly we got a flight that was

[00:39:16] supposed to 20 hours. Oh my god. We had to go to Peru and then from Peru to Venezuela

[00:39:24] and then from there to Toronto and you can only imagine that I'm dying in the flight

[00:39:30] like I'm dying I'm physically dying I'm out there I'm not even present there my mom is

[00:39:37] just giving me water and I don't think I'm able to speak at this point I'm out I'm out

[00:39:43] them I'm completely out I'm just shriveled out in a wheelchair I'm just waiting waiting waiting.

[00:39:49] Were you able to at least see or hear what's going on or I don't even know if you can go

[00:39:56] back to that and take us through if you were able to was it blurry foggy you know anything

[00:40:02] like that? At that time right now there's patches missing of what was going on but it was

[00:40:10] imagine if you went running like a 20 kilometer marathon and then they tell you to go up

[00:40:19] 20 flights of stairs and then they tell you to I don't know do 20 push-ups.

[00:40:28] Oh you're completely exhausted there's no energy no life there's no fuel the

[00:40:36] gas tank is just completely unempty. At that point there's not even enough oxygen I think

[00:40:42] we also had to buy oxygen from the airplane because I wasn't getting enough. That's why

[00:40:49] I was going to ask you I wonder why because of the doctors saying that you had to get cleared

[00:40:53] medically is because of your condition that they thought that you were going to be a risk in

[00:40:58] the air and that you probably wouldn't have made it because the altitude or the pressure

[00:41:03] you would have died on the plane. Yeah the thing is that since the airplane is pressurized nowadays

[00:41:08] well it still pressurizes it they ask you don't really feel the attitude the altitude in a

[00:41:14] regular person but a person that's going on through all this will feel it and might pass

[00:41:21] out and you know going to there's something in the brain there's something happens in the brain

[00:41:28] when there's not enough oxygen and you can't go back like the plane once is in the air

[00:41:35] there you have to go to the destination the plane can't go back especially in the middle of

[00:41:41] flight that's why they have to approve you. And I guess they probably also were trying

[00:41:47] to protect themselves because then the family could maybe soon say why did you allow this

[00:41:53] child to get on the plane in his condition you guys are to blame for it maybe I don't know there's

[00:41:58] a lot of things that... Back home you know there's not such thing when there is suing people but

[00:42:05] back then it was just a matter of them being assholes I think they just didn't you know they

[00:42:12] didn't want they because also you know you pay for those tests that they give you you have

[00:42:18] to pay the doctor for it in order to see him so even if they come out to you you have to still

[00:42:26] pay them. So it's a it's just they're taking advantage of my mom they're also taking I

[00:42:31] understand that there was an issue of me flying but they could have been things we could have

[00:42:40] done something to protect me they could have sent me with oxygen there's a million things

[00:42:46] that we could have done at that time but they just they were just taking advantage of my mom

[00:42:51] at that point. It sounds like you had every stumbling block in front of you to get to your

[00:42:56] destination so you can finally get help. Oh yeah definitely and like I said I was out

[00:43:03] I only kept the memory of being in a wheelchair in Venezuela at that time getting some water

[00:43:11] and I was telling her mom just can you get me a coke because I want something sweet

[00:43:16] and she's like no we're almost there so just just sleep for a little bit and I don't remember

[00:43:23] how the other flights were. I don't even know how I got from the airport here in Toronto

[00:43:31] to SickKids hospital here in downtown Toronto because from downtown Toronto to the airport

[00:43:37] is close to almost an hour of driving so I don't know how I got from the airport when I arrived

[00:43:45] here in Canada to the hospital. I have no clue how that happened. I think my mom told me they

[00:43:52] they had an ambulance already prepared on the flight that they had spoken to

[00:43:59] to the airport people in Toronto and told them that there's this patient that's not well

[00:44:05] and please prepare for the boards or something like that so I still don't know how that happened.

[00:44:12] I think my mom told me it was just we got into an ambulance basically and what I remember from

[00:44:19] that point into getting into the hospital for sick children was me waking up I didn't speak

[00:44:26] English that well at that point so I couldn't understand most of the things that they were

[00:44:30] asking me and I remember seeing some doctors asking my mom

[00:44:39] what's going on with me or if she had the diagnosis from the doctors or something like that

[00:44:45] and then I went back to sleep and I woke up in the hospital for sick children. I already had

[00:44:51] my own my own room and the first thing I think it was just like it felt like your life

[00:44:58] was given like your your soul just returned to your body it felt like that because I was able

[00:45:04] to wake up and stand up from my bed. I wasn't able to do that before I got to Canada so I

[00:45:11] don't know what the doctors did between that point and me waking up. I don't know how my mom

[00:45:20] got me there. I don't know what she did. I don't know what they talked about. I have no clue.

[00:45:26] All I know is I woke up I went into the bathroom there is a huge mirror there's a little bit of a

[00:45:32] pain right in my in my collarbone and when I removed my the shirt that I was wearing

[00:45:38] I see there's a it's called a catheter which is a it's it's something that they usually

[00:45:47] um give cancer patients it's like uh let's just call it like a tube that goes from

[00:45:53] that they feed you right exactly it's basically this is used for treatments for blood work

[00:46:02] for transfusions for chemotherapy and it's a tube that goes from your uh jugular

[00:46:09] from that huge vein that we have in our neck and it's under the skin right and it goes right

[00:46:16] into the almost like I want to say three millimeters down from your collarbone

[00:46:25] and there's two IVs that come out of that too that's where um they put all the all the

[00:46:32] medications and all those sorts so seeing that for the first time in my life I was

[00:46:40] shed like because I don't know what that thing is I've never seen it in my life I haven't heard of

[00:46:47] it I don't know what it was and all I see it all I see is it's protruding out of my skin

[00:46:55] it's like one of those movies that the thing goes inside the skin and then you see it

[00:47:00] and you see the the bulge of whatever things inside it's seeing that it's seeing a tube in

[00:47:06] your neck for the first time and like I said that's 13th and no idea what the hell that is

[00:47:13] and it was just crazy to see that that thing is coming out of my body and it's inside and

[00:47:20] and and I'm in this completely different place that I never seen and I don't know

[00:47:26] what the hell is going on and after I don't know what happened after that I think I went

[00:47:31] back to sleep and and you know I finally was treated for the leukemia I had in here in Canada

[00:47:41] they were able to you know do all the blood work see what type of leukemia it was

[00:47:48] what kind of treatment they needed to give me they gave my mom a translator we were given

[00:47:56] like I'm so thankful for Canada I will never have enough words to thank Canada

[00:48:03] for everything they've done for me and for my mom I'll forever be grateful for

[00:48:08] for everything they've done until this point so you when you woke up and you came out of

[00:48:14] this state of just being a corpse like you said being pushed around and you have no

[00:48:20] strength you have no energy you have you know you can't feed yourself you can't speak any of

[00:48:26] that and then waking up and and seeing these tubes running running in and out of your body

[00:48:34] and not understanding what's going on I'm sure in the beginning you probably or maybe you did

[00:48:40] realize like I'm not even in Ecuador anymore I'm somewhere else but probably not you know

[00:48:45] putting it together like I'm back in Canada I knew we were coming back home because like I said

[00:48:52] I knew that we were coming back from Ecuador I was aware of that I was just I wasn't more aware

[00:48:59] of where I was I didn't know I was at the hospital I didn't know what hospital it was

[00:49:06] at that time I didn't even know where the hospital was located because I only lived

[00:49:12] in Canada for five months and I only lived in Canada not that I lived downtown I lived in downtown

[00:49:18] for my entire life here in Canada but when I first moved here I was in a like far from where

[00:49:27] I live and where all the hospitals are so I had no clue all I see is I'm connected to this too

[00:49:36] my mom is nowhere to be seen and I'm just there in this room that that's really nice I gotta say

[00:49:45] it's really it's completely different from from back home of course it's it's my own room

[00:49:53] I mean it's super clean it's I'm gonna really I want to say comfortable bed but okay

[00:49:59] it's just a comfortable bed and I'm me again I'm back to me like I'm no longer as tired

[00:50:09] as I was there's oxygen going through my head I'm thinking that's that's that's the best thing

[00:50:16] that I could put it in words I am thinking again because that when I was doing all this

[00:50:21] traveling I wasn't thinking there's there's no sense of thought there's no you're not aware

[00:50:28] like you're out yeah all of this all of the treatment and everything you were going through

[00:50:33] at the time how long were you in the hospital when you um you know when you got to the point

[00:50:39] where you started to recover a lot better than where you were initially when you first got there

[00:50:46] so from when I got to to the hospital for six children it was the treatment of chemotherapy

[00:50:56] and all that I had to go through was I guess five to six months straight living in the hospital

[00:51:05] yeah so five or six months living mystery in the hospital um of course we had nowhere to

[00:51:11] live so in in the hospital for six children there is a there's your room your your private

[00:51:18] room you have the patient's bed but on the side there's like a there's it's like a couch

[00:51:24] that turns into a bed for the patients cares caregivers that have nowhere to go or

[00:51:31] they want to be with their children right it's a hospital for sick children so they

[00:51:34] they try to keep the parents as as comfortable as they can so your mother was by you the whole

[00:51:41] time my mom slept right there with me every single day like we had nowhere to live right

[00:51:49] so we you know like we had somewhere to go and we had nothing and we came here with uh like a

[00:51:56] set of clothes three sets of clothes three sets of clothes for my mom and the hospital just

[00:52:04] helped us out with everything at that point since we didn't have anywhere to live there's a

[00:52:10] McDonald's does a has a I don't want to call it a hotel it's something that this it's called

[00:52:16] the run I'm running McDonald's house it's a building for for parents of patients that live

[00:52:25] out of Toronto and have nowhere to stay or don't have the economical means to

[00:52:32] to live in Toronto at that time uh it's like a charity the McDonald's has for

[00:52:38] or at a specific hospital so my mom from time to time was living in there and it's beautiful

[00:52:47] it's a beautiful place it's a beautiful building it's like a hotel like a five-star hotel

[00:52:53] but you are not allowed to stay there for more than the time that you need because there's

[00:52:59] always people coming in right there's always a lot of patients and and you don't want to take

[00:53:04] away from somebody else that needs it right exactly you were there for five to six months

[00:53:12] and during that time I'm curious during your recovery the treatment you getting well your

[00:53:17] mother being by your side you you guys have nowhere to stay and of course you're not even

[00:53:22] in a condition to get up and move around and do for yourself what were the conversations

[00:53:27] like with your mother during that time was she was she um feeding you encouragement or

[00:53:33] you're looking better miro how was that between you and your mother the relationship and the

[00:53:39] bond or the conversations that you had during that time the first few months was on every day

[00:53:46] my mom is there all the time she is because we don't know anything right we don't speak

[00:53:52] english that well so we're together my mom you have each other we have each other we're just

[00:53:58] sleeping my mom is sleeping in my bed with me holding me because she is so scared that's

[00:54:04] and then the nurses came to to be I came to be known for that to the nurses as the patient

[00:54:10] that has his mom sleeping on the bed with him he's 13 and he still has his mom sleeping

[00:54:16] with him in the same bed I didn't care because then my mom and she's scared she doesn't know

[00:54:21] anything I don't know anything so we're just we're just holding each other and and try to

[00:54:26] you know live every day and we don't know if I'm getting out of here and we don't know what's

[00:54:31] gonna happen and when I get out because we don't have anything so it's just both of us and we're

[00:54:39] in the first few months we're we're talking and getting used to the the language

[00:54:49] eating there because the hospital at the the food at the hospital it's um it's not bad at

[00:54:55] the hospital for sick children they had a they give you like a like a menu like a menu card

[00:55:03] okay you get to pick what you want you have to circle that yeah you could pick and back home

[00:55:10] when you you're sick they're really restrictive with the with the amount of of what whatever

[00:55:16] you you gotta eat so they say no no pizza no french fries nothing like that it's it's such

[00:55:22] a weird thing for them to do so you're not allowed to eat anything you're just giving like

[00:55:28] vegetables and things like that because they're they're really stupid in that way

[00:55:32] just when I when we came here we saw the the menu that had pizza ice cream and all those

[00:55:39] types of things and my mom is like are you allowed to eat this like is this good for you

[00:55:44] I'm like I don't know mom it's just just what the menu says I'm just circling whatever I

[00:55:51] find whatever I can read and whatever I think it's sounds good and in between that stay the

[00:56:00] hospital may change the way that they did the menu so they made an entirely new system which

[00:56:10] was amazing they gave you a still like a full menu card menu like a restaurant

[00:56:19] and you could call in between the times of breakfast lunch and dinner you had a timeline

[00:56:26] between you know the the times where you get breakfast lunch and dinner right and you could

[00:56:32] call them and tell them I want this this this this this and this from the food

[00:56:37] and the variety was amazing like I said there's pizza pizza in there there's spaghetti

[00:56:45] there's anything a kid could want hot dogs hamburgers and ice cream so I'm going crazy

[00:56:52] I'm ordering all those things and I was like are you able to eat this I'm like I don't know

[00:56:57] mom I'm just ordering it's crazy and they're giving me this of course I'm gonna order it

[00:57:03] and I had to order double because I was gonna give the food to my mom as well right because

[00:57:09] they're like are you eating this all for yourself I'm like yeah I mean I'm yeah I'm eating all of

[00:57:15] this but I'm of course sharing this with my mom but that system that SickKids has I don't

[00:57:22] know if they changed it now but it was amazing it made you feel like you were not in a

[00:57:27] hospital as you get used to things like the human being is such an amazing creature in that

[00:57:32] way that you get used to things and and you're able to just manage how things are but for the

[00:57:39] first I want to say two to three months it was and every day me and my mom live in a hospital

[00:57:46] and not even thinking what's what's after but in month number three my mom

[00:57:54] it's already thinking I need to I need to work I need to find help I need to find a way that

[00:58:02] we can live because it seems like you're getting better so there is a light at the end of this

[00:58:08] tunnel so we need to to start looking for for things I need to start looking for

[00:58:15] so my mom I was able to find some people that spoke Spanish I don't know how she did it

[00:58:20] she's such a strong woman such a smart person she just went and found people that spoke Spanish

[00:58:29] she was able to find a job in the night time cleaning well I'll have my treatment in the

[00:58:34] morning you'll leave me sleeping and she'll go for a few hours to to work and she

[00:58:42] find a job that is it was just across from the hospital and it's just crazy to see my mom

[00:58:49] you know just leaving me to sleep and all medicated and just going to work and coming

[00:58:55] back in the morning and just sleeping in the bed with me it's unbelievable to see that

[00:59:03] it just drives you to be better I just wanted to keep being to do the best that I can so I

[00:59:10] don't I don't disappoint my mom because she's doing so much I might as well do my part and

[00:59:17] and make things enjoyable and like I said the hospital for sick children here in Toronto

[00:59:24] it's an amazing place it doesn't feel like the hospital I mean you do see a lot of kids

[00:59:30] with cancer and all that because of course it's a cancer and it's a hospital but the

[00:59:36] ambience of this place it's unbelievable in Christmas you get all the presents that you

[00:59:43] can even think about there's a lot of charities that that you donate to this place

[00:59:50] you have video games 24 7 you have movies dvs athletes come and now and then hockey players

[01:00:01] to meet the patients you have a lounge where you can go play pool you can watch movies it

[01:00:10] was such a difference from being at a South American hospital it's night and day there's

[01:00:18] not even a comparison man that that place is still it's like a it's like a mall it's like a

[01:00:25] hotel the hospital is beautiful it's a beautiful place I'm assuming if the U.S. has something

[01:00:34] like that I think Sanju is like that but I think one of the top rated are the ones in Toronto

[01:00:43] they go all out they do yeah that's a good environment because you know it's

[01:00:48] creating an environment for rejuvenating or revitalizing or bringing the life and

[01:00:56] spirit back into somebody and it's not one of those places that the hospital is like that's

[01:01:02] the last stop before the graveyard you know there's no hope and this is the dead end after it but

[01:01:07] with all of that athletes and in the it boosts up the morale of a child and probably the parents

[01:01:16] of the children and then and with that I think that that also causes a reaction to

[01:01:23] bring hope and to encourage people to you know a better recovery or a speedy recovery

[01:01:29] oh definitely man that even you know because I'm an adolescent so I started noticing things

[01:01:36] even the nurses are so pretty and nice and they smell good that you're like

[01:01:44] Jesus this is a really nice place I really like this nurse you know

[01:01:51] they're great we want to see her again and then they're so cheerful and they make you

[01:01:57] forget things and you're like oh man and you can really talk to them even though you're

[01:02:01] they you don't speak the language but you can they can try to understand

[01:02:07] I remember one of the one of the best stories that I that I tell it's it was around my

[01:02:13] birthday because I was still at the hospital at that time and and it it was time for my

[01:02:18] birthday and one of the nurses just asked me what it is that I miss about my birthday outside

[01:02:25] or back home and I told her you know I'm back home we do piñatas all the time

[01:02:31] is it such a like a cultural thing that we do that I miss that I miss having piñatas around

[01:02:40] so I in the afternoon they they bring you a lot of presents because it's your birthday so

[01:02:48] they go all out and I see that in the nurse that I was talking to she was such a wonderful person

[01:02:56] she says you know we have a surprise for you in the lounge because every floor has a lounge for

[01:03:02] for kids to go play and have video games and all that kind of thing

[01:03:06] so they they took me to the lounge and then I see that they my nurse had you know you've

[01:03:14] seen those gloves that nurses use those blue gloves those surgical gloves so they had inflated

[01:03:23] those gloves and filled it out with candy and made like a bunch of piñatas right there in

[01:03:30] the lounge with those gloves man that just melted my heart I just started crying because

[01:03:37] I didn't I didn't think she was gonna do that like it's I think I still have a picture of

[01:03:42] that and it's it's unbelievable that the thought that that they that they have

[01:03:50] the wonderful personalities that they have working at the hospital of course if there

[01:03:55] are sad times when the kid passes everything is silent in there of course and that makes

[01:04:04] and that reminds you that it's a hospital there are sick children here but it's not most of

[01:04:10] the time but it's a wonderful time for for the thing that I was going through I think

[01:04:19] it like you said it helped on the on the soul healing process yeah and physically as well

[01:04:29] so it was wonderful yeah I think they play a big part the the mind body and so all of it

[01:04:36] related so if the mind psychologically and everything if that's in a bad place that

[01:04:41] in turn is going to affect the body the immune system and everything but if you're doing things

[01:04:47] positively if you're reinforcing healing or things like that then that's also going to

[01:04:53] affect the body physically and that'll build the immune system and there's a lot of

[01:04:59] research that says that that that does have a big part I mean stress and anxiety that's

[01:05:04] going to do things to affect the immune system and make you more susceptible to sickness or illness

[01:05:10] or even cancerous cells to to build into destroy your body so I think that all has a big part to

[01:05:17] play with it oh definitely man I made sure me believe and you experienced your first hand

[01:05:24] oh for sure man I was in a point where that seemed like a relief from going to that through

[01:05:32] celebrating my birthday with piñata it's a huge turn of events and psychologically you're in a

[01:05:40] different place you're just in the different place you're not thinking about that anymore

[01:05:45] you're thinking about your future now now you're thinking about finally I'm going to go out

[01:05:51] and enjoy my life so you already had a you were looking at a time now like okay

[01:05:57] your mother's working at night she's coming to see you in the morning and and then I'm sure

[01:06:03] there came a point where you can be going home pretty soon exactly you know things are turning

[01:06:08] into that way the doctors are coming in and saying you know there is a point in time where

[01:06:13] they're like your cancer is in recession you no longer have cancer you're free your leukemia

[01:06:19] has gone so now you're starting to think you're finally get to go home and I'm like where's

[01:06:26] home I don't have a home right now but you know we got figured the hospital helped us out with

[01:06:32] that and it was amazing because the doctors are like we're going to prepare you to go home

[01:06:39] and to take care of things and as time progresses you know things do get better

[01:06:44] like I got out of the hospital I was 14 my hair started to grow back I was going to high

[01:06:52] school and life seemed to be turning around and I was so happy we found a home

[01:06:59] we had our department and it was going to close to my high school and in an area downtown that

[01:07:06] was close to the hospital they helped us out that way too that we had a place that it was

[01:07:12] closing out that we can go to the hospital if anything happened and you know things

[01:07:17] turned around and I was happy in 14 15 and I turned into that like a teen and

[01:07:27] and I enjoyed my life to the fullest I went back home I met with my family

[01:07:34] I went out with girls a lot of girls I had a lot of fun with that and then I turned 16

[01:07:42] and we had to go to the hospital every now and then for just checkups right

[01:07:47] and in every checkup they always tell you you know you're in a recession your cancer is gone

[01:07:53] there's always a small chance that it might come back I always live with that in the back of

[01:07:57] my head that was always a given for me because they tell you right and it might happen

[01:08:04] it might return we don't know we just hope it doesn't and that's why we bring you every

[01:08:09] now and then so you get your your checkups and see that you're fine and then

[01:08:15] and that's fine and then you know you go from three months every three months and then you

[01:08:20] go every six months and turns into a yearly thing and mine it was a yearly thing and I

[01:08:26] was 16 like I said I was I was in high school I had a lot of I was already having like I

[01:08:31] was enjoying my life to the fullest and I we went to for a normal checkup

[01:08:38] and usually the when they went the way you went is they did the long report long bird puncture

[01:08:44] and they said everything is fine you're you're good to go and you go home that day they did

[01:08:52] my longboard puncture and they didn't send me home right away so uh I was pretty concerned at

[01:09:00] that point like I said we're I'm 16 hospital life is behind me I'm I'm enjoying my life

[01:09:07] my mom is working and we were having you know normal life this is already a couple years

[01:09:13] later you've already started to move on and live your life exactly yeah the hospital was way

[01:09:19] behind me and at that point I never I never told anybody that I had cancer I don't know why

[01:09:25] I never I share that with anybody not even at school I don't know why I thought I was ashamed

[01:09:31] of having cancer but I just never bothered to share it with anybody nobody knew not my

[01:09:38] friends nobody's just my mom and myself and you know 16 I go for the regular and they do

[01:09:44] the longboard puncture and I don't get to go home so I'm like oh shit because it's okay

[01:09:50] let's see what's going on so I go to see the doctors and and then they see me and they're like

[01:09:57] Jonathan there's something there's something there it might be a virus we might need to keep

[01:10:03] you here just to check out a few more things so I'm like okay hopefully it's just just a

[01:10:08] virus and then they can sort this out this out and at that point that wasn't feeling sick

[01:10:16] or anything there's there's nothing of the sort there's no symptoms there's nothing so um

[01:10:23] they did other tests and they uh they called us into a room with my mom

[01:10:31] and they told us Jonathan there's uh unfortunately there we don't have good news

[01:10:37] uh your cancer is back your leukemia is back and the first leukemia I had was a mild type of

[01:10:48] leukemia it was the more the more curable leukemia the more treatable leukemia I it's

[01:10:54] I think it's called AML or something I don't remember the terminology it's been so many

[01:10:58] years at this point but um it was just a mild leukemia of course it's still cancer right

[01:11:05] but and they said your your cancer is back it's the same cancer that you have

[01:11:12] but you also have another type of leukemia so you have two types of leukemia going on right now

[01:11:22] because there's always a thing that I told my mom and I don't know why I said

[01:11:26] this to my mom all the time when I was when I was living my life I told my mom if they

[01:11:31] ever tell me to that the cancer is back well I'm not gonna do any treatment I'm not gonna do

[01:11:36] anything I'm sorry but you're just have gonna have to respect that I'm not gonna do any

[01:11:41] treatments I don't want to go do this whole thing again so if my cancer is ever back

[01:11:47] I'm not doing anything I'll just let it be and my mom always brushed it off because

[01:11:53] she thought um you know just being just being a teenager or just a sport of the moment

[01:11:59] and when they told us that like I had leukemia and that it was more aggressive

[01:12:05] and I had another type of leukemia at the same time it just blew my mind that I told the doctors

[01:12:12] because my mom was there crying and I and I told I asked him um what happens if I don't

[01:12:19] get treatment and he's like uh you probably start feeling sick in a month and then

[01:12:29] then you'll eventually die in three oh yeah so I'm like oh shit it's not like I can actually

[01:12:36] brush it off like I was I'm not I'm not the brave guy that said no I'm not gonna do

[01:12:42] any treatments if I don't you know wow no no yeah I'm like I don't know and

[01:12:52] and they told us um there's only one thing to do we have to since it's a

[01:13:01] it's such an aggressive leukemia we cannot you need a bromero transplant because of the type

[01:13:11] of leukemia and the of how how aggressive it is it's not gonna be enough just to treat it with

[01:13:19] chemotherapy anymore so you need a bone marrow transplant so at that time we

[01:13:27] we always heard the bone marrow transplant but we we didn't know because we didn't we didn't

[01:13:32] expect that to happen to us and we when we met with patients that had bone marrow transplants

[01:13:38] and and they had their story and and things like that but it was just a thing that we

[01:13:44] it never occurred to us that that's what was gonna happen to me so they told us that um

[01:13:53] I still remember that it was Halloween I had to go back to the hospital on on Halloween that

[01:14:00] night because I was gonna you know be uh you know in the hospital I wasn't gonna live in

[01:14:09] the hospital again because I had to go through treatment again and before they do any treatment

[01:14:17] or they do the bone marrow transplant they give you a a run I'll call it a rundown but it's

[01:14:27] it's basically a talk between the doctors and your family and yourself and they tell you

[01:14:33] exactly what they're gonna do what the plan is and how they're gonna do it so um it's a

[01:14:41] it's like a doctor's consultation and we go to our room and you have to wait up quite a bit

[01:14:48] because they do it at the end of the days but uh we were brought into the room and the

[01:14:53] doctor um talked to us and he says this is what we are going to need to do the first thing

[01:15:00] we need to do is we're gonna give you a hard round of chemotherapy the stronger type of

[01:15:08] chemotherapy and with the chemotherapy we also need to give you radiation because we need to

[01:15:19] kill every single cell of that leukemia you need to be wiped clean basically and what they

[01:15:29] and they told me it's basically we're killing you inside we're messing with your

[01:15:36] DNA basically you're gonna be like a born like a newborn baby basically

[01:15:44] it's essentially that you're given a new life it's a brand new you because it's all the

[01:15:51] cells all the blood cells everything gets destroyed with chemotherapy and radiation all the

[01:15:56] good all the bad everything goes you're wiped clean and after you are given the chemotherapy

[01:16:06] and radiation there is a countdown to a couple of days i think and in the count that they

[01:16:13] backwards because the day they do the transplant it stays zero because that's where your life

[01:16:19] begins but before we even do that we need to find you a donor a bone marrow transplant donor

[01:16:29] because you don't you don't have your cells you don't have your cells you you weren't born

[01:16:35] again as we believe in we don't have any of your stem cells so we need to find

[01:16:42] somebody that is compatible with you and first we start looking into family

[01:16:47] we need to test your mom and we will be great if we could test your father as well

[01:16:52] to see if they can give you their bone marrow yeah my actual doctors had to talk to immigration

[01:17:01] to let him have a visa so he can come here and do the test my i'm like i'm seeing my

[01:17:07] doctor personally talking to the to the people in the in back home just telling them yeah he

[01:17:14] just telling them yeah he needs a visa he needs to be here like next week if possible

[01:17:21] and so that's uh that was even worse because we my mom at that time we didn't have anything

[01:17:28] to do with my father and since we had to do this my father had nowhere to stay so

[01:17:34] they can get it to stay where my where we live and it was a you know another big blow to

[01:17:43] to my mom and to me as well because i haven't seen my dad and like in a long time

[01:17:51] and we like we didn't talk like at all so they had to you know fly him in

[01:17:59] and he came here he um he stayed with my mom because at that time i was already living

[01:18:06] at the hospital so he is staying at my mom's our place and he comes in and you know he

[01:18:15] he seems to be sad as well like i'm not gonna lie on this he seems to be he wants to

[01:18:21] make up for all the time that we lost in that in the little window that i had and then

[01:18:28] because he he wasn't supposed to stay for long like if he wanted he could have but um they

[01:18:34] they tested and in turn out it turned out that he he's not a match my mom is not a match so we

[01:18:43] need to find a different donor from a different uh from a different source so that's when usually

[01:18:49] when that happens they go to a donor list and they uh they're trying to find somebody else

[01:18:55] that has donated a bone marrow to oh so he didn't even it didn't end up matching with

[01:19:02] your father after that not at all yeah if this wasn't so appropriate he would have you know been

[01:19:09] the match and then we get to the transplant right away but no uh he he didn't match and

[01:19:15] at the point where when he already when he was flying out i was at the stage where i was

[01:19:21] already losing my hair and he's never seen me because i i had like really long hair and

[01:19:28] he's never seen me old or or losing my hair or that skinny or that unhealthy

[01:19:34] but uh when they told us they needed they needed to do that and they were looking for

[01:19:40] other donors and all that stuff and in the console like i said where we were

[01:19:46] told what we needed to do and what the people are transplant is

[01:19:50] um they explain exactly what um what it was and i sorry i didn't finish the explanation

[01:19:58] and they after they do the the radiation and chemotherapy like all the previous shots that

[01:20:06] you had as a kid like like those are gone everything is gone like you you're

[01:20:12] you're a brand new person like basically it's like they what they're wiping your system

[01:20:16] completely clean and it's exactly like that it's like doing a factory reset on a computer

[01:20:23] yeah wow it's essentially that and you you will think that that was the worst part of it and

[01:20:29] they're like no it's just still more stuff that you need to listen to so there is a

[01:20:35] there's a great chance that the since it's from a unknown donor there's a chance that

[01:20:42] your your cells will not engraft so there's a chance that the bone marrow one

[01:20:47] the bone marrow transplant doesn't work you're not able to engraft and we need to find somebody

[01:20:52] else and there's a chance that you don't make it and i'm like okay that that's probably the

[01:20:59] worst and then no they're like and if you engraft and everything is fine for a little bit

[01:21:07] there's a high chance that you get a virus called graft versus host disease and they explain that

[01:21:14] they need it they they actually need need you to have this virus that list a little bit

[01:21:20] because this this virus is basically it activates your like let's just say you're

[01:21:27] you're your new person right and something comes in and this virus just thinks that's not me

[01:21:34] so we need to attack so it's it works like a like your immune system in a way

[01:21:41] so it attacks everything that comes it comes in contact with but if they get too aggressive

[01:21:46] it's it's not a good thing so they need they need to you need to have at least a little

[01:21:51] bit of that of that of that virus because that virus actually kills the remaining

[01:21:58] cancer cells that you have in your system okay so even if after your your chemotherapy

[01:22:04] and your radiation and there's still little bits of cancer cells right after the bone marrow

[01:22:09] transplant the the graft versus host disease would actually kill those remaining cancer cells

[01:22:17] so you need to have at least like a mild case of graft versus host disease

[01:22:23] which is called gbhd for short and i'm like okay you you need that thing okay that's fine

[01:22:29] but then they they tell you um it's not that simple because the the the graft versus host

[01:22:35] disease could get out of control and if it gets out of control it could get into your

[01:22:41] either your skin it could get into your liver and here's the chances if it gets into your

[01:22:46] liver and it's it's a bad case you you're gonna die if it gets into your lungs you're

[01:22:52] going to die if it gets into your um your spleen you're gonna die so the chances of you getting

[01:23:02] of this virus getting out of control and getting into your system and you're probably

[01:23:08] gonna be dead if it runs out of control so i'm like i'm already dizzy at this point because

[01:23:15] there's so much information that i never knew before i i didn't even know how that i had a

[01:23:21] whole different idea of what the bone marrow transplant is at this point i'm thinking okay a

[01:23:26] transplant it's you take something from somebody it's like an organ that you have in your body

[01:23:31] and then they take it out of the person they put it on you it's just not like that

[01:23:35] a bone marrow transplant is like a um like a blood transfusion and there's so many x factors

[01:23:42] that can go wrong and it's everything has to fall in place and work perfectly for this to

[01:23:48] be a success and they need to find a donor that has and they have a ranking that goes

[01:23:55] from one to ten right if your donor is 10 out of 10 that's the best outcome you can have but

[01:24:01] if you don't find a donor that has like an eight out of ten the high chances are that

[01:24:08] you're gonna you're not gonna make it with that type of donor right and you can't even you

[01:24:13] don't time isn't really on your side so you don't have a long time to wait for that perfect match

[01:24:19] huh oh yeah and at that time that i'm still waiting for a donor they couldn't find anything

[01:24:24] here in canada so they're like we're not able to find a donor just yet so we can

[01:24:31] begin to do the transplant yet because you don't have a donor so even if we do all the

[01:24:35] chemotherapy and all the we don't have a donor we don't have anything to give you

[01:24:39] so we need to give it a little more time and we're gonna go look for in a different blood bank

[01:24:48] so they ended up going into the actually my donor is somebody from germany i don't know oh wow

[01:24:56] yeah they they went to the blood hospital i don't know what they're called in germany and they

[01:25:03] found a donor that was a 10 out of 10 match and then you know he they gave me his health

[01:25:10] how long and i think it was a little bit over a month a month of you waiting for this

[01:25:18] for the match for the match yeah because they need to find the best match right if it's a

[01:25:24] eight out of ten it's not that great another ten is not that great they

[01:25:28] they need a 10 out of 10 or nine out of 10 during that wait did they mention we need to find

[01:25:36] something soon or or did they mention anything about the severity of you having to wait so

[01:25:41] long because you know the cancer cells they're they're they're still active and they're

[01:25:45] aggressive during this time and were they doing were they able to do anything to hold that off

[01:25:51] a little bit in the meantime as you waited yeah actually that's that's exactly what happened

[01:25:55] since you know the cancer is going to go out of control what they do is in the time that

[01:26:01] they're waiting they're going to give me a like a light chemotherapy like around chemotherapy that

[01:26:08] it's not as aggressive as the one that they're going to do afterwards but i like chemotherapy

[01:26:14] so at least they can control the leukemia and not looking to kill me at least and you know

[01:26:21] going back i'm still in and i'm still listening to to the doctors talking about all these things

[01:26:27] that could happen and then they said something that that made me almost like i almost fainted

[01:26:34] and i had to get out of that room and my mom stayed after because i don't even know what they

[01:26:38] told her after because they said there's a high chance that you're after all this you're

[01:26:45] not going to be able to have children and i'm like what they're like yeah because you know

[01:26:51] even right now maybe your doctor didn't tell you but you're probably can't have kids right now

[01:26:58] because of the chemotherapy that you had to go through before and i didn't know that my doctor

[01:27:03] didn't tell me that i didn't know i didn't know and for a south american people having

[01:27:10] children and families such a big part of the culture that that i my mom always told me that

[01:27:16] she wanted to have grandkids and all that stuff and me listening to this

[01:27:22] then probably sterile at this point and there's no chance of me having a family eventually

[01:27:28] that that killed me that really did kill me i i started to lose consciousness uh i i

[01:27:36] stopped breathing correctly and i just needed to get out i just said i need to go out i need to

[01:27:40] get out of here i need to go out because i can't i can't i can't take this so i get out of the

[01:27:48] room and i'm walking towards my uh towards my room where i'm staying at this point and and

[01:27:55] then i uh i meet one of the most wonderful and most important people in my life and most

[01:28:04] important person in my life and he's like my best friend he's like almost like a father to me

[01:28:10] yeah his name is philip and we're um i'm walking towards the and i'm crying and i'm

[01:28:17] you know i'm a mess and he stops me he's like what's going on what's happening to you

[01:28:24] and i'm like you know i just have my and i just i've had nobody to talk to at that point

[01:28:30] but i'm like telling this stranger that you know i just went into the

[01:28:34] took my consultation before uh by my my bone marrow transplant and they told me that

[01:28:39] i can have kids and and i'm a mess i don't want to i don't want to do this

[01:28:45] and he he asked me i'm like do you have a girlfriend right now i'm like no he's like

[01:28:52] oh and are you gonna like is somebody waiting outside for you i'm like no and he's like why

[01:28:59] are you worrying about having kids then or are you even thinking about that right now

[01:29:04] that's a thing to worry about later and then after i found out that that his nephew is also

[01:29:11] going through a consultation for bone marrow transplant so his nephew is also waiting

[01:29:19] for the same basically the same thing as as me so you know things work out sometimes like

[01:29:26] that and and it made me feel a lot better you know talking to him and you know realizing

[01:29:32] that's really not important then like the having kids thing it's just a just an afterthought

[01:29:40] like you could really die after this you know you could really really die like there's more

[01:29:47] possibilities of you dying than than coming out of it and you know they um they finally found

[01:29:55] a match and usually what they do they have at sick kids hospital they have four different

[01:30:02] wards in the eighth floor of the hospital and they have eight a eight b a c and a d there's

[01:30:09] a ward only for uh transplant patients i think is eight d if i'm not mistaken and usually

[01:30:16] what they have is your room is like a glass room basically the only one person can go in

[01:30:24] with you only one person can visit you afterwards this place needs to be as sterilized and as

[01:30:32] clean as possible because you're having these kids that you know have to go through

[01:30:38] chemotherapy and radiation and if a slight virus of flu comes in and they catch it they

[01:30:47] that's a that's an end so they is such a restricted place and usually at that time

[01:30:55] what they did is they had like a timeline where it was just saying in february all the people

[01:31:01] that have to get a bone marrow transplant to go in and there's usually 10 at the time

[01:31:07] and you know they do the treatment and then they do the other batch and i don't know six

[01:31:12] months later or something like that so at that time um it's 10 of us going in and one of them

[01:31:19] it's uh my my my friend's nephew and myself and i think i knew like two other patients that

[01:31:29] have to go through through it and all of often all 10 of us went in and right now

[01:31:36] you know only his nephew and me are alive they're all gone whoa that is exactly how much of a

[01:31:48] chance it is of you not making it out on the other end i mean they told you all the

[01:31:52] possibilities and when i'm listening to you explain everything that go that that can go

[01:31:58] wrong and you you mentioned that that more things can go wrong than can go right and

[01:32:04] you need everything on top of finding a match but everything to fall in place just right and work

[01:32:12] out the way it should in order for it to be a success my goodness the the heavens were

[01:32:18] smiling down at you during that process actually yeah man because you like i said i

[01:32:25] there's more things that could go wrong that it's more high chances that you're not going

[01:32:32] to make it so in the bone marrow transplant is a it's a it's a last resource is is the last

[01:32:40] thing that they can try to make you better so the the leukemia can get you so the bone

[01:32:46] marrow transplant is a it's a big thing it's a it's a it's is huge how how old was the

[01:32:54] um the nephew of your friend i think he was 10 at this at this time he's not a little bit

[01:33:01] younger you were 16 17 16 how long was that the the bone marrow process i think between the time

[01:33:11] where you you get all the chemotherapy and the radiation it's they have like a countdown it's

[01:33:16] like a minus 10 minus 8 because on day zero it's your day of your transplant because you're

[01:33:22] like i said you're a newborn baby and it's like your new birthday that's what they usually say

[01:33:28] is your new birthday and that's when the transplant happens and usually on that day

[01:33:35] when you're like that's your like you're destroyed from chemotherapy i don't even need

[01:33:40] to explain how people that have to go through cancer know what chemotherapy is for a person

[01:33:47] what radiation can do to a person like i'm thinking about all the after effects of the

[01:33:53] bone marrow transplant and i'm not even thinking about what the fuck the chemotherapy does to you

[01:33:58] what the radiation does to you i'm not even thinking about that like in after it's torment

[01:34:04] isn't it's it's mad is madness it really is they basically they kill you that it's

[01:34:11] they kill every part of you in that and they're right you're you're a new person

[01:34:15] you're good you're born again you really are born again i know you talked about the chemo brain

[01:34:21] you said you mentioned before saying that there's there's a lot of parts that are missing

[01:34:26] during the whole the radiation treatments and then going through the bone marrow transplant were

[01:34:31] you for a lot of it sedated out and didn't really feel much of it until you know the

[01:34:37] whatever it was that they put into your system wore out the amnesia or the medication

[01:34:43] uh for the chemotherapy and the radiation i was my like it was me like i was awake and i knew

[01:34:52] everything that had to that i had to go through so i know exactly how i felt i know the

[01:34:59] nauseousness i know the losing your hair it's not that important but i was a like before i

[01:35:06] went to all this i was a really vain person i really cared about how i looked because i had

[01:35:12] really long curly hair and i like to dress nicely and and then you know after i'm losing my hair

[01:35:19] i'm losing weight i'm i'm pale as a freaking napkin and that really gets to me and and then

[01:35:26] but but after you just think you're you're just a dumb kid you're just thinking about

[01:35:30] stupid stupid shit but the chemo brain is it's a big part i think for most cancer patients

[01:35:38] it's uh usually you forget things more often or or there's patches of your life that you don't

[01:35:43] remember and it's not deadly or anything but it's a it's inconvenient let's just call it that

[01:35:51] after coming out of all of that did they let you know right away let you and your mother know

[01:35:57] that like i think this is going to it's going to work out and and we're gonna we're gonna

[01:36:03] have some recovering days ahead of us now yeah because they actually give you a few days

[01:36:09] there's a few days right after the transplantation so on the day of the transplant is basically

[01:36:16] you can have your mom or whoever is taking care of you only one person right next to you

[01:36:23] and my mom what my mom did at the time because we're catholic she brought a priest to uh you

[01:36:30] know do the blessings on or to pray for you yeah because the bone marrow transplant is basically

[01:36:38] imagine it like a huge transfusion so there's a bag like filled with fluid and a bag of blood

[01:36:47] right next to it and my mom had that bag less and it's that's basically what the bone

[01:36:52] marrow transplant is because you're you're uh you're wiped from the chemotherapy and the radiation

[01:36:59] that that fluid those donor cells get you know transplanted into you and it's a it's just like

[01:37:06] an ib fluid what i thought of chemo like a bone marrow transplant was i thought they were

[01:37:11] gonna you know open my spine take something from there and then just put somebody else's

[01:37:15] bone or something like that but it wasn't like that at all it's just like a big

[01:37:19] transfusion that you're getting but if you request it they do give you um some sort of sedation

[01:37:26] if you want just to you know forget about things or to make you more comfortable that's

[01:37:31] that's what they the word they use usually make you more comfortable and you know the

[01:37:36] the thing goes in and i don't remember what happened afterwards i just remember waking up

[01:37:41] because i did request something to to make me forget about it and my mom just gave me her

[01:37:47] blessing before she had to leave because they have to leave at some point and i just went

[01:37:53] to sleep and a few days later i woke up and they said good news you ingrafted things

[01:38:02] seem to be okay things are working out man out of hearing all of the possibilities of things

[01:38:10] to go wrong and then you also at a time i'm stressing over the fact that my goodness i'm

[01:38:17] gonna be sterile i can't have any children but then coming out of it and hearing those words

[01:38:21] it had to be some type of sense of relief for as much negative news that just kept

[01:38:28] clouding over you and hanging over you that it seemed like that was a breaking of the clouds

[01:38:33] and a little bit of light shining through again oh for sure like waking up and seeing my mom

[01:38:39] next to me like sleeping on on on a chair and then like mom mom are you there she's like yeah

[01:38:47] i'm here i'm here am i dreaming yeah and then she you know goes to tell the nurse that i'm

[01:38:53] waking up and it's a strange feeling that that everybody is so like aware of what's going on

[01:39:01] that they come in running and they're like you're here you're here you're here you're

[01:39:05] doing great things are going fine how are you feeling do you need anything

[01:39:10] like i said people at the sick kids hospitals and people some nurses are really good at the work

[01:39:16] they do and i'm grateful to most of them for sure and yeah i you know my mom is happy

[01:39:23] everything is working out and you know they start you know they come in and they said

[01:39:29] you know you're you have a little bit of graft-versus-host disease which is great you

[01:39:34] know you get killed a little bit of your of what's remaining there and you want that and

[01:39:39] you're and you're going to take this medication and then and and as the days go by we can move

[01:39:44] you from the glass room we can move you into like a regular room and then you can have

[01:39:50] you know people come over and visit you and all of that and you know as days go by and

[01:39:56] you know they give you medication and they give you steroids just to just to make sure you're

[01:40:03] protected and steroids usually do the work to keep you this healthy in some way

[01:40:11] and you know things are seem to be doing going well at that point you know we're

[01:40:18] i'm out of the classroom i'm having my my mom like be there more often because like i said

[01:40:26] in the classroom they can come in and visit you for for a limited amount of time they're

[01:40:32] not allowed to stay for for long so now i'm you know i'm having my mom there and

[01:40:39] and you know i'm fine everything is and everybody's surprised that there's nothing

[01:40:44] going on that that everything seemed to be working fine there's no complications

[01:40:49] like this guy really did you know went through all of this and nothing happened

[01:40:54] no complications at that point i'm like yeah i'm like shit it went through a lot

[01:41:01] and you know you think that this is it that's it life is you know things are going to start

[01:41:06] working out again and but life is funny like that and at least in my life because

[01:41:13] at times when i think you know everything is done i'm gonna be enjoying my life everything

[01:41:19] is gonna go back to normal there's something that you know pulls me back and throws me

[01:41:25] against the wall again because after you know after we're done the transplant

[01:41:30] we're done with that part of being in the hospital i'm in my house now of course i'm still

[01:41:36] taking medication i'm still taking steroids i'm still a little puffy from steroids and i'm

[01:41:43] already home and and i'm doing well and i'm feeling fine of course after the transplant they

[01:41:50] tell you not to eat outside food for like six months and you have to come in for visits and

[01:41:56] stuff like that because you know they still need to check out and see how things are going but

[01:42:02] they're sampling like i'm already ready to start moving on i'm like yeah let's

[01:42:08] start this again but like i said life is funny that way and at this point it's gotta be

[01:42:16] a little bit over a year almost a year and a half i will say

[01:42:22] i'm 17 i think 17 and a half and like i said it's been almost a year of the transplant

[01:42:28] you know i'm in school again i'm going i'm enjoying things again i'm still thinking

[01:42:34] medication of course i'm still a little puffy or at that point i'm already losing the puffiness

[01:42:40] from the steroids there were pains from here and then but they said that's normal because

[01:42:45] you're taking steroids and and things you know it's it's so much that you go through right

[01:42:50] there's got to be some some leftovers of the chemotherapy or the radiation that

[01:42:55] is going to affect your your life right that's a that's a that's just a giving there's no

[01:43:00] avoiding that it's fucking poison chemotherapy and radiation is poison man there's no way

[01:43:07] around it the thing is poison yeah that it's a double-edged sword because um people you

[01:43:13] you know it does kill the cancerous cells but at the same time it's going to kill the good cells

[01:43:18] i've never been through anything like that but just hearing stories and then listening to your

[01:43:22] story i could only imagine exactly what the torment and the torture is of going through

[01:43:28] that yeah and you know radiation it usually in it makes your skin a little bit darker

[01:43:35] because it's radiation it's like a big x-ray machine and it's really hot and and since i was

[01:43:44] getting it all over my body i'm getting some dark spots on my skin right it's not bad but

[01:43:50] it's it's darker than my complexion and you know that's something that you have to deal with

[01:43:55] it's and it's not that bad it's nothing to be worried about and at this point i'm already

[01:44:01] going to the hospital every three months i think or every month i'm still going every month

[01:44:07] and suddenly i for some reason i'm starting to get darker and darker because i'm i'm really

[01:44:16] i wouldn't say white but i'm not as dark as the south american people i'm a little almost

[01:44:23] like white kind of color but as i'm going through to the visits i'm starting to get really

[01:44:30] tan my whole body and especially my face like i'm dark it seems like like when i'm going i'm

[01:44:38] going to the hospital they're like oh you went to vacation like where did you go was the beach

[01:44:43] nice i'm like i haven't left anywhere i'm like i'm here in toronto where like mine is

[01:44:49] like 30 degrees yeah haven't had sun in two months yeah i'm like dude i haven't gone

[01:44:55] anywhere and that's when they start to you know worry about things because uh you haven't gone

[01:45:03] anywhere and you're getting dark all of a sudden that's not that's not right there's something

[01:45:09] going on so i go in and they they check me out and then again they said please you need

[01:45:19] to stay a little bit longer because we need to discuss some things so i'm like oh shit

[01:45:24] here we go again what the fuck is going on and you know we go into another consultation

[01:45:31] and they're like uh i'm really sorry to say this but it seems like our urographycose disease

[01:45:39] has activated and it's attacking your skin this is one of the things that they mentioned

[01:45:45] beforehand that could happen right one of the exactly man one of the things that could happen

[01:45:50] but i i thought those things were only at the beginning right i didn't think

[01:45:54] and a year later yeah a year they're like we need to give you a stronger steroids at that

[01:46:01] point and this is what i hate what i resent about sick kids hospital the doctor that i saw

[01:46:06] at that time she told me that my um rafros was whole disease was just a just a mild case

[01:46:14] like nothing to really worry about that they were going to look after things and at this point i'm

[01:46:21] 17 and a half i think and there's only like a few months until i have to go i can no longer

[01:46:29] go into the sick kids hospital because i'm turning 18 and i have to go to princess margaret

[01:46:34] hospital across the street because i'm 18 and i'm an adult now and i can no longer go into the

[01:46:41] sick children hospital right so there's six months for me to still be there with all the

[01:46:48] nice looking patients and like nice looking people that are really you know they take care

[01:46:55] of you they treat you like a child kind of thing to the adult hospital or you know

[01:47:01] what i mean elderly people people that are really sick um in their 30s 20s whatever

[01:47:08] there's a huge change from one hospital to the other one but at that time i'm still at a sick

[01:47:13] kids hospital because like i said i had like six more months and the doctor there is she's like

[01:47:19] you just have a mild case of rafros as close to your skin we just need to take a close look

[01:47:25] and we're gonna give you steroids for it and and yeah you're gonna be feeling fine

[01:47:30] and as the time passes by i start to feel like my skin is like completely different

[01:47:38] like i'm like i can no longer sit on the floor for example it hurt really really badly to hurt

[01:47:45] to sit on the floor like i can no longer what type of pain like a prickly pain like

[01:47:52] needles or uh have you ever felt like somebody is pulling you and they're pulling really hard

[01:47:59] on your arm your skin or your skin and they're pulling or pulling pulling imagine that to like

[01:48:05] a like a hundred times like somebody's grabbing you with like tongues and they're just pulling

[01:48:12] your skin so it felt like that it felt like somebody is stretching my skin to the hard as

[01:48:19] they can and i'm like what the hell is going on imagine if you if you size a small right

[01:48:27] actually let's see just pretend you're of size large for your t-shirts and stuff right yeah and

[01:48:33] they give you a small size and you and imagine putting that on you all the stretching that

[01:48:41] happens so basically like that imagine that my whole skin is a size l but i'm feeling like i'm

[01:48:49] a size small and everything is stretching and pulling and all the sudden i'm getting

[01:48:59] rips in my skin like like bad rips like like i said imagine just putting uh like an extra small

[01:49:07] size on a large oh so it was like open wounds that started going on because your skin was

[01:49:14] stretching i guess open wounds ripping and tearing it was stretching it's oh man and you think it

[01:49:22] was stretching no what it was it's shrinking my skin is shrinking i'm i'm getting like you know

[01:49:30] those other day people that walk a little hunchback yeah because they're so their skin

[01:49:35] so tight so um it's basically that my skin is getting tighter tighter and tighter and tighter

[01:49:44] and as i'm as i try to do my regular movement boom my my my there's like your arm gets

[01:49:52] caught caught open like you you move your legs a little bit and boom your your your knee is

[01:49:59] bleeding and and you try to you know let's you know grab something and then your whole

[01:50:05] back is full of of just cuts it's basically stretching all your skin your flesh is ripping

[01:50:15] piece by piece and and at this point because it takes a little bit of time for all of this

[01:50:22] to happen right at first it's just a small cut and they treat it and they're like okay

[01:50:27] yeah i think they're gonna be okay and times are running out for me to stay at the hospital

[01:50:32] and seeing these doctors and at this point they're still telling me it's just a mild case of

[01:50:38] graphrazocephalus disease so i'm like okay okay i'm like i'm believing these people because

[01:50:43] you know they're they've been treating me for so long they've been treating me so well and

[01:50:47] i'm okay it's probably just a mild case and time runs out um i have to go to princess

[01:50:54] my hospital and to my few first um you know appointments and meeting new doctors

[01:51:03] and and they're seeing this this young guy and at this time also in my face

[01:51:12] there's spots that start to change colors like from the darkness and went to uh like a pale

[01:51:20] kind of color around the cheeks i'm like what the hell is going on i don't know what the

[01:51:28] hell is going on because little by little i'm seeing in in in my mirror that i'm

[01:51:34] that i'm having these spots that are white and i'm like what the hell is going on

[01:51:40] and i'm at the hospital now at the princess martyr hospital and all of a sudden like

[01:51:47] i get more and more more tired and i'm ripping that like most of my skin is covering in in like

[01:51:57] not band-aids but you know dressing like heavy dressing for wounds like most of my butt most

[01:52:04] of my back is covered with like like you know dressings and and creams and all that kind of

[01:52:11] stuff and that's when i i mean like my my new doctor and he's like and jonathan we need to

[01:52:18] be more aggressive in creating your graft versus cov's disease because as you know this is a

[01:52:23] like a really bad case of graft versus cov's disease of the skin and i'm like what

[01:52:29] like a like a high kid like a really dangerous part of graft versus cov's disease

[01:52:34] like it's a like it's really bad like but the people across the street that told me

[01:52:39] it's just a mild thing like no no jonathan this is bad this is a bad case of graft versus

[01:52:46] cov's disease of the skin and what it meant basically is that my body started to not reject

[01:52:57] but it saw that um the because my new cells are not my cells all the blood and all my

[01:53:04] cells and everything is it's mine but it's not really mine it's the donor cells yeah there it's

[01:53:10] like they're in a foreign body exactly so they're like oh what the hell is that and they start

[01:53:16] attacking that just like they said that you need a little bit of of this graft versus cov's

[01:53:21] so it attacks the the cancer cells but my graft versus cov's disease ran out of control

[01:53:27] and it started noticing that my skin is not their body and it started attacking and what it

[01:53:33] did is it made my skin tighter and it gave me let's just call it like very ligo like what

[01:53:45] michael jackson had okay yeah so i started the coloring in my skin in my face especially so i'm

[01:53:54] sitting in this spot and and you know all of a sudden i can't cry there's no tears coming

[01:53:59] out of my eyes and what happened the graft versus cov's disease burned out the the dots on your on

[01:54:07] my on my tear ducts oh my so the graft versus cov's disease was burning everything that it

[01:54:14] could go through everything that it saw it was attacking so it went after my lungs it took

[01:54:22] my lungs and it squeezed them as much as possible like it burned my lungs so i'm i'm

[01:54:29] i'm running out of breath more easily now did it go to your liver no it didn't go to my liver

[01:54:34] thank god that thankfully the hospital at the atel hospital they said we need to treat this

[01:54:41] because it's really bad they are the first people that said there's a really bad case this

[01:54:46] is not a mild case i don't understand why they didn't treat it so for whatever reason

[01:54:51] the children's hospital they they undermined it they didn't see it as a threat because if they had

[01:54:57] they they seen it in not a mild form but something that was aggressive and needed to be

[01:55:03] it needed to be dealt with immediately then they could have already started with some treatment

[01:55:07] asap exactly and that's the word that i was looking for aggressive it's aggressive is an

[01:55:13] aggressive my uh graft versus cov's disease they could have treated it at the spot they

[01:55:18] could have done so much more i think at that time they're like just thinking this guy is gonna

[01:55:23] move go to a different hospital and that's it you know we don't have to deal with it

[01:55:28] because i'm older right he won't be our responsibility anymore yeah because i'm older

[01:55:31] at this point and i'm not longer a kid and i know for us fact they could have done

[01:55:37] more to it they could have stopped my skin from because i'm already getting darker and

[01:55:42] tanner when they are seeing me right i'm already ripping my skin is already ripping

[01:55:48] why are you guys thinking that this is just a mild case of graft versus cov's disease and

[01:55:54] and that's when the doctors up at the across the street they're like we need to treat this

[01:55:58] we need to you kind of have to stay here at the hospital we're gonna have to get you

[01:56:03] upstairs we need and we need a wound care nurse that knows how to treat this because at that

[01:56:09] time because my skin is opening up and and have so many entry wounds i got mrsa it's like an

[01:56:18] skin infection that basically eats away your skin so the mrsa is eating my wounds and my skin

[01:56:28] and i'm suffering i'm really suffering at this time because it just hurt so badly just to move

[01:56:33] around my mom started to have to to push me in a wheelchair because i couldn't walk right

[01:56:39] anymore everything that i did was hurting one movement and it will rip apart insane they

[01:56:46] didn't think it was going to be this bad but it was it was really really bad and that's why i

[01:56:52] told you about the fentanyl uh because i was in so much pain and at the hospital i was

[01:56:58] covering wounds so much yeah i was in so much pain and and deal with things and they didn't

[01:57:05] know what what else to give me because i'm taking morphine and that's not taking the pain away

[01:57:09] they're giving me a hydromorphone this shit not taking away the pain they're like we're

[01:57:14] gonna give you fentanyl because that's probably gonna take the pain away and they they did they

[01:57:19] gave me like a tiny drop of fentanyl under the tongue and i was out and i just woke up

[01:57:26] a few days later and at that time i'm not even eating so oh yeah that's another thing

[01:57:33] i stopped eating i couldn't handle it because it got to my stomach as well at that point like i

[01:57:38] didn't eat because i didn't need to eat i didn't feel hungry like i didn't eat at all i didn't

[01:57:44] eat for i want to say more than than three weeks they had to feed me through a tube they

[01:57:51] had to give me food through there because i wasn't eating so when i wake up and i and i

[01:57:57] think it's only a few days but apparently it's more than a few days is what my families told

[01:58:02] me and what phillips told me and i wake up and i go to the to the bathroom of the of the

[01:58:08] bed at the hospital where i'm at and i see uh there's a mirror and then i see myself

[01:58:13] and um it's a full on viriligo in my skin like i truly do look like michael jackson

[01:58:22] and all the muscle all the muscles that i had in my legs in my arms everything is gone

[01:58:30] i look like a person who has bulimia have you seen those really really like a skeleton huh

[01:58:36] yeah i lost all my muscle everything that makes like a person look a little bit fatter

[01:58:42] all of that is gone all of that is gone like what the hell happened and when i wake up

[01:58:47] and my my friend and i see that and i'm freaking out i'm crying my mom is crying

[01:58:52] and my my friend father is there he's like dude we need to go back to the basics

[01:58:58] we need to talk we'll talk to these doctors and we have been treated from the beginning

[01:59:04] and to that end they they did they started you know treating the wounds giving me something

[01:59:10] to calm the graft-force's host disease but at this point it already did too much damage

[01:59:16] and i'm still suffering through some of the stuff that that it did like i still don't don't

[01:59:22] cry like i'm having i'm having like a procedure done like on tuesday so they can put like tubes

[01:59:28] down my uh my top holes so i can have some tears coming out but don't get me wrong like

[01:59:36] it's it's been quite a bit since then and i've been doing things like i've been getting

[01:59:41] healthier and healthier yeah but yeah the graft-force's host disease at that time it

[01:59:46] wasn't a mild case it was super aggressive and it did a lot of damage it did a huge amount

[01:59:51] of damage all of the damage that that it did towards your body and then when you finally looked

[01:59:57] at yourself and you said man i just look like i'm just backbone cheekbones there's all of my

[02:00:03] muscles are gone i look like a skeleton how many months was that was that about six seven

[02:00:09] eight months after you you had found out that um i can't even say the graphics like i

[02:00:15] i can never say yeah so was it about seven eight months of you finding out well when

[02:00:21] you were at the child's hospital them saying it was a mild case but come to find out it wasn't

[02:00:25] it wasn't a mild case it was it was extremely aggressive it was immediately like i said um

[02:00:31] probably two weeks after i first met my doctor that's when everything just went to shit fast

[02:00:39] fast really fast like really really fast and it had to be i gotta say less than four months

[02:00:49] for me to lose all that and and to be that sick that even the hospital is telling my friend

[02:00:55] i don't think this guy's gonna make him and like he is in a really really bad spot you need

[02:01:01] to do something for him and to my friend's credit he's always there for me and he's still

[02:01:08] here with me and hearing you're only i mean this is you telling the story painting the

[02:01:15] picture walking us through some of these experiences but you had to deal with it on your bones on your

[02:01:22] body on your psychology everything your your spirit all of it was tried was tested i gotta

[02:01:31] ask you at any time during this or afterwards did you ever feel like bitterness or anger

[02:01:41] or feeling like why me and just you know because you said that your mother was a

[02:01:48] she she was a religious person she brought the priest over so they can bless you and they can

[02:01:53] give their their prayers to god and help you through this whole process but did you ever even

[02:01:58] at at times feel like there is no god why am i going through this actually yeah at that

[02:02:05] point in my life my religion was just a stupid concept for me and god was like none is not

[02:02:12] existent and my mom lost her faith quite a bit i would say my mom lost a lot of faith at that

[02:02:19] point and yeah like i told you i was a really vain person and seeing that i'm i'm looking

[02:02:27] like this and it's gonna be a long time before i start to even get better when i um because they

[02:02:36] they sent me home after this i was still covered in dressings and all of that and i'm home

[02:02:43] and my mom the horse has to go to work because my mom is still taking care of us right

[02:02:48] so i'm alone and i'm like in my bed and i'm thinking what the fuck is going on like i don't

[02:02:55] like at that time i was already planning on killing myself because there was no uh happiness

[02:03:03] there's nothing what i described to my psychologist afterwards or my psychiatrist to be honest um i

[02:03:10] said there's no emotions there anymore i'm numb i'm not happy like eating is just a it's just

[02:03:17] a concept for me at this point i'm not enjoying life no pleasure nothing nothing nothing

[02:03:23] absolutely nothing like i don't i don't want to move so i don't want to i just want to be

[02:03:29] sleeping that that's all i want i don't want to get up no pleasure there's i don't i'm not even

[02:03:35] watching tv or videos at this point i'm like there's no point why am i even doing this like

[02:03:42] there's that's it i'm like i'm and i have like heavy medication at this point so i'm gonna

[02:03:49] start i'm planning this i'm like i don't i don't want to cut my wrist because you know my

[02:03:55] my mom will have to clean all of this so i don't i can't do that and i can and like

[02:04:02] that's the first thought i'm like i'm gonna take a bunch of these and hopefully they'll

[02:04:07] know what to do it'll be a little bit less less dramatic for for them to clean up afterwards

[02:04:13] because that was my thought like if i do this um my mom is gonna have to deal with and i'm like

[02:04:20] and and that's what i'm i'm fighting against right i'm like i don't want to be here anymore

[02:04:27] but i don't want to hurt my mom and i think that religious part of me that it

[02:04:31] that was ingrained from when i was born that if i kill myself i'm not gonna go to heaven

[02:04:38] see my mom again that thought was always there so even if i even if i lost my faith at that point

[02:04:45] there's no there's no brain or anything at that time i'm like okay if but you know that's

[02:04:51] still ingrained um if i kill myself i'm not gonna be able to see my mom in heaven because

[02:04:56] i know my mom is going to have it so that's that's my thought so that's my thought right

[02:05:00] i'm like this is it i'm like i can't do that to my mom i want to see my mom again

[02:05:05] if i'm reborn i want to still be my mom's son if i have to go through all this

[02:05:11] if it wasn't for her i would have killed myself a long time ago a while ago

[02:05:18] i mean it's real it's it's easy for someone to be on the outside and just speculate like oh no

[02:05:25] but you gotta have and i and i say that a lot with with this show and just bringing hope

[02:05:29] and meaning back into somebody's life or maybe by somebody hearing these stories that it it

[02:05:34] might give them a little bit of hope or encouragement to want to to want to do better

[02:05:38] or strive for for something that's more promising compared to where they're at right now but when

[02:05:44] you're in a situation like that and for you it's almost like a tease like every time things

[02:05:50] start going right boom it knocks you right back down and sometimes and this last time it

[02:05:56] seemed like it knocked you down harder than ever how many times does that happen to somebody

[02:06:02] before you just finally just say i'm through with it i don't even want to play this game anymore

[02:06:07] it was that you know this time we really uh really got knocked down like i told you i'm

[02:06:12] like ready to call it off like i'm i'm waiting for sweet death you know even if the doctors

[02:06:19] say i'm doing a little bit better i'm hoping for somebody to say you know this is he's gonna

[02:06:23] have a few years to live or a few months so i'm like i'm hoping that that's what's gonna

[02:06:29] happen and of course my family and friends are still telling me you got a lot to live for but

[02:06:35] that's those are just empty words at this point to me to me i'm like no no point everything that

[02:06:42] i do everything that i'll that i try to enjoy there's no enjoyment that's it like i don't

[02:06:47] enjoy this like i'm not happy i can't i i don't i can't even cry because there's no

[02:06:53] tears coming out of my fucking eyes it's like there's no crying it's almost like you weren't

[02:07:00] able to feel any pleasure any enjoyment no tears anything but you were still able to feel because

[02:07:07] you felt that pain and the hurt for your mother and if you were to kill yourself what

[02:07:12] it would do to her so it was there was still the emotion there but it wasn't on one side

[02:07:18] it was just the other that they're hurting the pain and what you would put your mother through

[02:07:23] if you were to follow through and swallow those pills or do whatever it was that you

[02:07:27] had a mind to do oh for sure it was just my mom it was just her that that's why i didn't

[02:07:34] do it that idiotic thought that you know um i'm not gonna see my mom in heaven if i kill

[02:07:39] myself that was the the only thing going for me that's you know that's the only thing

[02:07:46] going for me that's the only thing like i'm not like i said even if you know seeing my mom

[02:07:52] like i'm like i can't do that to you i can't kill myself and have you clean up afterwards

[02:07:59] no i can't do that to you if i'm gonna go you know let it be just like something else

[02:08:05] like something that i that i didn't that i didn't do so i don't have it so you don't

[02:08:11] have to blame yourself for this because i knew if i kill myself my mom was gonna

[02:08:16] probably blame herself and and you know do something because she's told me like

[02:08:21] if you're not here i'm done i'm going with you i'm like no mom what the hell are you talking

[02:08:25] about if if i'm gone you have to keep being here don't be crazy don't talk like that

[02:08:32] and i'm telling my mom there's like you have to go like mom if i leave you have to

[02:08:37] you live on but yeah the the stupid thought of just me thinking my mom is gonna have to

[02:08:43] do the cleanup if i if i could kill myself that was the only thing going for me at that time

[02:08:48] and i gotta thank one of my friends one of my best friends at that point he talked to me

[02:08:55] and he said man why don't you just go to a psychiatrist because that's another thing about

[02:09:02] being south american and in that part of our culture the thinking that because we're looking

[02:09:07] for help or going to a psychologist or psychiatrist you're you're crazy and yeah you're crazy

[02:09:14] because you're going through this you have to be a man and put all put through this or you're

[02:09:19] weak because for looking for help you're supposed to stand on your own and just deal with it

[02:09:24] exactly so that's that was my way of thought for many many years and that's when my friend

[02:09:30] talked to me and he was like dude i'm going to therapy i'm speaking to somebody why don't you

[02:09:37] just give it a shot like i know you're not enjoying things anymore like just go try it out

[02:09:44] see how it goes and yeah i i did i went to the hospital and i told them that i

[02:09:49] that i was planning to you know off myself and that i needed a psychiatrist and then of course

[02:09:55] immediately they took me up with a psychiatrist at the hospital and

[02:09:59] and i started talking to her and and she gave me some medication and little by little things

[02:10:07] started to to get better things started to get a little bit better but there's still the

[02:10:16] you know like i said being a really vain person and having to go out and people look

[02:10:22] at you because you you i look like nicole jackson like it's like i have like my vitiligo

[02:10:28] i'm super skinny at this point and you know kids get scared looking at you and

[02:10:34] and it's it's it was really hard for quite a bit to for me to to come up with

[02:10:42] with a really good excuse for keeping living it took up quite a bit but you know there's

[02:10:50] there's still things happening like that nowadays but now i don't i don't give a shit anymore now

[02:10:56] i'm not like i'm happy with my life yeah i'm i'm like doing stuff so i don't i don't concern

[02:11:03] my things with that but that's because i'm older too and that time that time that time

[02:11:07] i'm still in my 20s i'm still you know i still haven't figured out that all the matters

[02:11:14] is me and nobody else but yeah the in the psychiatrist at that point giving me the medication

[02:11:21] did really help out quite a bit was it the medication or was it also could i ask you what

[02:11:28] were some some things about speaking with the psychiatrist that helped you was it just letting

[02:11:33] out your emotions because you probably weren't really speaking to anybody about it you were

[02:11:37] just dealing with it or not even dealing with it but just shoving it down and bottling it up

[02:11:42] and not speaking about it um was it like just uh the matter of speaking it out and and putting

[02:11:48] everything out in the air getting it off your chest or a combination of that and the medication

[02:11:55] i think at that time it was at first it was more of a medication i think the medication gave

[02:12:02] me the boost that i needed and then after it was more of a opening up to the psychiatrist

[02:12:08] and telling her you know i'm gonna offer myself like what they recommend and then we we talk

[02:12:16] and she just tells me there's uh more things to look at in life you know to be honest i don't

[02:12:21] even remember what we talked about with that with the psychiatrist at that time i don't remember

[02:12:27] at this point but i know that admit we did a couple of trials of different medications at

[02:12:33] that point for for depression and some of them didn't work out and make me feel even worse

[02:12:40] but we we came across the right medication and that gave me the the boost that i needed

[02:12:48] the boost of me to to to get up and don't just stay home and and think about all the wrong

[02:12:55] things that that that happened and start to move on and live my life yeah i'm sure it gave

[02:13:04] you everything that you've been through it is man one hell of a story but that also once you started

[02:13:14] coming out of this this slump and and feeling the way you were feeling at least mentally and

[02:13:20] psychologically with not wanting to be here i have no pleasure i have no enjoyment there's no

[02:13:26] there's no point in even playing this game anymore but then years later and with age even

[02:13:31] dealing with people staring at you and looking at you of course nobody wants to feel like like

[02:13:37] they're the odd one out and anything that's that's going to do something for your self-esteem

[02:13:41] and just your self-worth but for your self-esteem especially because i'm still 20s right and i'm

[02:13:47] like damn people are scared of people are looking at me differently like i'm a monster

[02:13:52] exactly so you're like oh i don't want to go out i'm just gonna stay home yeah and i'm

[02:13:58] sure after all of all of this um you have a appreciation for for your mother for for sure but

[02:14:06] um maybe just for another chance at life oh for sure but that there's a there's two more things

[02:14:12] that actually happened even right after that but you know rocked my life again because like

[02:14:18] i said man shit do you think it's going well and boom again because you know i'm getting

[02:14:25] steady and i'm you know enjoying my life again i'm going to college i'm studying

[02:14:32] i'm hanging out with my friends more i'm having you know you know a lot of fun and then you

[02:14:38] know i'm going to college and all of a sudden i'm starting to fucking get this pain in my

[02:14:44] stomach man like out of nowhere i'm eating and i'm like what the hell is going on it hurts

[02:14:50] and you know um i'm like okay i'm just gonna take because i still take the painkillers right so

[02:14:55] i'm like i'm just gonna take this a little bit and then see how it goes so i take it i'm like

[02:15:00] okay uh things seem to seem to be working fine and um the next day again the pain man it was

[02:15:07] really really bad so i had to go to emergency and i talked to them and told them that

[02:15:12] that i was feeling pain right here and they're like okay we need to do an ultrasound and

[02:15:18] the test and everything and when they come back they're like oh jonathan there's uh there's

[02:15:24] something that we need to discuss because there's a there's a little stone in between your liver

[02:15:34] and your pancreas i think they said or just between my liver and then some other organ that

[02:15:39] that that are pre-connected and there's a small little stone there that is obstructing the

[02:15:49] the fluid of blood or something like that and we need to we need to remove that but since

[02:15:56] you're such a high risk patient we don't want to do the operation on you so what we're going

[02:16:03] to do is we're gonna make a little hole right next to your where your liver is and we're gonna

[02:16:11] insert like a little tube and we're gonna give you this bag for like a little for like a

[02:16:17] month or two or even less so it'll drain out that little stone it'll be and you'll just

[02:16:24] flush it out so i'm like okay fine it's not that bad so they do it fucking hurts like shit

[02:16:32] because it's a fucking hole right next to your liver and i'm with this bag and like you're hoping

[02:16:39] that in between the time like that they the timeline that they said you know was gonna come

[02:16:43] out and you know a few months start to pass by and this thing because it had to stay in

[02:16:52] place they had to stitch it to my skin in order for it to to be holding together and

[02:16:59] i'm going to the hospital every other day to have them stitch it back because that because my skin

[02:17:04] is so tight and the movements that i make it rips apart the fucking stitches so so they're

[02:17:12] stitching this shit every other day and it comes right after like i'm like i get home and it just

[02:17:20] falls apart so i'm like Jesus fucking Christ what the fuck is going on and you know months start

[02:17:27] to pass by and i talk to these people and i'm like dude you told me it was only gonna be a few

[02:17:32] months why i'm still with this bag like it's really super inconvenient and now there's blood

[02:17:38] coming out of this thing you need to do something because they even the pain is not going away

[02:17:43] okay so they're like okay okay uh we're gonna send you to this specialist

[02:17:48] go and see her and this this i'm sorry to say this fucking bitch he's like oh yeah yeah

[02:17:55] yeah i think we're gonna take care of you or we're gonna have to do the operation but

[02:18:00] we don't know how it's gonna work but you know since i'm a specialist i'm gonna i'm gonna

[02:18:04] do the operation myself so i'm like okay cool awesome and they give me a date because it's a

[02:18:11] they don't want to touch me man because i'm such a high risk patient that they don't anything

[02:18:17] that is unnecessary they don't want to do if they have to cut me open they don't want to

[02:18:22] do that but it at this time like this bag is with me for long before more than that what they

[02:18:28] said and it's still causing me pain and the stitches and everything's fucked up so okay fine

[02:18:36] she's gonna do it and she's brave enough to do it i'm like oh great

[02:18:40] so gave me the day i show up i'm i'm in uh pre-op and they're like oh um jonathan

[02:18:48] i'm sorry to say this but the doctor that was gonna do thing yeah she's not gonna do it

[02:18:53] she can't do it i'm like dude i'm i'm in pre-op what the hell is going on she said

[02:18:58] she was gonna do it they're like no no she she's not gonna be she's not here

[02:19:03] and then we can't find anyone that wants to do it so i don't know what they did and

[02:19:10] my friend my friend philip went to talk to somebody i don't even remember

[02:19:15] what happened at that point but they found a doctor that was willing to

[02:19:19] you know open me up and and and take it off so they uh you know i'm i'm pre-op they

[02:19:26] they found the doctor they they do the things they sedate me and they fucking did a huge operation

[02:19:33] man like i was in and out like like they were worried because i wasn't waking up after to

[02:19:39] remove that thing but to be honest with that doctor he he actually took it out and left

[02:19:45] me with a huge scar of course and they took out the bag afterwards but i'm still left with

[02:19:51] a fucking hole right there and after that it's it's not healing and nobody is able to

[02:19:59] do it to actually heal it they're all coming up with explanations and in a way to actually

[02:20:06] you know close it and you know there's a hole right there and it could cause infections

[02:20:11] and all the other stuff so i finally found this this nurse that was coming to do my

[02:20:19] dressings and she sees the hole and she's like that's not getting cured i'm like no

[02:20:24] there's you need to do something so she comes up with like a really old type of solution she's

[02:20:30] like we're gonna put silver nitrate in there and that's that's what's gonna do it i'm like

[02:20:38] silver nitrate like is that a thing i don't even know what that is and she's like yeah

[02:20:43] yeah we're gonna put it on and we're gonna leave it there for a few for a day and then

[02:20:48] change it and it turned out that that was the good solution man it actually covered the hole and

[02:20:56] and you know it got cured and imperfect and you know things are starting to move on again

[02:21:03] and i'm happy and the pain is gone and shit like that but as i told you my graft versus

[02:21:10] host disease sometimes it just gets out of control and and they need medication for them

[02:21:15] to control it sometimes and it was a few years after that you know um for some reason i'm

[02:21:24] starting to to not breathe as as well as i possibly can and this was a few like almost when

[02:21:34] covid almost started in uh there was something about my breathing that that was going on

[02:21:43] and one of the my doctors recommended that i see a a breathing specialist and

[02:21:50] doctor for the lungs and of course they told me that my graft versus host disease was in my

[02:21:55] lungs and they needed to um you know take it under control and that just because of that

[02:22:02] i needed to use oxygen that it's in my best interest to start using oxygen whenever i go

[02:22:09] out and walk around so they you know they arranged everything and they gave me like a

[02:22:17] small tank for me to carry around and they told me to use it every time i go out to

[02:22:22] to walk and do my exercise and shit so i'm like dude again i have to deal with all this

[02:22:28] shit and like i'm already walking like with all my stuff and this just because i'm better

[02:22:34] than than before but to to another huge step back to start using oxygen and again to have

[02:22:41] people look at you and will look at you weird and like i said it was just at the time when

[02:22:46] covid started so you imagine a guy with oxygen and walking around and just covid just

[02:22:53] started so i'm like fuck again another thing to have to deal with and i started using the

[02:23:01] oxygen very very very often and after um you know covid happened and they told me to go

[02:23:10] and get the vaccine and all that shit and okay finally i got the vaccine i was using this oxygen

[02:23:17] thing and i started talking to my mom and at this time i really have a step back and i'm

[02:23:23] finding somebody who just he makes her really happy i'm really friends with him and and

[02:23:29] we're talking to both of us all three of us and they're like yeah you need to start walking out man

[02:23:34] like just leave the oxygen there for a little bit just just walk with us maybe you'll feel

[02:23:40] better so i'm like okay let's let's do that and i do and we went out for a walk and this

[02:23:46] was on right after christmas the day after christmas so i'm like okay let's let's go for

[02:23:52] walk i started to feel bad again and and i'm like mom you need to go back home my heart there's

[02:24:00] something going on like i feel like there's some there's something happening in my heart

[02:24:06] like i feel like i'm gonna faint so we come back home we call an ambulance and they take me to

[02:24:13] to the hospital but like i said at this time is just when covid started to break lose

[02:24:20] like the hospitals are like super loaded with patients and and all that shit happened right

[02:24:27] and i'm at the hospital in emergency i'm still wearing oxygen because they recommended me

[02:24:34] they recommended i use oxygen and i'm waiting because there's huge lines right of patients

[02:24:41] and people there and and i'm waiting and i'm waiting and they finally put me in a room

[02:24:48] and i started to feel really really bad like i thought that i was gonna have a heart attack

[02:24:57] like i felt like my heart was giving out and i'm in the room and i'm losing my mind

[02:25:03] i'm going crazy like and i'm getting really nervous i start to become really anxious and

[02:25:09] i feel like you know that's it this is it finally after all these years this is finally gonna end

[02:25:17] me like this is it so i took my phone and i called my family i called my mom and i just

[02:25:24] said mom i just i'm just calling because i want to say bye because i know this is it i'm not

[02:25:31] gonna make it out of this this time it feels like it is the end so i just want to say bye

[02:25:38] um i love you very much i tell you to please be with you after i leave

[02:25:45] i love you both please be safe and and you know and i started seeing incoherent stuff so they um

[02:25:54] my mom rushed to the hospital apparently and and i called my other members of my family

[02:26:00] to say bye and to tell them that i love them and they're freaking out they're like what the

[02:26:05] hell is going on why are you in the hospital what's going on and i'm losing my mind i'm not

[02:26:09] i'm not in control of myself anymore like i'm i'm losing consciousness i'm coming out in and

[02:26:16] out of consciousness and i'm going crazy i'm really like all around the room walking out

[02:26:23] like freaking out like almost like a panic attack like exactly like a panic attack

[02:26:28] and the doctors are like super careful at that time because of the covid stuff

[02:26:32] they're like you need to wear gowns and you need to wear a mask or i can't come in and

[02:26:37] and i'm trying to to grab this the gown and the mask but my fingers gave out

[02:26:44] i couldn't hold things anymore so i'm screaming i'm telling her i can't i can't do it i can't

[02:26:49] do it i don't know and then i i passed out i passed out and i was coming in and out of

[02:26:59] consciousness because my my head in my head my i'm telling myself don't don't fall asleep

[02:27:06] and as i'm losing consciousness i thought this this was going to be it because i never had

[02:27:13] this feeling before where everything started to to feel like it's closing in like you're

[02:27:20] you you're there and like let's just say you see this door closing down and they're closing

[02:27:26] everything down and you see a window closing down it felt just like that like everything was

[02:27:31] just closing down and everything was getting smaller and smaller and just have like a tunnel

[02:27:37] vision and i'm like this is it um like this is it right like and i'm seeing things and i'm

[02:27:43] like okay this is it there's nothing else like i know i'm not gonna make it out of this

[02:27:50] and in my head i'm telling myself you know rub your feet against your leg so you're awake

[02:27:59] so i'm rubbing my feet against my leg and and i lost consciousness i really did

[02:28:07] i wasn't there anymore and i woke up three two days later i think and i'm in icu

[02:28:18] and my friends are there my mom is there i mean intensive care unit and i wake up and i'm like

[02:28:27] hey everybody like what's going on and they're like dude you have no idea what the hell we just

[02:28:34] went through like man the doctor told us that you were not gonna wake up this guy is is

[02:28:43] coercing my mother this is argentine and dr apparently is telling my mother to remove the oxygen

[02:28:51] because i'm gonna die and this is in canada this is the first time that i ever heard it

[02:28:57] in canada this is not back home many times they told me back home that i wasn't gonna make

[02:29:02] it fine not here not here not ever not even when the things were the worst and this guy

[02:29:09] is telling my mom please lady remove the oxygen because he's not gonna make it

[02:29:16] and apparently i was kind of breathing badly like really kind of like that and my mom was

[02:29:22] like no no like he is there but if the guy is telling her no those are the the last moments

[02:29:27] before he passes like the people that pass away always do those kind of noises and my

[02:29:33] friend is telling me that my my stepdad gave him like a booklet where he already paid for

[02:29:41] the funeral services and this doctor um this doctor emergency had to talk to my

[02:29:47] head of doctor and he's telling them no i already told you guys like this guy's dead

[02:29:53] like i'm not doing anything else and a few weeks before i spoke to my mom because like i said

[02:29:59] covid is on and i'm like mom if it comes to all of this i don't want to be in given that

[02:30:07] intubation that they're doing to people right we all heard about that right that intubation that

[02:30:12] they're doing to the patients that that yeah can yeah so i'm like mom if that happens to me

[02:30:19] and if i get to that point please don't don't let them do that to me and this guy is forcing

[02:30:26] that on my mom because he speaks spanish right and he's telling my mom you need to do the intubation

[02:30:33] let's do it you need to do it he's he's gonna die but but since my mom didn't want to do it

[02:30:39] he's like okay fine you're not gonna do it he's gonna die take out his oxygen stick it out

[02:30:45] in in my family my friends are freaking out because they're like dude you're you're telling

[02:30:51] us that this is it you're not doing anything else for him you're just taking out the the one

[02:30:58] thing that is apparently is keeping him up so the doctor just wanted to close the book he

[02:31:02] wanted to close the book he didn't want to go through it and and i'm still out of consciousness

[02:31:09] i'm just having dreams about egypt and the pyramids for some reason i don't know i don't

[02:31:14] oh were you i was i was having dreams like wow that's yeah i was gonna ask you like you um

[02:31:20] i'm always curious about that because i used to read about stories and then you know some people

[02:31:26] say oh it's just a figment of their imagination but you you never know what somebody is going

[02:31:31] through what they're dealing with the visions that they're seeing but during that time um yeah

[02:31:36] i was gonna ask you were you seeing any kind of visions or were you having pictures running

[02:31:41] through images to me it felt like i was in sand like if you were to lie on on the beach

[02:31:47] so it felt like i was being moved by the sand and i was seeing pictures of the pyramids of egypt

[02:31:56] first i've never been there before in my life interesting yeah but did you ever before that

[02:32:02] did you ever have an interest for it or anything i love all that stuff i read all about

[02:32:07] it all the all the alien stuff all the real stuff everything about egypt i love that to me

[02:32:14] this was it like i'm no longer there like to me that's it and things are you know i'm seeing

[02:32:20] the pyramids and things are looking weird and the doctors is fighting with my with my family

[02:32:27] so i never heard that before like i like heard stories about other patients and other people

[02:32:33] fighting with doctors about not letting them you know doing the best they can or doing some

[02:32:38] stuff but no like no this guy is telling my mom lady remove this because there's no going back

[02:32:47] and you know my friend told me that they also brought the priest to say the last

[02:32:54] the last rites or whatever the fuck you're called so they called in the priest and

[02:32:59] and that guy told everybody to get out and just be with my mom and that guy spoke spanish

[02:33:04] this guy is like trying to tell my mom that this is it and yeah and you know stuff like that but

[02:33:10] apparently my best one of my best friends story she's telling my mom like let's speak to god

[02:33:16] let's pray because i know he's gonna make it i know he's gonna wake up so let's let's do this

[02:33:23] let's pray let's get your faith back so my mom is like i don't i don't believe in that

[02:33:28] anymore but but she saw that my friend had this these feelings that she knows that i'm gonna make

[02:33:36] it apparently she is the only person that believed at that point that i was gonna wake up

[02:33:42] she's telling everybody no don't don't do anything because i know he's gonna wake up

[02:33:47] and my best friend of my other best friend phillip the person i told you i met

[02:33:52] at the bnt apparently he he was still he was there of course he's always been there with me too

[02:33:59] and he at that point is it has already slept on my on my home because it's been a day

[02:34:04] and he's going to see how i'm doing in c5 if there's any progress or they're not convincing

[02:34:11] my mom so apparently he walks into the room and he screams out jonathan it's time to wake

[02:34:17] up let's go and that's when i woke up that's when i woke up i woke up then and there

[02:34:24] and i'm like oh what mom like like we were in the hub like an emergency like oh what are you

[02:34:30] doing she's like you're awake you're awake i'm like yeah no i'm here it's like oh

[02:34:38] like she's crying she has no words the nurses are running out because icu is only there's

[02:34:44] only like one person per room at that point because of covid too and i see all this

[02:34:51] like i don't know it has to be like 10 15 doctors and nurses coming in outside my room

[02:34:57] just seeing me waking up they're like this guy's awake how is this guy awake

[02:35:04] and everyone's like telling me like jonathan are you okay are you okay like

[02:35:08] what do you need i'm like i'm hungry can i get a coke and can i get some jello because

[02:35:12] i'm hungry as hell and they rushed back to give me like like they gave me a jello and i grabbed

[02:35:19] the spoon and i started shaking and i'm like hey that didn't happen before so they're like oh

[02:35:26] shit so they rushed me back to do you know x-rays and ultrasounds to see if i'm

[02:35:33] because like i was out of oxygen like this guy could have serious bad problems with

[02:35:40] afterwards right because usually that's what happened to people they

[02:35:43] they don't have oxygen going through their head and there's serious damage

[02:35:48] yeah even brain damage is always brain damage there's always something that happens

[02:35:52] and as soon as they saw that i was shaking longer you're without oxygen the more damage

[02:35:57] exactly so uh at that point they're like just you know this guy's shaking there's

[02:36:03] something going on so they take me in and they're like okay so there's nothing significant because

[02:36:09] of course i must have something because of my old stuff of my chemotherapy radiation of course

[02:36:16] but they're like there's nothing to worry about you're you're fine and after a few days

[02:36:20] i stopped like the shaking is like stopped after a few hours after i ate and on the same

[02:36:27] day i woke up and i wanted to go out for a walk and they're like you want to walk what

[02:36:31] the hell is going on with you you can't walk yet i'm like yeah yeah i can i want to go out

[02:36:36] i want to go out my room like my legs hurt so they grab me a walker and the nurses is

[02:36:43] walking with me and she's talking to me because she wants to know everything about me

[02:36:47] i'm like yeah yeah and i tell her all about me and as i'm walking i'm passing through

[02:36:52] these nurses and all these nurses are like the fucking guy is awake like i can see it in

[02:36:58] their face like this guy's awake how the fuck did that happen a ghost you've been risen from

[02:37:05] the dead this guy was out like this the doctors they already called the priest and they never had

[02:37:11] that in in canada never like this never happened and they're like you know this calls it you

[02:37:19] know this guy's awake what the fuck is going on and after a few days um they moved me out

[02:37:25] of icu because i was already feeling better and afterwards i spoke to some of the doctors just

[02:37:31] to find out what the hell happened and why this happened one of the explanations from

[02:37:38] one of the doctors is that oxygen is not in like a huge scale is not good for me

[02:37:45] because apparently all the oxygen that i was taking in was getting turned into co2 and

[02:37:52] you know co2 can kill you and apparently i got such a good amount of co2 in my head

[02:37:59] that i passed out and this is why it happened so that's that was one of the explanations

[02:38:06] the other explanation is i heard it from three different doctors that they're like it's the

[02:38:12] vaccine man it's the covid vaccine because like i told you i got the vaccine just a few days

[02:38:19] and that and that was immediately that was like right after you were dealing with every day and i

[02:38:23] was thinking that in my head that there had to be some kind of complications with that along

[02:38:28] with you already the condition that you were dealing with at that time man i'm not a

[02:38:33] conspiracy theorist or anything i don't believe in i don't know maybe there's some of those are

[02:38:37] true but i heard it from three different doctors three different doctors are treating

[02:38:42] the same thing they're like it probably was the covid vaccine

[02:38:48] now like ocean yeah but when you read the the actual papers of of everything that happened

[02:38:55] it says that it that happened because of complications for from my graft versus host

[02:39:02] disease but i know that is of course they won't mention it yeah they won't mention it and that's

[02:39:08] not true that i know for a fact that's not true because my graft versus host disease has been

[02:39:14] in check for over nine years like my graft versus host disease hasn't given me any problems

[02:39:23] since like eight to nine years like it's been so many years why like suddenly like there's

[02:39:29] just i don't know if they ever want to save their asses or whatever but that's the main

[02:39:35] the main theory that they wrote on the actual record this has this and especially in canada

[02:39:42] too right it was very it was mandatory almost right where you had to they wanted everybody

[02:39:47] to be vaccinated pretty much to just go about your daily life or if you're in school or

[02:39:53] whatever it was patients like me all all the doctors you need to go get your vaccine like

[02:40:00] just considering your your medical history and introducing something that was still

[02:40:08] it was a rushed procedure and they weren't too sure about it but introducing that into

[02:40:13] your system there's going to be some complications i think so too you also have a few doctors that

[02:40:18] have been saying that as well so in three different doctors at three different times they're

[02:40:23] like i think it's i think it's it's the vaccine godly your body has been dragged through not just

[02:40:30] your body your entire being has been dragged through hell yeah and back this last one was

[02:40:37] really scary because like like i told you man it felt like everything was closing down

[02:40:43] like since i already said bye bye to all my family i thought this was it for sure

[02:40:49] i didn't think i was gonna come out of this one for sure for sure i couldn't think so

[02:40:53] like this is it like my my luck has taken me this far it's not going any further this was

[02:41:01] uh well it wasn't really that long ago but no not that long ago yeah probably 2019 but i mean

[02:41:08] you pretty much for the majority of your life has spent that time in a hospital in and out

[02:41:14] of the hospital in and out of hospitals yeah and of course i have all the papers of the

[02:41:20] pictures every now nowadays like how are you how are you able to function and whether it's holding

[02:41:29] a job or something or your are your employer's understanding of this in your situation or do you

[02:41:35] have a hard time you know trying to fit in when it comes to something like that or or you

[02:41:40] were going to college at one time i don't know if you were able to finish your studies

[02:41:43] because of everything that happened i wasn't able i was like i did two years of i like

[02:41:49] i had one year left for my college thing and i think i couldn't finish because of that

[02:41:55] of course i i try to look for employment but it's it's difficult with a person like me right

[02:42:01] because i don't know if i'm ever gonna be in the hospital again i don't know if this is

[02:42:05] gonna happen but nowadays i do want to you know go back to studying at least because things

[02:42:13] have have you know come to a normal again like after that happened like i stopped even

[02:42:20] using the oxygen i went for some reason i didn't need it anymore so many things that that that

[02:42:29] changed and and especially now i think things are have finally stayed in a in a normal state

[02:42:39] then i don't i don't think anything else is gonna happen at least i don't i hope so

[02:42:44] yeah i was also gonna ask you that about your your thoughts or is is it hard to get settled in

[02:42:51] and get comfortable again because this is something that has been a pattern in your

[02:42:55] life and i was gonna ask you if this is something that's still in the back of your

[02:43:00] mind and once you it's hard to get settled and comfortable because you might fear the

[02:43:07] worst-case scenario how do you kind of keep focused and not to have that always affect

[02:43:13] and it could get to the point something if you let it um i don't know where you're at with it

[02:43:17] but if you're thinking in that way or if that is something that's affecting you to

[02:43:22] where it's hard to even enjoy the present because you're still you're just worried

[02:43:26] about my god it's you know this can happen again and it will happen again but it sounds

[02:43:31] like you're saying i'm looking looking towards better days now for the first i mean

[02:43:36] forever it's it's it's coming to the point where i think things have stabilized

[02:43:43] and i don't if i take care of myself and if i do things correctly and if i i think

[02:43:50] things can even get better recently i went to the hospital and they told me that

[02:43:57] they they might might have found a treatment for my for my skin condition so i i just got that

[02:44:06] news so that's amazing that's good news but the first thing yeah the first thing is the

[02:44:11] doctor said is this drug is super expensive though it's like okay that's the other thing

[02:44:17] that never have i ever spent any money for any of my treatments because

[02:44:24] canada that's why i'm i'm always thankful to be here because they they've covered everything

[02:44:32] the government still supports me and financially i would forever be thankful to canada

[02:44:39] and everybody here and this is my home now of course but but yeah for now and i'm more

[02:44:48] mostly worried about um my mom and see if she's okay you know now i i don't

[02:44:57] it's gotten to the point that i don't care about myself that much anymore

[02:45:01] and it's mostly about other people in my life now so i'm i'm i'm in that sense i'm

[02:45:08] things have stabilized um how do you feel about just being alive nowadays you feel a bit more

[02:45:14] optimistic or psychologically there's still that little part of my brain where i start doing

[02:45:21] something or planning something because that's the one thing i don't plan for anything i i hate

[02:45:27] planning because you know i had i made so many plans before and they always crumble because

[02:45:33] i do something like because of stuff that happens so i don't i don't like to plan anything so i

[02:45:39] just live day by day you know if i say for example it's for me it's better that way because

[02:45:48] you know let's just say you're you want something to happen something really positive

[02:45:52] and things happened and it wasn't it didn't happen right so you're you're left with that feeling of

[02:45:59] of you know the regret or man disappointment so i don't do that i'd rather just have the

[02:46:06] surprise of you know if things work out perfect i'm super happy and great any things doesn't

[02:46:12] work out and you know okay fine but it's to me it's it feels better to live day by day

[02:46:20] it's uh you get more of a surprise and you're more happy with the outcomes if

[02:46:27] if they're positive i think that's that's me that makes total sense but there's always that

[02:46:33] little bug in my head where it's like something's gonna happen man so don't be too happy don't

[02:46:40] don't get too complacent yeah but if you take you take that approach the way that you're

[02:46:45] doing it you're taking it day by day you're saying you're just enjoying you're enjoying what you

[02:46:50] have or you're working towards bettering your condition and your recovery and your health

[02:46:55] stabilizing everything and you're doing that in the moment and with that enjoying the people

[02:47:02] that you do have around you that stuck around you through thick and thin your mother and

[02:47:06] friends and people that you met in the hospital that you still keep in touch with the Philip you

[02:47:11] said his name was and yeah philip and dorian those are my my two friends that are still here

[02:47:18] with me and they've been through with me all these years and they've been through the best

[02:47:24] and the worst of my life and i'm still so thankful to have them in there and of course

[02:47:31] my mom there's nothing there's no story my mom is not there she is the the main actor of my

[02:47:41] story she is to thank for everything at least in my sense she is my everything to me and i would

[02:47:49] you know forever be grateful i always you know say this prayer or thought that if anything

[02:47:55] were to happen to my mom anything bad just let it happen to me instead like give me everything

[02:48:00] that that could go wrong in my mom's life just give it to me and just let her be happy

[02:48:06] with her life that's that's my way of thinking right now but of course i still

[02:48:12] still want to do things of course i still want to travel go places yeah i think i'm looking

[02:48:18] forward to things a little yeah that's right it was uh it was cool the way this worked out

[02:48:25] because we talked a little bit offline before we started uh before we set something up but

[02:48:31] i knew a little bit of your story and some of the things that you had went through and then

[02:48:36] you had said that you were interested in talking about talking about your story because it was

[02:48:40] something that you hadn't really shared too much with people you had your reasons for it but

[02:48:46] there was a there probably was a few things you had on mind right and coming out and just

[02:48:52] sharing your experience and um you know to be able to talk about it on the show

[02:48:58] yeah you know my friend philip always told me you know just write your everyday life just write

[02:49:04] it and when eventually we can make it a book yeah i don't know i'm not sure man i'm not i don't

[02:49:11] think it's that interesting but i i lately when i talked to you i was i was looking for an

[02:49:17] outlet to to put my story out there if it could help somebody if it's an interesting tool

[02:49:23] to listen to then that's great i thought that maybe my story deserved to to be known

[02:49:31] at least a little bit like somebody needed to hear it or maybe if you're in a really bad spot

[02:49:37] right now and that's always my thought just think that somebody is having a worse time than

[02:49:43] you there's always somebody with something that is worse worse worse worse than you and even in

[02:49:49] my shoes i know there's people that had that had a way worse than me people that are no longer

[02:49:55] here and i pray for their souls and you know you just think about that if you're stuck in

[02:50:02] a place just think it over a little bit more and think about things and think that there's

[02:50:08] always having a worse time than you and and and i'm sure you'll feel a little bit better

[02:50:15] maybe not completely but it will help you a little bit i think so that little bit can spark

[02:50:21] something to where you you're building off of and then it's it's getting bigger and bigger

[02:50:27] and bigger to the point where it's really giving you like the fuel you need to do things that

[02:50:33] you thought maybe weren't going to be possible anymore like i'm sure for you at one point

[02:50:38] well that last one seemed like you you already were saying your final goodbyes and so now fast

[02:50:45] forward to where you are and you're in a better place than where you were and also the thought

[02:50:50] you said you don't want to think too far ahead because there's always been something that seemed

[02:50:56] to pull me back down but still enjoying the day enjoying the the relationships that you do

[02:51:03] have and then even with the thought like you said there is even a promise inside or something in

[02:51:10] you that says i would like to travel i would like to do other things and and so yeah that's

[02:51:16] just uh that's great to hear and that um you also you came out alive and and you still have

[02:51:22] that that little spark in you it's not completely gone it's not completely gone you're right and

[02:51:29] and the people that are next to me are are to blame

[02:51:35] there's like if it wasn't for you i would have just i would have went to egypt and and found

[02:51:40] those pyramids i probably would have been buried there already

[02:51:50] with the bandages and everything in the wounds and when you were when the the skin was was

[02:51:55] tearing and ripping the way that you were i mean it's i was picturing a mummy it's basically that

[02:52:00] i was i was only my face wasn't the one that wasn't even i i had a little bit of my cheeks

[02:52:07] actually but but most most of my body was just like you would picture a mummy yeah yeah i will

[02:52:13] say that yeah and my friend philip he's kept all the pictures man he i recently saw them

[02:52:19] like i didn't know he had a bunch of them and i'm like dude we came through so much

[02:52:24] but wow that's since i was a fucking teenager it's incredible that's that we're here and the one

[02:52:32] thing that i can say to everybody that's been with me and i try to to tell them every day

[02:52:38] or at least whenever we we meet and talk i just tell them that you love them take the time

[02:52:45] don't don't hold grudges just be open about yourself you know and that's the thing that i

[02:52:51] do all the time i try to tell them how much i love them just in case you never see them again

[02:52:57] or something happens i just want them to know that i i love them to the max and if it wasn't

[02:53:03] for them i wouldn't be here i know super cool cliche to say but it it is it is what it

[02:53:09] is for me at least it is like that if it wasn't for my mom doryan philip doryan even now my

[02:53:15] stepdad leo if it wasn't for all of them would have been way worse or things would have finished

[02:53:21] everything would have been it would have ended and i could tell my little cousin sometimes

[02:53:26] like i tell them you know if you have opportunities don't don't let them go by

[02:53:31] if you can do something if you really want to do something just do it don't don't don't let

[02:53:37] time pass you by don't don't don't let it affect you even if the outcome isn't what you expected

[02:53:44] just still do it man because you don't know what things are gonna happen next you never know so

[02:53:50] just enjoy it if you want to do it really really really do it and and yeah keep loving

[02:53:56] your family yourself give yourself some credit sometimes you need you need that for sure i'm

[02:54:03] sure i give myself some credit sometimes even though i oh yeah you gotta give yourself all the

[02:54:09] credit hey you know that's it's my mom mostly but yeah i just sometimes think it's uh i've

[02:54:16] been through a lot and that's why i wanted to even if it's a little selfish of me

[02:54:21] and tell my story and and for some people to listen to it yeah as you should as you

[02:54:28] should pat yourself on the back and um think think highly highly of yourself even sometimes

[02:54:33] if it's hard because yeah you did have a lot of support of course you had a um also professionals

[02:54:40] and specialists that that looked over you in the hospital but then also you dealt with it

[02:54:45] physically emotionally mentally spiritually in every other way but still here and and willing

[02:54:53] to talk about it and share it even if it just helps one person you said that would make you

[02:54:58] a happy man so you know i'm grateful that i was able to connect with you and hear this thank

[02:55:04] you again for for like opening yourself up and being transparent and sharing some some details

[02:55:11] about your life that are sensitive and that are personal i really do appreciate that and um

[02:55:17] man uh jonathan if you would like to leave off with like any any other words or or you'd like to

[02:55:24] say a few things before we we wrap this thing up feel free yeah man more than anything thank

[02:55:30] you for having me on it's been great meeting you like thank you for letting me say my things

[02:55:38] um just i would like to the people that listen to this like i told them please if you have

[02:55:44] something to do if you want to do something do it before it's too late all love all your family

[02:55:50] members everybody that supports you let them know how thankful you are and enjoy your life to your

[02:55:56] fullest really and if like if my mom listens to this sometimes or or my friends i'd like

[02:56:04] to tell them that i love them very very much to thank them that they're still here with me

[02:56:11] they're still fighting here with me and anybody that listens to this if it helps you out in any

[02:56:17] way i'm glad i hope it does help you out even if it's listening to to me in my stupid chat

[02:56:25] it helps in some way i'm happy i'm i'm glad i'm really glad and thank you i'm really glad

[02:56:32] that i got to meet you likewise and um i certainly from the bottom of my heart wish

[02:56:38] you all the best in upcoming years thank you thank you very much man i hope so let's let's

[02:56:44] hope that things stay stable and that i can find some you know hope and a new treatment and

[02:56:52] yeah let's let's hope things get a lot better than they are right now

[02:56:56] yeah we'll definitely keep in touch definitely man thank you again thank you that's a warrior

[02:57:03] right there and as much as he says i don't like to give myself too much credit i have some

[02:57:12] beautiful people behind me who held me up when i was weak their spirit their thoughts their

[02:57:17] prayers their love was what got me through this his mother being one of them a strong loving

[02:57:24] mother who he says means the world to him how tight of a relationship that was they had each

[02:57:31] other if they didn't have nothing else moving into a foreign land not understanding the language

[02:57:37] not understanding the system they had each other leaving their country with pretty much

[02:57:43] just to close on their back to try to seek some kind of assistance he was dying on more

[02:57:50] than one occasion even at one point dying and being brought back to life so as much

[02:57:56] as he gives the praise and the honor to those behind him and those around him still in his

[02:58:02] life through thick and thin we acknowledge that yes for sure that's a beautiful thing

[02:58:08] we need that type of support but this show also is about highlighting and celebrating

[02:58:13] the lives of those people who have been through it they've been through the mud and

[02:58:18] jonathan has been through hell and back body mind and soul spirit everything the anguish

[02:58:25] the torment the suffering the torture the agony of his skin ripping and tearing apart he had to

[02:58:33] feel that on his body but jonathan you managed to hold on to whatever little hope inside of you

[02:58:39] that thought of your mother was enough for you to hold on and not give up the ghost how many

[02:58:46] times you were moving in a better direction like the hospital and the visits and the surgeries

[02:58:53] the medications and the chemotherapy was all behind you for things to just suddenly

[02:58:59] fall from around you once again the rug being pulled from underneath you once again

[02:59:06] soon as you start moving forward you're getting knocked backward again and the last time was

[02:59:12] almost for good but listen to him towards the end say he's still hopeful maybe not planning

[02:59:17] too much in the future you can't blame him for that but he's hopeful for the opportunity

[02:59:24] to being alive for one but also that maybe in the future hey i might be able to enjoy

[02:59:29] traveling maybe get back into my studies or to pick up hobbies or things that make him happy

[02:59:38] he has his mother he has his friends some good friends one of his friends from being in the

[02:59:43] hospital and of 10 people going through that bone marrow transplant at the time when he went

[02:59:49] only two are still alive and jonathan for as much as you saying you're not too

[02:59:55] fond of giving yourself the credit we're gonna celebrate and big up your spirit your resilient

[03:00:02] spirit today because you are a giant amongst us the courage to keep pushing on and go

[03:00:10] through the things that you have been through and also the courage that it took for you to get on

[03:00:15] here and to open up yourself and speak about a lot of things that you said for some time you

[03:00:21] were ashamed to talk about losing all your body mass your muscle tissue your hair falling

[03:00:27] apart your body ripping open gum tissues bleeding i mean this is torment this is torture but

[03:00:35] you're still here still hopeful and like you said i believe that the worst is now behind me

[03:00:43] and by you sharing your story i believe everybody listening right now is going to have you in mind

[03:00:49] so even from complete strangers people will have you in their thoughts they might have

[03:00:54] you in their prayers i know you'll be in mine i think it's safe to say that there is

[03:00:59] a power when people are in agreement in something and when there's more than one person putting

[03:01:04] their mind their thoughts their meditations their prayers whatever it may be in one

[03:01:10] direction in unison to one person one goal that behind it there's some kind of creative

[03:01:18] loving and all-powerful force that can move in a direction and bring some positive

[03:01:26] reinforcement into somebody's life or into someone's situation

[03:01:31] so thank you Jonathan for taking time out of your day to share something that is very personal

[03:01:37] that is very sensitive with you in the hopes that maybe it can reach one person well i can

[03:01:44] say after speaking with you and listening to your story and then running it back to listen

[03:01:49] to it one more time that it's already reached one person and hit somebody which was me so i

[03:01:57] hope you all found something of value in this story and listening to Jonathan share some

[03:02:03] of his experience with us and let us also be reminded like he said cherish those that we have

[03:02:11] in our lives let's honor them let's be thankful for them let's enjoy each other's company

[03:02:17] while we have each other around we can take each other for granted i'm guilty of it

[03:02:24] to those that you love there's nothing wrong with telling them that you love them why you

[03:02:29] love them why you're thankful and grateful for them if you guys found value in the show and

[03:02:35] if anything Jonathan said resonated with you you can always share your thoughts and give some

[03:02:40] feedback you can even reach out to him through email you'll find his information in the

[03:02:46] description box appreciate you all you can always check out the website to listen to past shows

[03:02:54] listen to past stories and there also you can leave a comment and share your thoughts

[03:02:59] you can also check us out on youtube where i'm piecing together smaller condensed versions of these

[03:03:06] long-form conversations that you find on the show and that you find on the website and

[03:03:12] whichever platform that you plug into and listen to so you can also check out the channel

[03:03:17] there and share your thoughts and feedback and completely free of charge you can give it a like

[03:03:23] you can also give it a review you can give it a rating if you listen to it on spotify deezer

[03:03:30] whichever platform you listen to it on let me know how you listen to the show let me know

[03:03:36] what you like about the show what you don't like about the show because we're trying

[03:03:40] to continue to build and create something of substance here of course the main thing is

[03:03:48] the stories and the giants that are amongst us so with all that being said you guys enjoy

[03:03:54] the rest of your week and before things wind down over here if you would like to be a part

[03:04:02] of the show and share your story or even the story of someone in your life that has impacted

[03:04:09] you in a positive way you can always reach out to me via email i'd be happy to connect

[03:04:18] until next time and very soon peace

[03:04:35] do

[03:04:42] looking for a sign to know i'm on the right road

[03:04:50] ain't seen no signs