Real stories, told by real people.
Welcome back to the Show!!! Hope you're well and in good spirits? Today, Pamela joins us, and she's got a story to tell. And her childhood was rough. With her father being out of the picture, and growing up in poverty, to losing her sister at early on. The neglect, abusive relationships, and "soul crushing" work as a nurse. Pamela's journey in finding herself through all of it is every bit of INSPIRATIONAL and reason why she is without question, a GIANT AMONGST US.
Finding a good therapist, EMDR therapy, and journaling were a few of the resources that helped her along the way. Her stories a reminder to all of us that "it's never too late." She's now in her 50''s and living her best life - "I love everything that I do. I do love my life now, and I didn't even know that was possible before, you know, before 50. So at 50 was kind of my rebirth."
If you enjoyed the Show, give it a review, leave a rating and share it with someone you think might find value in it.
'til very soon,
PEACE!!
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Connect with Pamela :
Pamela's Book Available Now :
https://www.amazon.com/Didnt-Come-This-Only-THIS-ebook/dp/B09N1M6CYG
Pamela's Work And Info :
https://linktr.ee/PamelaTopjian?utm_source=linktree_profile_share
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This is Giants Amongst Us.
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How is everybody doing?
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Hopefully you're all in good spirits, hopefully staying safe, sane, and in good health.
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Welcome to the show where you're only going to hear real stories that are told by real
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people.
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Today, we're joined by Pamela and she's got a story to tell.
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Talk about going to school as a child on an empty stomach because you have an aid in God
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knows when.
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Or still having to go to school with clothes that don't fit, shoes that are too tight
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because the money isn't there or you've been neglected.
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Bouncing from place to place, living inside of a household where things aren't stable
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and the foundation is shaky.
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The abuse neglects that one can go through.
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Pamela today shares some of those experiences with us and how that affected her life as
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a child and leading into her adult years.
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The toxic relationships, the depression, being suicidal, feeling trapped in a career
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field that to her was so crushing.
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Her story involves pain, suffering, trauma, abuse, but it doesn't end there.
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And that's what this podcast is about.
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So without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, this is Pamela and her story.
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Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for tuning in.
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We are back.
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We have another one today.
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We have another guest and I'd like to welcome Pamela to the show.
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Thank you very much for taking time out of your day.
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You could have been doing anything.
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Could have been anywhere, but you took some time out of the day to sit down and have a
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talk with us.
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So thank you.
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Thank you.
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I'm so honored to be here actually.
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So thank you.
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And it was a fine thing that we were able to work it out this time around.
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Work out the things.
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Yeah.
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Second time is a show.
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We had a little technical difficulty, but yeah, we got it together.
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We did.
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So I always like to, before we get too far ahead of things, I like to just get a little
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backstory about the guests that I have on.
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So if you mind just talking a little bit about where you come from and how it was for you
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growing up, Pamela.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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So I'm Pamela Topchin and I now am in Northern California and of the U.S.
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And I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago in Illinois, but I grew up in poverty and my
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parents divorced when I was young and there was no such thing as any laws for deadbeat
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dads or anything.
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So my dad didn't help out at all and I had two sisters.
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So it was really rough on my mom.
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So we ended up moving a lot and we were hungry a lot.
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We were evicted sometimes and ended up living in some pretty sketchy neighborhoods.
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Then after that and growing up, I had such, went through some neglect, some trauma experiences
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and ended up having two abusive marriages.
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I am a former nurse now certified hypnotherapist.
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Over 2020 is when I made that big switch from nursing to certified hypnotherapy and I wrote
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a book about it all.
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So my whole story of the childhood of trauma and the two abusive marriages and my adulthood
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of trauma and then getting out of it finally in my fifties, healing and getting out of
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that and writing all about it.
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That was a big part of my healing as well was writing that book.
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But yeah, so now I'm certified hypnotherapist.
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I was able to switch out of nursing.
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I also do pet sitting on the side, which I love and we had a nice little discussion about.
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So yeah, so and then writing another book as well.
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Now this one has been published for about a year and a half and I'm writing another one
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just on the nursing career.
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Are you going to get into like all of the nitty gritty of the nursing behind the scenes
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or what is that going to?
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Yeah.
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Yeah, so there's probably just one or two chapters in my memoir about nursing and I had
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a few people say they would be interested in more information about that.
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And I feel like there's not necessarily secrets, but there's a lot of sort of things that people
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don't really know.
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It's like the code of science, isn't it?
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Isn't it like they have a like, you know, they say in the police force, there's that
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that I don't know what they call it, where sometimes they want to keep it in house, even
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with the military.
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And also I think in the medical field, it's like keep it in house.
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We don't want this bad press.
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Right.
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Because I think, you know, it's kind of a noble career and a lot of people think of
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nursing and or doctors or or anybody in the medical field as, you know, a lot of respect
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is there and a lot of people really look up to those people or think that, you know, it's
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something that would be a great job to have.
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But and for some people, it really is.
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But for me, I found it to be very, I say it was soul sucking for me and it really was.
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So yeah, so that's going to be a lot of the inside scoop, I guess is a better word than
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secrets, sort of the inside scoop.
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But I do make sure that I say that this is my own experience from my own perspective.
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And it doesn't mean that this is every nurses story, you know.
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Yeah, that's that's true.
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And I know from just stories that I've heard because my wife, she was a nurse for 20 something
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years in the ICU unit.
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And so she has also a lot of stories about and and it's just, but I'm not going to knock
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people that get in there for the right reasons because I think that you have to be a certain
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kind of breed to get involved in that because it's like you're going to battle every day.
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Absolutely.
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Absolutely.
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And you've been there, you've done that and you felt it on your skin.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Physically and mentally and in your soul.
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I mean, and I'm sure your wife would agree to that.
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Like how did you put it?
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It was soul sucking.
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Soul sucking.
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Soul crushing.
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Yeah.
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If you don't, if you don't mind me going back a little bit, did you say your father or
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your, yeah, your father, was he completely out of the picture from day one or?
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So at nine years old, my parents divorced.
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So it was before.
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Okay.
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So before nine years old, they were together.
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They were always fighting.
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I didn't see him too much even when they were together or when we all live together.
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I was, so I have two older sisters.
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I was born in the mid sixties and I was supposed to be the baby that saved the marriage and
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you know, that never works out.
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But back in those days, it was a little bit harder to be a single mom and it was a little
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bit harder to divorce.
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And so they tried to keep it together for the kids and they didn't do a very good job
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of that.
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So yeah, so after my parents divorced, my dad was out of the picture after that.
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So I was nine years old and then we, you know, we moved away because the house was in disrepair
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and I'm sure that my mom just wanted to get away from, from the house that needed a lot
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of work anyway.
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And rather than, you know, a lot of times when you have a mother with little children,
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it's the father that leaves, but she didn't want anything to do with that house.
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She knew it would be a big burden.
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So they had went to court and did the whole regular divorce thing and he was supposed to
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pay child support and supposed to probably alimony, I imagine, I don't even know.
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But, and he was supposed to actually sell the house and give her half of what came out
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of that.
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He didn't sell the house and he never paid her any money.
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And so my mom had these three girls and this was, you know, the seventies now and she didn't
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have a college education.
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And so she was trying to keep a roof over our head, which sometimes didn't work.
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And my father didn't get involved in our lives until I had my eldest sister was killed in
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a car accident just before she was 18.
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And that was just before, or she was 18 and it was just a couple of days before my 14th
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birthday.
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So that was one of the big things that happened.
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One of the major traumas in my life is losing a sibling like that.
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And, and then it was after that kind of that my dad kind of got a little bit more involved
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in our lives, but still not very much.
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Mostly not until grandchildren came in the picture.
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Did he get involved?
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How was life like during your school years?
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Were you able to stay in one school?
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Were you kind of bouncing around?
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Yeah, we were moving around a lot.
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I was always switching schools and, and there was a lot of missed time in school.
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And I even during high school, I had some date rapes.
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I didn't have any supervision.
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I didn't have any, you know, sort of anybody teaching me anything or showing me anything
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or, you know, and so I kind of learning it as you go.
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Yeah, yeah.
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And my older sisters were just like not even around.
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They were off doing their own thing.
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And in fact, my sister just a few years ago, the one that's still alive and she's four
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years older than me.
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So she had said to me not too long ago, did mom farm you out for a little bit?
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Did you were you fostered out for a little bit?
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She thought that I wasn't even there because she didn't remember me being around.
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And I was never, you know, I was there.
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I was there.
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And I was just left alone, you know, for most of my childhood after nine years old.
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Yeah.
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So I was very scared.
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I was very, you know, hungry.
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I even hid a lot just because I was scared.
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Yeah.
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We switched around schools.
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We didn't have, I didn't have like new school clothes, you know, and my shoes were so tight
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all the time in my childhood that at 16, I had bunion surgery on my feet because they
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were so bad for wearing shoes that were so tight.
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My whole childhood.
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God.
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Yeah.
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That is like going through all of that at such a young age and then just a lot of the
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abuse and the trauma.
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I mean, that is something that's going to take a toll on.
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Like you said, you were, you had two marriages and those weren't, they didn't end in the
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best of terms, but did you also bring a lot of that into the marriages and.
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Yeah.
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So I feel like, you know, when somebody is vulnerable and somebody has, you know, I didn't
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know myself at all.
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Only, you know, I would say only in the last 10 years or even the last six, seven years
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did I really start to begin to know myself.
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And I had gotten some therapy at that time.
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So I really want to, you know, suggest that I really want to let people know that that
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I didn't just, you know, write out my story and I was healed.
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You know, there was a lot of time in between there.
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But but yeah, I really feel that when people are vulnerable, they attract the kind of people
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that are going to be controlling.
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They attract these people to them that aren't going to be healthy for them just because you
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don't have the boundaries.
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You don't have the, you know, the personal boundaries, the things that make you stand
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up for yourself, you know, in the confidence and the self respect, you don't have any of
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that.
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So you attract the kind of people that are going to take advantage of that.
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So I do feel like, you know, I attracted those relationships and I didn't see red flags
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or if I did, I didn't know what to do about them.
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You know, if I saw that things weren't so great, I didn't know how to stand up for myself
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or how to navigate through, you know, a toxic marriage or relationship even.
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I do believe that, you know, it all happens for a reason and and that's part of when I
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did go for therapy and when I started writing the book, I didn't start writing it to be
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a published book.
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I started writing it to kind of lay it all out there for myself to kind of connect those
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dots and it was really, really eye-opening to see, you know, from the childhood and,
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you know, you go through the whole life with me in the book and you can see where it's
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like, well, of course, you know, this happened and of course that happened.
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But as you're going through it, it doesn't make sense.
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You just feel like it's one trauma after the other.
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One traumatic experience after the other and you don't realize that everything leading
00:14:22
up to everything else, you know, was it makes sense once you put it all out there.
00:14:30
So in the beginning, was it more of a journal?
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Like you were writing kind of tracking your years throughout time.
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Yeah, I wanted to see, I wanted to remember it all and I just wanted to put it all down
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kind of like a journal.
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Yeah.
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And also, I had had a major after the second divorce.
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I had a major breakdown and I was suicidal at that time and part of writing it all out
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was to kind of get it out there for like my kids or, you know, if the suicidal thoughts
00:15:03
won, then I would have like a record of it all for, you know, anyone to say, oh, this
00:15:09
is what happened in her life, you know, and especially like I said, like my kids who are
00:15:14
adults now and, you know, were adults when I wrote the book, just to kind of like have
00:15:19
a record of it all so that if anybody wondered, because I wasn't really vocal about it, I
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talk on podcasts, I have the book and I'm real open about it now about my whole childhood
00:15:30
and my whole life.
00:15:31
But my young adult years, my teenage years, you know, I never spoke about it.
00:15:37
I never talked about my feelings or what was happening in my life and I tried to appear
00:15:45
as normal, quote unquote normal as possible.
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It wasn't necessarily trying to be like fake or to put on something that wasn't there.
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It was more just trying to blend in kind of not to cause anybody, not to cause attention
00:16:02
to myself so people would say, what's the matter with you or what happened to you or,
00:16:07
or, you know, I didn't want to cause anybody any, you know, any stress or worry about me.
00:16:12
So it was just trying to be like everybody else when I didn't really know what that was.
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I didn't know what a normal childhood was.
00:16:20
Yeah.
00:16:21
Was that with the whole writing process of it?
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Was that something that, that you feel that was helping you along the way?
00:16:28
I don't know if you had seek therapy during that time or you were first you started writing
00:16:34
your emotions, your feelings and your experiences and then you seek therapy later on.
00:16:40
Like how did that kind of pray out?
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Throughout my life, I kind of kept journals and diaries off and on.
00:16:46
I would, would for a while and then I wouldn't.
00:16:49
But once I started therapy, that's when I started writing it all out because the therapist
00:16:54
said to me, she used the word neglect for my childhood and I didn't even, I was kind
00:17:01
of shocked when she said that because we think of neglect as parents who are abusive and,
00:17:08
or they're, you know, they're alcoholics or they're doing drugs around the children
00:17:12
or they, they're not, they're just not capable of, you know, caring for their children well.
00:17:19
And I think of, you know, we always think of neglect as like a form of abuse, which it
00:17:24
is, but we think of it as like willful neglect.
00:17:27
But I was neglected in the way of there just wasn't time and money, you know.
00:17:34
So so I never thought of myself as being neglected.
00:17:37
But as soon as she said that the therapist, then it kind of hit, hit home how traumatic
00:17:43
my childhood really was.
00:17:45
And then, you know, some of the things like I said, I had some sexual assault and date
00:17:50
rapes, things like that, that probably wouldn't have happened if I had some, some adult supervision
00:17:56
and being advised by adults, you know, just how to navigate through life and having some
00:18:03
sort of rules about when to be home or stuff like that.
00:18:07
So,
00:18:08
Yeah, no, I was just thinking that brought some mind how there's some, some people that
00:18:14
they could, they could have been through so much in their life and they have a lot of
00:18:19
things that have happened to them, a lot of not the best of things.
00:18:22
But when it's, when it's spoken of, they kind of, I'm not saying that this is, this is you
00:18:28
in your case, but some they tend to downplay it.
00:18:30
Like it's like, no, it wasn't really that bad.
00:18:32
It was and it's almost as if it's not normalized, but it's just something that they just grew
00:18:38
accustomed to when they didn't see it any other way.
00:18:41
So it kind of, unless they're maybe put in another situation where things are a bit different
00:18:45
and they're like, oh, wow.
00:18:46
So this is how it also can be.
00:18:48
I mean, but sometimes when you're a child, especially, and that's all you know, and that's
00:18:53
what you know, it's kind of like what you expect the other people to be going through.
00:18:58
Yeah, I always, I, when I went for therapy, so I had had this major breakdown and I had
00:19:03
had an abusive ex-husband and I was feeling like, why can't I get over this?
00:19:10
Because I started getting real depressed, started being anxious, having night terrors
00:19:15
and panic attacks.
00:19:17
And I thought, you know, I didn't know what was wrong with me that I couldn't get over
00:19:22
that.
00:19:23
And I thought, so I was beat up and I had to call the police to get out of there alive
00:19:29
when I left my second husband.
00:19:31
I thought that that was the event that put me into that tailspin, you know, of anxiety
00:19:38
and depression.
00:19:40
I didn't realize that it was everything leading up to that.
00:19:44
And so when she had mentioned, and when I went to therapy, I thought it was because
00:19:48
of that.
00:19:49
And like, I'm just really anxious.
00:19:50
I'm just really depressed, like having trouble getting out of it.
00:19:53
And it was because of this time I was beat up by that ex-husband.
00:19:58
And I thought it was just that one incident.
00:20:01
So then when, when she started, never mind everything.
00:20:04
Right.
00:20:06
Everything led up to that.
00:20:08
And I just crashed.
00:20:09
It was like my, my system couldn't handle anything else.
00:20:13
And plus that was like the first time that I didn't have anybody else that I was responsible
00:20:18
for.
00:20:19
The kids were grown.
00:20:21
This husband was now gone.
00:20:23
And it was just me left to myself.
00:20:27
And I crashed.
00:20:28
When I thought I would soar, you know, I thought, yay, this is great.
00:20:33
Now I'm on my own.
00:20:34
Everything will be awesome now.
00:20:36
But it went the other way.
00:20:38
And so I was just really confused.
00:20:40
How long were you married?
00:20:41
So the second marriage, I was married for eight, eight years, the second one.
00:20:45
But was it always abusive?
00:20:46
You know, that, of course, usually it starts off fine and dandy, but then for whatever,
00:20:52
you know, whatever reason in turn of events, sometimes things start spinning a little downward.
00:20:57
And he actually put hands on you also.
00:20:59
Yeah.
00:21:00
Yeah.
00:21:01
At the end.
00:21:02
So he wasn't like that through the whole marriage, but at the end he was, but he was also, he
00:21:06
was an alcoholic and he was also a drug addict, which I didn't really realize until the very
00:21:13
end.
00:21:14
And that was kind of the thing that made me say, I had already said that I'm divorcing.
00:21:20
I can't, you know, I am working harder at your wellness than you are because he was an
00:21:24
alcoholic and then he would, he would have these terrible breakdowns and go into mental
00:21:33
health facilities and he'd stay there.
00:21:36
And he'd come back with medicine and he would end up taking them like excessively and he
00:21:43
was not himself at all.
00:21:44
He was just really, just totally a different person.
00:21:48
And I actually, I didn't know that he was doing that with the medication and I didn't
00:21:52
know that he was still drinking and I would come home from a 12 hour shift or even a 16
00:21:56
hour shift.
00:21:58
And he would be just not, you know, not a normal person.
00:22:03
I mean, he would be acting like some of my Alzheimer's patients and I really was worried
00:22:07
that he was having early set, you know, early onset Alzheimer's or I thought he was having
00:22:14
late onset schizophrenia, something really, you know, serious like that.
00:22:19
I didn't realize he was doing that to himself.
00:22:22
And when he went into one of the facilities and he was going to be able to stay longer,
00:22:27
I had to go into his closet and get some clothes and stuff like that.
00:22:32
And when I did, I found alcohol and then I started looking around.
00:22:37
Somebody tipped me off that it was the wife of somebody that he worked with that I was
00:22:43
friends with actually.
00:22:44
And she said, look around some more.
00:22:47
If you found something, look around some more because chances are it's hidden throughout
00:22:51
the house.
00:22:53
And she's quite a bit older than me.
00:22:55
And so she knew better, knew better than I did about that stuff.
00:22:59
So I did and there were little bottles of alcohol all over and his medications that
00:23:04
were discontinued, he still had them hidden places and everything.
00:23:08
So that's when I knew that he was self-sabotaging and putting me through all this grief of trying
00:23:13
to figure out what's wrong with my husband, you know, and what can we do?
00:23:18
And I was worried for his safety and I would go to these facilities to visit him and I'd
00:23:24
sit in the car and cry and just sob, you know, not knowing what to do besides being over
00:23:30
tired and overstressed from work.
00:23:33
I had this going on at home.
00:23:35
So once I found that out, I told him I was divorcing, but I was going to wait until he,
00:23:42
this is the big mistake.
00:23:43
So I was going to wait until he could get himself back on his feet so he wouldn't be
00:23:47
homeless and he could take care of himself.
00:23:52
And then it just, I just kind of ignored him.
00:23:54
He kind of lived separately in the house and it was just a few days after I told him I
00:23:59
was divorcing that he just physically attacked me and he was, I say he was a monster because
00:24:06
his eyes were not himself.
00:24:07
I don't know what he was on.
00:24:09
Obviously, he was on something and came home from work and he just was in a rampage.
00:24:17
That was the last day and then I called the police to leave.
00:24:21
So he was getting worse and worse throughout.
00:24:24
So probably the first couple of years were pretty good.
00:24:27
He had trouble with work and we kept moving.
00:24:32
And I, you know, that's kind of like, there's some red flags there that I kind of ignored
00:24:36
and I thought, well, it's going to get better.
00:24:38
It's going to get better.
00:24:40
You know, just kept getting worse.
00:24:41
And then he kept drinking more and more and then these medications came into play.
00:24:46
And when I went to divorce him, I found out that he had been married five times before
00:24:53
me.
00:24:54
And I didn't know that at the time.
00:24:57
So he was like lying the whole time, you know.
00:25:00
Yeah.
00:25:02
A lot of skeletons in the closet.
00:25:04
Right.
00:25:05
Right.
00:25:06
Yeah.
00:25:07
Man.
00:25:08
Well, at least, I mean, as much as you said, you were, you were battered and beaten physically,
00:25:15
emotionally, spiritually, at least when he did put his hands on you pretty well.
00:25:22
You said it was already to the point where you were going to get a divorce, but that
00:25:27
you, that was it.
00:25:29
That was a lot last straw that there was.
00:25:31
Right.
00:25:32
No, let's see if I could still keep the door a little bit open and maybe there's some change
00:25:36
or something.
00:25:37
I mean, it seemed like you had enough and for good reasons.
00:25:40
Yeah.
00:25:41
I felt I was about ready to break myself.
00:25:43
I knew I was on that edge of a breakdown myself.
00:25:47
That was that breaking point.
00:25:49
You know, I have to take care of myself.
00:25:51
He's not taking care of himself.
00:25:53
Not only is he working against himself, but now he's working against me, you know.
00:25:58
And I had always said, because he would get up in my face and yell at me and maybe a little
00:26:03
shove here or there or something.
00:26:06
But I had always said when he started getting abusive, if he ever lays his hands on me, if
00:26:13
he ever physically beats me up, that will be the last thing.
00:26:17
And I've said that, you know, like to myself, I don't think I said it to anybody because
00:26:21
I don't know that I had told anybody that he was doing this.
00:26:25
But I knew when he was doing this, I thought it was like the mental illness or the alcohol
00:26:29
or something.
00:26:30
But once I found out there were drugs involved, that was that.
00:26:34
But then yeah, I had always told myself that has to be your breaking point.
00:26:38
That has to be the point that you leave no matter what is if he puts his hands on me.
00:26:43
And he did.
00:26:44
And that was that.
00:26:45
So yeah.
00:26:46
During that time, were you already speaking with therapists or that came along later on
00:26:52
once you tried to decide, or once you've told yourself, you know, I need to start looking
00:26:57
out for myself a bit and start some healing or working on me.
00:27:01
Well, when I had left, I thought that that was going to be it.
00:27:05
I didn't really think about therapy at that time.
00:27:08
I really thought that that was going to be it.
00:27:11
Kind of breaks.
00:27:12
Yeah.
00:27:13
And I thought I was going to just, you know, everything was going to be great.
00:27:16
Yeah.
00:27:17
Yeah.
00:27:18
Because I had a restraining order.
00:27:20
I moved to a place that he didn't know where I was living.
00:27:23
And I switched jobs even because that was the only place that he knew where I was.
00:27:28
Like he would know.
00:27:30
He knew where I worked and he didn't know where I lived.
00:27:33
And I thought, and I was scared.
00:27:35
But I was fearful at work because I knew he knew where I lived or knew where I worked.
00:27:41
So I switched jobs.
00:27:43
I was living somewhere he didn't know.
00:27:45
And I thought, this will be great.
00:27:47
Everything will be wonderful now.
00:27:49
But that's when I crashed.
00:27:51
That's when I crashed myself.
00:27:54
And I didn't really understand it because I thought the opposite would happen, you know,
00:28:00
but I didn't realize at that point, as we said, you know, that everything leading up
00:28:05
to that, you know, was this was the final crash, you know.
00:28:08
So that was in Missouri.
00:28:12
And I didn't seek a therapist.
00:28:14
So I did try to get some counseling actually or go, I went to, when I was suicidal, I knew
00:28:20
that I had to get some help.
00:28:22
That was kind of my sign of like when I'm starting thinking of suicide, I was thinking,
00:28:26
well, I know that I need to get some help.
00:28:30
And I tried in Missouri and I didn't have any luck.
00:28:33
And I was just in such a bad state of mind and even physical state, I was barely able
00:28:38
to take care of myself.
00:28:40
I had switched jobs a couple of times because I wasn't able to keep any jobs.
00:28:44
I was having panic attacks.
00:28:45
I was having even physical symptoms and calling off a lot.
00:28:50
And I had another friend that was kind of going through a similar thing.
00:28:55
And they had somebody in California that said, why don't you come stay with me until you
00:29:00
get back on your feet?
00:29:02
Maybe that'll be the big change that you need to help.
00:29:05
And so they said to me, Hey, why don't you do the same thing?
00:29:08
And I was like, well, I never, I don't know, you know, I didn't know how I could do that
00:29:12
or never thought about it.
00:29:15
So then I told my landlord, I said, I may be moving out of state.
00:29:20
I just wanted to give you a heads up and see what I needed to do because, you know, I was
00:29:23
going to be breaking the lease, of course.
00:29:26
And they said, oh, well, we were going to sell the place anyway.
00:29:30
So can you be out in two weeks?
00:29:34
And I know.
00:29:35
So like, bam.
00:29:36
Thank you for the heads up.
00:29:37
Had you not said anything, that would have just, with the day before, you know what,
00:29:40
we're going to sell this place.
00:29:44
And it was a little house and it was so cute.
00:29:46
And I loved the little house, you know, but it wasn't in an apartment and it was just,
00:29:52
you know, it was really cute.
00:29:54
It was just a family that like owned another little house.
00:29:57
You know, it wasn't like a rental company or something.
00:30:02
So anyway, so they said, you know, can you be out in two weeks?
00:30:07
And I said, I'll try.
00:30:10
And I did.
00:30:11
So I was able to get, I knew that when you switch states with nursing, you have to go
00:30:16
through a whole protocol to change your license over to the other states.
00:30:21
It's not like you can just go start working somewhere else as a nurse.
00:30:25
So I have to go through the board again at California board.
00:30:29
You do.
00:30:30
You have to go through the state board every time you move states, whatever state you're
00:30:33
going to.
00:30:35
So and I wasn't sure that I wanted to continue nursing.
00:30:38
Obviously, I was in such a terrible way.
00:30:40
So I had made some phone calls and, you know, looked online and was able to get a couple
00:30:47
things lined up as far as live in caretaker type of jobs, like pet sitting, house sitting,
00:30:54
jobs where they had offices within these big homes and stuff and you'd go in and you'd
00:30:59
do the work, you know, while you live there.
00:31:01
So it was like a live in work situation.
00:31:04
So I was able to do that and I got on a bus and made a three day ride to California.
00:31:14
So when I got there though.
00:31:16
Whoa, you really packed up and started a new like started from scratch all over again.
00:31:23
I did.
00:31:25
I did.
00:31:26
I sold just or got rid of just about everything I had, which I had already left behind a lot
00:31:32
when I left my second husband there when I left.
00:31:36
I never went back.
00:31:37
So I filled up my Jeep.
00:31:38
I had a Jeep.
00:31:39
I filled it up with what I could of my stuff and and that's when I moved and I didn't go
00:31:45
back there.
00:31:46
So then when I moved this time, which was about a year later, so I was in that little
00:31:50
house alone about a year later, then I moved to California.
00:31:55
And so yeah, then I just came with a couple bags, a couple suitcases and a couple bags.
00:32:01
It was like, I'm going to the land of milk and honey.
00:32:04
Let's see how it works out over here.
00:32:06
But that's taking courage in itself right there.
00:32:09
That's taking a lot of go getting attitude or just like, let's go see if I can make
00:32:15
it happen.
00:32:16
That's taking a step into the unknown pretty much.
00:32:19
It was like it was like my last hope.
00:32:21
It was my last ditch effort.
00:32:23
I was already suicidal.
00:32:24
I felt like I had nothing to lose.
00:32:27
And I thought this is my last hope to just make this huge leap of faith.
00:32:34
One of the things that saved me from suicide is that my sister had died when she was 18
00:32:40
and I didn't want to put my mother through that.
00:32:42
She had already lost a child.
00:32:44
I didn't want her to lose another one.
00:32:46
So that's really what saved me.
00:32:48
When you were suicidal, was this something that during that period in your life, was
00:32:53
it something that was like, you couldn't get away from it?
00:32:57
Was there constant thoughts about it?
00:33:01
It was pretty constant.
00:33:02
It was almost always on my mind.
00:33:04
And I was actually kind of, I had a plan and I knew that this was, I was aware enough
00:33:11
to know that this was very dangerous for me.
00:33:13
But what kept nagging me from really going through with it was I thinking of my mother.
00:33:19
But if she wasn't around, I probably wouldn't be around either.
00:33:22
So that really saved me.
00:33:24
But then when my friend said, hey, I might go to California.
00:33:28
Maybe you want to do that too.
00:33:29
I was like, well, I got nothing to lose, right?
00:33:33
Well, that's good that you at least had some kind of support when you got over there.
00:33:37
It wasn't like you went over there and didn't know anybody.
00:33:40
But the first step is making that move and going.
00:33:42
Right.
00:33:43
And then you never came there.
00:33:45
Oh, yeah.
00:33:46
Okay.
00:33:47
It was like an idea.
00:33:50
And it was because my landlord said, hey, can you be out in two weeks rather than looking
00:33:54
for another place in Missouri?
00:33:56
Yes.
00:33:57
I was like, well, let's see if I can get over to California in two weeks.
00:34:02
And I did.
00:34:03
And so I knew, so then after that, I was still spiraling downward.
00:34:08
I was very anxious, very scared.
00:34:11
Luckily, I was able to have these live-in types of jobs.
00:34:14
So it wasn't homeless, homeless, you know, but I knew that's when I went for therapy.
00:34:20
I actually went to the doctor because I was so highly anxious and I couldn't sleep and
00:34:25
I was having these nightmares.
00:34:28
And I didn't know, I didn't even think of therapy, honestly.
00:34:32
I went to the doctor.
00:34:33
I was thinking I was going to get some medicine for anxiety.
00:34:36
And I don't know if somebody suggested that or not, but I just, I went to the doctor.
00:34:41
And that's when the doctor set me up with a therapist.
00:34:46
So that's when I really started.
00:34:48
And it was when she mentioned neglect and we started talking about my childhood and I
00:34:53
was trying to remember that's when I started writing.
00:34:56
Oh, God.
00:34:57
Was that really the first time that you ever really spoke about like past experiences with
00:35:03
your therapist then?
00:35:04
Yes.
00:35:05
And this is years later.
00:35:07
Yeah.
00:35:08
Yeah.
00:35:09
And I was, I think I was 50 or 51 and I had never really spoke about much of my childhood
00:35:17
or so imagine just like a lot of the things that we keep bottled up in us and some, it
00:35:23
just lasts for a lifetime.
00:35:26
And with you, it was just so many years have gone by and there's a, it's like you, you
00:35:34
had the world on your shoulders, just all of these past traumatic events.
00:35:40
And finally it was, I mean, I could, I don't know how it was for you in the beginning.
00:35:45
Was it real tough to get the words out or did they just, it's like you couldn't stop
00:35:49
once you started?
00:35:50
Well, I never, I mean, you wouldn't believe it now, but I wasn't much for talking.
00:35:58
I was like, I had trouble speaking about it and so we did some EMDR therapy and that
00:36:07
is where you take, you know, your eyes go from left to right, left to right, like it's
00:36:13
called eye movement desensitization and reprocessing.
00:36:18
That's EMDR and it sort of makes changes in your brain so that you can process without
00:36:26
having to go through all the emotions, like if you were just doing talk therapy.
00:36:30
So I would answer some questions about my childhood and talk a little bit, whatever she had asked
00:36:36
me, but she realized that I was having trouble really just opening up about it.
00:36:43
So we did this EMDR therapy for a while and I had started writing in between and that's
00:36:50
when after that, then I was able to start talking about it.
00:36:56
But see, part of that is when my sister was killed in the car accident, we were in the
00:37:02
hospital and one of my mother's friends said to me, don't you cry?
00:37:09
You need to be strong for your mother, so don't you cry?
00:37:12
And so that's part of that was one of the things that kept me from ever expressing myself.
00:37:20
You carried that with you.
00:37:21
Yeah, and even today I have trouble expressing my emotions and just not too long ago I had
00:37:27
a pretty good friend that had killed herself and it just hit me like a ton of bricks and
00:37:36
I feel like that kind of that event kind of opened me up a little bit with my own emotions
00:37:43
because I still have trouble with that and I know that that's part of it was my mother's
00:37:47
friend saying that to me, but also my whole childhood, nobody was around.
00:37:53
So it didn't matter like if I was going to cry or if I was upset or whatever, even if
00:37:58
I had something to celebrate, nobody was around to, you know, I didn't have any emotions to
00:38:03
express because it didn't matter because I felt like nobody cared, you know, and then
00:38:09
that adult saying that to me.
00:38:11
So I just had trouble with all of that.
00:38:13
So luckily I had a good therapist right off the bat because sometimes you don't get a
00:38:18
good one and it takes a lot of patience, you know, and diligence to get a good therapist
00:38:23
and yeah.
00:38:26
I wouldn't even think it to be realistic for you to say if you're going that route and
00:38:32
for you maybe in an ideal world, you hit it off with the first one, but usually it might
00:38:37
take a couple to see if you and him or you and her are on that same, you know, if you're
00:38:43
compatible.
00:38:44
Right.
00:38:45
Right.
00:38:46
Absolutely.
00:38:47
And I guess you found someone who was who was very sensitive to what you would you need
00:38:51
at that time and it worked out.
00:38:53
Yeah.
00:38:54
And I can remember sitting in that waiting room to see the therapist, not just the first
00:38:59
time.
00:39:00
But I would have been.
00:39:01
I was so anxious.
00:39:03
It was just when I think back of how I was thinking and how I was feeling, I just was
00:39:09
yeah, terribly fearful and anxious, but I went and you know, I think that normally like
00:39:16
being that it was like the last straw, my last ditch effort, you know, being that I was
00:39:21
already suicidal, it kind of helped me to open up even more because it was like, I've
00:39:26
got nothing to lose.
00:39:27
I've got nothing to hide.
00:39:29
I've got nothing to, you know, I want to get better.
00:39:31
So I got to lay it all out here, you know.
00:39:34
And that goes with a lot of people that are struggling with whatever it is, addictions,
00:39:43
traumatic events, relationship, toxic relationships or bad habits, whatever it is.
00:39:49
But that person, I mean, you can, you can have a lot of people from the outside telling
00:39:54
you this, telling you that, but that that individual needs to want it for themselves.
00:39:58
And it seems like you, like you said, you are already at that point where this is my
00:40:03
last, last call right here.
00:40:05
So it's either make it or break it.
00:40:07
And that kind of pushed you do, I guess, further as opposed to if you still had a few
00:40:13
outs, you felt like you had a few options.
00:40:17
So, but you went through with it.
00:40:19
So you, you spoke in a little by little, it was becoming easier for you to kind of express
00:40:25
yourself in the detail.
00:40:26
Yeah, and once I sort of started feeling better about it and going through the EMDR and started
00:40:35
writing about it, and I could, and I could connect those dots and I could see how things
00:40:39
happened the way they did.
00:40:41
It really helped me have a sense of control of my life and start to feel like I knew who
00:40:46
I was.
00:40:48
I started painting at that time and, and things that I had never done and just, and just realized,
00:40:54
you know, what I like and who I am and, and just my own identity started coming out as
00:41:00
well.
00:41:01
And that's when I saw that light, just that little spark of light at the end of the tunnel.
00:41:07
And I was so ecstatic.
00:41:09
I just, I then I knew that was a turning point is like, okay, I know I'm going to make it
00:41:14
now.
00:41:15
There is a life beyond this, you know, because it was not going to.
00:41:19
How long was that process?
00:41:21
Well, it actually wasn't a lot of time because I think I was on that edge.
00:41:25
I was ready, you know.
00:41:27
I had went through probably four to five sessions before I could start to see that light at
00:41:35
the end of the tunnel.
00:41:36
I'm not positive how many sessions it was, but it wasn't all that long.
00:41:42
But I went through therapy, you know, seeing the therapist probably a year or a year and
00:41:47
a half that I was seeing the therapist.
00:41:50
And, and then things started really just, you know, consistently, like would you go once
00:41:55
a week?
00:41:56
Yeah, once a week.
00:41:58
And I think at first, like for, I think I went twice a week for maybe a month or so.
00:42:06
But then it was down to once a week.
00:42:08
Yeah.
00:42:09
And, and I was really scared about ending it.
00:42:12
And she thought I was ready.
00:42:15
And she said, you know, you can come back.
00:42:17
Let's just, you know, end it and we'll make a, we'll make an appointment for you, like
00:42:21
for next month or something and see if you still need it.
00:42:24
Yeah.
00:42:25
So I didn't feel like, oh no, I'm alone out here, you know.
00:42:28
Yeah.
00:42:29
You gotta leave, leave the nest and never return.
00:42:32
Right.
00:42:33
Yeah.
00:42:34
That door was still open.
00:42:35
So I was a little bit okay with that.
00:42:36
And I, and I had gotten my nursing license in California at that time.
00:42:41
So during the end of that, I had already done that so that I could sort of be a little
00:42:46
more independent and get a better paying job.
00:42:49
Cause as you know, California is not cheap to live.
00:42:54
So that I do.
00:42:57
Yeah.
00:42:58
Yeah.
00:42:59
I do think that writing that out during the time that I was in therapy really was a big
00:43:05
part of my healing.
00:43:08
And as I said, I didn't start writing it to publish, but I think that that was a really
00:43:12
big part of it because I could also see, you know, it was a big part of it.
00:43:16
It was right there in black and white.
00:43:18
I could see how things happened and why things led up the way they did.
00:43:22
I could connect those dots and that was huge for me.
00:43:24
Yeah.
00:43:25
I'm sure you had a, you came to terms a lot better with your emotions, the way you react,
00:43:32
how you deal with certain situations.
00:43:35
Like, like you said, you learned a lot about yourself throughout that time.
00:43:39
And I think a lot of people, we can live our life and we can go on and not really know
00:43:48
who we're putting on, not the persona, but we're putting on what everybody else is referring
00:43:56
to us as.
00:43:57
Do you really know yourself?
00:43:59
Have you took the time?
00:44:00
And some people it takes them being knocked down and dragged through the mud to hit rock
00:44:07
bottom to where they kind of want to kind of sort that thing out a bit.
00:44:12
Yeah.
00:44:13
I think when you are at a point that you have to rebuild your whole life, when you're at
00:44:17
that point, then it's like a rebirth and you're starting from nothing and you can build it
00:44:24
up with whatever blocks you want to use, you know, whatever ones feel right to you and
00:44:30
not what other people have put on you.
00:44:32
But now these are all your own blocks that you're building from compared to the ones
00:44:37
from your family, the ones from this incident or that situation or your job or whatever.
00:44:43
Exactly.
00:44:44
And so you were still working as a nurse?
00:44:49
When did it get to the point where you said it was 2020?
00:44:52
Yeah.
00:44:53
Finally, so you know what?
00:44:54
Yeah, so I said.
00:44:55
That's enough.
00:44:56
I can't do this no more.
00:44:57
Yeah.
00:44:58
So in 2007 is when I got my nursing license and in 2010, I already knew that it wasn't
00:45:05
what it was all cracked up to be and I had started some holistic modalities classes to
00:45:11
figure out what else I could do in this sort of healing field that wasn't a medical.
00:45:17
And that's where I found hypnotherapy.
00:45:20
And then I went and did, you know, level one and level two and went through it, but I was
00:45:24
with that second husband and I wasn't able to switch jobs completely.
00:45:28
I wasn't able to switch out of nursing and do hypnotherapy.
00:45:32
So then fast forward, we went through all that where I ended up breaking down, coming
00:45:39
to California.
00:45:40
I was about a year in California doing these live in caretaker type jobs and got my nursing
00:45:48
license back.
00:45:50
So then now we're at about 2018.
00:45:54
And that's when I got the nursing license back and it just was horrible, horrible, horrible.
00:45:59
I switched jobs a couple of times even in that short amount of time and 2020 hit and
00:46:06
there were some situations that were even worse than before.
00:46:10
And I started taking some hypnotherapy courses to redo this, to get out of nursing.
00:46:18
Because my life was just starting to feel again, like not suicidal at all, but I was
00:46:23
starting to be more anxious and a little bit depressed because it was, I was in nursing
00:46:27
still.
00:46:28
Yeah, yeah, that's gonna wear in tears.
00:46:33
So I didn't want to feel anxious.
00:46:36
I didn't want to get depressed.
00:46:37
I didn't want to go down that road.
00:46:39
And like I said, I started some hypnotherapy training again and became certified here and
00:46:45
I was able to switch over in 2020.
00:46:48
So yeah.
00:46:50
So you said you had already took some, you took some courses prior to that and you kind
00:46:58
of just like retest everything?
00:46:59
Yeah, yeah.
00:47:00
Were you practicing or were you having clients or people that you've seen during that time?
00:47:07
No, I just like when I first took the course in 2010, I just would, you know, with some
00:47:14
friends and some family and some people here and there, just kind of off and on.
00:47:20
And then when I was nursing in California, I had worked with some recovery and detox
00:47:26
places and I did a couple group sessions.
00:47:29
I still had my certificates from hypnotherapy and so I was working in this center and I
00:47:37
had mentioned it to them, you know, because there's a lot of groups that they have in
00:47:42
those places.
00:47:43
So I mentioned to them that I would, you know, I'd be happy to do a group once in a while
00:47:48
and you know, that I do have this hypnotherapy background.
00:47:52
And so I did a couple in there as well under my nursing really more so than hypnotherapy.
00:47:58
But so that was really awesome to be able to use it there.
00:48:01
Okay.
00:48:02
I was, I wonder how, how did you feel like your first time doing it?
00:48:06
Were you, were you confident or did you feel like, you know, not that you can kind of not
00:48:13
talk yourself out of it, but just feel like, I know I'm just thinking about me when I'm
00:48:18
doing something new, like I'm wanting it to go a certain way or you're over anxious about
00:48:24
the outcome or did you just go through with it confidently and just see how it would work
00:48:29
out and play?
00:48:30
Oh, I was so, I was so excited.
00:48:32
I wasn't really doing it much until after I didn't really do it with people outside of
00:48:38
nursing.
00:48:39
Once I came to California, I wasn't really doing that other than in the recovery centers.
00:48:45
But when I started taking the other classes, I just could not wait to get it over with.
00:48:50
I was like, once I have this certification, then I can switch my careers.
00:48:56
And I was, I was so excited.
00:48:58
I was very confident in hypnotherapy.
00:49:00
I always got even back in 2010, I, you know, I always got really good feedback from people
00:49:08
and I could see how powerful it was.
00:49:10
And it just felt really good and right within me.
00:49:13
I was just, I was just excited to get going.
00:49:16
And when I started that second, you know, the second time in 2020, when I started those
00:49:20
courses again, I was like, I wish I could just fast forward a year, you know, and just
00:49:26
get this, you know, it was like a, it's like just something I had to do to get to, you
00:49:32
know, to get to the end point to, to switch over.
00:49:36
Start practicing in a new world.
00:49:38
Yeah.
00:49:39
So I was very excited.
00:49:40
I was excited, people that that worked out for that, and this happened, this was having
00:49:45
to do with addictions also, and it was like a one time thing.
00:49:49
It was one visit and that was it.
00:49:51
It was like one and done.
00:49:53
And I'm not too familiar with it of the process, but is it depend on the end of it?
00:49:59
Like how does it, it's not one of those things that you have to believe in it in order to
00:50:05
be receptive or how does that process work?
00:50:08
If you kind of explain a little bit of that.
00:50:10
Yeah, you don't really have to believe in it.
00:50:12
I've had plenty of clients that just sort of weren't sure about it, but they were just
00:50:17
wanted to try something different because their other therapy wasn't working or, you
00:50:23
know, whatever they were doing, anything else hadn't worked for them before, or they
00:50:28
have been in therapy and they like their therapist and like what's going on, but they
00:50:32
feel like there's just some sort of subconscious block that they can't get over.
00:50:37
So it definitely depends on the individual as far as when you're in the session itself,
00:50:44
when you're in hypnosis, if you, some people are much more open and are very visual and
00:50:51
you can get right down to the nitty gritty right away.
00:50:54
Other people, it takes a few sessions and it just depends on, you know, how receptive
00:50:59
they are and how closed off they are to that block.
00:51:04
Some people know that there's a block and they know where it comes from, but they can't
00:51:08
get over it and, you know, sometimes then you can get to it right away, you know, and
00:51:13
release that.
00:51:14
But other people don't know what's going on and they don't know.
00:51:18
They're just like, I just know I need to try something else, you know, or they're very
00:51:23
sort of logical minded and, you know, they're hanging on every word and they're like, I
00:51:27
don't want to get too deep because I don't want to miss whatever words you're saying.
00:51:32
Whereas I've had people have tremendous outcomes even though they fall asleep in the session.
00:51:39
So it's not a matter of hanging on every word and those people that try to keep control
00:51:43
of themselves during the session, the ones that probably will take a little longer.
00:51:49
That's what I actually thought happened was that you eventually would go out during the
00:51:54
session, you know, and then you're kind of just dealing with the subconscious after that.
00:51:58
Right.
00:51:59
So every session I always make sure that we relax the body down and we quiet the conscious
00:52:05
mind and then I address the subconscious and I make it very well known.
00:52:09
I say, you know, we are addressing your subconscious now.
00:52:13
You know, I will say it and make some sort of statement like that.
00:52:17
And that sort of gives the person, if they are hanging on your every word, that gives
00:52:21
them sort of the permission to say, oh, okay, I can let go.
00:52:27
Have you had people coming to you for like a variety of different reasons, addictions,
00:52:33
trauma, things like that?
00:52:35
Yeah, mostly.
00:52:36
So on my website, I advertise that I mostly specialize in like women that are in middle
00:52:42
aged or a little bit past middle aged and they're stuck in who am I now kind of a thing.
00:52:49
You know, it might be after divorce.
00:52:51
It might be after, you know, being a widow or emptiness syndrome, you know, the kids
00:52:55
are gone.
00:52:56
And they just don't know who they are anymore.
00:52:59
So kind of like self discovery or life changes, big life changes, you know, a little bit later
00:53:05
in life and they don't know who they are, what they want to do or they don't have the
00:53:08
motivation or inspiration.
00:53:11
So it's just those kinds of things.
00:53:12
But I have had people come to me for specific things like, you know, like skin picking,
00:53:17
OCD types of things or, or I have had a couple with like alcoholism or addictions and just
00:53:25
to help get rid of some of those cravings.
00:53:27
So definitely a variety of things, but I do have my, my kind of specialty that I like
00:53:32
to work with.
00:53:33
You know what I, I, it's so refreshing to hear your story because I mean, I'm sure there's
00:53:39
a whole lot that you didn't discuss, but everything that you talked about and that
00:53:47
years later you, it's like you started a fresh, like you said, now you're enjoying life.
00:53:52
And it's like, it doesn't matter what age you are.
00:53:54
How much time you feel, if you want to look at it as it being stripped from you, you losing
00:54:00
it, you being robbed of it, you wasting it, whatever it is, but that it doesn't matter
00:54:07
if you choose and you make that, that motion to start a fresh and like you did, you took
00:54:14
a step into the unknown, it was make it or break it, that you can create something better
00:54:20
for yourself.
00:54:21
Absolutely.
00:54:22
And that's my whole message.
00:54:24
It's like, it's never too late.
00:54:26
You're not too old.
00:54:27
You know, you don't have to live the rest of your life, you know, just being either anxious
00:54:32
or depressed or even just not knowing yourself, just feeling apart from yourself.
00:54:37
You know, it's, it's never too late and everybody deserves, no matter what you have been through
00:54:42
in life, you know, or where you come from in life or, you know, what's happening to
00:54:47
you now, everybody deserves to not only live their life, but to love their life.
00:54:54
And I would have never, ever, ever thought that I would love my life as much as I do
00:54:59
right now.
00:55:00
And I just want everybody to be able to feel that.
00:55:04
It's also where it's one of those things like you, you can never judge a book by its cover
00:55:11
because like just, just say for me, just right off of the top, me speaking with you because
00:55:17
of your attitude, how joyful you are, cheerful, easygoing.
00:55:21
I would never in a million years have thought that you went through all of that and some
00:55:30
for you to be, for you to be the way that you are now.
00:55:35
And of course, there was a lot of work done and there was a lot of healing.
00:55:41
It's like a never ending story with that.
00:55:43
We're going to be healing from past trauma, past suffering for a, it's a, it's a lifelong
00:55:49
cycle, but, right.
00:55:51
It's like a shower.
00:55:52
There you go.
00:55:53
Yeah.
00:55:54
It's like, you know, you, right?
00:55:57
You're, you're clean.
00:55:58
So it doesn't mean now I'm, now I'm clean forever.
00:56:01
You know, it's an ongoing maintenance thing.
00:56:04
So it's the same thing with, with, with mental health and with healing.
00:56:08
It's the same thing.
00:56:09
It's maintenance.
00:56:10
You're going to continue to have to go through these things.
00:56:13
Something will come up.
00:56:14
You know, I say that your triggers are your, you know, showing you where you need healing
00:56:20
still.
00:56:21
So if something triggers you, you know, all of a sudden you feel depressed or sad or anxious
00:56:28
over something.
00:56:29
It's like, oh, look at this, you know, this is where I need some healing still.
00:56:34
So yeah, your triggers are your friend.
00:56:36
You know, your pain is showing you the way of where you need to go for healing next.
00:56:42
Yeah.
00:56:43
And not to run away from it or numb it because, you know, there's a lot of ways we can numb
00:56:48
it or run away from it.
00:56:50
And like, especially not to say that there, it does have a, there's a time and a place
00:56:56
for it, but some people, they're heavily medicated and they're so numb that they, that they're
00:57:02
never really going to get to the root of it because they're just, they're not allowing
00:57:06
themselves, like you said, for that pain to speak to them, to direct them, embrace the
00:57:11
shadows a little bit.
00:57:12
And like you said, that's your friend.
00:57:13
And this is going to lead you in a direction where this is what needs to be dealt with
00:57:19
and you haven't dealt with it for years.
00:57:21
And it's not going to get any better until you do it.
00:57:25
You might, for a time, you know, there, there, there might be some peace and easiness, but
00:57:30
then there's a breaking point for some people and whatever it is that where it's finally
00:57:35
at that straw, you know, that does you right.
00:57:38
So,
00:57:39
Well, somebody had said something one time about sweeping things under the rug.
00:57:44
And if you keep doing that, eventually you're going to have a hill that you can't get over.
00:57:49
You're going to trip over that bump in the rug.
00:57:53
So, so I really like that analogy, you know, exactly.
00:57:57
Yeah, it comes up eventually, you know, you can, you can numb it, you can hide it, but
00:58:01
it will come out eventually.
00:58:04
And the sooner you take care of it, the less of that, you know, less of that bump they'll
00:58:08
be in the rug.
00:58:10
So, yeah.
00:58:12
And I wonder for you, like during this, this process, your, your new leaf that you turned
00:58:18
over even what you're doing now, like while you always been in, it seems where you were
00:58:23
when you were even as a nurse, you were still in the field where you're, you're caring,
00:58:27
you're providing for people.
00:58:28
But now, like what you're doing from pet sitting to hypnotherapy and you're helping people
00:58:34
rediscover themselves, all this.
00:58:36
I'm sure that also is something that boosts you up and brings more joy in, you know, it's
00:58:44
a purpose to your life.
00:58:46
Oh yeah.
00:58:47
And I do, there is nothing that I do in my life that I don't love.
00:58:51
If I am ever, so I love, love, love pet sitting.
00:58:55
So if I ever get to the point that it seems like a burden or it seems like a chore or
00:59:01
it, or I just am not enjoying it, then I won't do it anymore.
00:59:06
So I don't do anything that doesn't bring me joy.
00:59:10
That's part of my new, you know, that's part of my new life.
00:59:14
Part of my rebirth is if I'm not enjoying it, I'm not going to do it.
00:59:19
And that's not counting, you know, the daily things of like, you know, I use this analogy
00:59:23
of, you know, like I still have to clean the toilet.
00:59:26
I still have to do the dishes.
00:59:27
You know, I don't love that.
00:59:31
But you know, as far as, you know, the other stuff, if it's not bringing me as much joy
00:59:37
as, you know, I hope I'm bringing others as I'm doing it, then I'm not going to do it.
00:59:43
So yeah.
00:59:44
Yeah.
00:59:45
That is the way to look at it.
00:59:49
Love yourself with things that are going to bring you joy, peace, happiness, they're
00:59:54
going to lift you up and they're going to put you in the right direction.
00:59:58
Because everything, I mean, we can surround ourselves with negativity.
01:00:04
We could surround ourselves with grief, with pain, with sorrow.
01:00:10
And it's no wonder we're feeling those same things over being that same way.
01:00:15
But there has to come a time when you, in a sense, turn over.
01:00:19
Over that and you leave or look at things in a different way.
01:00:22
Yeah.
01:00:23
You get how's that old single?
01:00:24
You can lead the horse to the water.
01:00:26
The horse to water.
01:00:27
Can't make them drink it.
01:00:29
Right.
01:00:30
Right.
01:00:31
So that's another thing too.
01:00:32
Like I don't, if somebody's not ready, if somebody's looking to me, they come to me
01:00:36
for hypnotherapy because my, my consultations are always free.
01:00:40
Expect you to fix them right away.
01:00:42
Yeah.
01:00:43
Or they're, or they want you to prove it to them.
01:00:45
Like they're really skeptical.
01:00:47
I'm not going to take them because I'm not, I'm not in the business of proving it to anybody.
01:00:51
You know, it's when you're ready, if this is something you want to do, let's do it.
01:00:56
But if you are trying to, you know, trying to trip me up or trying to make me prove it
01:01:01
to you, I'm not going to.
01:01:02
Then you're not in it for the right reasons.
01:01:05
So, so there's that.
01:01:06
That's true.
01:01:07
Yeah.
01:01:08
But if people come to me sometimes and they're not sure and they have a free consultation
01:01:13
and if they don't come back to me, I try not to think of it as it wasn't because of the
01:01:18
consultation or even the, I give a sample session so they can see how it feels for them
01:01:22
too.
01:01:23
So they know what it's about.
01:01:25
But then they're just not ready.
01:01:27
You know, you have to be ready.
01:01:29
But then you, you know, you always plant a little seed.
01:01:31
So then that's in the back of their mind that maybe, maybe that'll be something that will
01:01:35
be helpful later on when they're ready.
01:01:38
Yeah.
01:01:39
That, that, that happens.
01:01:40
So you plant the seed and then sometimes throughout life, there's other little things that do
01:01:44
the watering and eventually it gets to the point where it's where it needs to be and
01:01:49
they feel like now they're, they're a bit more ripe and open to something like that.
01:01:54
Right.
01:01:55
Right.
01:01:56
I think of that.
01:01:57
I'm a much better than I would have been if everything worked out in 2010, the first
01:02:01
time I took the classes.
01:02:04
That introduced me to it and showed, you know, sort of planted that seed in my, in the back
01:02:09
of my mind.
01:02:11
But after I went through everything that I had been through and then rebuilt my life
01:02:15
myself, now I'm helping others do the same.
01:02:18
But at that time, I probably would not be as productive in it as I am now.
01:02:24
So I do believe that everything we went through, and even if those seeds are planted, it still
01:02:29
might not be the right time for that growth to fully come out.
01:02:33
That is, that's true.
01:02:34
It is timing, timing is everything.
01:02:36
And there's some people that they, they haven't, yeah, they haven't got to that point yet.
01:02:42
But like you said, and now you, you, with all of these experiences and things that you
01:02:47
have went through that, that puts you in a whole lot better place to, to guide people,
01:02:51
to direct them into probably to be more sensitive to people's needs.
01:02:55
Yes.
01:02:56
The individuals that you're dealing with on a day to day basis when you're doing your
01:03:00
sessions.
01:03:01
Yeah.
01:03:02
And recognizing, recognizing some things in people too that they might not even recognize.
01:03:05
I've had people come to me that say, oh, I, you know, I contacted you because I know that
01:03:10
you have been through it.
01:03:12
You know, people that have read my book and said, oh, I came to you for hypnotherapy rather
01:03:16
than another one, not necessarily because, you know, they wouldn't be as good or anything,
01:03:21
but because I know that you've been there.
01:03:23
I know that you have your own story that you've been through.
01:03:26
So I wanted to come to you.
01:03:28
So yeah.
01:03:29
So it definitely makes a difference.
01:03:30
You have the book.
01:03:31
You have, like, can you talk a little bit about the services that you offer?
01:03:36
Because I know you have a handful of things that you're doing and everything is for the
01:03:39
betterment of society.
01:03:41
Yeah.
01:03:42
Yeah.
01:03:43
Thank you.
01:03:44
So my website is hypnobreakthrough.com and that's H-Y-P-N-O and then breakthrough.com.
01:03:54
And I, so I'm taking classes still for integrative healing arts practitioner.
01:04:01
So I'm adding things to what I can do with my hypnotherapy clients.
01:04:07
So I'm adding some coaching and there's some NLP, which is, you know, the tapping or it's
01:04:14
EFT, I mean, emotional freedom technique, which is the tapping stuff.
01:04:19
And you know, we're learning some psychology in that and some spiritual coaching as well
01:04:25
in that.
01:04:26
Oh, wow.
01:04:27
Yeah, so, you know, we were learning about, you know, death and dying and how to deal
01:04:32
with grief and stuff like that too.
01:04:35
On hypnobreakthrough.com is where all that stuff can be found.
01:04:38
I also have a link tree, which has all my links to like my YouTube channel and, and
01:04:45
where you can find the book.
01:04:46
And, and I have, you know, t-shirts that I sell that are just like me time.
01:04:52
Yeah.
01:04:53
Yeah, that show like just, you know, time for yourself to kind of advocate for yourself
01:04:57
care.
01:04:59
And I have some journals, journals with my artwork.
01:05:03
Oh, okay.
01:05:04
Go, no, go ahead.
01:05:05
You can continue, please.
01:05:09
So on Amazon, if you just put my name Pamela Topchin, that's T-O-P-J-I-A-N, just put my
01:05:17
name in Amazon, you'll find my book and you'll find the journals with my artwork on the
01:05:23
front covers.
01:05:25
Those are really to help people to know how important journaling and writing is.
01:05:30
You know, I really stress that with all my clients too.
01:05:33
You know, obviously I think that writing really is healing.
01:05:37
So yes.
01:05:38
I just, I was curious about the YouTube channel because you mentioned that.
01:05:43
What do you, what do you do on the YouTube channel?
01:05:46
You talk about hypnotherapy or it's a little bit of everything.
01:05:49
So I don't talk too much about hypnotherapy.
01:05:51
So I started the YouTube channel, I kind of have a hard time just talking in front of
01:05:57
a camera with nobody on the other side.
01:06:00
And so I started reading my book on there just to kind of get used to it.
01:06:04
So I have a few chapters that I've been reading out loud on the YouTube channel, but I also
01:06:09
do some guided meditations that I recorded on the channel, just like voice only, just
01:06:18
to listen, to help you.
01:06:20
You know, I have one for self love and one for connection and, you know, just focused
01:06:26
on different things.
01:06:28
And there's a couple longer ones that are for, you know, like helping you to see into your
01:06:33
future, helping you to leave the past behind gain clarity.
01:06:38
And those are very much like my hypnotherapy sessions, but they're just not quite as focused
01:06:43
in or they're not individual for, you know, each person.
01:06:48
It's a little more generic.
01:06:50
So those are on my YouTube channel.
01:06:52
So it's a little bit of a few different things.
01:06:55
As I said, I'm taking these classes.
01:06:57
So I have a couple assignments that I have put up on there, you know, talking about different
01:07:01
things with the class, with the classes I'm taking.
01:07:05
So it's just a little bit of everything.
01:07:07
There's only like 71 subscribers and it's just really new and it's just something I'm
01:07:11
trying.
01:07:13
Sometimes when I have a, some of the longer guided meditations on there are because of
01:07:18
sessions that I've done with clients and they want me to do the same one over.
01:07:23
And I say, you know what, we had such a great session with that.
01:07:27
Let's move on to something else.
01:07:28
And I will record this same wording and put it on YouTube and you can listen to it anytime
01:07:33
you want so that we don't waste one of your paid sessions doing the same thing over.
01:07:38
Yeah, that's a good idea.
01:07:40
Yeah.
01:07:41
They always have something that can go back to it has replay value.
01:07:44
Yes.
01:07:45
Yes.
01:07:46
So that's where you keep the tool bag nice and healthy.
01:07:49
You have a tool bag that is healthy and I love that it's a lot of alternative resources
01:07:56
because there's a lot of people nowadays, more and more, maybe it was even after the
01:08:01
COVID that was like an awakening in a sense, but a lot of people are trying something different
01:08:07
than just the Western medicine or pharmaceuticals.
01:08:10
Yeah.
01:08:11
It can be acupuncture.
01:08:13
There's like, what you're involved with hypnotherapy, NLP, there's a lot of different things that
01:08:20
people are trying and open to as opposed to people being that way in the past.
01:08:25
It was like, it almost had a stigma at one time and it was like, oh, that's just that
01:08:29
hocus pocus stuff, but I mean, it's been proven effective and it's helped a lot.
01:08:35
Yeah.
01:08:36
Hypnotherapy has been approved by the American Medical Association and the British Medical
01:08:41
Association and the American Psychology Association.
01:08:46
I do think, I agree with you that the pandemic really opened things up because a lot of the
01:08:53
licensed therapists and your behavioral therapists and your psychiatrists and psychologists,
01:09:00
they were inundated with people and you had like months, if not longer out to wait.
01:09:07
And some of the people during the pandemic.
01:09:09
Yeah, they had to turn people away.
01:09:10
Yeah.
01:09:11
So a lot of these people thought, well, I will try whether it's hypnotherapy, whether
01:09:15
it's Reiki, whether it's EFT, like you said, any of these alternative sort of therapies,
01:09:23
more people were turning towards them sort of as, I'll do this until I can get into CF
01:09:28
therapists or I'm going to try anything because they were having a lot of anxiety and people
01:09:34
who had already been through recovery, through addiction and that were having a really difficult
01:09:39
time, you know, just having to stay home alone and not having anything to occupy their time.
01:09:45
Yeah.
01:09:46
Even, have you ever heard of my wife does it?
01:09:49
It's the clonk massage, the sound bathing.
01:09:52
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
01:09:55
So awesome.
01:09:56
We have the table, we have the table, she has a few bowls and she took courses on it
01:10:00
and everything.
01:10:01
Oh, nice.
01:10:02
And there's occasions where she practices it, but of course, like she needs some of the
01:10:07
practice and I'm so lucky me, you know, I get to enjoy it.
01:10:11
And so I did it the first time ever with her and this was probably like a few months back,
01:10:16
but I mean, it really does, like the frequencies, you feel the vibrations, it's good for cleansing,
01:10:23
mind cleansing, even creativity.
01:10:25
There's a lot of different ways that it can help you bring balance back into your life.
01:10:29
I really enjoy that.
01:10:31
Yeah.
01:10:32
It opens up a lot of those brainwaves.
01:10:34
Yeah.
01:10:35
I love it too.
01:10:36
Yeah.
01:10:37
I love those sessions.
01:10:38
Really amazing.
01:10:40
You've probably seen why you have a book that you're working on currently, correct?
01:10:44
And this is going to be talking about some of the stuff that you've seen and dealt with
01:10:48
and experienced throughout those years.
01:10:51
Yeah.
01:10:52
Yeah.
01:10:53
I'm working on my second book.
01:10:55
I don't have a title for it yet, so it's just going to be about my nursing career.
01:11:01
Yeah.
01:11:02
My time in my nursing career.
01:11:03
Do you have a date or any timeframe?
01:11:08
Yeah.
01:11:09
My goal is to have it published by next year.
01:11:12
So December or January is my goal.
01:11:17
I already have an editor and it's like done, like that first draft done.
01:11:24
So that's done and I'm going through it a second time on my own, going through it on
01:11:30
my own a second time.
01:11:31
And then I'm going to have beta readers and then after that, that's when I'm going to
01:11:36
send it to the editor to go through and then we'll see from there.
01:11:40
So yeah, my goal is the end of the year or the beginning of next year.
01:11:44
There's going to be, I'm sure, a lot of juicy details in there.
01:11:50
And I used to, once upon a time, there was a small, a small state where I worked at it
01:11:56
in a nursing facility, not a nursing facility, a convalescent home.
01:12:01
I'm not going to knock all nurses because I really do respect the ones that get in there
01:12:06
with the good heart.
01:12:07
And there are some good ones, but there's also some being around it.
01:12:11
I'm like, I would think, why are you even in this profession?
01:12:16
I mean, they had a heavy hat and it was hard.
01:12:20
It was hard to see.
01:12:21
And I couldn't even imagine me walking into visit my family member or someone and seeing
01:12:28
or listening to that, but the ones that are in there for the right reasons, God bless
01:12:32
their hearts.
01:12:33
Right.
01:12:34
And I wonder with some of those nurses and just medical staff, with some of those that
01:12:38
are really seem pretty nasty, actually, I wonder if they feel stuck in the career, if
01:12:46
they have, if it made them that way.
01:12:49
You know what I mean, they feel stuck and they're just doing it, going through the motions
01:12:53
and are bitter and angry about it.
01:12:56
But if it made them that way, if they started out, you know, really caring and then it just
01:13:00
was sort of crushed.
01:13:02
Kind of taint you in a way after years of years of you putting, putting, you might, you
01:13:07
might have started off with good intentions, but then, you know, it gets the better of
01:13:11
you.
01:13:12
Yeah.
01:13:13
And then they feel stuck because either they have families or they need that insurance
01:13:17
or they just don't know what else they can do and they're just not putting any effort
01:13:20
into what else can I do?
01:13:22
They just feel like this is it.
01:13:24
I'm just holding on until retirement, you know.
01:13:26
You've been practicing the hypnotherapy for how long?
01:13:29
How long has it been?
01:13:30
Well, since 2020 is when I took the second, when I became certified in California.
01:13:35
So just three years, three and a half years.
01:13:38
And it's mainly through Zoom.
01:13:41
Are you doing any, any like a person to person face to face business?
01:13:44
I have not done any.
01:13:46
Well, I was in the very beginning until, you know, we had more lockdown stuff.
01:13:51
But yeah, it's all through Zoom or through the phone.
01:13:55
It's dependent on the person.
01:13:56
You know, if they're not comfortable getting on Zoom, then we can do it by phone.
01:14:02
And I do my consultations are free and they have a sample session, as I said, so they can
01:14:08
see how it feels for themselves.
01:14:11
And a lot of times the people that start with me with Zoom, they end up going to the phone
01:14:16
because then they realize, well, you know, then I can wear whatever I want and I don't
01:14:21
have to think about my back, my background.
01:14:23
And if they want to lay in their bed, you know, then they don't need to think about
01:14:27
how their laptop is set up or anything to see me or, you know, they realize they don't
01:14:31
need to see me and I don't need to see them.
01:14:34
And we just have to make sure we can hear each other well.
01:14:37
Wow.
01:14:38
That was a very interesting, interesting ride you took us on.
01:14:44
And I'm just, I'm completely blown away because like I said in the beginning, I mean, you
01:14:49
never know somebody's background.
01:14:51
I did know a little bit about your backstory, but to the extent that some people, including
01:14:57
yourself, the things that they have been through, the experiences that they've had, and a lot
01:15:03
of things are completely out of our hands.
01:15:07
You know, we just, these were unfortunate events and circumstances, but you managed
01:15:14
to get yourself out of them.
01:15:17
Mass, never mind how many years it took, but the fact that you did it and now it sounds
01:15:22
like these are the best years of your life.
01:15:26
That's just so encouraging to hear and especially me because like I told you, I was born in
01:15:31
the 80s, so I feel like I'm a bit of a late bloomer because I wasted a lot of time doing
01:15:37
the things I shouldn't have been doing.
01:15:40
And that's kind of the reason why I wanted to highlight stories of people that have been
01:15:48
through either mistakes, addictions, whatever it is, trauma abuse, but that they at one
01:15:55
point in their life, there was a turning point, there was a switch that flipped and they decided
01:16:01
you know, I'm going to try to do better and make better.
01:16:05
And your story was, wow, I mean, that's what I wanted to tell you was, was it the therapy?
01:16:14
Was it the writing?
01:16:15
It was probably the combination of all those things to where you're still able to, it didn't
01:16:21
knock you out and it didn't take your smile away and it didn't take your joy away.
01:16:25
Was it the combination of all of those things that helped you to get to where you're at
01:16:30
now?
01:16:31
I would say it was the combination.
01:16:32
Yeah, I would say it was the combination and you say took my smile away.
01:16:36
Well, I'll tell you, I didn't have a smile before.
01:16:40
This is my new smile.
01:16:42
This is my new face.
01:16:43
This is who I am that I never knew.
01:16:46
So yeah, yeah.
01:16:48
And so it gave me my smile.
01:16:51
It's not that it didn't take that, what I've been through hadn't taken it away.
01:16:54
It's that the therapy and the EMDR therapy and the other psychotherapy and writing it
01:17:04
all out and being able to have that, I guess it's courage to go ahead and quit a job that
01:17:11
I knew wasn't right for me to make these changes.
01:17:16
All of it together has really given me my smile and given me my joy and my life.
01:17:22
And as I said, I love everything I do.
01:17:26
I love my life now.
01:17:27
And I didn't even know that was possible before 50.
01:17:31
So at 50 was kind of my rebirth.
01:17:34
Yeah.
01:17:35
That's right.
01:17:36
You're just getting started.
01:17:39
Yeah.
01:17:40
So my biggest fear is like Alzheimer's or something.
01:17:42
It's like, don't take my mind from me now, you know.
01:17:48
Yeah, you keep at it and you keep on that path, especially when you're involved in the
01:17:54
kind of work that you're doing that.
01:17:56
That's good for the spirit.
01:17:57
That's good for the spirit.
01:17:58
That's good for every that's good for all of you all around the outside out.
01:18:02
Yes.
01:18:03
I always say that I get as much from my, when I give hypnotherapy, I also get hypnotherapy.
01:18:09
So I'm getting as much healing from my clients as they are from me.
01:18:15
Exactly.
01:18:16
Yeah, I feel the same way too.
01:18:18
Just listening, listening to the story every time.
01:18:21
And like I told you before, we got online and started recording that when I come away
01:18:26
from it, there's something that sticks.
01:18:28
There's something that hits home.
01:18:29
There's something that I take away.
01:18:30
And it always leaves me feeling better.
01:18:34
Of course, not to hear that some of the things that people have been through, but just the
01:18:38
fact that they're in there.
01:18:39
They've made it out of those things.
01:18:40
Right.
01:18:41
They're in a better place now.
01:18:42
Yeah.
01:18:43
And that kind of thing is something that really, it puts the battery to my back.
01:18:48
It helps bring hope.
01:18:49
There you go.
01:18:50
Yeah.
01:18:51
It brings hope and inspiration.
01:18:53
Yeah.
01:18:54
Knowing that others, knowing that people aren't alone in what they've gone through and that
01:18:59
there is, it can get better and it does get better for so many people.
01:19:04
And journaling is something that I really need to get more consistent about because I have
01:19:09
a journal.
01:19:10
I like to write my thoughts down and write everything down, but then I'll go for a week
01:19:15
straight and then I just stop doing it and then I get back on it again.
01:19:19
But I mean, and it's not even, it's like, you can just put five minutes to the side
01:19:24
and just go ahead and write your gratitudes for the day, whatever it is.
01:19:27
But still, I'm inconsistent when it comes to that.
01:19:31
And that's what I was.
01:19:32
Like I said, that I was writing sort of off and on throughout my life.
01:19:36
That's what I did too.
01:19:37
It was just really inconsistent, just a little bit here and there once in a while or you're
01:19:42
consistent for a week or a couple months or, you know, and then you just stop and you don't
01:19:46
go back to it.
01:19:47
And then before you know it, a year passed.
01:19:50
So yeah.
01:19:51
Yeah.
01:19:52
And it wasn't until after that big break and I started that therapy, that's when I started
01:19:57
writing and that's really, I just wanted to write down my whole life to sort of connect
01:20:02
those dots.
01:20:03
And yeah.
01:20:04
And if you don't know where to start, you can, like you said, just start with your gratitude
01:20:06
journal or start with your, you know, if you have dreams or you have hopes, whether it's
01:20:12
big dreams that you think, I'll never be able to do this, but I would love to do this.
01:20:16
Write those things down.
01:20:17
It kind of sets it in stone a little bit, you know, puts that focus in your mind a little
01:20:21
bit more too.
01:20:22
Exactly.
01:20:23
Indeed.
01:20:24
Short-sighted ones and then you can go for long-term goals after that.
01:20:28
But either way, yeah, that's something to kind of get the ball rolling and get the creative
01:20:33
juices flowing a bit.
01:20:34
You know, use your imagination and don't just let it go to waste.
01:20:38
Right, right.
01:20:39
I really, really, not just saying that, but I really enjoyed listening to your story,
01:20:46
your perspective, your take and the joy that you have and everything that you've managed
01:20:52
to work your way out of.
01:20:55
It was a process, but my goodness, it's inspirational.
01:21:00
I can say that for myself.
01:21:02
Thank you.
01:21:03
I'm glad that we were able to get it right this time and have this conversation.
01:21:09
Is there anything else that you would want to leave off with?
01:21:15
I just really want people to know that, you know, whatever you're going through or whatever
01:21:19
you have been through, don't settle for life if you're not loving it.
01:21:25
You know, just know that there's nothing special or different about me.
01:21:30
You know, you can get through it too.
01:21:32
Whatever you're going through, you can get through it.
01:21:35
Where there's a will, there's a way.
01:21:37
Yeah, it's never too late, even in your 50s.
01:21:40
You're giving me hope.
01:21:43
You're giving me hope.
01:21:44
Yes, good.
01:21:46
That's all I want to do is give people hope.
01:21:49
Perfect.
01:21:50
Pamela, could I ask you today?
01:21:53
I know it's a little bit earlier in the day on your side, but before we wrap it up, what
01:22:00
are three things that you are thankful for today?
01:22:05
Three things that I'm thankful for today is, number one, my whole life.
01:22:11
I'm so thankful for my whole life.
01:22:14
I'm also thankful for the chance to share my story on your podcast and any others that
01:22:19
I've been on.
01:22:20
I'm just so thankful to be able to give that, to have that opportunity to do that.
01:22:25
And I am thankful for living in California now where there is no snow.
01:22:31
Where it never rains.
01:22:34
Well, I would have said never, but it's pretty close to it.
01:22:41
Yeah, so those are three things.
01:22:43
It's so easy for me to come up with things I'm thankful for because there's hardly anything
01:22:47
that, I mean, I just, I give thanks every day because I know what it's like without,
01:22:53
you know, I'm never hungry anymore, you know, I could say that.
01:22:56
People that have been, they've been through the fire, they've been through hell and back.
01:23:02
They can really, they understand appreciation.
01:23:05
You know, you don't take things for granted.
01:23:07
Yeah, exactly.
01:23:09
And you've had your fair share of battles, whips, wars, but you're still kicking.
01:23:16
They can't stop us stepper.
01:23:19
So Pamela, thank you again so much for this talk, for sharing your story.
01:23:25
I really enjoyed it.
01:23:26
I wish you all the best and I'm going to keep my eyes peeled back for that book soon to
01:23:32
come.
01:23:33
Yeah, thank you.
01:23:34
And I hope you have a great rest of the day.
01:23:37
Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to share your story with us.
01:23:42
You are so welcome and thank you as well.
01:23:46
Who says it's too late to turn over a new leaf?
01:23:50
Who told you that?
01:23:52
Is 22-0 to get things right?
01:23:55
30, 40?
01:23:58
What about 50?
01:24:00
Pamela begs to differ.
01:24:02
And so do I.
01:24:03
Who do you even give the right or the authority to tell you when to tuck it in and call it
01:24:09
quits?
01:24:10
It ultimately comes down to what we're about, how we feel.
01:24:14
Pamela, she still had a little spark inside of her.
01:24:19
She was beaten, she was battered, she was bruised and even broken.
01:24:24
But still with enough spark in her to give it one more shot.
01:24:29
And guess what?
01:24:30
It worked out for her.
01:24:32
She took the leap of faith, she stepped out of her comfort zone and into the unknown.
01:24:38
Whether it was an act of desperation, an attitude that I'm gonna either sink or swim.
01:24:45
Let's make it or break it.
01:24:46
One last call, that's all I have.
01:24:50
But she went through with it.
01:24:51
There's an old book and it says that with the faith the size of a tiny mustard seed,
01:24:57
one can move mountains.
01:24:59
All you have to do is find it within yourself to believe in yourself and even if there's
01:25:04
doubt, still take action, move forward.
01:25:07
If you're tired of your situation, if you're sick of your circumstances, if you're in a
01:25:12
rut and looking for a way out.
01:25:15
Pamela's a testament that it's never too late no matter what you've been through.
01:25:20
You can create a better tomorrow.
01:25:22
You can change the direction of your life.
01:25:26
You can start fresh and anew and begin to rebuild and heal.
01:25:32
Like I had asked Pamela after everything that you've been through, all the pain, all the
01:25:37
suffering, the abuse, how is it that that didn't knock the smile off your face?
01:25:44
How is it that that didn't strip the joy from you?
01:25:48
It wasn't that it didn't, she said, but it's that now after putting in that inner work,
01:25:54
finding out who she really was, the purpose and the meaning she now has in life.
01:25:59
That gave her a new smile.
01:26:01
That gave her a new perspective and appreciation.
01:26:05
That gave her a new life.
01:26:06
That's a wonderful thing.
01:26:08
Maybe there's somebody listening who feels like it's too late.
01:26:11
They've tried it.
01:26:13
It doesn't work.
01:26:14
They've made the effort.
01:26:16
Nothing seems to give.
01:26:17
There is hope.
01:26:18
Let Pamela's story be a reminder of that.
01:26:22
Every one of our paths are going to be different.
01:26:25
Our experiences, they're unique to each one of us.
01:26:29
And ultimately it comes down to each one of us on an individual basis to do the work and
01:26:35
figure out what makes us happy, what brings meaning, joy and purpose to our life.
01:26:41
If that's even something that we're interested in entertaining because it's not for everybody.
01:26:47
But Pamela, years later, working it out, sorting it out, rebuilding.
01:26:53
She found her joy.
01:26:54
She found her purpose.
01:26:55
She found where the meaning in life is for her.
01:26:59
And she's happy, like she said.
01:27:02
Now she's living her best life.
01:27:06
And I could respect the fact that she said she's not going to give her time or involve
01:27:11
herself with anything that isn't going to make her happy with anything that isn't going
01:27:16
to bring her joy or be meaningful to her.
01:27:19
You know, she's not just going to do it for the sake of doing it.
01:27:23
Her book, I didn't come this far, to only come this far.
01:27:27
She'll give you an idea of her attitude, her spirit and the approach she has to life these
01:27:33
days.
01:27:34
You can find it wherever books are sold.
01:27:37
And also, if you'd like to get in contact with Pamela or find out more of what she does,
01:27:42
I'll leave all of her information in the description box so you can check out her website,
01:27:48
the C of E, guided meditations that she offers her hypnotherapy sessions, or even to just
01:27:54
shoot her line and say, hey, I was listening to your story and I appreciated it.
01:28:00
I'm sure she'd be happy to hear from you.
01:28:02
So Pamela, thank you once again for your time, your words and some of your life experiences
01:28:11
that you shared with us today.
01:28:13
And of course, thank you to all the listeners, far and wide, there wouldn't be no show without
01:28:18
you, along with all of the guests from past up until now that have shared their stories.
01:28:25
I appreciate you all and thank you for being a part of this experience.
01:28:30
You can check us out at giantsamongstice.com where you can share your thoughts on any of
01:28:36
the shows.
01:28:37
You can even leave a voicemail if you like and I can share that voicemail on one of the
01:28:41
upcoming shows.
01:28:43
And to all of you, if you dig the stories, if they have touched you, spoke to you, resonated
01:28:49
with you in any way, share them with the friends, spread the word, let's keep this thing groovy.
01:28:56
Before we check out, if you like to be a part of the show and share your story, or maybe
01:29:02
even a story of someone in your life that has impacted you in a positive way, you can
01:29:08
always reach out to me via email.
01:29:10
I'd be happy to connect.
01:29:12
Until next time and very soon, peace.