Real stories, told by real people.
Welcome Back to the Show!! We've got a special one for you today. And the reason it's special, is because joining, is one of the big inspirations behind Giants Amongst Us. She's the light in my corner, and the wind to my back. My sunshine, when the days go gray, and feel cold. She's been right by my side, and I by hers. Ladies and Gentleman, my wife, Monique wanted to sit down with us today, and she's got a story to tell.
Why does an intensive care nurse, after 23 years, decide to change careers?
Growing up in East Germany, while the wall was still up. Monique moved out and headed West (Frankfurt) at 17 to pursue her childhood passion, to become a nurse - "I knew very early that I wanted to be a nurse .... I was 6 years old. My aunt's were nurses, working in a home for the mentally ill and disabled ... they were my heroes. I always wanted to visit, and I would volunteer and help at the homes with my aunt's ... feeding them and reading books to them."
Monique would eventually become a nurse, working in Intensive Care Units for 23 years. She also worked in a psychiatric ward and with handicap and disabled children. After 2 major surgeries - spinal fusion for her back, and a year later, another spinal fusion, this time for her neck. It was time for a career change.
As hard as it was for her, considering how much she loved being a nurse, she decided it was time to hang up the scrubs and move on. Still a nurse at heart, Monique talks about her transition away from working in intensive care units. She also talks about her recovery after the surgeries, and she'll be the first to tell you - "Even though I have these health issues, and diagnosis, I'm more than that. I want people to see me, for me." She's definitely more than that, and is without question a GIANT AMONGST US.
She's happy, full of life, and surrounding herself with things that fill her with joy, and love - stone painting, crocheting, hula-hooping, and giving sound baths, to name only a few. It's about expressing oneself freely, something Mo knows a lot about.
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'Til next time
and very soon,
PEACE!!
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00:00:00
This is Giant's Amongst Us.
00:00:20
Now, it's a little story I got to tell.
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Ladies and gentlemen, you know what time it is.
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It's time to share in that unique human experience.
00:00:34
Welcome to the show.
00:00:36
This is Giant's Amongst Us and everybody listening and tuning in right now.
00:00:42
Thank you for being a part of this show and allowing these stories to co-exist and intermingle with what you have going on right now at this very moment.
00:00:52
And with that being said, I want to give a special shout out to a few places which I've seen recently that have came upon the feed showing that they plugged in and tuned in to what's been going on over here and the stories that have been shared.
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And some of the more recent locals are places like Council Bluffs, Altoona, Ashburn, Pineville, Los Angeles, I'm seeing Eagle Mountain, New Albany, even out in Helsinki, Finland.
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We have Los Lunas, San Jose.
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So thank you to everybody that's been tuned in up until now.
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Let's keep this thing moving.
00:01:32
Let's keep this thing grooving and continuing to embrace life and all of its shapes and forms and trying to make the most of this ride as best we know how.
00:01:45
We've got a special one today.
00:01:47
And the reason I say it special was because the woman who is joining us today to share her story and to speak her peace is someone who I know personally.
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She's someone who with her love and understanding and patience has taught me a lot about myself and she's helped me come out of a shell and to not be so cold and closed off to relationships.
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I've learned how to love again and how to be open for something new again.
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I'm thankful for her.
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I'm grateful for her.
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She's a big inspiration as to why I do this show.
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She's a big inspiration as to the reason behind the show.
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And this beautiful woman, this beautiful human being is my wife.
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We were sitting around the house and we thought why not share a conversation and a dialogue about some of what you've been through so she was all for it.
00:02:42
You're going to hear some of her background where she comes from and how at an early age she was already sure of wanting to be a nurse and that's what she did.
00:02:52
For 23 years she worked in an intensive care unit.
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She put all her blood, all her sweat, all her tears into that until her health was completely shot and it was suffering.
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It got pretty bad.
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She had two major surgeries recently, both of them being about a year apart.
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The first one was a spinal fusion for her back and the next one, a spinal fusion for her neck.
00:03:20
But she's got a lot of fighting.
00:03:22
So she's going to give us a glimpse of how it was for her working as a nurse in an intensive care unit and what changed.
00:03:31
Why she ended up hanging up her scrubs and switching jobs, changing paths.
00:03:39
She's also going to talk about how it was dealing with the surgeries, the steps she took towards recovery, towards healing and share some insight
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and what's helped her along the way.
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But rather than me telling, I'll just go ahead and bring it in.
00:03:55
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Monique in her story.
00:04:00
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the show.
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We've got a special one today.
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And the reason it's special is because today joining us is the inspiration.
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I have two special women in my life.
00:04:20
One is my mother and the other one is Mo Mosey, my one and only my wife.
00:04:28
We were speaking earlier today and we decided to hook this thing up and have a little talk.
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She wanted to join us and talk a little bit about some of her experiences in life.
00:04:45
This woman has the fighting spirit, the spirit of a warrior and she'll be the first one to talk it down like, oh, come on, that's enough.
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But like I said, she is the inspiration behind the show and I'm happy to have her on so she can speak her piece and share her story with everybody out there.
00:05:10
So thank you very much for taking time out of your day, taking time out of your evening and sitting down with us to have a conversation.
00:05:24
How's everything going, my dear?
00:05:32
Yeah, thank you for having me.
00:05:34
Why don't you, just for the sake of giving us some background on where you come from and how it was for you growing up?
00:05:45
Okay, so my name is Monique.
00:05:51
For those who don't know me, my husband is calling me Mo Mosey.
00:05:57
And I am born and raised in the east side of Germany.
00:06:04
I was born when the war was still up and yeah, that's where I grew up, all of my childhood and youth and later on with 17 I moved out.
00:06:19
I went to the west side, I went to Frankfurt because I got my apprenticeship over there as a nurse and that's what I always wanted to do and that's what I did.
00:06:30
I was pretty young, but I made it.
00:06:33
Did you jump on the, I don't even know if you probably did tell me before, but did you from Gjörra to Frankfurt, did you take the train or did your parents drive you over there?
00:06:47
My first boyfriend back then, he drove me with my mother and we had a few items I wanted to bring and make it a little homely for me and that was it.
00:07:00
And then they left me, it was a weekend and now my laptop turned black.
00:07:05
What is this, do you still hear me?
00:07:07
I can still hear you.
00:07:09
Yeah, so they dropped me off pretty much, we shared a day and then I was crying and I was so young, I thought like damn, they leave me here in a big city.
00:07:20
It's like millions of people around me, all the different nations I never knew because in the east side of Germany we didn't have a lot foreign us.
00:07:32
So I went to the total opposite, which was Frankfurt where like about 85 nations are meeting and it was very colorful for me, but I loved it.
00:07:46
I dove into different religions, I dove into all these different types of foods and yeah, that was always something interesting and made it a little easier later on for me to live alone.
00:08:01
So young, yeah.
00:08:04
And you moved over there and you got right into it with your studies.
00:08:10
You're one of those people that I always say, my goodness, I never had, probably because I wasted a lot of time when I was younger and wasted years, but I never had a focus.
00:08:27
I never had, I wasn't one of those people when I was younger and said I knew exactly what I wanted to do.
00:08:33
I had these crazy dreams, oh yeah, I'm going to be a baseball player, I'm going to play football or those kind of things, but you.
00:08:42
Oh, from early early on though.
00:08:44
I was, I was, yeah, I can put one out there.
00:08:50
I knew very early that I wanted to be a nurse and whether this came from was how early.
00:08:59
Shoot, I was probably like, well, I started visiting my aunts, which were nurses.
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When I was, I do remember when I was six and those were my idols.
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My mother's sisters were nurses and they worked in a home for mentally ill and disabled people.
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And those were some hotliners over there.
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So my mom was always scared when we visited her sister and I was always, oh, this is so interesting.
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You know, why, why do they run towards me and yell and cry and my mom, she was hiding.
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She shot, she said, Monique, come and I was always like, oh man.
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And I looked up.
00:09:45
You weren't afraid of them?
00:09:46
I was never afraid of them because I knew they just do so or they stopped right in front of me.
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They all knew me.
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So I, my aunt, she always took me why she handed them out their medicine, why she gave them food.
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And then she said, Monique, do you want to do that?
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And I loved it.
00:10:05
And I had my, my few people I always wanted to see and I always visited over there and I,
00:10:12
and I started very early to feed them, to talk with them.
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When I could read, I started reading them a book and, and I knew them.
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This is my thing.
00:10:23
I want to be like my, my auntie, you know, that was always cool to me.
00:10:28
She seemed always strong and so helpful and she never was judgmental against these people
00:10:35
which were obviously different, you know, and that's what I truly loved.
00:10:40
And then, yeah, that was when, when that was growing in me, that I want to be a nurse.
00:10:46
Those, those were my heroes.
00:10:48
For men or women that get into the medical field for the right reasons, they have to be a special human being
00:10:55
because it's not for everybody.
00:10:58
And then you can probably talk a little bit about that later on in life where it's a battlefield
00:11:03
and you are going to war every single day.
00:11:07
But from a very early age, you already had that desire to want to do that.
00:11:13
And you are already making it a point.
00:11:16
Also, you said you were, you were going with your, with your aunts.
00:11:20
You were going to visit the psych wards.
00:11:22
But then you were also going like on your spare time, weren't you?
00:11:25
And you would visit the omas and opas.
00:11:28
Yeah.
00:11:29
There was an elderly home, right?
00:11:31
Where, where I was living.
00:11:33
And after school, I was, I was always a little different though, you know, I love to go out with my friends
00:11:41
and I love to play, but I always had on mind, I want to do something positive or for others also.
00:11:49
So I started thinking like, what can I do in my free time besides, you know, playing and talking and meeting up.
00:11:57
And so I was about when I was 11 or 12.
00:12:00
And I knew that there was this elderly home right across the street.
00:12:04
And I was like, there are probably so many little omas and opas or for those who don't know that or like grand, grannies sitting or do you say grannies?
00:12:15
Grandma, grandpa.
00:12:16
Yeah.
00:12:17
Yeah, grandfather sitting there alone, maybe have no visit or, you know, and also I had on mind and the nurses are probably under stuff because that, that was also something I knew that this, this was always there.
00:12:35
So I decided like, how about if I go there and just ask the nurses if I can help them while I visit maybe a few and maybe I can play some games with them.
00:12:47
And they were like, they were so surprised, you know, I was, I was young.
00:12:51
And they said, well, you know, money, we have one little old ma, she's always alone and she is very old.
00:13:01
And I still know her name. She was about 90, but mentally totally fit.
00:13:07
And she was so happy that when I started visiting her, she was talking about her childhood, how she grew up, what she was and what she did.
00:13:18
And she had a son, but he had no, no time or didn't make time to visit her.
00:13:23
And her biggest wish was she always told me, Monique, I'm sitting here on this bed and while I watch outside the window, because this is almost everything I can do, I see how the season is changing, you know, for how it turns from the spring to the summer, then autumn.
00:13:43
And, and then finally it's winter.
00:13:45
And she said, I love winter. And she said, what would I give to be outside in the snow and have a snowball in my hands.
00:13:53
And that's what I did when winter was I, I told her, come on, we're going to go outside.
00:14:01
And she said, Monique, how do we go outside?
00:14:04
I cannot walk. And I said, well, I have a wheelchair here.
00:14:07
She said, yeah, but my jacket, I said, here is your winter jacket.
00:14:10
She said, I don't know if I can fit in. So I said, you're going to fit in. I have this blanket and I put that jacket on and she was sitting in a wheelchair.
00:14:19
And I took her outside and she was crying.
00:14:22
It was really just sitting her down in this wheelchair, drive her down with an elevator, which was really no big, biggie and just was outside and it was snowing.
00:14:36
And I made her the snowball and she took it up. She took it up to her room and put it outside on her window so she could always have it again to touch it because she loved it.
00:14:49
She loved that icy feeling, you know, and no nurses bothered. Well, they probably didn't even have time.
00:14:55
Yeah, you were, were you the only one that age hanging around and visiting?
00:15:02
Yeah. I had one classmate. She did that with me, but she also loved, you know, well, I do understand that too, to hang out with our age people and play.
00:15:18
But I visited her and I do remember one time I think I was on holiday or what, and then I wanted to visit her and I went up there and I was standing in front of her door and I was like,
00:15:30
I was like, something looks different here. And then I looked at that name shield and I was like, where's her name? Am I wrong?
00:15:38
And, you know, I took the wrong route. And then I went to the nurse and they see me how I was standing.
00:15:45
They said, Monique, Monique, you didn't visit us for a while. I said, yeah, we were in her. She said, I have to tell you something.
00:15:54
And I was like, hmm. And then she said, come on, we're going to sit down Monique. And then she told me that she passed, you know, that so that was the first contact for me or that I heard like someone, you know, made it over the bridge.
00:16:09
And I was sitting there. I was crying and oh my God, I was, she was like my little Oma, you know, she said, yeah, I hope, you know, you can handle it.
00:16:20
But I was pretty attached to her though. But yeah.
00:16:24
And not to fast forward too far. But even to this day, you still have older, we're talking about older friends that you go visit, you go see how they're doing.
00:16:41
You take our little dog over to them. You, a couple of them, one who just recently passed away. Well, there was a few actually that passed away.
00:16:51
But the recent one, and he was, was it both he had one leg amputated, right?
00:16:59
And the same thing that you were, you were doing for him, you were, you were getting him out of his bed. He hadn't been out of his bed. I don't know how long, but these are people that you still, you still visited, you still built a relationship with and you still brought light to that house.
00:17:17
Every and a few of them were actually both of them that I'm speaking of. You brought me over and I was able to meet them and then they were, they were very sweet and so thankful to have you. But I know that's just a part of you. That's just who you are.
00:17:31
And it's from 11 years old, even before 11 to now.
00:17:37
Those are just the ones I can, I don't know why it is so I mean Crystal, she's 85.
00:17:47
Yeah, when we, when we talk, goodness.
00:17:52
You go visit her, you go out of cake and coffee with there. And yeah, she's, she's so cool.
00:18:01
So you had that at a very young age and then eventually.
00:18:07
Also in that, in that, in that elderly home I visited that, that one specific lady, but then just a little funny story.
00:18:15
Because then the nurses asked me, they said, Monique, you want to play a game with some, I said, yeah, okay.
00:18:23
And so I started playing that game with that one Oma and she was getting mad at me, you know, and I was like, why do you yell?
00:18:34
And then she started throwing the dice at me and I was like, damn, what is going on?
00:18:40
She was highly demented, you know, she, she, but I had no idea.
00:18:46
I was just so confused that she did all that and that she was yelling at me. She threw everything at me.
00:18:54
So, so I, I really learned like all these different shapes of us and different mental states, different diseases, different opinions, different ages, you know, everything.
00:19:13
And, and, and that was always so fascinating for me.
00:19:16
Yeah, that beat watching TV.
00:19:19
Oh yeah. I never was a type of to watch TV a lot.
00:19:24
I could not focus anyway.
00:19:26
That's one thing I'm always bringing, especially because of where you come from and everything.
00:19:30
And there was no kind of like how I always bring up, you know, to this day, I'll bring up references to movies and TV shows.
00:19:38
And like, do you not know how it was for me growing up?
00:19:43
We didn't have none of that stuff.
00:19:45
Well, we had TVs though, but I was not, not really interested in it.
00:19:49
And when we still had the East side.
00:19:53
That's right. No, you were doing it right.
00:19:55
You were embracing the world and all the people inside of it.
00:19:59
You were embracing life. Put it like that.
00:20:02
I was outdoors.
00:20:03
I mean, we all probably around our age, we were all outdoors.
00:20:08
And I was a little bit tomboyish.
00:20:10
I told you that, but I was riding motorcycles.
00:20:14
No license, of course.
00:20:16
That's right.
00:20:17
I always had more, more boyfriends.
00:20:20
They, they taught me how to repair it and they taught me how to, to drive and yeah.
00:20:27
So that was always, always my thing, be, be outside and yeah.
00:20:34
Yeah. And eventually you found yourself in Frankfurt following your heart and your desire to want to help people and to want to become a nurse.
00:20:47
And that's where you went to do your apprenticeship and you were a nurse for how long?
00:20:52
Well, now it's 23 years.
00:20:55
23 years.
00:20:58
How about, can you talk a little bit about how it was for you when you got involved with it?
00:21:05
And I mean, it, you can probably write a book about everything that you, you seen, you dealt with, you experienced in, in a nursing field, but just, I guess, how it was like your expectations when you first got into it and then how things, how, you know, how they kind of,
00:21:24
evolved and how you started feeling later on in your years when you had some experience and time under your belts.
00:21:34
So in school, I was never a good pupil to say that I was lazy.
00:21:44
I never, I don't believe it.
00:21:46
Oh, you can believe me.
00:21:48
You can ask my mom.
00:21:50
I was lazy, never did homework.
00:21:52
I rather spend time outside, you know, this homework for and all that nonsense we had to learn.
00:22:00
I was like, I never, never need all that.
00:22:02
So it never made really sense.
00:22:04
I was lazy, brought home bad notes, but I always managed to, to make it, you know, so that was different when I started my apprenticeship as a nurse because this was truly something I wanted to do.
00:22:21
And where I had a compassion in me for that.
00:22:24
Oh, okay.
00:22:25
Wait, not to, well, to cut you up.
00:22:28
You mean in, you mean when you were in grade school and everything, you were lazy, but then it, because that, that wasn't where your interest was at.
00:22:37
I got it.
00:22:38
In school, yeah.
00:22:39
That's what I wanted to say, you know, in my school years, like high school or junior or what, I was, I was lazy, but while I did my apprenticeship,
00:22:50
I, I was the best pupil you, you could imagine, you know, I was so compassionate.
00:22:56
It was a lot of stuff to learn and to study, but I had no problem to sit down after eight hours of school or after eight hours of shift to, to still read something or to still learn and study for a test, which was upcoming.
00:23:15
And I brought home really like good grades, A is my mom was saying, and you never brought home.
00:23:22
That's a good grade when you was in school.
00:23:25
I said, well, this is something I really want to do.
00:23:28
And, and after a shift, my doctors knew me because I always, I was so interested in everything.
00:23:36
I wanted to know everything and, and everything.
00:23:39
And then they told me money we have, we have an interesting surgery going on.
00:23:44
You want to join? And I was always, even after eight hours, you know, others were hanging out, they were going and boss, I said, okay.
00:23:51
And then I did put the scrubs on and jumped into it and was watching the surgeries because for me, it was always better to understand seeing it.
00:24:05
Yeah.
00:24:06
See it and then to learn and understand what is really going on or what is meant when we speak about this and that.
00:24:14
So, yeah, I was, I was spending a lot of time studying, but it was, it was hard.
00:24:20
That's when, when I realized not everything is so rosy red, how I was thinking, hoping, expecting, however you want to put it.
00:24:30
Because of course, when you have maybe the first, when you have death people or people dying or people really, really sick suffering, nobody told us like how to handle it.
00:24:43
They say, oh yeah, take your distance and we were, we were 17, you know, we were like, what do they mean with take your distance?
00:24:50
Like should we step away or what?
00:24:52
We didn't, we didn't understand that they wanted to tell us, you know, how can I explain that?
00:25:00
Try to not get attached to them.
00:25:03
Attached, yeah.
00:25:04
But it's like, I mean, if you have a heart sometimes, it's pretty hard to do.
00:25:09
Yeah.
00:25:10
And it's easier said than done.
00:25:12
And a lot of my colleagues, they were suffering with that for a long time because they didn't know how they were like, damn, I should take my distance, not be too attached.
00:25:21
How this, this person is just so, so nice, you know, and that was something I, and I'm still to that day wishing that new pupils are getting more help or counseling and schooling for that, you know, what, what does that mean?
00:25:42
Because it's, it is very, very important to, to know how, how to do it for our, you know, for ourself.
00:25:51
And yeah, that there are a lot of shocking moments because we have nurses, which are just harsh, you know, they don't give a who they put you in a situation, not even thinking about what they do, how old you are, if you can handle it or not.
00:26:07
It's not, it's not that they pet you on your shoulder and say, oh, you did that good.
00:26:12
That that's not the case.
00:26:14
I mean, I had met that first person when I was 16.
00:26:20
Imagine that 16.
00:26:22
And they didn't even tell me what, what, what I will see or expect.
00:26:27
It was dramatic, traumatic.
00:26:30
It was, it was no bueno.
00:26:33
So they pretty much just throw you in the deep waters and you have to start dealing with all this stuff.
00:26:39
I mean, you might have, some people might have an idea when they get into the nursing field that it might get bloody, it might get gory.
00:26:47
And it's going to be some things that are going to be intense.
00:26:50
But I mean, you can have that in your mind and try to prep yourself for it.
00:26:55
And nothing is like when it's finally there and you're in, and you're feeling it on you and you're seeing it and you're in the middle of it.
00:27:03
That's something completely different.
00:27:05
Like you said, it's got to be, I'm sure a lot of nurses, it's traumatic people that aren't even psychologically fit themselves or developed emotionally.
00:27:16
We have half children still, you know.
00:27:20
And, and, and the other thing is, you know, to control ourselves.
00:27:23
They just say, yeah, you have to stay in the situation.
00:27:27
If, if, for an example, if someone feels nauseous and they have to vomit or what?
00:27:32
Yeah, you have to help them.
00:27:34
Damn.
00:27:35
My best friend, she said, morning, I'm laying down when this happens.
00:27:40
I'm laying down.
00:27:41
I cannot handle this.
00:27:43
She said, how do I learn this?
00:27:46
She said, just when I hear someone gagging or, you know, the smell, she said, I'm dying.
00:27:51
And so nobody really taught us, you know, how can you stay in this situation?
00:27:56
We are humans.
00:27:57
Come on.
00:27:58
Do some, some, some people really think nurses can handle everything.
00:28:03
This is not the case.
00:28:05
Yeah.
00:28:06
There are still some they cannot see blood and there are, there are nurses they, they, they don't like to brush teeth or, you know, it's, but it's always expected that we can, we can, we can handle everything.
00:28:20
And we are there for that.
00:28:22
That's your superhuman, but being treated, being treated and looked at like you're just disposable.
00:28:27
Yeah, but the thing is a big difference.
00:28:30
A big difference is how people or how a lot of people in Europe or Germany, especially value us nurses and how there is a difference to the United States.
00:28:45
If your mom heard, when your mom heard like, with my profession, and she was like, oh my God, you're a nurse.
00:28:52
And I was like, what is this?
00:28:54
She said, read all on intensive care.
00:28:58
Oh my God.
00:28:59
This is, oh, and here you say you're a nurse.
00:29:02
Oh, okay.
00:29:03
A nurse.
00:29:04
Yeah.
00:29:05
Nice.
00:29:06
If you get the nice.
00:29:08
Wow.
00:29:09
And on top of that, that's what you were involved with the whole 23 years intensive care.
00:29:15
And then you were also working in the psychiatric ward and with children, but children with, with disabilities and everything you could think of any kind of condition.
00:29:26
I started with children around six years.
00:29:29
Yeah.
00:29:30
And then, and the psychiatric, I worked with addiction on the station for people who had addictions.
00:29:41
And from there, I switched to the ICU, which was the hardest jump in my life, but I made it.
00:29:49
And just the amount, I mean, explain if you can walk people through how it felt like for you, because now you're at this time, you're a mother, and you're having to put on your game face.
00:30:06
And it's like every day when you clock in and step in, it's like you're at 1000.
00:30:15
All of your senses and your adrenaline is just at 1000 plus.
00:30:21
It's go, go, go.
00:30:23
Yeah.
00:30:24
Yeah.
00:30:25
It was, it was highly stressful.
00:30:28
Highly stressful on the ICU.
00:30:31
Yeah.
00:30:32
It was.
00:30:33
That's pretty good.
00:30:34
Lightly.
00:30:35
But that's where I function the best, you know, under stress when it was loud and noisy.
00:30:44
When, when there was a lot going on under stress, I could work like 100%.
00:30:50
I was having, of course, when I, as soon as I came into my station, I was the nurse Monique, and I could handle everything.
00:31:00
And when I was out, I just left my scrubs and I washed everything down.
00:31:06
And then I, it was just me, you know.
00:31:08
But then of course I came home sometimes after a very busy run, run day and a lot of stress.
00:31:15
And my little son was, was waiting for me, not knowing where I, where I come from.
00:31:20
And of course then I had to be the mom and have had the house full of kids and was cooking and baking and playing.
00:31:27
And that was sometimes very stressful, stressful.
00:31:34
Yeah, that I, that I was laying down when my child was laying down.
00:31:38
Yeah.
00:31:39
But working three shifts, of course, that's, yeah, that's where you, yeah.
00:31:46
Three shifts also, yeah, you got it.
00:31:49
And we, we over here, we work sometimes because we were always understaffed.
00:31:54
It was kind of normal to work like 12 days straight.
00:31:59
And you had like, let's say seven mornings, a few late and then the rest were nights.
00:32:05
And then you had maybe two days off.
00:32:08
And then here we go again, 12 days straight.
00:32:12
And, and that's how, how it was.
00:32:15
And, and, and we expanded with all the machines.
00:32:18
And it was always the newest standards, the newest things we had to have on, on our ICU.
00:32:24
So it was always a lot of learning.
00:32:27
It was always more put on our shoulders because also we run a different system than in the United States.
00:32:34
Yeah.
00:32:35
Over here on ICU, there is no, no such thing like CNAs and, and, and all these different nurses.
00:32:45
There is one nurse and this one nurse is doing it all.
00:32:49
We take the blood samples.
00:32:52
We check the blood samples.
00:32:54
We give the medication. We, we do it all.
00:32:58
Washing, cleaning.
00:32:59
Yeah. We wash them. We do everything.
00:33:02
We, we take care of the food.
00:33:04
We lay, we gonna put the tubes in.
00:33:08
If there is, of course, like a CPR going on or someone has to get intubated.
00:33:12
That was when, when we call our doctor.
00:33:14
But beside that, yeah, we, we over here, you do, you do it all.
00:33:19
And then you wear all the hats.
00:33:23
Then you have to do the, you know, to assist.
00:33:27
We had also a lot of open tummies where we had to do the surgeries on station.
00:33:33
You are doing the anesthesia.
00:33:35
Do you are working with, you know, you have hands on them.
00:33:39
It was always very busy.
00:33:41
But yeah, like I said, that was where our function pretty good under stress.
00:33:47
And that's kind of hard to, to be able to separate yourself from like,
00:33:53
after you're done with working.
00:33:55
Okay. Now it's back to being just, just regular Monique.
00:34:00
Me.
00:34:01
But never mind everything that you've seen.
00:34:04
Everything that you dealt with.
00:34:06
You have family members that are probably at times, you know, they're broken and they don't,
00:34:11
they're, they're panicking and they're, they're a mess.
00:34:14
And then on top of that, you have lives that are at stake.
00:34:17
And I mean, it's, there's a lot of things going on in an intensive care unit.
00:34:22
It's not, it's not your, your typical people are going in there for, you know,
00:34:27
just a ingrown toenail or something.
00:34:30
And, and also, you know, my social life was not there.
00:34:36
You, you get asked when you're on earth and when you work shift,
00:34:40
maybe once like, okay, Monique, you want to join us? We're going to go into the bar.
00:34:44
Okay. And I had to say like, maybe, no, I cannot because I'm working.
00:34:50
Okay. That was the first no.
00:34:52
Then they ask you, maybe one more, you know, do you want to join?
00:34:57
We go this, then I have to say, oh, no, I have to sleep because I work night or whatever.
00:35:02
And then people don't ask you no more.
00:35:05
So friends fall apart. I was always too tired even to, even I had one day off.
00:35:13
I was not feeling it. I mean, one day after working 12 days straight.
00:35:17
Yeah. You're just pooped.
00:35:19
That's one day just to try to recover for another 12.
00:35:23
Right. And then, and, and, and that's, that's why you, you, I was getting pretty unsocial though.
00:35:30
But I liked it in a kind of way. It was, it was quiet around me. I just had my son and his friends, you know, all that, all that family stuff. Yeah.
00:35:39
And you also, I mean, it, he liked even the, I mean, we're talking, we're talking also about physical labor.
00:35:48
Like you have people that are weighing 200, 300 kilos that you have to move.
00:35:53
And if it's nothing but women there and there's no men to assist you, it's got to be done.
00:35:58
This body has to be moved. And there's a lot that, that came with it, like wearing on your body, tearing on your body, not just emotionally and psychologically.
00:36:09
That, that does count for a lot, but also physically.
00:36:12
Yeah, definitely. I mean, on ICU, we had a few male nurses, but still we had all no time.
00:36:22
And it's not that we have one patient to take care of. No, we had two, three, and sometimes four.
00:36:30
And that's so much when they're all sedated. I mean, probably the nurses.
00:36:34
Four patients in one shift that you had to look after.
00:36:38
I had to, yeah. And probably the nurses who are listening now, maybe the German or European, they know that problem, but maybe in other countries it's different.
00:36:49
Like, I think in England, they have one nurse, one patient, but we had to take care of sometimes of four intubated and sedated patients.
00:36:59
And if one of the four was instable and really needed a lot of attention, you was pretty much running around like a chicken.
00:37:11
And that was, it was a battlefield, really. And then also, you know, we had a good professor, though, but he knew, he always said,
00:37:24
okay, then we're going to close one box. We cannot do that when you're understaffed.
00:37:27
And I see, you know, you're just grinding it down.
00:37:31
But then we had new machineries and this new machine.
00:37:35
And we did ECMO therapy and external lung systems and all that, you know, which was weighing so heavy on us.
00:37:43
And normally then we said, okay, if we have one patient who has an external lung system, this is a one-on-one case. It never was.
00:37:52
Okay, but I see you can handle this person and maybe another one, an easy one, you know.
00:38:00
And so we did, we had to. It was so stressful. I realized, you know, when I always tried to help my colleagues.
00:38:10
When I said, Monique, can you help me? I have to, you know, change them or what? Okay, I'm there. If I was calling, hello, nobody was there.
00:38:18
Yeah, crickets. Everybody's on pause.
00:38:22
We had no pause. We were inhaling our bridge and our bun while going to the toilet also.
00:38:31
But yeah, so of course I had to do a lot of labor work on my own and that was not good for my health.
00:38:42
And then I worked on that ICU where we had almost just obese patients. And we are talking about 250 kilo and up. I don't know how that is in there.
00:38:57
That's 400 plus pounds. That's a lot of meat.
00:39:02
And that was that.
00:39:03
So I have to move around.
00:39:05
That was the hardest.
00:39:08
And it has to get done. And you were, you got into it for the right reasons. You had, you had a heart for it. You had, you had the compassion you had that, that, that love for wanting to help people and to be of service to people that were in need.
00:39:30
But throughout the years, I guess, little by little, because also it came to a point where you, it was almost like enough was enough, right?
00:39:42
I mean, some people feel like this is that they either feel trapped in a career, especially considering how much time you put into it, how much schooling you had to do, how much that dedication it was to be where you're at and to get the credentials to where you can work in the ICU unit.
00:39:59
And you can have the career that you always wanted. And for some, that's, it's kind of hard for them to let it all go and start anew.
00:40:10
But for you, it, it finally, there was a point, there was a point in your life where you, you made a decision to pull away from it, huh? To hang up the scrubs.
00:40:23
Yeah, but that was, that was really not, not an easy decision though, because when I started on the ICU, I had a heart start because they thought they just see me, you know, oh, there's this, this young, sweet and beautiful looking blondie who probably just looks good, but knows nothing.
00:40:44
And that's how it was, you know, I started there and I seen an artery where I could take a blood sample.
00:40:52
And I was like, what is this? You know, I really started from scratch, but I did it. I really studied hard and I made it to one of the top notch nurses.
00:41:02
I went to schoolings and schoolings and schoolings and schoolings. And I did a pretty good job. But like you said, it was, it was, I worked this full time job.
00:41:15
Plus I had a side job. Why? Because I never made enough money on ICU with three shifts just to put one out when I started what, with how much I went home on my paycheck was written 1 or 1 euros for that labor work.
00:41:37
In other countries, they make the double. And I worked like 180 hours in a month. Three shifts and doing really labor work.
00:41:50
And sometimes 12 days a week.
00:41:52
Yeah.
00:41:53
Or not sometimes, but that was often.
00:41:56
Yeah, that was very often. And then I had a side job. Sometimes beside the morning shift, I went to an elderly home to work a late shift.
00:42:06
Because I thought like I want to travel. I want to go somewhere with my child. Right. And so I had to do that.
00:42:13
Yeah. And it was, it was wearing me thin. And I started or I started realizing like, damn, my back hurts. I always had issues since a child, you know, that my, that I always had back pain.
00:42:26
I went to the doctor several times. They always told me I'm too young to have this pain. There is nothing. Do you have whatever? Or you said, I said, no, I have just this tremendous pain in my back.
00:42:39
Oh, well, then they put me on medication. Sometimes I was popping the pills like it's nothing like candy. So I could function. I go to work.
00:42:49
And then they put me on Tilly Jean and that that was the opioid. And then I was like, damn, wait a minute, you know, this is not not correct.
00:42:57
I had to have to take it to so I can somewhat sleep, maybe four hours or what, and then to go to work.
00:43:03
And I realized it was, it was still getting worse. And then a doctor of me, she noticed that I had a weak hand.
00:43:13
Everything was falling out of my hand that I always had stiff necks. And she was the one she said, Monique, we have to get you in a scan though.
00:43:21
Something isn't right. And that's what we did. And that was when I, when I bought her the pictures, our neurosurgeons came out of the OR and she said, here, have a look.
00:43:36
And then they were looking at my pictures, they said, they were saying like, what is this 85 year old man? What should we do? This is worn out.
00:43:46
And she said, no, this is here. This is from Monique. And I was not, I was maybe 26 or so. And they were looking like, damn, you, you, this is, this is not good.
00:43:59
And I said, what is not good? They always say, I have nothing. They say you, you have a lot of going on here. So they even, they were telling you that it was psych, psychological at one point.
00:44:10
Yeah, they always asked me, all you said, do you have mental problems? I say, I'm pretty good. You know, I have no mental problems. I just have pain.
00:44:20
And, and, and, and those neurosurgeons, they were seeing where, where that came from. And, and they tried to help me. And then they said, do you take medicine?
00:44:29
And I said, well, they put me on Teletine, but I don't want to take it no more. So I reduced it and I'm not taking nothing. And they said, how do you, how do you function?
00:44:39
So, yeah, that was that whole Odyssey. And they said, okay, if you fear something goes worse, and that was with my neck. Yeah, if something feels different, always come.
00:44:53
And that's what I did. And they knew when I came, they knew something really changed. They always put me in a scan. And then they see you was right money.
00:45:05
Yeah. And it was always getting to a worse point, but still where they didn't want to do surgery because I was so young. They told me not to ride a roller coaster, not to do this, that and the other things.
00:45:18
Because, you know, yeah, you got to be very careful skating, no, anything that can cut. Yeah, but I did all that.
00:45:27
It's not. Yeah. And that was and I learned to just to just deal with it. Yeah.
00:45:39
With that kind of pain, I'm talking about the pain. And you know, when I'm when I over here and I, and I bang my fingers sometimes I'm, I'm, I'm throwing a scene. And you have the tolerance, the pain tolerance of I don't even I don't know a rhinoceros or something.
00:46:02
Godzilla. But that was at 26. And you continue to work. You're still working in ICU. I was still working on ICU.
00:46:12
When they said and looked at you, they looked at these, these at first them looking at this, these scans, these CAT scans and x-rays thinking this is the 85 year old man.
00:46:23
It's a 26 year old woman and you're still working in the ICU.
00:46:28
Right. I worked even harder and then that that but that led me also to question our medicine, you know, so I was like, okay, they put me on till the day nothing really changed.
00:46:42
My brain got fuzzy, but the pain was there. So what is it doing? It's really doing nothing. And then, you know, I just had a lot of questions on my mind, even on ICU.
00:46:55
And then I started more reading about home, homeopathic ways, you know, are there treatments which are maybe useful for me.
00:47:06
And so I found out a few good things and also for my patients.
00:47:11
So I did extra schooling for essential oils and human medicine.
00:47:18
And I started to implement that on my station, even when the doctors were laughing at me, you know, when someone had a high fever and the medication was not working, I was like, okay, then I got to wash them with peppermint oil or with sage when they had a lot of salvia going on, you know, and then there was always like, what did you do?
00:47:44
And then I told them, I say, you can laugh about me, but this is what I do. And then finally, after a long time, it got respected.
00:47:53
And we made it to a point that that was a kind of standard we were working with, you know, that we all started washing with essential oils when they had fever. We had to change the game.
00:48:05
Somewhat.
00:48:07
Yeah, at least I mean it like sometimes they say you can complain about something and then just but go along with it.
00:48:16
But you went ahead even though you maybe if you would have announced it to them and said this is what I want to do, they probably would have shut it down.
00:48:23
But then you just go ahead and do it and see that it's working.
00:48:27
And now they can't.
00:48:28
Yeah, they can't do nothing but approve of it.
00:48:32
Like look at the proof is in the pudding and now they're they're doing it themselves.
00:48:37
And you know me. I mean, other stone, but I was always and I'm still a little rebellious when it when it comes to that's right.
00:48:47
I maybe that's why we get along so well.
00:48:52
Yeah, and that was also I always stood my ground and it was it did and never matter to me how young I was or how old the person was in front of me or who he was.
00:49:08
If it was my professor and I told him to shut the fuck up and to listen right now to me what I have to say.
00:49:15
I said it that way.
00:49:17
And that's right.
00:49:19
And and and and I did that because I do remember I got very frustrated and that was the first time in my whole career where I really thought like this is it.
00:49:30
I don't want to do this no more.
00:49:33
If my work is not respected because you know we as nurses our tool is our vision and our senses.
00:49:41
We we sometimes come into the room and we sense like this is like a raw eggs.
00:49:46
Maybe something is boiling right here. Maybe something is you know we just have that gut feeling and we use our senses our eyes.
00:49:57
You know we we look at the patients we are there with them eight hours closed.
00:50:02
You know we can we can see we can smell we can sense the situations out so good.
00:50:08
And if this tool is underrated or underestimated and not hurt and respected by a doctor I was like OK what am I doing here.
00:50:18
Why am I here.
00:50:19
And that's what I what I told my professor because we had that one very young patient and he was in my opinion in a lock in syndrome.
00:50:29
He was reacting all that shenanigans and I told this to my doctor please put him in a scan again.
00:50:35
Again they said he's he's you know a vegetable brain death and the way they talked.
00:50:40
I said can you please stop talking in front of this patient like that.
00:50:45
He is listening. He can hear you 100 percent clear even he cannot move his toe even he just maybe slightly can blink.
00:50:54
I'm I'm sure he's in a lock in syndrome.
00:50:57
They were they told me I'm I'm too involved in this case.
00:51:01
Lock in syndrome.
00:51:03
Lock in. He had a reanimation like a CPR going on in front and this is what can happen afterwards when they say like their brain the brain didn't have enough oxygen.
00:51:19
Yeah.
00:51:20
And he's kind of like brain dead or a vegetable.
00:51:23
You know he's he's not waking up correctly.
00:51:26
He's not having reflexes as normal.
00:51:30
And so they're speaking any old way because they're in their minds are thinking he can't hear us anyways.
00:51:37
Yeah.
00:51:38
But he could he was he he could he did.
00:51:41
I did the yes and no thing with one blink and two blinks and when I put him his earphones on and he could hear his little daughter talking to him.
00:51:52
He was crying.
00:51:53
But even if if that was the case it's like it's just a respect that this is still a person right here.
00:51:59
Yeah.
00:52:00
Right.
00:52:01
And even if you can't hear you or nothing like that like come on now let's speak let's speak about this is a human being.
00:52:06
Yeah.
00:52:07
And that's a sad truth.
00:52:08
It's not like that.
00:52:09
So what happened with you were talking about because of so because I told them you know I think he's showing reaction and they said Moe this is you're too involved.
00:52:18
I said maybe can it be that he is maybe in a lock in syndrome.
00:52:22
He maybe cannot move nothing but I see he is reacting.
00:52:26
His hair is standing up when I watched him when I talked to him he he's crying.
00:52:31
He's you know he can blink with.
00:52:33
No.
00:52:34
And then they were like you know just brushing it off and that pissed me off.
00:52:39
And I and I took all the papers from him threw it on the floor and and got into the face of my professor and my professor was almost two meters high.
00:52:50
And I said you know what I if you don't respect me and and what what I see and what I tell you what does it do if we just put him in a skin and check him again.
00:53:02
What what does it do to you.
00:53:04
I said just respect my word and if you don't do it you know I feel like I have a I have a bad stomachache right now and I think I have to go home and they said you cannot go home.
00:53:13
I said no but I think I I had I get diarrhea right now.
00:53:17
And I left the stage.
00:53:20
I was like if I don't go out of this situation right now.
00:53:23
Yeah.
00:53:25
I could and I said my word is not you don't hear my word.
00:53:31
So what am I doing here I can go and that's what I showed them and I left.
00:53:36
And the next day my professor he came to me and he said that you want to have a talk with me I thought like this is it.
00:53:43
No.
00:53:45
Shut the door and and he said that with me and he said Monique I have to apologize and I said and he said I have to apologize.
00:53:56
I said why I said yesterday everything was fine for you.
00:53:59
He said yeah but you was you was totally right.
00:54:02
He said I have to respect you because without you this station would not function and he said I listen to you.
00:54:11
I hear to I hear your word and we're going to put him in a scan.
00:54:16
And what was shown that he was in a lock and syndrome and I said never ever disrespect a word of a nurse and never ever don't hear what a nurse has to say to you.
00:54:29
And but he was he was cool you know he was he was really thinking probably his action to other other professor probably would say oh my God who's this nurse you know.
00:54:40
But yeah I stood my ground I knew that I can go there and probably they would say we're going to fire you for that action but I was like I don't give a fuck.
00:54:49
I can I can find a job around the corner everywhere.
00:54:53
Yeah.
00:54:55
Well that wasn't even the first time I mean you can you can go out for days about all the times that the nurse the not the nurses what probably the nurses too but the doctors they would undermine your.
00:55:09
They would pretty much they wouldn't respect your opinion your professional opinion because it's not like you're just Joe Schmo off the street you went to school you know what you're doing you've been involved in experiencing it for quite some time but sometimes they still look down at at what you're saying or who's saying it and they don't take your words as meaning anything and sometimes because of that patients they don't make it.
00:55:35
Yeah that's right and we we are you know we have to shut our mouth this we see so many things go wrong.
00:55:45
I don't want to put no fear out but we have to just be quiet if we wanted to have a talk to at the commission or what.
00:55:54
No that was all brushed off.
00:55:56
We had to hush hush and be quiet about it that we sometimes we were we were crying together we nurses you know we were crying together we tried to figure a situation out talking to each other so we we could go home with lighter shoulders but that was that was as we never had counseling even they have to give you in certain such that was not the case.
00:56:21
And on the other end sometimes you you think like all all these nurses they they function so good together and this is like a super community on this station and they work together it's one.
00:56:32
You just want big family.
00:56:35
This is this is not the case.
00:56:38
A lot of times this is not the case you are a player on your own as as weird as it sounds.
00:56:52
I always loved you know when someone knew knew a lot of things I was listening I knew I could go there and and that was an effort for me to you know to learn and to have someone but some they found that.
00:57:02
Oh you know she's she's miss I know it all or I see she's she's the preferred nurse to and there was a lot of some feel threatened by that.
00:57:14
Yeah.
00:57:15
And that's why you get pretty lonely also.
00:57:19
Yeah.
00:57:20
So it was that one that one incident with the young man it was after that that you started to have different feelings about if you want to continue.
00:57:32
Continue on that path.
00:57:33
Yeah then I change.
00:57:35
Plus you know my health and then I try to go into the or and that one clinic and I applied for it.
00:57:43
They had open positions and then I said yeah you can do that and then they said oh no you cannot do that because you're understaffed on ICU so we cannot let you go.
00:57:54
And I said all right is there a like a light at the end of the tunnel like maybe is it in a few weeks or yeah in three months.
00:58:03
All right so I struggled through my three months and then I applied again or said hello can I can I now switch to the or because you know my condition is not not so good.
00:58:14
I still want to work but this heavy label work is really not doing me good.
00:58:19
No and that that was three times where they denied me in that one clinic.
00:58:23
They always told me yes and then no yes and and then I said OK I'm not your clown in this circus no more I I I just go you know.
00:58:32
And then I went into another clinic and yeah but it was always label work.
00:58:39
Yeah it never worked and I couldn't couldn't.
00:58:45
I was not ready to accept it and I was not ready even after my first spina fusion you know and I was not ready to accept it.
00:58:55
I still worked intensive care and and and it took me a very long time to this year I had no other chance to.
00:59:05
I was a nurse by heart still am I still do do miss it but also I'm I am happy now and I see the benefits that I don't have to do that because the other time where I wanted to hang my scrub on was when the.
00:59:22
Can I say that word when the caroling when the caroling caroling we call it the caroling yeah that was that way that pretty much was the the last push that was that was that was my last push.
00:59:37
Yeah that was what I mean they pretty much forced your hand.
00:59:42
Mm hmm yeah because I try to yeah because I was one of the nurses don't want to to get the vaccine because we seen and heard and what went wrong and what what could happen and I said all right I don't do that.
00:59:58
They never asked me in in in all my years if if I'm vaccinated or if I need a new vaccine maybe maybe in fall they say you know we have to flu vaccine does anyone want to flu vaccine nobody ever said yes and and that was quite okay and then and then they forced it on me that I had to get that corona vaccine where I said like I have all that security you want me to you know.
01:00:28
I'm wearing all the gear and what is this and that just was not sitting right with me and I said all right I seen it all I done it all and I learned a difference so I don't I don't want to be part of that that that was 23 years.
01:00:46
Yeah they told me they told me that they gave you a deadline didn't they mm hmm the good ones heads I'm the health office.
01:00:53
They wrote the letter that they that I'm not able to put one foot in when I am unvaccinated and I was like all right I never heard of them before but if they have to say so and not my my boss then I know what I have to do all of the time that you put in all of the years of getting your
01:01:21
your school updates and your credentials up and how hard learning the equipment.
01:01:27
Yeah.
01:01:28
And how often we as nurses from ICU from the emergency rooms how often we have contact with infections and diseases we don't even have an idea of when the people come in.
01:01:43
You have AIDS patients.
01:01:44
Yeah we have open tuberculosis patients where we're like afterwards like oh they have open tuberculosis who had contact money.
01:01:52
They don't care about your health.
01:01:54
They don't care about if you were going to be okay or if you you know anything was transmitted.
01:02:00
No we we had we had our colleagues to enter baby because she she she got infected by the open tuberculosis.
01:02:07
Nobody knew her before.
01:02:09
You even had a you even had a colleague who who contracted AIDS at work right.
01:02:15
Right.
01:02:16
Yeah.
01:02:17
I mean it's there's a lot going on.
01:02:20
And how often how often we had to intubate people because they were short on breath and and and very unstable and what and what not.
01:02:30
And then afterwards to find out oh they had had the age one you know and all these kind of flus which we had these last years.
01:02:39
And I and what is that age one and two.
01:02:42
I don't know if that is English.
01:02:44
One in one I think.
01:02:46
And we had the sauce.
01:02:48
Yeah we had the now it's called sauce.
01:02:51
You work through all of that.
01:02:53
We had the sauce one and that was that was a pretty hard time but and we had to fly out patients all the time to other clinics and clothes beds or when a heck was that was a short outbreak.
01:03:11
We seen it all.
01:03:12
You work through all that and they weren't really too concerned about how protected we never never were forced to you know you have to wear this mask or what we just did it because.
01:03:22
Out of our own because we never knew what the patient is bringing an FF P2.
01:03:30
That was the lowest mass you know when we when we thought like they can have maybe a topicalosis or what we were wearing the hot core ones.
01:03:39
Big foot.
01:03:40
Yeah you guys were like you guys were dressed up like you're going to and then and then I seen all these these nurses taking pictures that was as a really that was weird to me.
01:03:50
They were all taking pictures with their masks and goggles and all that nonsense on like and I was thinking like why do they do that.
01:03:58
This is nothing really so special.
01:04:01
What is this?
01:04:03
And then how you you mean because you've already been that's not a thing you know.
01:04:08
Yeah when there's someone in isolation and then how the rubber is pinching into your skin and that's how how I looked after eight hour shift.
01:04:22
And that was all part of the show.
01:04:24
That was mine.
01:04:26
Well that was that was an enormous shift and that was my kind of work here and then for for whatever reason everybody took the pictures like look how I look now I go into isolation room.
01:04:41
I probably get a lot of shit storm maybe here.
01:04:44
It was almost how do you put out. Not a blessing in disguise but I mean because your health was already broken because of all of the years of you working in ICU and you were going hard you were going a thousand percent every day.
01:05:02
Nevermind the toll that it was taking on your body but it was like this is what you that that's what you were this is what you love to do this is who you who you are.
01:05:12
I mean even to this day it's not going to it doesn't leave you you're still a nurse for hard you still like like I said even after you've been away from an ICU unit you were still making you're still making home visits to people that are disabled amputees
01:05:28
everything and you're still just out of the love and the goodness of your heart and that's what you that's where you find your joy and meaning is is to involve yourself with that and so there's still people to this day that are in your life that you met that you you've given a hand in that kind of way but it was because of that slip that notice that deadline that you were like well then there was so there was
01:05:55
never any let me think about it because I've already given them 20 years 23 years of my life you just in your mind you were like well then I guess I'm going to start looking for work somewhere else.
01:06:10
Here and there you know that that came up but I was always thinking when you work there you always self doubt yourself like I cannot do anything else this is what I know this is what I know that's false people that's really false.
01:06:25
And then and then on top of that how would you feel like you've already given you've already given 23 years of your life into something and then you and then you're becoming of age or you're a middle aged woman now and it's like so I'm supposed to learn something you.
01:06:40
Some people feel like why would I throw it all away and I started studying on my own I did my psychological counselor I did my natural path and my and did my natural path in psychotherapy for my own reason that I can speak to my patients and help the families you know in a nice way to talk with them and to help them also to the.
01:07:07
Traumas they had to go through so it's never too late to study to learn something and yeah what my last surgery I had to to go out of the job because now I'm unable.
01:07:21
unable to to work this labor work yeah.
01:07:26
While the first one let's talk how did that one come come about like it just got to the point where the pain was unbearable right because you were you were dealing with this pain for so long it pretty much was just it's a party I mean even to this day.
01:07:42
You wake up in the morning I see you it throughout the day the pain is there and it's the discomfort is there it's something that you just have learned to live with but my goodness like what the first surgery was the spinal fusion yeah that was my lower back fusion.
01:08:02
Where are you early for work.
01:08:12
Yeah and then they did the did a did a blood sample because they were wanted to check if I have.
01:08:17
If there is something wrong and then there was one blood markup where they called me and said how are you doing. Where are you and I said excuse me I'm at work and they say how you better go home you know and I said why yeah because.
01:08:31
This this one sample is so high this is not good and did you do sport and I said no and you know and then they said you have to drink now eight eight leaders and to flush your kidneys because oh my god that and that was like something is wrong and then then the doctor.
01:08:49
They put me in a skin and then they seen that something was way wrong and I had to have the surgery but then the Corona was then they had to put me a month later and yeah finally it was and throughout the surgery they had to take pictures because they never seen.
01:09:06
A fire red nerve like I had what was the levels that like a normal level and were your levels right.
01:09:15
I was as a CK is and is normally for a woman like 130 and I was on 11 11 and I don't even know what that means but just if you compare from 100 to 11.
01:09:31
I said this is wrong as a this cannot be when we had a laying trauma as someone maybe felt in our apartment and and was laying there for two three days yeah and couldn't move to they got found they have a sample I seen like highest the highest was 6000 and they were in bad shape and I had 11 and you're still walking around you're working you're cooking you're doing who know yeah who.
01:09:58
I didn't hold who know who I could not.
01:10:03
That came out.
01:10:04
Yeah, I bought me a stick and and all that yeah I got to the point where it was that extreme but we're talking about okay now you're already how many years later of this where you would bring it to people's attention they didn't want to X-ray you when they did they like I remember just how many since we've known each other and just
01:10:28
how fed up and frustrated it's like why what's the point then but it finally got to the point where they now they're like wait a minute okay you need to drink some water leave your job come here something isn't right and then something isn't right now because I mean also my if you remember I started to shake
01:10:47
and and and the leg was shaking and then they had to even test me on MS and I was like damn I just have pain it feels like something is eating me up alive is something with my nerves or well and then they finally seen that there was a totally instability in my lower spine and then they had to fuse that
01:11:08
and that's that was that and how long was that surgery again that was just four hours just four hours yeah.
01:11:16
Yeah, yeah, I found four hours at three and a half hours and it was spinal fusion.
01:11:22
That was the lower back.
01:11:23
What was the doctor saying after the surgery like as far as the recovery goes and how long you should expect to.
01:11:30
Oh, well they were pretty pretty good I could stand up in the evening though and walk around and it already felt better.
01:11:38
But then the next day you could visit me because of the corona there was another shitty thing and then the other day I felt nerve pain this is really very ugly.
01:11:49
So my legs were like burning inside and they knew that that's always a sign of swelling and so they had to give me high cortisone after that that was fine but I had my blown up moon face and yeah I think after five days I came home and
01:12:07
recovered pretty fast and they don't even want to send me in a rehabilitation center.
01:12:12
You had the walk already for me here and that's from from there on I started you know came home rested I was always tired tired tired all the people who had some surgeries on their spine they know what I'm talking about because after that you always tired tired and you want to sleep.
01:12:31
Yeah and I recovered pretty fast and even started working and with intensive care patients.
01:12:40
Yeah, you were but you were determined you were determined you were late you were laying down you were tired but we would walk around the block we'd walk around the block and it got to the point like we're going to take our route and go to the woods and we're going to walk through the woods now.
01:12:57
And we're doing what we could and little by little and then I remember coming home and then you you were already cooking again and it's like you can keep this one down.
01:13:11
The recovery from that one was pretty pretty good and for me easier what I can compare now to that other fusion from the neck that was that one was kicking my ass.
01:13:24
Okay, so that was that was the spinal fuse I mean that was no walk in the park because it that's it was a very sent that's a sensitive area and there's a lot of things that couldn't went wrong but thankfully the surgery was a success and you were able to get back home sooner than later and then work on your recovery and and then how long.
01:13:51
Until this next one came up.
01:13:54
Oh, I thought not now I'm good now I'm you know, on top of life.
01:13:58
Yeah, it was.
01:14:00
Yeah, one and a half years later.
01:14:03
I was laying in the war again.
01:14:06
Yeah, now it's almost a year.
01:14:08
But how did that one come up again.
01:14:10
Because that's my neck issue what I always had and I felt like I have pain and something feels different.
01:14:18
And so when when I had that feeling, you know, I went to my doctor and say here, I have more pain than usual.
01:14:27
It feels a little funny to me can they immediately said okay we're going to do a scan.
01:14:33
And then we did the scan and I went back and and then he was looking at the pictures and he was he was sitting there with big eyes.
01:14:44
And his hands on on his head and he was like Monique, this is not good.
01:14:50
I said, okay, what does that mean?
01:14:53
He said we we we did that now for a lot of years and he was always right when you came here that something is wrong and and but now it is so wrong that we can.
01:15:05
Can I leave it that way?
01:15:07
You have to go through surgery finally.
01:15:09
When I said, all right, and what does that mean because I could feel you know, sometimes my right leg was slurring or I was I started stumbling even more than usual.
01:15:22
I always had numb fingers, arms and and all that genetic and or my chin was getting numb.
01:15:31
Yeah, and then he said I said, all right, then then you're going to do that.
01:15:35
And he said, no, I cannot do that.
01:15:36
And I said, why, you know, you're you're my profession.
01:15:39
He said, yeah, but this is too big of a surgery.
01:15:43
I don't have the tools and and I'm not good at that.
01:15:46
You have to go to another doctor.
01:15:50
I know and I said, can I say the name?
01:15:53
Yeah, you can say the name to Dr. D'Eilac.
01:15:57
And I said, well, I know him from from the clinic because I worked with him shortly.
01:16:01
And I knew he's an absolute hero and what he's doing.
01:16:06
So I made appointment and brought my pictures and he looked at it and he said, oh my Lord.
01:16:12
He said, my knee, this really looks because I was at his office also before and he said this this guy was worse.
01:16:21
And he said, damn.
01:16:23
And I said, what?
01:16:24
He said, I need a few days.
01:16:28
And I said, what does that mean?
01:16:29
He said, well, definitely we have to do a surgery money, but give me a few days.
01:16:34
I have to speak that with the professor how we do it.
01:16:38
And because of what it seems like, we have to fuse you from C1 down to C7, which means like my whole neck spine would be fused.
01:16:51
So I waited and then he called me back in and then he said, all right.
01:16:56
So what we're going to do is we don't fuse you from C1 to C7.
01:17:02
But what we have to do is we're going to fuse you from C3 as those are the bones, right?
01:17:09
From C3 down to C6 and the one bone C5 we have to remove.
01:17:17
And I said, what?
01:17:18
You have to remove this?
01:17:20
And he said, yeah, we have to put you like another like a bone implant.
01:17:25
And I said, sure, that sounds tricky.
01:17:27
And he said, and that sure is.
01:17:30
He said, this is no walk in the park.
01:17:32
But he said, damn, I don't want to fuse you from, you know, the whole spine.
01:17:36
He said, then, I mean, I'm stiff.
01:17:38
My neck is already stiff.
01:17:40
I can really not rotate it to the right side.
01:17:43
I'm not really good to the left side.
01:17:45
Even the left side is always a little bit better.
01:17:47
But then I would not be able to.
01:17:49
And I said, all right, then do that.
01:17:52
So, yeah, then I had my appointment and we did that.
01:17:55
And that was like a seven hours or what run about that?
01:17:59
It was what a couple of days before the new year.
01:18:02
Yeah.
01:18:03
On the 29th.
01:18:04
And at least this time around, I was able to visit you.
01:18:10
Oh, yeah.
01:18:11
That was that was my, my light.
01:18:13
You was my light.
01:18:15
My, my vision.
01:18:16
But it was it?
01:18:17
What was it?
01:18:18
Eight hours?
01:18:19
Yeah.
01:18:20
So, yeah.
01:18:22
That was, that was a hot one.
01:18:26
And then after I woke up, I was pretty stone, you know, they, they,
01:18:31
they drug you pretty good.
01:18:32
So I woke up with a cut either on all that shenanigan next day.
01:18:37
I was able to walk somewhat.
01:18:40
We don't speak about the care in the hospital because that was more than
01:18:44
bad.
01:18:45
There should be enough to that.
01:18:47
And, but I made it.
01:18:51
The worst thing for me was that I felt like, what is up with my left,
01:18:57
my left arm?
01:18:59
When he came to visit me, I said, did I had a stroke?
01:19:03
And he looked at me.
01:19:04
He said, why?
01:19:05
I said, look, I cannot even lift my left arm.
01:19:08
Right.
01:19:09
I can lift it for a few seconds and it's falling down.
01:19:12
I don't feel it.
01:19:13
I said, what the heck is, he said, no, you don't have had a stroke.
01:19:16
This can happen due to, you know, when they manipulate that C5 bone and
01:19:22
the nerves and what they're connected to the left arm.
01:19:25
And I said, is that going away?
01:19:27
And he said, yeah, it will recover.
01:19:30
And then my voice was going away.
01:19:32
That's right.
01:19:33
And then I said, what is with my eye?
01:19:36
You sound a little harsh.
01:19:38
That's also normal.
01:19:39
That will go away.
01:19:41
Yeah, but it never went away to this day.
01:19:44
You have to work on it.
01:19:47
Yeah.
01:19:48
Even I sound nice.
01:19:49
Yeah.
01:19:50
That's, that's just with my local pedic therapy.
01:19:53
That was a work.
01:19:55
You had to work at it.
01:19:56
You had, you took some therapy for it because if you were to just, how was it put?
01:20:00
You just relax your, your muscles and everything.
01:20:02
You would be sounding a different way.
01:20:04
Oh yeah.
01:20:05
Then I sound like that.
01:20:07
Maybe that would be for me very relaxing to talk like that.
01:20:13
So now, but I cannot do that.
01:20:17
People probably think, oh my God.
01:20:19
And you're always, that's always something that you have to consciously work at so you
01:20:24
can sound like you once did.
01:20:27
Just like I once did or equal to.
01:20:30
I can hear that I'm, I don't sound that like I did.
01:20:34
But also you helped me so much.
01:20:37
I can really give a big shout out to my hubby.
01:20:40
He had to shower me and he, he had to see me crying because I was so frustrated.
01:20:46
I could wash my hair alone.
01:20:48
My arm was falling down.
01:20:50
You had, you, you done did it all and, and, and you, you supported me in all kinds of
01:20:56
ways.
01:20:57
So do through you.
01:20:58
I've recovered so good with your support and I mean, that was a hard thing to see you
01:21:08
that way.
01:21:10
How, and, and I could only, only imagine I couldn't, well, in a way I could, I could
01:21:16
feel it.
01:21:17
You know, I felt the pain, the struggle, the, the hurt, the frustration, but nothing like
01:21:22
what you have been going through for so long, pretty much damn near your whole life with
01:21:29
the pain, the discomfort and then after the surgery and, and then I mean, you were still,
01:21:35
you know, you made an effort.
01:21:37
You would try, you have that as much as you say you don't, but that fighting spirit where
01:21:44
nothing is going to keep you down.
01:21:47
It might knock you down, might break you up a little bit, but you're going to figure
01:21:51
out how to put the pieces back together.
01:21:53
And so when you were struggling or trying to clean yourself or just do, do for yourself
01:22:00
and it wasn't working out.
01:22:02
But what were you, what were you doing and that's what the show was all about.
01:22:09
It's about taking back and reclaiming whatever it was at one point you lost.
01:22:16
You felt that slipped away from you, but you were still working on, even though you said
01:22:23
like, look at these silly exercises.
01:22:26
This is for, you know, this is for somebody who was already up in age and here I am a young
01:22:31
woman having to do this just so you can try to get the motion back in your arm when, when
01:22:36
you, when it was gone and it was going limp.
01:22:38
You weren't even able to raise your arm over your head.
01:22:42
Let alone wash yourself, but little by little you kept exercising, working those muscles
01:22:49
and show that to about homeboy.
01:22:54
And then that's also, that's also a good thing about here in Germany that they actually
01:23:00
approved you to go to a rehab center after the last surgery.
01:23:04
I mean, it took two surgeries and they said, okay, I think you need it now.
01:23:10
I don't think it was a psychological thing.
01:23:13
How we don't think it wasn't your imagination.
01:23:16
You actually, yeah, you were right.
01:23:19
Yeah.
01:23:20
But you were there for how many weeks?
01:23:21
Five weeks.
01:23:22
That was five years, five weeks.
01:23:23
And, and they, they even wanted to extend that because I had those neurological problems
01:23:29
as I could have stayed there longer, but we went to California.
01:23:34
That was my, my other therapy.
01:23:39
Over there was really, I had my ups and I had my downs and my downs were really because
01:23:45
I got confronted from the doctors over there that I really am not allowed to go back to
01:23:55
my work field.
01:23:56
And I was like, maybe I, they said, don't shoot there.
01:24:00
No, I wasn't going to let you, even if they would, I was telling you that to us.
01:24:05
I said, I don't know if you, if you're thinking about it, you, that's not even going to be,
01:24:09
I'm going to, I'm going to go in, I'll go and fire you or tell them, who's the chef here?
01:24:16
You know what, my wife can't work here.
01:24:18
That was even, even then I was like, maybe I find, they said, you're going to find a way
01:24:23
somewhere else and then, you know, they came with all that government help and plot.
01:24:28
And I said, you know what, I will find myself a job.
01:24:32
And that's what I did while I wasn't a rehabilitation.
01:24:35
I started applying and having the interviews lined up and all that.
01:24:39
So,
01:24:40
But see that, that's a, that's another thing where some people where they doubt themselves,
01:24:44
they feel like there's a lot of things you feel you, you don't feel sure of stepping out
01:24:51
of doing something different.
01:24:53
You're putting yourself in an uncomfortable situation and stepping out of your comfort zone.
01:24:58
And for you, that was a something to work past, but you did eventually stay, because you still could have,
01:25:05
you still could have,
01:25:06
I could have, could have, could have take six times longer or what, but for all the people,
01:25:11
maybe having another question on mind, what is she doing now?
01:25:16
I'm working in physical therapy and I'm doing the appointments.
01:25:22
That's about that.
01:25:24
But I still have beautiful patients who come every day to visit.
01:25:28
It's a very nice energy over there and still because they know I'm a nurse, they come with all these questions.
01:25:36
What can I do?
01:25:37
And so that's, that's the,
01:25:39
You're forever a nurse.
01:25:40
I'm forever a nurse always will be.
01:25:42
And another thing that is something that is rare and there's people that when they hear it, they're like,
01:25:52
Oh my goodness, no, but you don't take any pain medication.
01:25:57
No, no, no, no, no payments.
01:26:00
That's not my cup of tea.
01:26:03
Just when they had you, when they had you on them, when you were in the hospital,
01:26:08
but you already were trying to wean yourself off it or they were actually trying to give you more than you thought was,
01:26:16
was right for them to give you, right?
01:26:19
Yeah, I said you can dope me out with opiates pretty good after the surgery and through the night next day,
01:26:25
just easy, easy.
01:26:28
And then I just took ibuprofen and that's it.
01:26:34
But how are you able to do it without pain medication?
01:26:40
It's just because I know my body and I dealt with the pain all these years.
01:26:46
So I have a different tolerance and I see pain also a little different.
01:26:51
It's not, it's of course an uncomfortable feeling, but it's also giving me signs of something isn't right or something is getting a little worse.
01:27:02
I couldn't, my doctor said I can put my hand in the fire when you sit here and you say something got worse or it feels different.
01:27:11
I know it is so because you have a good body feeling and this is why I don't suppress it with, or that's the reason, you know, why I have it
01:27:19
because I'm not suppressing it with pain medication.
01:27:23
I accepted it.
01:27:25
It's my little alarm system I have.
01:27:27
If I suppress it, how can I know what my body want to tell me?
01:27:32
So yeah, that's what is key right there.
01:27:36
Most, I don't even want to say most people, but I think it's important that we get back in touch and in tune with our own bodies and not to say that there's no place for it,
01:27:47
but not to be relying on a gadget, not to be relying on appeal to tell you, oh, your blood level is high now.
01:27:55
Or this is, I mean, get back in touch with your, get back in tune with yourself, listen to your body.
01:28:03
Your body is very capable and willing to give you hints and to fire off points and let you know where something is going wrong or where something isn't in tune or aligned the way it should be.
01:28:18
And then I mean, also it just comes with we have to start taking care of ourselves a bit more and not be so dependent and relying on outside sources.
01:28:29
Yeah, but you know, it's easy to take a pill and maybe 20 minutes later you're out of pain or feel somewhat of relief.
01:28:38
I was on those opiates and I could feel like I'm starting liking that fuzzy feeling, you know, they gave me, they didn't took the pain like I said before.
01:28:49
They just made my brain a little fuzzy, heavy, so I could fall asleep and that's why I do get how people like to take and numb their brains, you know.
01:29:02
It's not a bad feeling, not at all. I liked it and I could see that my body wanted it, you know, that I started shivering when I was not taking one in the evening and that was like where I said, oh, hell no.
01:29:16
This is nothing I want and that's what I always open communicate because I know I had addiction to it.
01:29:24
I was not, you know, strung out or what, but I could feel my body was showing me, you know.
01:29:30
So I always had an open communication with my doctors.
01:29:33
I said, I don't want to be on opiates for a long time, just what I have to.
01:29:38
If it's overnight after surgery or maybe a day, I don't take these pills home with me.
01:29:44
And so that always worked out.
01:29:47
And I stuck to that.
01:29:50
And you stuck to that.
01:29:52
That's a feat in itself because it seems like, especially when it comes to people when they come off of surgeries and everything like that, you always hear of people that they had no kind of, if they didn't have an addiction before after surgery, that's where they picked it up and found one.
01:30:11
Yeah.
01:30:13
If they put you on the meds not telling you then how to handle it at home, then they take maybe one more and then, yeah, it's not that I'm not under pain.
01:30:23
I mean, they could say you see me.
01:30:25
I stand up.
01:30:26
That's a daily thing.
01:30:27
So people can imagine I stand up really like an old granny.
01:30:32
I have to walk myself in.
01:30:35
So the pain is somewhat okay.
01:30:38
I think the mattress now at least the mattress is a little better that that foam memory mattress that that helps.
01:30:46
But yeah, it's still yeah, if people can picture someone struggling to get out of bed, but she pops out.
01:30:54
She still you still get out of bed quicker than me when it comes to the when the alarm goes off because the alarm goes off for that.
01:31:01
And then over here, like, just it seems like you can just hop up and even if you say it slower than the average bear, but you still pop up and it's time to get ready to go to work.
01:31:12
That's not like, or also like me, I'll set the it goes off and why do I set it another 10 minutes later, like 10 minutes is going to matter me sleeping 10 minutes longer.
01:31:27
I'm just messing with you because you're trying to you got to you got to hear the alarm again.
01:31:35
Maybe I just put a song that you like.
01:31:37
So at least you get to hear a song that you like when it's every time it goes off.
01:31:43
Now, always on repeat, always, always from the beginning.
01:31:46
That's boring too, though, because it will always start over and over again at the beginning.
01:31:54
The Lord only knows the pain that you go through on a daily basis working.
01:31:59
You still picked up things that you enjoy doing that has helped you.
01:32:05
You still always have a creative outlet.
01:32:09
You're doing hula hoop.
01:32:11
You do the sun.
01:32:14
You've learned how to do the sound bath, crocane, painting, Steins, stones.
01:32:23
You even at one time with the suction cups, a lot of things that are alternative ways for recovery, for wellness to get your body right, get your mind right.
01:32:40
And yeah, you always have something that you're you're involved with.
01:32:45
You have to surround yourself with positivity and things you like.
01:32:53
You can enjoy.
01:32:54
You can dive into, distract maybe your mind from.
01:32:57
It's enough to get gardening.
01:32:59
Oh yeah, distract your mind from maybe if you're in pain.
01:33:05
That's what helps me.
01:33:06
If I dive into something beautiful, if it's like the sounds of sound bathing,
01:33:12
if I can give you a sound bath or if it's painting rocks and I, you know, I'm just focusing on that or gardening.
01:33:20
Even I, you know, it's harder for me now to do that bending down and all that.
01:33:25
But yeah, digging your hands in soil, if you like it, I like it.
01:33:30
And that's where I can be in tune with me, with Mother Nature.
01:33:36
And I forget about everything, what is what is happening around me and also the pain or, you know, or if I had a stressful day, just, I just forget about it.
01:33:47
Yeah, that, I think that's a good takeaway point is because despite all of that, the, the surgeries, the recovery process and the pain that you're still dealing with and you pretty much just accepted it.
01:34:02
That's a part of life.
01:34:03
That's the way it's going to be.
01:34:05
Yeah.
01:34:06
But you still, you still find ways to enjoy life and do what you can, even though like you're not able to do things like you once were, but from the hula hoop, I mean, you were, you're doing, when you first started out, you were struggling with it.
01:34:20
But now you're doing some crazy things with it.
01:34:22
It's like, you know, we're almost, we're almost ready to take this show on the road and put up, put up a, put up a canopy or a tent.
01:34:33
Come on, you, you're my biggest fan.
01:34:38
I know that.
01:34:39
Yeah.
01:34:40
I think we're ready to take this show on the road.
01:34:43
The biggest and the only.
01:34:45
I want an only fan.
01:34:48
But, you know, but I also want to say is now that we even spoke about those surgery things and what I, what I've been through the surgery wise.
01:34:57
So still, I, this will be not my topic to talk about because I feel like, you know, even I have this issue or the diagnosis and all that.
01:35:13
I am more than that.
01:35:15
I am me.
01:35:17
I am Monique.
01:35:19
I have this, but this is not making me.
01:35:22
I don't know how to explain it.
01:35:24
You know, I'm not saying, oh, I have this diagnosis.
01:35:28
I have this.
01:35:29
This is what I'm suffering from.
01:35:31
I want to see that the people see me, you know, me, Monique and without all that nonsense.
01:35:41
And of course it's part of me.
01:35:44
And if someone knows it or asked me, I, I don't answer those, those questions, but it's not that I will put that just out there.
01:35:53
And that's, yeah.
01:35:54
No, no, I know what you mean.
01:35:56
And the only reason I say that is because that, you know, that's pretty much what the show is about people that are sharing their experience, their journey, their path and everything.
01:36:06
Not even everything, but I mean, the things that they've had to deal with along the road.
01:36:12
And the point is like how you said, I'm more than that.
01:36:15
Those did not define who you are.
01:36:19
You still involve yourself with a lot of other things because you have a lot of creative energy.
01:36:24
And so you, you do things just on the spur of a moment when you feel like creating or doing something.
01:36:30
And for you, that brings joy and that, that's something that, that lights you up.
01:36:35
And I'm always happy to see that.
01:36:37
I've, I still feel my, my nursing heart beating of someone of my elderly self.
01:36:42
I'm only going to have a moment here.
01:36:44
What can I use?
01:36:45
You know, and then I'm all in and I'm like, okay, come on, you know, and then I go into my little nurse talk and, and, and yeah.
01:36:54
To step out of that career and to go ahead and pursue something or to make an attempt to try something new.
01:37:03
And there was a lot of doubt.
01:37:05
But I still have a good contact.
01:37:07
And I'm happy just that I, that I found this job and this, this is a big opportunity also for me, you know, to, to go to work and, and go out there.
01:37:20
I still have, have people contact.
01:37:23
I have nice colleagues and I appreciate that very much that I had that, that chance, you know, they easily could say like, oh my gosh, she has all that.
01:37:34
We don't know, maybe she's sick a lot of time or, you know, that they are more worried that I have, that I fall out or what they, they gave me a chance.
01:37:42
They, they've, they sent me the right way.
01:37:44
They said, we feel like you're such a positive and upbringing person.
01:37:49
That's what they told me.
01:37:50
And there were other people who applied for that position, but they, they chose me and that made me so happy.
01:37:57
Yeah.
01:37:58
And I say that all the time.
01:38:01
I said, I thank you for this opportunity.
01:38:03
I'm very happy here and yeah.
01:38:06
Yeah, that is true.
01:38:07
They, they give you a chance because you were honest with them enough fun in the beginning and told them the situation and just so they're not in the dark when they hire you and then something were to come up.
01:38:18
God forbid.
01:38:19
We're, we're, we're hoping that it's, it's going to be a longer ride this time around.
01:38:24
Oh yeah.
01:38:25
I hope that this is a good, that I have a good break for a longer time now.
01:38:30
I am.
01:38:31
But if not, I'm ready for it.
01:38:36
So that's the whole issue with just enjoying the moment, trying to appreciate the present, not a dread too much about what is down the line, but make the making the best of what we have right now.
01:38:50
And then by trying to, trying to embrace it and enjoy it the best we can that, that, that'll better prepare us for whatever, whatever lies ahead, but we don't have a crystal ball.
01:39:01
And if I, if I do somewhere around here, I know it doesn't work.
01:39:05
So that's, that's all good.
01:39:09
That's all good.
01:39:11
And I, I, I want to, I want to, I want to say thank you to you also, because you are such an amazing person.
01:39:23
You are such an amazing husband to me.
01:39:26
You're my best friend.
01:39:29
And without you, I, I don't know how I would make it through, but I can tell you with you, it made it easy.
01:39:44
It was a smooth ride because I had you, your love and all the support you gave me.
01:39:52
And that made it so easy and also so worth it.
01:39:57
You know, I know I, people say, oh, you have to do it for yourself.
01:40:01
Of course I, I did fight for myself, but hello there.
01:40:06
There are more people, you know, I have on mind and, and of course this is you, you, you're my husband.
01:40:15
I have, I have my son on mind, you know, I, I'm fighting for him.
01:40:22
And I always did.
01:40:23
And for my parents.
01:40:25
Yeah.
01:40:27
But you was always, always there.
01:40:30
And I, I, I want to say thank you.
01:40:32
And you do an amazing job with the giants amongst us.
01:40:36
I'm so, so freaking proud of you.
01:40:41
How, how you, how you do that.
01:40:45
And,
01:40:46
Oh, what?
01:40:47
You know, it's a whole lot.
01:40:48
You also see the, from the, the first one, like how we're talking about doing, and it was in, it's that way.
01:40:54
Oh, you were running around like a chicken.
01:40:56
So nervous.
01:40:58
Yeah.
01:40:59
Same thing.
01:41:00
The, the doubt, the unsure, like, oh, you know what, I think everybody, everybody's doing one.
01:41:07
You do it.
01:41:08
You need.
01:41:09
If it means something to you, if it's, if it's something that moves you in a certain way,
01:41:14
then why not go ahead and take a stab at it?
01:41:16
Since we're on the, we're on the, the wave of thanking.
01:41:21
Thank you for everything that you said.
01:41:23
I, I know you're, I know you mean it from the bottom of your heart and you're, like I already said, the inspiration behind this.
01:41:32
And aside from my, my mother, my, my biggest hero and you're the reason, you know, I can say that not that you have a, a ruler or a stick over me and you're smacking me over the head every time I do something wrong.
01:41:46
But because of you, I'm flying straight.
01:41:50
And, you know, you, you keep me in line when, when I need to be.
01:41:56
And I, I think also that I've learned a lot through you just by your, your patience and everything.
01:42:03
And just how to be a better human being in general from a lot of different things and, and a lot of struggles that I've had and that I've dealt with you.
01:42:14
You've helped me along the way.
01:42:16
And, and I think had it not been for you.
01:42:19
I don't, I don't know.
01:42:21
I might have fell back on the wayside again.
01:42:24
But yeah, you've been the positive influence of my life, the positive bright light that is in my corner and all the more reason to keep straight and to, to build something that, that'll be worthwhile for both of us.
01:42:39
You are amazing.
01:42:40
And I find that your, your podcast, because it said, you know, when you doubt everybody has a podcast, you do it unique.
01:42:48
To me, this is still with the music.
01:42:51
You always sit there and people listen really, he sits there after every interview and he's paraphrasing it.
01:42:59
He's thinking about every talk and he's scribbling down for every interview the words he wanna reminisce and say to them.
01:43:09
So who's doing that?
01:43:11
Really, as you put so much love and effort to every conversation and how you go over that it sounds nice that the music is right, that, you know, everything is to me with so much love.
01:43:26
And that's what I, what I love about your podcast and that you listen to these people, give them a chance to be heard or that they can speak out what I want to speak out.
01:43:35
And nothing feels like it's forced, you know, it's always smooth sailing with you, your, your cool, you know, chat partner, you, you just, you just do a great job.
01:43:47
So keep it up.
01:43:49
And the crowd goes, wow.
01:43:57
Enough.
01:44:01
We let it run, we could, we could keep, we could keep this thing running.
01:44:07
We can take it three, we could take it till four in the morning.
01:44:10
How much time do you have, ladies and gentlemen?
01:44:14
Oh my God, we better.
01:44:16
No, I'm telling you, we better.
01:44:19
That was beautiful that we had this chat, we're in the same house, but we're not in the same room. We were still having this conversation.
01:44:31
You took time, like I said, out of your day to share some of your life experiences and your twist turns, jumps and everything that molded and shaped you into who you are right now.
01:44:48
And that's just the tip of the iceberg as a matter of fact, but some of the fights, some of the struggles and the battles that you had and how you were able to come out on the other side.
01:45:00
Still with your sanity, because you still kept your sanity.
01:45:05
So that was a beautiful take.
01:45:09
That was a beautiful conversation.
01:45:12
And if there's anything else before we wrap it up, my dear.
01:45:22
I will just say life is beautiful, no matter what.
01:45:30
You can always see something, there will always be something positive, even on very, very cloudy and maybe we're very dark days.
01:45:44
And those moments and those positive things, those are the things who carry you and let you move on and forward.
01:45:57
Couldn't have said it any better myself. Thank you so much.
01:46:04
You're welcome.
01:46:05
Till next time.
01:46:07
Peace.
01:46:09
And very soon.
01:46:11
Peace.
01:46:14
Peace.
01:46:17
Still laughing, still joyful.
01:46:25
Her smile was still enough to break the clouds and bring out the sun in a dark, cloudy, gloomy day.
01:46:34
But how to when life can seem fair, difficult and doing nothing but beat you up all day long, day in and day out.
01:46:43
I mean, what's the bother for her having meaningful relationships, her son, her parents doing things that she enjoys surrounding herself with things that bring joy to her life.
01:46:58
Things that light her up in the inside, crocane, painting stones, hula hooby, whatever it is where she's able to express herself freely and not to have that energy bottled up.
01:47:13
That's the way mo flows.
01:47:15
And from a very early age, she knew what she wanted to be.
01:47:19
And that was a nurse.
01:47:21
She might not be working in an ICU unit, but she's still that angel and beacon of light.
01:47:29
She still has that heart to give.
01:47:31
There was a mention of a friend of hers who recently passed away.
01:47:35
And this man was bedridden for more than a year.
01:47:39
The family had a physical therapist going to the house, but he might as well not even a bender.
01:47:45
He was doing next to nothing.
01:47:47
Monique comes along and she'd help with get trying to get back in the swing of things.
01:47:52
She introduced different movements, motions, exercises so that he could kind of recover some of the muscle loss that happened since he's been bedridden and since the accident that happened in the hospital to where he ended up losing one of his legs.
01:48:10
Not even one month into her visiting, she was able to help him help himself get out of bed, sit himself on his wheelchair so that they could roll him out into his garden and he could get some fresh air on his face again after being in a room or on a bed for over a year.
01:48:32
Within a month, she was able to help him do that. How good it must have felt for him to be able to go out in his garden again.
01:48:40
And it didn't just stop in his garden because there was also pictures and times that she would share with me.
01:48:46
Where they took him around the neighborhood, the son's pushing him in the wheelchair and they're rolling him around and he's able to get outside around the neighborhood and enjoy that.
01:48:55
Listen to the birds chirp, get out in the open fresh air and to be able to experience that again instead of being stuck in a room or confined to four corners and four walls.
01:49:09
The smile he had on his face when she shared those pictures with me and I was able to, she brought me over to the house one time and I was able to meet them.
01:49:18
A sweet family, we had coffee, we had cake together and how thankful the family was for her but also how much Monique enjoyed being a part of that family's life.
01:49:31
And to this day, even right now, she still keeps in contact with the wife and the son.
01:49:38
That's just one example. I could go on for days but this is just who she is.
01:49:43
So regardless of her working in the medical field in that sense, there's still relationships and there's still things that she does outside of that because that's what she enjoys doing.
01:49:54
She's a giver with a big heart and even after the surgeries and having to go through that, how draining it was physically, emotionally, from the back to the neck and then being so close together in time.
01:50:07
The work towards healing, getting better, getting well, making the effort, doing the exercises, the motions, taking those baby steps again so she's able to enjoy life like she once did.
01:50:19
There was a lot of pain, there was a lot of doubt, there was a lot of her getting down on herself and depression and self-esteem, everything just taking a hit but she kept at it.
01:50:33
And like she said, she's not some condition, she's not a diagnosis, she's not a disability, she's more than that. That's a fact.
01:50:43
But I can say what she is without a doubt is a giant amongst us.
01:50:50
My dear, my leading, I want to thank you for sharing your story for walking us down some of your life's experience, your journey and taking us through how you navigated through your struggles, your trials, your tribulations, your ups and your downs and how you managed to come out,
01:51:14
still enjoying life, still hopeful of life and still taking things in a positive direction.
01:51:21
You know life isn't fair, some people are handed everything and others they have to work for, all that they have.
01:51:30
Rather than complain and cry, whoa is me, Monique, she kept putting one foot in front of the other so that she can create a life that she'd be happy with.
01:51:43
Keep being you and keep letting that soul of yours shine through.
01:51:49
I hope this episode finds you all in good spirits.
01:51:52
Again, like always, thank you all for tuning in.
01:51:55
You can check out the website, it's as easy as putting in giantsamongstus.com.
01:52:01
There you're able to leave a voice message if you like.
01:52:04
And let me know where you're listening from, what episodes you enjoy, what you like about the show, what you don't like about the show.
01:52:13
You can also leave a voice message and let me know where you're listening from or share your thoughts on the show or any of the stories that you've heard in the past.
01:52:22
And of course, if you find value in the show, if you appreciate the stories, the words that have been shared and what's been going on so far with it,
01:52:33
you can always leave a rating, you can leave a review, you can do all that on whichever platform it is you're listening to.
01:52:41
That can help with putting this inside of the ears of more listeners as we continue to move on with this.
01:52:49
So thank you all.
01:52:50
And before I wrap this thing up, if you would like to be a part of the show and share your story
01:52:59
or even the story of someone in your life that has impacted you in a positive way, you can always reach out to me via email.
01:53:08
I'd be happy to connect. Until next time and very soon. Peace.
01:53:38
.