Eclectic Musician Draws From Traumatic Childhood To Create Raw And Authentic Music || Benjamin "Bencasso" Barnes

[00:00:42] Kicking in the door with episode number 44. Welcome back. You know what time it is. We're getting ready to share in the unique human experience. This is Giants Amongst Us where we highlight real stories,

[00:00:59] that are told by real people. People just like yourself. It sure is good to be back. I hope you all are in good spirits. Today we had some sunshine. It was warm outside. My wife and I, we were in our garden cleaning up a little bit, getting everything ready because spring is just around the corner. How's the weather been over on your side?

[00:01:21] If this is your first time tuning in, let me just run it down for you real quick. What you'll find here is stories, real stories about the resilient human spirit. This is the home to the underdogs. Those that have transcended struggle, challenges, setbacks, adversity. Sometimes it looks in different forms. People have battled with addiction.

[00:01:46] There's been those living with handicaps. There's been those living with handicaps and still others who have had a traumatic past, abuse, neglect, depression, suffering, all the tragedies and the downfalls and pitfalls of humanity.

[00:02:01] But there is also that underlining theme, which is hope, which is promise, which is inspiration and restoration. It's about self-discovery. It's about self-exploration. It's about development. It's about growth. It's about maturity. It's about turning over a new leaf and moving in a better direction.

[00:02:24] It's about creating new experiences. It's about taking accountability and responsibility for one's self. Pardon the rant. I just wanted to emphasize the fact that we are indeed creators collaborating in this creation that we're all involved in. We have the power. We have the potential. We have possibility. We just have to actualize it. We have to wake up to this fact, embrace it, explore it and internalize, become that.

[00:02:51] And before we get into today's conversation, I want to remind you, you can go to giantsamongstus.org. That is giantsamongstus.org where you can find updates on the show. There's a blog section where you can read up on blogs and afterthoughts. There's an option to leave a voice message. If that's something you'd like to do and let us know where you're listening from, how you're listening to the show, what you like about it, ways that we could improve it.

[00:03:20] This is a two-way street. It's always good to hear back from you all. And of course, you can go into the archives and listen to past stories and past guests talk about their own experiences and journeys in real time. Okay, enough of the house cleaning. Let's get into it. Today, Benjamin Barnes, aka Ben Casso joins us and he's got a story to tell.

[00:03:46] There were like weird things that happened. Like she would take a bath with some guy and then put us in the bath afterwards and say that she didn't want us to smell like that worm. So that was the circumstances. And so I jumped in front of the train. Like when the school was shattered. I was in ICU for two months or no, one month and then one more month in recovery and bedridden.

[00:04:15] Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, this is Benjamin Barnes and his story. Welcome back to the show, ladies and gentlemen. This is Giants Amongst Us, where we share in the unique human experience.

[00:04:31] Today, I'd like to welcome Benjamin Barnes, aka Ben Picasso to the show. He took some time out of his day. He's a busy man. He's a he's like an octopus with the tentacles out in the ocean and he's doing artistry. He's doing education. He's doing musicianship. He's an author, plays the violin. I mean, what doesn't he do? He wears a lot of hats.

[00:04:55] Benjamin, you know, you could have been anywhere right now. You could have been doing anything, but you took some time out right now to sit down and have a have a conversation. So appreciate it. How's it going? It's going well. I'm kind of a jack of all trades, master of none. But I like to say that. I got a master in something. I don't know. Yeah, that's right. I'm looking right in front of me. I'm seeing a master of music, music and a bachelor of music at the San Francisco Conservatory of Music.

[00:05:25] Yeah, I spent six years there, six years straight. And when I got out, it was really hard because there were no jobs for musicians. My string quartet, our first violinist got drafted by the pros pretty much. He got set into a famous new music quartet called the Arditti String Quartet. And so then we were without a first violinist and we put together some some concerts after that.

[00:05:54] And there's a couple of recordings that I released. One of Brahms C minor piano quartet, Op. 60 and one of the Albon Berg's lyric suite by Albon Berg. That had our first that old first violinist in it. And Graham was a genius at modern music and he could sight read anything. He's still around. He's moved down to Australia.

[00:06:18] He was picked up by the Arditti Quartet. And that was a great experience working with him and world class violinist in college. When I reached out to you beforehand, I was looking at some of your backstory and man, you've had your your fair share of setbacks and challenges along the way to get you to where you're at today. It's been a wild ride. I'm pretty sure with a lot of insights, a lot of blood, sweat and tears.

[00:06:46] You mind just for starters, you know, just sharing a bit about some of your your backstory, you know, where you come from and how it was for you growing up. Some of my struggles. Oh, yeah. Benjamin Barnes, a.k.a. Ben Kossu. I'm a musician, artist, entrepreneur, author and mental health advocate. I run Ben Kossu LLC, a creative enterprise that includes multiple record labels, YouTube channels and art gallery and digital marketplace for my music, a music school, art and apparel.

[00:07:16] I also founded Culture Scholar, a 5.01c3 nonprofit dedicated to cultural education and music for mental health. Through this organization, I bring music appreciation classes and live performances to retirement homes, mental health clinics and underserved communities, including mentally ill and those in addiction recovery.

[00:07:39] My career has been shaped by my deep passion for music and an intense personal journey of resilience. I started playing violin at the age of nine and had the privilege of studying under great teachers who helped me earn a place at the San Francisco Conservatory of Music. While at the SFCM, I founded the Rilke String Quartet and Deadweight, a groundbreaking rock band featuring electric violin, electric cello and drums.

[00:08:08] Deadweight quickly gained recognition, winning the Lucky Strike Band Competition, playing Fuji Rock Festival in Japan and touring with Les Claypool and Fishbone. We released three albums, including one on Nippon Columbia and another on Alternative Tentacles, during which time I also had the opportunity to work with Jason Neustadt of Metallica, who produced my first songwriter demo.

[00:08:34] Behind the success, I was struggling with severe mental illness, a schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type, PTSD, morbid depression, and crippling anxiety and addiction. I grew up in a household of poverty, addiction, and mental illness, and despite my career taking off, the pressure and the instability caught up with me. I suffered a major breakdown in 1996 and lost everything and became homeless.

[00:09:00] The Rilke String Quartet collapsed, and I spent years living in abject poverty, sometimes on the streets while still managing to perform and record with deadweight. Things seemed to stabilize when I met Karen, who became my girlfriend and helped me regain some balance. Around this time, deadweight broke up, and I formed Swindlefish with my friends Lisey and Mike in 2004, recording two albums and continuing to perform.

[00:09:25] But addiction, mental illness resurfaced in a psychotic episode fueled by cocaine. I became convinced that the Mexican cartels were going to kill my friends if I testified against a dealer that I bought from. In complete terror, I attempted suicide by jumping in front of the BART train. The impact shattered my skull and left me with a traumatic brain injury.

[00:09:49] I had to undergo multiple surgeries to reconstruct my head, and the process of recovery took years. For seven years, my head continued to bleed because of skin grafts, and I believed my music career was over. During my revisitation, I decided to go back to school and earn a teaching credential. I taught kindergarten, third and fifth grade, while slowly regaining my ability to play music. The road back was long.

[00:10:16] I started by teaching beginner violin students and busking at BART stations to rebuild my chops. Over time, I regained my skills and returned to performing professionally. In 2019, I launched a project to document my life's work after receiving a grant from the San Francisco Mayor's Office for COVID relief. And I used the funds to purchase cameras, computers, and editing software and taught myself video production.

[00:10:45] After years of trial and error, I became proficient in filmmaking and launched multiple YouTube channels, Bencaso Media, and an extensive online presence. Today, I use my platform to advocate for mental illness awareness, support artists and musicians, and expand music for mental health to reach more people in need. My focus is on producing new recordings, live concerts, and educational programs,

[00:11:13] while helping others find healing through music and creativity, just as I did. My journey has been anything but easy, but I am living proof that art and music can save lives. No matter how dark things get, there is always a way to move forward. Appreciate you sharing that. That's some heavy stuff early on, you know.

[00:11:36] That's a lot for someone to have to go through and then to come out on the other end and still have a motivation or a desire to want to do something. Because sometimes when things go the way they go, you know, that can really put you down and some stay down. But I'm curious, you know, because you said at nine years old, you started learning the violin? Yeah. What got you into the violin? My dad, when I was like two years old, he decided to start playing Irish fiddle. And he couldn't do it.

[00:12:05] It's like it was awful. And my mom took his fiddle away and gave it to me because I would just always stare at it and watch it. And so I dragged it around like Linus's blanket from Peanuts. And it became just a tattered shell of a violin with strings pouring out. And it was just a knack in the strings and the pegs in this peg box. But I loved it. You played the thing to death. Yeah, I wore it out.

[00:12:34] But I started a Suzuki violin program in fourth grade. And I go through like all my different teachers in my auto memorography and kind of get what each teacher was like and where they led me to in my artistic career as a young kid. That's pretty damn cool. So you stuck with it. You picked it up and then you never put it down.

[00:12:58] But you had your moments when you seemed like you were going through some things because of, you know, the environment, your surroundings. Yeah. My mom was, she still is, schizophrenia and used to do all kinds of acid. And there were like weird things that happened. And like she would take a bath with some guy and then put us in the bath afterwards and say that she didn't want us to smell like that worm.

[00:13:26] And that she meant it, our father, David. She called him the worm. There was a lot of whacked out stuff. She was a painter and she'd make us pose naked for her and strange contortions. And then while she sketched us and we were like, you know, three, four, five, six, seven years old, you know, with no attention span. And she'd get frustrated if we moved and learned how to concentrate that way. How many brothers and sisters did you have? One brother. His name's Josh.

[00:13:56] He's a year younger than me. We're Irish twins. He's 13 years younger, 13 months younger. And he's a guitar player and we play music every once in a while. He lives in the city and he and I pretty much take care of each other. I got him a place to live and a job and he's been helping me out with things. And he got arrested for counterfeiting.

[00:14:21] He was photocopying $100 bills and taking it and giving it to dealers to get his heroin. Then they caught him. And the Secret Service came and searched him down when he was homeless. He'd just gotten kicked out of one of his apartments. And they were pretty physical. It tells the story. But he was photocopying $100 bills. So coming up when you were being brought up, was it mainly your mom in the house or both your parents were together? Yeah.

[00:14:51] Well, my mom and dad were together until I was like five and they'd fight all the time. And so my dad figured that he was the problem. So he left. And when things got really bad for us, the principal of my school called my dad and said, if you don't take your sons and take care of them because their mother's not in a good way, I'm going to call CPS. So he came back and he got us. And we lived in a school bus and we were in a trailer park.

[00:15:20] And there was a scene where my dad's coming to pick me and my brother up and got in a big fight with her. And she grabbed his guitar and whacked him, broke his arm. And she was trying to knock his head off with a guitar. And so he pulled us out and she was out chasing after us and cursing. And she swore like a sailor. And got us into the bus and drove off. Damn. It was unforgettable.

[00:15:46] This is during the time when, you know, you're becoming of age, you're still going through your adolescent years. So you probably had a tough time getting settled in school, right? Yeah. Yeah. My brother couldn't read. Like he missed maybe 100 days of kindergarten. I missed like 100 days of first grade. But I had a really good teacher in second grade that took a lot of time and taught me to read pretty much.

[00:16:15] I can't believe that they passed us out of kindergarten and first grade when we didn't have any real strong foundation in learning to read or do math. But my second grade teacher was great. She, she misses Houck. And she, she knew like I would go to conferences with her and my mother and she, she just knew what was going on and how difficult it was.

[00:16:40] And she saw that I, I was just some nice kid that people didn't want to be around because my mother had had such a bad reputation around town for her episodes. And thank God for people like that, huh? Thank God for teachers like that. And anybody who sees, you know, they're, they're doing a little bit extra, you know, because some can overlook that because they have so much on the plate.

[00:17:04] But some teachers or in your case, this, this lady, she took the time and noticed that there was something going on with you. And she gave you that extra attention to help you out. And it was something that to this day, you still remember second grade. That's a long time ago. Part of the reason why, why I went and got my multiple subjects teaching credential and wanted to teach grade school. I was teaching in inner city schools in San Francisco.

[00:17:33] A lot of really traumatized kids in kindergarten and third, fifth grade that, that tried to help out however I could. There was one kid, Simon in kindergarten. He was like kind of the best. But my master teacher, when I was getting my, when I was a student teacher, she would always send me the bad kids. So, yeah, the kids that would bully other kids and couldn't read and were hyperactive.

[00:18:03] But I felt my way around trying to get them to focus on learning how to read the alphabet and count. Did you see with a lot of the kids that you were dealing with? It's hard to know everybody's story, but do you think a lot of them were coming from family and homes that were dysfunctional? Yeah. A lot of, especially a lot of Mexican immigrants.

[00:18:27] There was one girl, Melanie, that would take little boys up to the top of the jungle gym and sort of grind on them and do all kinds of sexual things. And she was five. And I found out that her father had been molesting her. So that was pretty traumatic for, even for me. What are you guys told to do?

[00:18:53] I hear that in some cases there, people are told, no, you don't get too involved. You can't for whatever reason. I don't know if whatever the reasons are, there's something to do with maybe they don't want to catch a case or something. If it was a false accusation, but like, what are you, what are you guys told to do? If you do come at, like for you, you find out that this little girl is being molested by her father. Are you guys permitted to go ahead and make that phone call and say, Hey, I think CPS needs to check on this house.

[00:19:22] Well, not as a student teacher, but the master teacher that there was, we always made sure that there was another adult around, you know, in case, in case there were false accusations or anything like that, that the kids would do. And then the parents would, but none of that happened because we always had our master teacher, like was always in sight of us whenever we were on the playground or something, watching the kids.

[00:19:51] So that was a, that was pretty good thing to have in place. I asked that because I've heard stories also of people, and this is coming from, from the victim on their side. And then they talk about times when they went to school or they spoke with certain, certain authority figures and they brought it to their attention. But these people just, they didn't do, do anything further than that. They either took it as, Oh yeah. Okay. And just brushed it off.

[00:20:19] You know, they just, they turned a deaf ear, you know, to the cry for help. Yeah. A lot of teachers, it's, it's just too much for them. And it's, it's heartbreaking, like all the time to have these kids that, you know, are going to have some serious trouble when they, when they grow up. And I'm sure that's what the, how teachers had. My brother bit his second grade teacher. It was like, it was, he bit her.

[00:20:47] And he got suspended for a week. Uh, and then, and then the poor teacher like had to have him in her class after that for the rest of the year. And kids don't have any real concept of future consequences. You know? Yeah. You know, and that's something that's unfortunate is that some of these children, like they're, you know, they're coming from households that really aren't, aren't the best. They aren't the healthiest. They aren't the most stable.

[00:21:16] And so they get no kind of structure from home and it's left for the teacher to deal with, you know, everything that comes of it. You're dealing with a child who has whatever it is, there's no attention at home. Family members aren't there. They could be abusive or they're just not paying any attention, neglecting them. And then he comes to school and that's just a lot to ask of someone. Peter, you got 20 kids is the side of the class in fifth grade. It's, it's 35 or 36.

[00:21:45] The thing that you're talking about is like the parents blame the teachers. They don't take any responsibility. It starts from home, doesn't it? Yeah. And, and then you've got these people in Congress that like right now they're going to shut down this, the Department of Education. They're going to shut it down. Trump is. And teachers have such a bad rap and don't get paid and they put their hearts into it and then they burn out.

[00:22:12] That's unrealistic to, you know, it starts at home. You're, you're a parent, you're having a child. This is your responsibility to give it the nourishment, to give this child the resources and to raise it with love, support, care, to give this child everything that it needs to be able to, when it becomes of age, to be able to navigate and learn and to grow and to be, you know, someone that's healthy and someone that is, you know, is a well-balanced and well-rounded human being.

[00:22:39] But you can't just drop this little girl, this little boy off to the next one and say, you do it. It's a vicious cycle as you've got kids having kids. Vicious cycle. There's so many of these kids are, you know, like their parents were teenagers when they were born. You know, it's that. And the parents don't have the resources or the experience to raise the kids. And then those, the ones that don't have families that help, it's just, it's a mess. Yeah, that's right.

[00:23:08] So you had this second grade teacher who really took the time, the energy, the love and the patience with you to put all that into you when it turned into something beautiful for you later on in life. And you turned around and started to work in that same kind of environment and give back in a way, right? Paying it forward almost. I credit her with a lot. There was a thing that happened. She asked me what I wanted to be.

[00:23:35] And I said, well, I want to be a Shakespearean actor or a police officer. So she had me read my, she told me to bring my favorite book to class. And so I only had one book. It was called Lamont, the Lonely and the Monster. And so she had me read it in front of the class. Like I've gotten to the point where I could decipher words and speak. And I read it in front of the class.

[00:24:02] And that was one really special moment in my life that I felt like I had accomplished something. And that led to me wanting to accomplish things and get things done throughout my life. Oh, wow. So that was the, that seed right there. And it started growing, you know, that, that momentum and the motivation and the confidence you got after doing that. That's pretty powerful.

[00:24:28] And I'd come from a home of like absolute neglect. Josh and I would, we would be abandoned in a trailer and my mom would lock the trailer with a padlock. And she'd leave us a sledgehammer and say, if there's a fire, break out the window and climb out.

[00:24:47] So, I mean, we'd be stuck in there for days while she'd go off and hang out at bars and go off to communes and hang out with, I don't have anything against hippies. I grew up a hippie. But that was the era. And she was coming out of the hippie, the hippie era. And there was a lot about smoking weed and doing LSU and a lot of that sort of thing. And, man, that's all funny games.

[00:25:15] But when you have two children at home, that's terrible on the other end. So you, you had your brother. It was you and your brother. That was that tight knit, both you and him to get through and to figure out just how to, you know, survive and make it day to day. I've been taking care of Josh and helping him out my whole life. He'll do fine for a while and then he'll, he'll get into a mindset that's not very healthy. It's negative. And so I, I try to help him out of that.

[00:25:44] He helps me with some of the stuff that I do. When I'm busking at the parts station and people are taking my money and stuff, like he'll come and just watch while I'm playing for an hour, an hour and a half and make sure that nobody takes the money. Stuff like that. That extra eye in the sky. Yeah. How about for you, Ben? When you were growing up, like that's your younger years and that's terrible.

[00:26:08] That's very unfortunate that a child has to go through something like that and worry about where food's going to come, where the security is going to be. When, when mom's coming home, that kind of thing. How about when you were, you were a teenager and getting older was that, that trauma, that neglect, that, that abuse. Was it wearing and tearing on you mentally and emotionally? Yeah. I had a lot of, I still do have a lot of abandonment issues.

[00:26:37] And when I get involved with a woman, it's, it's really hard. Breakups are really hard. And I usually end up in, in the, in the psych ward. I don't get mad. I just fall into a deep depression, like hopeless, you know, thinking that, that things didn't work out and I'll never have another girlfriend sort of stuff. So that's, that's something that was happening in high school. I, you know, I, I get involved with a girl.

[00:27:05] You know, I was, I was a really good looking kid that played violin really well and, and played guitar and sang. And so there were always women around or girls around that, that were chasing after me and I'd get involved with one girl and then I'd cheat on her. And then the girl I was involved with would break up with me and, and I would, I would just be devastated. I wouldn't be able to do anything.

[00:27:31] And a lot of that had to do with the way my mother had treated me, you know, it's a lot of Freudian sort of Freudian Gestapo. Yep. It really does a number on you emotionally, psychologically, especially what you said, mentioning that abandonment issues. This is something that you dealt with your whole life.

[00:27:50] And that was a big reason you said when you were at the very beginning talking about these, these episodes that you went through and to the point, to the, to the extreme point of where you actually jumped in front of a train. Uh, it wasn't running fools. It was coming into the station. So it was slowing down. So that's probably why I'd live. But, uh, what, what had happened is my girlfriend, Karen had found a bundle of Coke in my pants.

[00:28:15] And so she kicked me out of the house, took my keys and stuff. And I, I started going to a psychosis and I didn't think that I was ever going to get back in. I was like, she had called it off and I was getting ghosted. And I went to my American history class. I was at city college and, and I, I left.

[00:28:35] And then I started, things started going in my head. I was, I was getting really delusional thinking that this guy that I'd known that I've been buying Coke from for a long time. There was a club owner that had told me that this guy, Juan was heavy into the Mexican cartel. And, and the guy, Robin at the Paradise Lounge was, he really was kind of a full of shit guy. And, and, but I believed everything he said about, you know, don't fuck with Juan.

[00:29:04] And Juan was selling to police officers that would come in and buy Coke from him. And so I'm thinking like dirty cops and the Mexican cartels, you don't, you just don't fuck with the Mexican cartels. I mean, they, they're really heinous, you know, it's, uh, don't do it. That's what, you know, whole towns in Mexico, they, they don't talk. The cartels own everybody and they're extremely violent. So that's what was going on in my head.

[00:29:32] And I thought that everybody was going to get, everybody I knew was going to die if I had to testify. And so Karen had told me she was going to take the bindle to the police. And I was running around all day, like just tripping out. I mean, none of this would have happened. Realistically it's gone. It wouldn't have happened. But the thing was I was going into this mania and the more manic I get, the more gullible I get.

[00:29:59] And I can fool myself and, and other people can, can tell me something and, and I'll believe them no matter what it is they say. So that was the circumstances. And, and so I jumped it from the train. And, but even though you said it was, you know, the fact that it wasn't going full speed and that was the reason why you survived, but it still did a number on you. I mean, it, it banged you up. It's still a miracle that you did walk away from it. Yeah. And I have full memory of it.

[00:30:28] And like when the school was shattered, I was in ICU for two months or no one month. And then one, one more month in recovery at bedridden and I had a tag on my arm that said fall risk. So like the first time I got up, I fell down and I had this big hole in my head where they'd taken out in a cranioplasty. My brain was swelling. So they took out a quarter of my skull. There was shattered.

[00:30:56] They took a hundred or some shards of bone off my brain and, and took out the rest of the area and let my brain swell up through the hole in my skull. When I recovered, I had to run around with a helmet and a big hole in my head for six months while, while my head healed so that they could put the bone back into my head. And so they did that. And the, the bone receded.

[00:31:24] I started to decline and, and I went back in and got it checked out. And they said, well, we're going to get this method of my thaccolate bone created, prosthetic bone, and, and we'll put it in. So they put that in and it was too big for my skull. So what happened is part of my forehead started to split apart and weep. And I had several surgeries that, to close that up.

[00:31:50] And finally, what happened is that it was a microsurgery because they needed to get some tissue into the skin because I had thin skin and, and it wouldn't heal. So they took my lateralis muscle from my back and put it on top of my head and a skin graft from my leg and put it all together with a bunch of staples. And it took months for that to get my staples out. And then the skin graft still weeped and bled for another six years. And, uh, Karen was awesome. She, she totally took care of me through that.

[00:32:20] What were you going through laying in the ICU for a month? Yeah, I was, I was, uh, induced coma. Oh, were you? Induced coma. Yeah. I'm curious. I have to ask you, did you have any, you're in a coma, but did you have any, uh, visions or any sensations of any sort? Yeah. Well, when I woke up, uh, from the first thing, Karen said, oh, I have a present for you. Can you guess what it is? And I said, Elvis's baby.

[00:32:48] And, uh, and then, and then she goes, uh, no, uh, do you, do you know where you are? And I said, pick a dolly circus. So there was some, some crazy psychedelic stuff going on when I was, when I was in my, uh, in my induced coma. You were in la la land. Yeah. Uh, then the putting dilaudid into me. You had to get reoriented. It took some time, right? Yeah. Your feet back on the ground. Yeah.

[00:33:18] But you had, you had Karen. This was your, your girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah. She and I met. I, what she did is she, she let me live with her. I was living in this little crappy little place with a, a leaky roof and bed bugs and just damp walls from like, and it was small and the shower didn't work. And it was a pretty nasty place that I was living in, but I couldn't find any other places to live. And so she, she moved me into her house, like the first week that we started seeing each other.

[00:33:47] And, uh, she came to visit me in the psych ward and it was like somebody cared about me. It's like from my whole life, nobody really shown me that kind of interest in improving my, my quality of life or anything like that. So, so she really had a great impact on me. And she's now the treasurer of my nonprofit that I founded. She was always really good with money and, um, she taught me how to manage my meager funds.

[00:34:15] And so I, I don't go off and blow all my stuff on. Yeah. Yeah. She, she's great. She's still my friend. We broke up in 2015. I left her because I just couldn't take any more of a life. She, she devoted several years to, to helping me, uh, you know, recover from this thing. And I was so anxious all the time because it was another surgery after another surgery and, and the, the danger of, of infection.

[00:34:44] And if, if my head got infected, then they'd have to take all the hardware out and do it all over again. And I, I looked like a monster. So like, she didn't have any more, uh, romantic feelings for me. And I wanted to let her have her life back. I, I'd save some money and I was doing well. I had a bunch of students and, and I was able to move out. Isn't it restarting? Ryan and Eric, who would you say some of your favorite guests are that we've had on the podcast?

[00:35:12] Ryan, I would say it was your dad, Vietnam veteran that had, uh, intense action stories as well as, uh, touching and meaningful, you know, content about, you know, his life and yours. That's true. I do have to say my dad, he has to be my favorite, but a close second would probably be COVID virologist. Oh, that was amazing.

[00:35:30] I think it's a toss up between Jason Weems, who is a comedian who died on stage and was resurrected to be on our podcast and raise his family and other things, other responsibilities. And we also had a Marine one or like presidential helicopter pilot on the show. And that was crazy. That's a good one. That's hard to beat.

[00:35:51] So if any of that sounds interesting to you, tune into the baggage podcast where four friends, a prosecutor, a doctor, a comedian, and a journalist interview ordinary people about their extraordinary experiences. Search for baggage wherever you get your podcast.

[00:36:04] That was some selfless love on your part, Ben, because especially coming from where you're coming from, the abandonment issues, you having the fear, the angst, the trauma of not knowing when your mother's coming back home, when there will be someone around to love for you, to care for you, to make you feel as if you're wanted.

[00:36:25] And then when you do finally have that and you wanting to let her go on about her life because you see that you may be a burden, you know, a beast of burden in a way. And to give that up just so she can, you know, get back to what you feel would be better for her at the time rather than being tied up with you. I had my own selfish reasons, too.

[00:36:52] I wanted to pursue my art and music, and she would get really uncomfortable if I started getting a little creative. So that was another reason that I left. A lot of it, I had a lot of guilt for turning your life upside down for several years, you know, taking care of guys. Like, I didn't, I don't think that either of us thought that I was going to recover enough to be able to be self-sufficient and not. Yeah, do for yourself.

[00:37:20] Yeah, she just stuck with me. And she said, you know, I would have stayed with you. Yeah. You can see it from your side, of course, with the guilt. And then you said also that I had my own reasons where I wanted to pursue my career and my passion. But on her end, too, it was that love that she had for you. Like you said, she was willing to ride it out to the wheels fall off. Yeah, yeah. We're really close friends. That's a beautiful thing that you still have her in your life. The romance, it was gone.

[00:37:50] It was like I was such an anxious freak when all that was going on. During that time, too, you're going through the surgeries. You don't know how it's going to shake out. You know, you probably in the back of your mind. I don't even know if I'm ever going to be 100% or able to do what I really want to do in my life. And then also, like you said, looking at yourself and damn, I look like a beast of a thing walking upright.

[00:38:15] But what in the hell kept you inspired or motivated to want to just keep pushing, keep kicking and keep trying to hold on and to have hope, some kind of hope for that light at the end of the tunnel? Well, I really felt that what I'd done with the Roka Quartet and I'd done with Deadweight was it had value.

[00:38:42] Like I wanted to continue to do that sort of work. And I'd gotten into painting more. And there was just a lot of things I wanted to do. And I knew that I couldn't do them with Karen because she got really nervous about everything with me. Like she was worried that I was going to try to kill myself again, you know, that sort of thing. I didn't tell anybody about the whole Mexican cartel thing until this movie was made about me.

[00:39:12] Okay. So you have a movie out. Yeah. I can't really talk about it. I don't agree with the way that I was portrayed. But they had me sign a non-disparagement contract or a settlement with them. And I got a little bit of money for that.

[00:39:30] During that time, you had that your why or your will was the importance going back to what you did before and that you still wanted to live and be around to be able to do that again. Yeah. I've missed out on several years of my life and things that were going well. And I wanted to prove to myself and prove to a lot of people that I worked with that I could be stable and I could accomplish things.

[00:39:58] And, you know, it's like I wasn't just some mentally ill, disabled guy who, you know, screwed up his whole life and had a lot of bad luck, you know, just made poor decisions and things like that business-wise with my bands and my art. So I wanted to go back and try and make some more recordings. I made several recordings and they were all really good. And I missed that creating things.

[00:40:25] And the last part of me and Karen being together is that I'd saved some money from playing at Bart's stations and I did a bunch of recording sessions and made a couple albums that I didn't release until later. But she just wasn't into me doing anything artistic or music-wise. So I left. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes you got to part ways when you both have two different things on mind.

[00:40:54] You have this passion of yours, music, expressing yourself through art and creating. And, you know, hers was the angst and the fear of, like you said, you going back into that dark spiral. And she was trying to, I guess maybe on her part, she was trying to protect you from doing that or from going that way, trying to protect you. But you're like, let me go. I got to try it. You don't know until you know. Let me take a stab at it.

[00:41:21] There's been many times in my life that I regret that very much. You know, it's like I had some stability financially. So you stepped out. You stepped out and you didn't have no kind of worries or fears. Like, did I do the right thing? Yeah. Yeah. I ended up homeless again and living in a halfway house. And it was rough. And finally, I got a place to live after a couple of years of living in this halfway house with a bunch of really cool guys.

[00:41:49] But they were pretty serious felons. You know, people that had murdered people in armed robbery sort of stuff. And I was coming from a completely different world where I'd gone to college and I played classical music. And I didn't really fit in.

[00:42:05] And I'd have to take my stuff and put it somewhere safe when I left the place, you know, because there was a lot of theft and stuff in the halfway house, which was kind of hard to deal with. What was keeping you? Because you came out of the psych ward. You said you had these episodes and you had Karen, who she was trying to protect you from falling down in that way again. What was keeping you?

[00:42:32] Do you think on that same path, you know, where you were healthy and fit enough, also aware enough to not be around certain people because that's not what you want to get mixed up in and you have something that you want to pursue? And were you on medication or were you just doing this on your own and just trying to stay focused on the goal at hand? I take my medication religiously.

[00:42:57] Like, I don't like going into manic spirals or things like that. So I rarely miss taking my meds. But I really had this driving passion to I wanted to have a successful business, a successful art and music business.

[00:43:16] So I kept trying and doing things and I was really determined to have this lasting legacy of what I created and that it like going on beyond my life. You know, it's like I never got the chance to have kids or anything. So I wanted to leave some sort of legacy of what I created, what I've done.

[00:43:40] And I'm hoping that the nonprofit will last past my life, that I get it set up with the foundation and some funding and be able to carry out the mission of helping other people with mental illness. And there's a real loneliness epidemic that's going on that I've experienced a lot of mentally ill people and elderly people. They're kind of stuck. There's nobody cares about them. Nobody wants to be around them.

[00:44:09] And they're on their own. Yeah. I remember listening to somebody and they were talking about how the way that we treat the elderly, it can be fixed and there's room for improvement. Because let's just say, for instance, a convalescent home. There was a time where I worked in a convalescent home years ago for probably like six or seven months. And so I seen that a lot of them are in their room by themselves.

[00:44:37] They have very little visitations. The nurses are the only people that they interact with. But other than that, some of them are just left in their room. They come out for a little bit of sunlight. And so this man who was talking about, you know, these different setups, he's like, wouldn't it be a great thing for the children, for one? Now you mix both generations because we both need each other. We all need each other in a way we can learn from each other.

[00:45:04] And it can help us just as people to feel loved, to feel accepted and to be nourished and to grow, you know, just as human beings. And so he was talking about the idea of where you have the children at times visiting these convalescent homes. And the children are with their energy, with their life, with their zest, with their, you know, all of this spunk that they still have in them that is brand new.

[00:45:31] And this can light up an older person and remind them of the old times. And this can do something for them. And then also the children can learn from the older because then now you have the older generation maybe passing down stories, lessons, experiences. And so it's a good thing for both sides. And it also brings back that community or that love and that support that is needed for people who are elderly.

[00:45:58] And, you know, they're lonely and they still have a life that they want to live and enjoy before they pass it on to the next. That's one thing that Culture Scholar did. I won the San Francisco Artist Award grant to put on an art project and I did a concert. And I did a dress rehearsal of a concert at one of the nursing homes. And I brought in one of my students, a five-year-old kid, to play violin for him because he's kind of a little prodigy.

[00:46:27] And he wanted to play for people. He wants to play for people. A little maniac. A little fireball. So, yeah, I brought him in there and, like, he just stole the show. It's like the elderly people loved him and asked him all kinds of questions. The activities director brought him all through the whole facility. So that was his first chance to play for people, yeah. He lit up the room. Yeah. That entertained the older folks.

[00:46:57] And then that also for him, he got his feet wet and he got the feel with that buzz from being in front of a crowd and playing and the reaction out of him. Yeah. He caught the bug. He's a little show off. That's pretty cool. You mentioned the, because I know you have your hands in a lot of things and I'd like you also to talk about that. But what is that? You mentioned a nonprofit organization. What is a nonprofit organization?

[00:47:22] It's Culture Scholar Corporation and it's 501c3 that is an arts and education and health and wellness organization that brings cultural enrichment to underserved populations. And our focus right now is on playing at a mental illness clinic that I play at, you know, a couple times a week in the morning, just playing for people there. And then the nursing homes.

[00:47:50] I got Ben Cosa's LLC and contracted there because I was working as the Culture Scholar, but they couldn't really take any money at the time. We weren't able to take donations or work at any of the projects that we were doing for our mission. So I decided to take it over with Ben Cosa LLC.

[00:48:11] And I went in and taught music appreciation classes and played music for these three Ivy Living Centers in San Francisco. That was a great experience teaching those classes. I always wanted to be a college professor. And so I got to get to be in front of the classroom again with adults instead of, you know, kindergartners. That's cool.

[00:48:35] You have the opportunity and what you do with the mentally ill, you're playing in front of them and you're, you know, you're speaking with them and connecting with them through music. And then also the old timers, the elderly, you're bringing some companies, some companionships, some entertainment and everything to them, too.

[00:48:56] You know, music, that's one thing about it is it doesn't matter what language you speak, what religion you hold high, what political affiliation, whatever it is, what skin tone you are. But music, yeah, it brings everybody together. And you can go to a musical festival like I like going to. We would do sometimes when we go back home and visit family in California, they have the drum circles. And so everybody brings the percussions and they bring the instruments.

[00:49:23] And you see just a whole circle of people from all walks of life together, jamming out, grooving on one accord and just about, you know, being in that moment and enjoying the vibes and the instruments that are being played and the energy that's there. So what is it like in right now? Because I've heard that some places and some schools, they're due to funding or whatever it is. They want to close down the art programs and stuff. Are you seeing that in your area, too?

[00:49:53] Not so much in San Francisco. San Francisco is an arts mecca. Still then, to this day, you see it still thriving? Yeah, yeah. That's good to hear. Well, a lot of people don't like what Mayor Breed did in the city because there were a lot of things that went wrong with COVID and after COVID in the city.

[00:50:14] But she really saw that the arts were important and really wanted to make San Francisco, you know, just a leading arts community. So I got lucky and I applied for two grants under her with the San Francisco Arts Commission, and they helped a lot. I was honored to do that. And, you know, it's like I just feel a little badly for her that things didn't go well for her in her mayoral.

[00:50:44] She did really well with COVID and shutting down the place and working on quarantines and things like that. She was effective. But as far as the crime scene and the drug scene in the city, it just went in a really bad way. But she put a lot of money into the arts. How do you see the arts, that influence or the acceptance that it gets when you go visit the elderly?

[00:51:12] There's clinics in the city that I belong to one of the clinics and they offer the services in San Francisco for the poor and the disabled are just amazing. That's another thing that Mayor Breed did really well was brought just a great system of social work and social justice to the programs,

[00:51:37] helping people with mental illness and other disabilities. When you go visit and play, how does it turn out? Are they enjoyed? Yeah, yeah. Pretty much everybody just sort of does their thing. The TV will be on sometimes and they'll just be sitting around. But then there'll be like three or four people that will come and sit next to me while I'm playing and get something out of it. And you busk, you still busk on the streets?

[00:52:04] Yeah, yeah. I was playing at the Palace of Fine Arts today. That was cool. I'm playing at bar stations and at different spots in the city. That's where I get a good portion of my money comes from busking. So I get money from busking, gigging and selling my products, which I don't sell a whole lot of them. But just the performance and teaching too.

[00:52:31] So busking really helps me get by. People tend to be kind of generous in the cities. In fact, I dedicated my autobiography to the people at BART who were generous. It allowed me to publish the book and thinking about doing some more books. And I've got a bunch of transcriptions that I want to turn into music books. Are you able to, because there's some people, but you've been playing for so long.

[00:52:58] I don't know. Maybe you don't have an issue with this, but there's some people you hear that they only play by ear or they can only read notes. How is it with you and your violin? I learned Suzuki method. You learn how to read and you learn how to play by ear at the same time. But I never really got to be able to be a really proficient reader until I got to college. I could barely read music when I got to the conservatory of music.

[00:53:24] And I really had to bear down and teach myself how to read because I was way behind everybody when I first started. And that's also due to the accident, right? No, this was before the accident. Oh, before the accident. Okay. This is when I was in high school. Like I learned to play the Mendelssohn Violin Concerto by Ear and the Sibelius Concerto by Ear. And I'd play them at contests in Oregon and stuff.

[00:53:47] Then I got to the conservatory and I couldn't really read the orchestra music when I'd play in the orchestra. I sort of got by in high school, high school orchestra. And I was concertmaster at the Coriolis Youth Symphony. And reading was really hard. But I did everything by ear. Like I'd listen to the recordings of the pieces and I sort of get it. And then I sort of read the music and I could play what it was.

[00:54:17] But it took a long time. I couldn't sight read it at all, which I learned how to sight read really well. Playing with the Roka string quartet. Graham, as I said earlier, was just a fantastic sight reader. And we'd go to play these gigs and we'd be sight reading this music. And he'd take it at really, really fast tempos. And me and Sam, the other guy in Deadweight, we were trying to keep up with him.

[00:54:43] But eventually we caught on and became really proficient sight readers. But the only way you got to do it, you just got to do the time. It's like anything else. You got to put the work in. You got to spend the hours putting it together. You got to put the work in. That just goes to show. I mean, I think a lot of us could agree that there's some people that are born with the natural talent for something. But you still got to put the time in to perfect your craft and learn it. And not to.

[00:55:12] Because, you know, for me, sometimes when I'm doing something or trying to learn a new thing, it could be frustrating. And sometimes people like me, I'm putting myself in a bunch, we'll just give up. And you don't want to push past the frustration to finally start making progress. But you just kept working at it. So you became proficient in sight reading as well. Yeah, yeah. Disciplined. Yeah.

[00:55:38] Like high school, I was like undisciplined. I was partying all the time. That was my life was playing music and partying. I didn't spend a whole lot of time practicing or learning how to do things. I spent my time trying to recover from a traumatic childhood and feelings of abandonment and dating lots of high school girls that broke each other's hearts.

[00:56:08] Yeah. You talked about like with the passion and all of the things that you're involved with. How have you in the mental health and the medication that you take religiously? Are those the those are the main ingredients for you that have helped you deal with, you know, a lot of the abandonment issues? That's probably some things, of course, you're still going to be working on to this day.

[00:56:31] But to keep you at a at a good level to where you're not spiraling downward into a dark and endless pit anymore. But like, you know, how have you managed to these days to just stay afloat and, you know, live a healthier life mentally after all the trauma and the abuse that you dealt with as a child? Yeah.

[00:56:53] One thing with me is if I'm not being productive, if I'm not actually creating something or or doing something that's positive, I get really, really depressed. Like, I have just this morbid depression, like can't get out of bed, can't do anything. And it's like I've got to have this project going and I try to see everything through to the end. So some of these things take 20 years, like writing a song.

[00:57:19] A lot of my songs started like in 1990s and finish them in 20 teens in the last few years. They just keep evolving. But like, it's just like I wanted to start a nonprofit back when I had the Real Extreme Quartet. I was turning that into a 501c3. But things just didn't work out. I had the nervous breakdown and lost everything.

[00:57:50] And then coming out of that and just the years of being in absolute depression, not being able to accomplish anything. Those were really hard times because a lot of my psyche just revolves around what do I need to create and what do I need to do to make myself feel better and make the world a better place. It makes me feel better about all the things that I failed at, the things that didn't work out.

[00:58:18] Every time I have something accomplished and it's good, then I sort of forget about all the things that I took in the wrong directions and wasn't able to finish. Doing, giving back, helping to be able to provide something for other people. It gives you a sense of purpose and some worth. You know, and like I'm here and I have a reason and I'm not just taking up space or wasting away.

[00:58:48] And that's, wow. I mean, then that probably explains when we were talking beforehand and setting everything up, all of the things that you're involved with. You talk about, I mean, like you said, a jack of all trades, master of the day. You talked about the nonprofit. You talked about the busking in the morning, the visiting, the services that they have for the mentally ill and also the elderly and then the teaching and everything.

[00:59:16] You have a book that you also already published or is it? Yeah, that's sort of a little ADD. Yeah, it's been published. You can get it on Amazon and the audio book is going to be done pretty soon and that'll be available too. It's called Loosen Dissociations Jazz, Auto Memorography of Music, Mischief and Madness. That's the title. Oh, I like that. Music, Mischief and Madness.

[00:59:46] How about that? Ben Casso, Andalus. What else do you have going on? If you want to talk about like any of the other projects or passion that you have going on? I've really, I've read a lot of songs on guitar and sing. You know, I grew up with my dad playing guitar and singing. And so I like writing lyrics a lot. I like writing poetry. And most of it's, you know, my lyrics are really strong.

[01:00:16] The lyrical genius. Yes. That's one thing that I try to take a lot of pride in is writing my lyrics and writing songs that have a strong storytelling structure and really getting into deeper emotions. And not just being some tattered love song, but something that really people can relate to when they're, I write a lot of breakup songs.

[01:00:46] Uh-huh. Breakup to makeup. That's all we ever do. Yeah. Yeah. Breakup to makeup. And when you write these lyrics, do you write them for other people? Or do you, when you're out in the streets and you're jamming out, you sing them yourself? I sing them myself.

[01:01:11] There's one song that Sam the cello player that I wrote that he brought to another band, which kind of sucked, but it's a really good song. And it was really well recorded. It's called The Last Time I Saw You. I've got a lot of recordings of it that I've done, videos, and they get some people like them. They get higher numbers of views.

[01:01:40] But the recording that Sam did with this woman, Robin, it's a really, really good recording. I think I have the link to it. No, I don't have a link to it. It's on my website. They didn't put it on any of the streaming platforms. They decided not to keep playing and paying to have their music available to the public. I'll send you a recording of it.

[01:02:10] It's an amazing recording. This Robin Coomer is probably one of the better singers that I've heard in the world. She's local here in San Francisco. Just really emotive and great tones out of her voice. San Francisco has a huge music scene. And even to this day, a lot of local artists and artists that they're not mainstream or they're not known nationwide.

[01:02:37] But I mean, there's some talent definitely coming out of that city. You know, now that you mentioned her and how much you love her voice and how powerful it is, do you have any musical inspirations, people that you looked up to or someone that put that extra juice in you when you hear them? Like, that's beautiful. Sarah Vaughn, Miles Davis, Led Zeppelin, all over the place. Dizzy Gillespie, Charlie Parker.

[01:03:07] And I'm all about John Coltrane and Frank Sinatra. The Crooner at Large is one of my jazz projects. And the name of the guy is Benatra Coltrane. Oh, okay. That's what I call myself, Benatra Coltrane. You got a knack for twisting it up. It seems like Coltrane plays. It seems like Sinatra plays like Coltrane. And I do that. And all your music.

[01:03:34] You have, you sent me a link. I'm going to, whatever you want me to include in the show notes where people can hear your music. They can see everything else that you're involved with. Even that nonprofit organization, if they're in the area, you know, local people that are in San Francisco or around. They can find a way maybe to link up or just see more of what you have going on. And also the lessons. And you have a YouTube channel too, don't you? I have 28 of them.

[01:04:03] One for every. What is it? How does that break down? 28. Is it one for every department? Yeah. Every project and every style of music. And then I've got one is the podcast I was telling you about, The Coach's Corner, that maybe you'll come and do an interview on. Yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah. I even ran for mayor and had a YouTube channel for that. Just in the last mayor of the election.

[01:04:32] I did it as an arts, performance art piece. Just campaigning. Yeah. Campaign. And what happened? How'd the run go? It was interesting. I didn't develop any kind of buzz or anything like that. But I had fun doing the government stuff that you have to do. You've got to sign a declaration that you're running and you've got to say an oath of office or an oath to the Constitution.

[01:05:01] And then you go around and tell people and you put up some social media about it. And then if somebody decides that they want to help you, then they give you a call. Did you have a slogan? Did you have something you were writing on? Like, I'm banking on this. Yeah, bandido for mayor. I'll send you a... I made a bunch of... I've got pictures of myself busking with a cowboy hat on and a handkerchief or a bandana mask.

[01:05:31] So, like, I put bandido for mayor. And I made this one video where I call myself Benjamin Bandido. And I sing, you know, Tullo. And it's so... Okay, I'll let you be here. That song and the song from Tullo. So, that's sort of melded together. And it's like I've got this really funny thing that I put on social media, bandido for mayor.

[01:05:59] And then there was another one. And it's like I've got a picture of myself dressed like a painter, like with a scarf on and a newsboy hat and a jacket and holding a palette with a bunch of paint and a bunch of brushes. And then I say, I need a bigger canvas. It left me mayor. So, I needed San Francisco as a painting. I have fun making all these.

[01:06:29] Yeah. That's right. Like Ben Ross. Yeah. Oh, you got the new Rocky, Benjamin Stallone. Yeah. My credibility is already gone. You got to have fun with it, right? Why not just do what I need to do? You know, like I'm near-death experiencing. There's so many negative things that happen. I've got a song called Misfortune.

[01:06:56] Why must misfortune always leave my feet is the chorus that... Just bad luck. If I didn't have any bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. The old country song. Whatever it is, whatever it is in you, whatever it is that you believe in or you said it's the bigger cause, you know, wanting to leave a legacy or to have an impact, a positive impact on people. But that hope, that fight in you, that, you know, it didn't get snuffed out. Yeah.

[01:07:23] No matter every time you would move forward, something would happen. Or like you just said right now, if I didn't have any bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all. I mean, that it could be a tough thing for some to always have to feel like I'm fighting and I'm swimming upstream. What's that secret for you? I've grown accustomed to spawning, you know, just going upstream and trying to get to that ecstatic wind. Like always being an underdog and not giving up.

[01:07:51] Man, you fit right in line with the whole point of Giants Amongst Us. That's what it's about. People that have, you know, you transcended the problems, the struggles, the setbacks. And there was somebody I heard say sometimes, the setback is a perfect setup for a comeback. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I like that. Ben Koso, it was good to have Ben Koso in the house so you can share some of that journey.

[01:08:19] I know it's been a hell of a ride, you know, an adventure full of tragedies, full of drama, some comedy in there, some love, some fallouts, everything. And still you have your passions, your interests, your goals, all of these projects that you're working on, what you're doing, the people that you're out to help and the inspiration that you're giving.

[01:08:44] And the companionship that you're bringing to people who may have been forgotten, you know, not forgetting yourself with that like and what you went through. That's a beautiful thing to know that somebody is giving back. Sometimes when life does what it does to us, we can feel tainted or you have resentment and you're like F everybody. You know, if I don't, I'm going through it, what the hell do I want to or why would I want to do for anybody else?

[01:09:14] Because nobody's done for me. But you had the completely different attitude and that's great to hear. Well, I try to be altruistic and just do things for people and not expect anything in return because you usually don't get anything in return. And that's a sad part of life is you can give all you want and you're not going to get no matter what.

[01:09:38] If you're not going to get the riches or the gold or that silver, that copper, whatever it is, but you're still getting, you know, sometimes there's something going on on the inside. You know, you're getting that there's some kind of a emotional bond or there's some kind of a gratitude or some kind of, you know, something in you that you feel like this was a good deed. And even if it's someone saying, thank you, I appreciated that. I needed that. You know, it really helped me out.

[01:10:06] Like for you with the teacher at second grade and the, also the instructor for your music where maybe you weren't able to pay them out in full or do anything like that, but they impacted you and you, however you were able to share that with them and let them know that you appreciate it. And sometimes that can mean a lot more than gold. And, but of course, you know, that like you always hear the story of the starving musician. Of course, we got to live, we got to eat.

[01:10:36] It took me 50 years to figure out it's about the fucking money. So that's when I started to, started to like really bear down and be really conscientious about what I was spending on and how I wanted to spend it and what would bring an ROI, you know? So that's, that's where I've been at for the last four years or five years is, is trying to get enough money to, to make sure that my projects keep going after I die.

[01:11:07] Right on. I'm thankful to have you on so you could share some of that with us. And yeah, I'm going to leave the information in the show notes. So anybody want to lend an ear or, you know, reach out to you, whichever and however they want to go about it. But that, that information to your links and all that I'll include in the show notes. And I look forward, cause you sent me a good little variety of things that you've already done.

[01:11:35] So I'm, you know, I'm, I'm looking forward to, like I told you, digging in your own, digging in your crates and checking out more of what you're doing. Thank you. It's just great to have somebody that says they're going to listen to it. Even if you don't listen to it, you're saying, cause nobody really wants to hear my music, you know? It doesn't matter how good it is. Nobody wants to hear it. Damn.

[01:11:58] Am I the only and lonely voice in the wilderness playing to an empty forest? Hear my cries, ladies and gentlemen. Now, Ben, man, appreciate your time. Appreciate your, your story, your words, your, the fact that you're involved in some, some good things and you have a good heart and good motive behind what you're doing. And, and I really do wish the best for you.

[01:12:25] And we're going to stay in touch, you know, especially about what, what you said with the podcast that you're doing and what we'll, we'll keep in touch. But before we, before we wrap it up, Ben Koso, you have any, any last words or anything you want to leave off with? No, I've just had a great time. This is a nice podcast. Thank you. Okay, cool. Man, you have a, you know, good, well, it's late in the evening over there, but yeah, all the best, man.

[01:12:50] You know, I really, I really, you know, wish you well in, in all your endeavors and everything you set out to do. Thank you. Say it likewise. Hope you all enjoyed the conversation. And Ben, one more again. Appreciate you taking the time to sit down and have this conversation with us. As traumatic, cold, and unfortunate as Benjamin's childhood was. This man has risen above his circumstances.

[01:13:19] The power of art and his love and passion to create raw and authentic music. That will to spread an inspirational message of hope to all those that feel dejected and disappointed with the current predicaments in their life. Taking a page right out of Ben Casso's website.

[01:13:39] Ben is a real life testament of resiliency, hope, and a reminder that no matter how down or out you may be or feel at the moment, it's never too late to bounce back and find your groove. Keep on with the keeping on, Ben. You are a giant amongst us. All of Ben's information will be in the show notes with his music, his artwork.

[01:14:04] He's got some really cool art and even ways you can set up lessons to learn the violin. Because as you heard, Benjamin, he's also a musical instructor. He does online. He does at home. He does in the studio lessons. If you are in the San Francisco area, he's got a lot of goodies. I encourage you to check them out. In a big warm thank you to everybody listening.

[01:14:28] I want to thank you and let you know I appreciate you spending some of your time with us here. And before we get ready to call it a night, I just want to remind anybody listening who finds value in the show. If you appreciate the stories, if you appreciate what we're doing over here, what you can do to support the show free of charge. It won't cost you a dime, just maybe about a few minutes of your time is you can go to the show notes.

[01:14:55] There'll be three links provided and either there or whichever streaming platform, wherever you like to listen to the show. You can rate it or you can review it. One, two, three, four, five stars, whichever you feel is deserving. Just be honest. And what it's going to do is two things. One, it'll help these stories fall on the ears of new listeners and on the other end, it's going to help us improve the show.

[01:15:21] And this is how we can together build something that is both meaningful and valuable. So with that being said, you all be safe out there. You be sane. We're going to catch up and do this again real soon. Before I wrap it up, I'd like to remind you all that if you would like to be a part of the show, and share your story or even a story of someone in your life that has impacted you in a positive way,

[01:15:49] you can always reach out to us via email. We'd be happy to connect. Until next time and very soon. Peace.

[01:16:14] Times terms made hoje in high school. But I...