Real stories, told by real people.
It's been a while since our last story shared. But, as always it feels good to be back with another one. Hope you all are well, today Alex joins us, and he's got a story to tell.
This will have graphic, and sensitive content. It's a raw conversation about sexual abuse, and the journey towards healing. At 23 years old, Alex was biking around the Netherlands, and afterwards felt an extreme discomfort in his pelvic area. What followed was a host of other health conditions that led him on a search for answers.
With no results after years of different therapy treatments, it was something Tim Ferris talked about that caught Alex's attention, MDMA. A forethought of wanting to work through his anxiety, quickly turned into Alex revisiting his childhood trauma, and the sexual abuse he suffered by a piano teacher of his when he was very young.
For Alex, psychedelics aren't just party favors, but an extremely powerful treatment that has helped him with healing his own childhood trauma and chronic pain issues. He's hear to share some of that journey with us, and shed a light on the psychedelic treatment that's been a BIG reason why he now enjoys a life worth living. It's my pleasure to welcome another GIANTS AMONGST US. You can find his book links below.
'Til next time
and very soon,
PEACE!
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Alex's Abrahams Memoir :
Amazon : https://www.amazon.com/Trauma-Ecstasy-Psychedelics-Worth-Living/dp/1544541589
Good Reads : https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/220144118-trauma-and-ecstasy
_____
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@bnoizemusic
00:00:05 --> 00:00:12 MDMA is an insight drug and you get an experience
00:00:12 --> 00:00:17 of self validation which is tremendously healing.
00:00:18 --> 00:00:21 What we've learned is that MDMA reduces activity
00:00:21 --> 00:00:23 in the amygdala where fear -based emotions are
00:00:23 --> 00:00:26 processed. Now, with MDMA, you have somebody
00:00:26 --> 00:00:28 who's relaxed and willing to talk, but they're
00:00:28 --> 00:00:30 completely awake, they're totally alert, their
00:00:30 --> 00:00:33 memory is sharp. And also, their memory for past
00:00:33 --> 00:00:35 events is sharp. They can talk about something
00:00:35 --> 00:00:37 that happened 10 or 20 years ago accurately,
00:00:38 --> 00:00:41 and they will have complete memory for the therapy
00:00:41 --> 00:00:48 session. So that's very important. This is Now
00:00:48 --> 00:00:53 episode... Five oh, we hit the big five oh, feeding
00:00:53 --> 00:00:59 something real, real good for the mind, spirit,
00:01:00 --> 00:01:03 and soul. Welcome to the show, ladies and gentlemen.
00:01:03 --> 00:01:06 This is Giants Amongst Us, where we share in
00:01:06 --> 00:01:09 that unique human experience. And this is where
00:01:09 --> 00:01:13 you're going to hear real stories that are told
00:01:13 --> 00:01:17 by real people. people just like yourself the
00:01:17 --> 00:01:19 relatable ones we're not trying to keep up with
00:01:19 --> 00:01:21 the Kardashians I don't even know if there's
00:01:21 --> 00:01:25 still a thing right now or any of these supposed
00:01:25 --> 00:01:28 celebrities and stars and influencers that we're
00:01:28 --> 00:01:31 supposed to be paying attention to this is about
00:01:31 --> 00:01:35 the everyday folks who have transcended struggle
00:01:35 --> 00:01:40 challenges setbacks they created new experiences
00:01:40 --> 00:01:43 they took responsibility and accountability for
00:01:43 --> 00:01:46 their for their livelihood for their reality
00:01:46 --> 00:01:51 and what I hope happens from sharing these stories
00:01:51 --> 00:01:54 is that they might fall on the ears of somebody
00:01:54 --> 00:01:58 who is in a dark place somebody who feels as
00:01:58 --> 00:02:01 if they're not worthy their life has no meaning
00:02:01 --> 00:02:05 their life has no value I keep going back to
00:02:05 --> 00:02:09 the same thing I can't seem to change things
00:02:09 --> 00:02:12 When will it get better? This world is out of
00:02:12 --> 00:02:16 control. The sky is falling Political up rest
00:02:16 --> 00:02:21 gas prices are too high People are tearing each
00:02:21 --> 00:02:24 other apart online and in the streets my god.
00:02:24 --> 00:02:28 Is there any hope? What's the point? What dare
00:02:28 --> 00:02:32 I say for this brief session? Forget about all
00:02:32 --> 00:02:36 that There's a million things happening with
00:02:36 --> 00:02:40 the access of information We can overload ourselves
00:02:40 --> 00:02:44 with all of this information Some things are
00:02:44 --> 00:02:46 completely out of our control. They're meant
00:02:46 --> 00:02:51 to wind us up They're meant to destroy our ability
00:02:51 --> 00:02:54 to think rationally They're targeting those trigger
00:02:54 --> 00:02:58 points to get a reaction to cause fear people
00:02:58 --> 00:03:01 can't think straight when they're in fear fear
00:03:01 --> 00:03:05 kills confidence it kills action it paralyzes
00:03:05 --> 00:03:09 and so let's just shut all that off for right
00:03:09 --> 00:03:12 now and realize that there are some things in
00:03:12 --> 00:03:16 fact that are in our control we can control our
00:03:16 --> 00:03:19 emotions we can control our mind our thoughts
00:03:19 --> 00:03:23 the vibrational energies that come from active
00:03:23 --> 00:03:26 thought from creative thought which can change
00:03:26 --> 00:03:30 our emotional state deep down our spiritual state
00:03:30 --> 00:03:34 and create some better patterns in our life some
00:03:34 --> 00:03:37 better decisions in our life some better actions
00:03:37 --> 00:03:40 in our life and regardless of what's going on
00:03:40 --> 00:03:44 around you inside of you you can thrive you can
00:03:44 --> 00:03:49 evolve you can grow you can actualize some magnificent
00:03:49 --> 00:03:53 human potential exploring human nature and embracing
00:03:53 --> 00:03:57 your humanity not letting them take that away
00:03:57 --> 00:04:01 from you and rising to the occasion lofty dreams
00:04:01 --> 00:04:05 lofty goals and creating regardless of what it
00:04:05 --> 00:04:10 looks like if things look grim dare I say creating
00:04:10 --> 00:04:13 your piece of heaven right here so that was a
00:04:13 --> 00:04:20 bit of a rat I just pictured somebody on top
00:04:20 --> 00:04:23 of a hill or on their holy horse Screaming out
00:04:23 --> 00:04:29 to the masses. It's gonna be okay But uh, I hope
00:04:29 --> 00:04:32 you guys are doing well, I hope you guys are
00:04:32 --> 00:04:35 in good spirits If this is your first time listening
00:04:35 --> 00:04:38 to the show, you know You can go back and listen
00:04:38 --> 00:04:41 to past stories past guests. There's even some
00:04:41 --> 00:04:48 episodes where I just Spill the real solo without
00:04:48 --> 00:04:52 anybody sitting across from me or on the other
00:04:52 --> 00:04:56 line but the heart of this show the heartbeat
00:04:56 --> 00:04:59 of it the essence of it is me connecting with
00:04:59 --> 00:05:02 people from all walks of life to share their
00:05:02 --> 00:05:04 stories so you can find past stories and past
00:05:04 --> 00:05:10 guests at giantsamongstus .org and also there
00:05:10 --> 00:05:14 you're going to find updates on what's going
00:05:14 --> 00:05:17 on with the show, new episodes that are just
00:05:17 --> 00:05:20 around the corner, that are soon to be published,
00:05:20 --> 00:05:25 and along with blogs, topics, subject matters,
00:05:25 --> 00:05:28 things that interest me, I write about, I share,
00:05:28 --> 00:05:30 and maybe they find a place with you. And another
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00:05:36 --> 00:05:38 you're listening from, how you're listening to
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00:05:41 --> 00:05:43 the way, take care of this housekeeping and then
00:05:43 --> 00:05:46 we'll get on with the business. If this... It's
00:05:46 --> 00:05:48 something you appreciate. The stories that are
00:05:48 --> 00:05:51 being shared, if they've resonated with you,
00:05:52 --> 00:05:54 they've encouraged or inspired you in any type
00:05:54 --> 00:05:57 of way, if you appreciate what we're doing over
00:05:57 --> 00:06:01 here. One thing you can do free of charge to
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00:06:03 --> 00:06:06 maybe just a few minutes of your time, is you
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00:06:13 --> 00:06:17 can write a review a few lines and just share
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00:06:22 --> 00:06:25 that we can improve it and aside from that you
00:06:25 --> 00:06:28 can give it a star two stars three stars four
00:06:28 --> 00:06:33 stars five stars whatever you feel is fitting
00:06:33 --> 00:06:36 and this is gonna do two things one thing it's
00:06:36 --> 00:06:39 gonna help us on the back end continue to create
00:06:40 --> 00:06:43 a wonderful overall listening experience and
00:06:43 --> 00:06:48 it'll also help these stories fall in the ears
00:06:48 --> 00:06:51 of new listeners I guess this has something to
00:06:51 --> 00:06:54 do with how the way the algorithm perceives the
00:06:54 --> 00:06:57 show and sees that there's interaction or there's
00:06:57 --> 00:07:00 engagement and it just puts it a little higher
00:07:00 --> 00:07:03 in the search engines something like that I don't
00:07:03 --> 00:07:06 really know the dynamics of it too much but I
00:07:06 --> 00:07:12 do enjoy the critique. I do enjoy the kind words
00:07:12 --> 00:07:16 and the warm words. I do enjoy all of it, all
00:07:16 --> 00:07:19 around. I don't take offense to any of it. The
00:07:19 --> 00:07:21 only way I'm going to learn or we're going to
00:07:21 --> 00:07:23 learn is if we're open to criticism, we're open
00:07:23 --> 00:07:27 to opinion and judgment, but also you have to
00:07:27 --> 00:07:29 be mindful of where it comes from. If it's coming
00:07:29 --> 00:07:31 from an honest place, then you go ahead and consider
00:07:31 --> 00:07:33 it. But if there's just people just hating to
00:07:33 --> 00:07:36 hate, then... you have to deal with that accordingly
00:07:36 --> 00:07:40 I feel like I carried this intro long enough
00:07:40 --> 00:07:44 so let's get into it and just to warn anybody
00:07:44 --> 00:07:48 there's going to be some sensitive topics discussed
00:07:48 --> 00:07:52 so if that's something that is going to disturb
00:07:52 --> 00:07:56 you in any way I'm talking about sexual abuse
00:07:56 --> 00:07:59 then you might want to just skip this episode
00:07:59 --> 00:08:03 and catch us on the rebound but to everybody
00:08:03 --> 00:08:08 else Today, Alex joins us and he's got a story
00:08:08 --> 00:08:12 to tell. Once I started doing psychedelics, I
00:08:12 --> 00:08:14 started having concerns about this teacher that
00:08:14 --> 00:08:16 I had had and spent a lot of time with and who
00:08:16 --> 00:08:19 gave me private piano lessons. And then during
00:08:19 --> 00:08:21 an early session I was working with a shaman
00:08:21 --> 00:08:23 in Austin. And she asked me, what do you think
00:08:23 --> 00:08:25 is wrong with your pelvis? And I told her I had
00:08:25 --> 00:08:27 been sexually abused. And then all the memories
00:08:27 --> 00:08:30 and kind of the feelings of him and, frankly,
00:08:30 --> 00:08:32 the taste memory and the muscle memory of him
00:08:32 --> 00:08:34 started coming back really quickly. And a lot
00:08:34 --> 00:08:37 of, yeah, repressed memories of things he said
00:08:37 --> 00:08:39 or things I did or getting into his car, things
00:08:39 --> 00:08:42 like that. I really struggled for a long time
00:08:42 --> 00:08:46 afterwards. Ladies and gentlemen, without further
00:08:46 --> 00:08:51 ado, this is Alex and his story. Here we are.
00:08:52 --> 00:08:55 So ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the
00:08:55 --> 00:08:58 show. This is Giants Amongst Us where we share
00:08:58 --> 00:09:02 in the unique human experience and I'm pleased
00:09:02 --> 00:09:06 to introduce today's guest. Today I have Alex
00:09:06 --> 00:09:10 with us and he was kind enough. He was game enough
00:09:10 --> 00:09:12 to take some time out of his day and spend with
00:09:12 --> 00:09:16 us. So Alex, thank you so much for Making some
00:09:16 --> 00:09:18 room for us today. You could have been anywhere
00:09:18 --> 00:09:20 right now. You could have been doing anything.
00:09:21 --> 00:09:23 But here we are having a little sit down and
00:09:23 --> 00:09:26 sharing some conversations. So welcome. How is
00:09:26 --> 00:09:29 it going? It's going great. Excited to be here.
00:09:29 --> 00:09:32 It's a nice Friday in Austin, Texas. And, you
00:09:32 --> 00:09:36 know, excited for the weekend. Cool. Yeah. Right
00:09:36 --> 00:09:38 on, man. That's good to hear. Just for starters,
00:09:39 --> 00:09:42 to break it in, I like to get a an overview or
00:09:42 --> 00:09:45 some background of my guests, where they come
00:09:45 --> 00:09:48 from, how it was growing up. So if you mind,
00:09:48 --> 00:09:51 my good friend, you mind sharing a bit of that
00:09:51 --> 00:09:54 with us? Sure. So I recently wrote a book called
00:09:54 --> 00:09:57 Trauma and Ecstasy, and it's about using psychedelics
00:09:57 --> 00:10:00 to heal from childhood sexual abuse. And so I
00:10:00 --> 00:10:02 say my story really starts when I was 23 years
00:10:02 --> 00:10:04 old. I was biking around the Netherlands and
00:10:04 --> 00:10:07 I started having really bad pelvic floor problems
00:10:07 --> 00:10:09 after I got off the bike, which is really not
00:10:09 --> 00:10:11 an area you want to be having problems for sure.
00:10:11 --> 00:10:13 And so it felt like almost like a muscle tension,
00:10:14 --> 00:10:16 like a clinching, like a yeah, clinched fist
00:10:16 --> 00:10:18 in my sort of pelvic floor area. And I really
00:10:18 --> 00:10:20 had no idea what was causing it at the time.
00:10:20 --> 00:10:22 So I started seeing all these doctors and physical
00:10:22 --> 00:10:24 therapists and they really had no idea what was
00:10:24 --> 00:10:26 going on. They kind of instantly it was all in
00:10:26 --> 00:10:29 my head or I was some sort of head case. And
00:10:29 --> 00:10:30 yeah, they did all these invasive procedures
00:10:30 --> 00:10:33 like Botox and all sorts of crazy stuff like
00:10:33 --> 00:10:35 that. And, uh, you know, I really had no idea
00:10:35 --> 00:10:37 what was causing it, but I was having trouble
00:10:37 --> 00:10:39 going to the bathroom. Uh, I was having trouble
00:10:39 --> 00:10:41 with the rectal function and it was really kind
00:10:41 --> 00:10:43 of messing up my life. I wasn't sleeping very
00:10:43 --> 00:10:45 well because I was having to wake up to the bathroom
00:10:45 --> 00:10:48 all the time. And, you know, all this, all this
00:10:48 --> 00:10:50 stuff. And so this went on for several years.
00:10:50 --> 00:10:52 You know, I saw doctors all around the country.
00:10:52 --> 00:10:54 I saw a pelvic floor, physical therapists all
00:10:54 --> 00:10:56 around the country. I saw a bunch of acupuncturists.
00:10:56 --> 00:10:58 I tried to meditate. I tried to go to the sauna.
00:10:58 --> 00:11:00 I tried to journal. I tried to swim. I tried
00:11:00 --> 00:11:02 to go on vacation. Nothing was really working
00:11:02 --> 00:11:04 in this tension. this clenching was still there
00:11:04 --> 00:11:08 24 seven. So eventually I started trying MDMA
00:11:08 --> 00:11:11 therapy after I heard about it from Tim Ferriss,
00:11:11 --> 00:11:13 the entrepreneur. And since the time I thought
00:11:13 --> 00:11:15 I was just anxious, like I wanted to try MDMA
00:11:15 --> 00:11:17 because I had anxiety that I wanted to work through.
00:11:18 --> 00:11:19 But it turned out once I started doing MDMA,
00:11:19 --> 00:11:21 pretty quickly became apparent that I had been
00:11:21 --> 00:11:24 badly sexually abused by a teacher when I was
00:11:24 --> 00:11:26 very small. And that was sort of the root of
00:11:26 --> 00:11:29 my pelvic floor issues. And so I think once I
00:11:29 --> 00:11:31 realized that, I started doing the therapeutic
00:11:31 --> 00:11:33 work and psychedelic work and all of that around
00:11:33 --> 00:11:35 my abuse and trying to heal from it. So I know
00:11:35 --> 00:11:37 that was a lot. So I'll take a breath there.
00:11:37 --> 00:11:39 But yeah, that's sort of what my book is about,
00:11:40 --> 00:11:42 you know, my healing journey and sort of how
00:11:42 --> 00:11:44 I managed to work through all this stuff. And
00:11:44 --> 00:11:48 that's what my message is. Wow. Like I told you
00:11:48 --> 00:11:50 before we started recording, I read a bit of
00:11:50 --> 00:11:53 the backstory beforehand. I didn't really know
00:11:53 --> 00:11:56 that the depths of it, but I'm curious with the
00:11:56 --> 00:12:00 abuse and the memories. Was any of that relevant
00:12:00 --> 00:12:03 or come to the surface prior to or this was something
00:12:03 --> 00:12:06 that after you started doing the therapy where
00:12:06 --> 00:12:09 these memories started to resurface and started
00:12:09 --> 00:12:12 to come to light. Yeah, I would say before psychedelics,
00:12:12 --> 00:12:15 I really had no idea. I think if you'd asked
00:12:15 --> 00:12:17 me my heart of hearts, like was something wrong,
00:12:17 --> 00:12:19 I would have said, yeah. But beyond that, it
00:12:19 --> 00:12:21 just didn't compute. But once I started doing
00:12:21 --> 00:12:23 psychedelics, I started having concerns about
00:12:23 --> 00:12:25 this teacher that I had had and spent a lot of
00:12:25 --> 00:12:28 time with and who gave me private piano lessons.
00:12:28 --> 00:12:30 And then during an early session, I was working
00:12:30 --> 00:12:33 with a shaman in Austin, and she asked me, what
00:12:33 --> 00:12:34 do you think is wrong with your pelvis? And I
00:12:34 --> 00:12:37 told her I had been sexually abused. What does
00:12:37 --> 00:12:40 your pelvis say happened to you? So things like
00:12:40 --> 00:12:42 that. And then all the memories and kind of the
00:12:42 --> 00:12:45 feelings of him and the, frankly, the taste memory
00:12:45 --> 00:12:47 and the muscle memory of him started coming back
00:12:47 --> 00:12:50 really quickly. And a lot of, yeah, repressed
00:12:50 --> 00:12:52 memories of things he'd said or things I did,
00:12:52 --> 00:12:54 or getting into his car, things like that, all
00:12:54 --> 00:12:56 started flooding back at once. So it was a very
00:12:56 --> 00:12:58 disorienting day. I really struggled for a long
00:12:58 --> 00:13:02 time afterwards, but. and doing the kind of therapeutic
00:13:02 --> 00:13:05 work and the psychedelic work and uh kind of
00:13:05 --> 00:13:07 integration uh i was able to i've been able to
00:13:07 --> 00:13:10 sort of work through my abuse in most part yeah
00:13:10 --> 00:13:14 MDMA i'm not too familiar with that one can you
00:13:14 --> 00:13:16 can you explain a little bit of how that process
00:13:16 --> 00:13:20 goes Sure. So MDMA is kind of an empathogen.
00:13:20 --> 00:13:22 It's not a classic psychedelic and it's sort
00:13:22 --> 00:13:24 of a heart opening drug. But I think so what
00:13:24 --> 00:13:26 happens is in the right set and setting, your
00:13:26 --> 00:13:29 brain can kind of feel safe enough to sort of
00:13:29 --> 00:13:31 let go of bring traumatic memories up to the
00:13:31 --> 00:13:33 surface. And then you can sort of let go of them
00:13:33 --> 00:13:37 somatically, like through shaking or things like
00:13:37 --> 00:13:39 that, and just also sort of reprocess them in
00:13:39 --> 00:13:40 your brain because of the way the drug works.
00:13:40 --> 00:13:43 So it sort of makes your brain feel safe. It
00:13:43 --> 00:13:46 sort of lowers the amygdala, the kind of fearsome
00:13:46 --> 00:13:49 of your brain. and also engage with the hippocampus,
00:13:49 --> 00:13:51 which is sort of the memory center of your brain.
00:13:51 --> 00:13:53 And so those two things together, by engaging
00:13:53 --> 00:13:56 those at the same time, you can both bring stuff
00:13:56 --> 00:13:58 up that you maybe hadn't thought about in a while
00:13:58 --> 00:14:01 or have been repressed, but also by lowering
00:14:01 --> 00:14:04 the fear center, you can feel safe to your brain.
00:14:04 --> 00:14:06 Because I think what happens in normal life is
00:14:06 --> 00:14:08 the brain is always trying to protect us from
00:14:08 --> 00:14:10 traumatic memories or things where it felt hurt
00:14:10 --> 00:14:13 or unsafe. And so by kind of almost tricking
00:14:13 --> 00:14:15 the brain to feel like it's safe, you can sort
00:14:15 --> 00:14:17 of... bring these traumatic memories up to the
00:14:17 --> 00:14:22 surface in a calm and almost safe way and then
00:14:22 --> 00:14:26 you can let go of them. Is that MDMA? Is that
00:14:26 --> 00:14:30 the chemicals that are found in ecstasy? Yes,
00:14:30 --> 00:14:32 ecstasy and MDMA are the same. Is that right?
00:14:32 --> 00:14:36 Okay, well then I'm lying because once upon a
00:14:36 --> 00:14:39 time I did have a big drug problem. And I know,
00:14:39 --> 00:14:41 like you mentioned, set and setting, that's everything.
00:14:42 --> 00:14:44 And so during the time, of course, when you're
00:14:44 --> 00:14:46 using and abusing, you're just doing this in
00:14:46 --> 00:14:47 parties. You're doing this to feel good. And
00:14:47 --> 00:14:52 you don't have any intention to get to your subconscious
00:14:52 --> 00:14:54 or get to the inner man or the inner person or
00:14:54 --> 00:14:56 anything like that. So, I mean, this this was
00:14:56 --> 00:14:59 a different kind of environment and a different
00:14:59 --> 00:15:02 kind of mindset with that. But the first session
00:15:02 --> 00:15:05 that you had, did you already experience a breakthrough
00:15:05 --> 00:15:08 or was it a process? Yeah, I would say the first
00:15:08 --> 00:15:11 session was mostly a process, just kind of experiencing
00:15:11 --> 00:15:12 the medicine. I actually didn't come up that
00:15:12 --> 00:15:15 I was sure I'd been abused until the fourth MDMA
00:15:15 --> 00:15:18 session. So it took a little bit of time. But
00:15:18 --> 00:15:21 yeah, I think it was just very... You know, I
00:15:21 --> 00:15:23 really saw how anxious I was in day -to -day
00:15:23 --> 00:15:25 life and sort of dealt with some of the self
00:15:25 --> 00:15:27 -loathing I've been experiencing for a long time
00:15:27 --> 00:15:30 But really until I started working on my abuse
00:15:30 --> 00:15:32 in retrospect I that's why I really started doing
00:15:32 --> 00:15:34 the emotional work and healing work around my
00:15:34 --> 00:15:36 childhood trauma So I definitely took a little
00:15:36 --> 00:15:38 bit of time to sort of get used to the medicine
00:15:38 --> 00:15:41 and sort of start processing what happened to
00:15:41 --> 00:15:44 me Yeah, I know integration is key with all of
00:15:44 --> 00:15:47 the psychedelic the research studies and then
00:15:47 --> 00:15:49 also just the fact where people using it. So
00:15:49 --> 00:15:52 you have like you have an environment where it's
00:15:52 --> 00:15:54 safe. And like you said, you feel that you're
00:15:54 --> 00:15:56 in good hands and you can go ahead and go through
00:15:56 --> 00:15:59 with the experience. But for the the session,
00:15:59 --> 00:16:02 the MDMA session that you go through, so they
00:16:02 --> 00:16:05 give you a dose. Do they measure out what your
00:16:05 --> 00:16:08 dose limit is or what the right dose is? Like,
00:16:08 --> 00:16:10 how do they figure that part out that first time?
00:16:10 --> 00:16:11 What kind of dose they're going to give you?
00:16:11 --> 00:16:14 And then, you know, I guess, gauge it from there.
00:16:15 --> 00:16:17 Yeah, the standard mass protocol is like 125
00:16:17 --> 00:16:20 milligrams with an optional 75 milligram booster
00:16:20 --> 00:16:23 that I usually take whenever I do take MDMA.
00:16:23 --> 00:16:26 So it's 200 milligrams in total. You know, I
00:16:26 --> 00:16:28 think it can be neurotoxic at higher doses than
00:16:28 --> 00:16:31 that, or if you take it super regularly. But
00:16:31 --> 00:16:33 I try to take MDMA only every couple of months
00:16:33 --> 00:16:35 and at that dose level, never more than that.
00:16:36 --> 00:16:39 And then so you go through, because usually If
00:16:39 --> 00:16:41 I'm not mistaken, that's about what, three, four
00:16:41 --> 00:16:43 hours, right? That you're... Yeah, I think the
00:16:43 --> 00:16:45 peak is about 90 minutes, but it really goes
00:16:45 --> 00:16:47 about four or five hours. Yeah, depending. So
00:16:47 --> 00:16:49 you take it in pill form and then from there,
00:16:49 --> 00:16:53 you go through the emotions, you let what comes
00:16:53 --> 00:16:55 to the surface, come to the surface and express
00:16:55 --> 00:16:57 itself the way it expresses itself, semantically?
00:16:57 --> 00:16:59 Absolutely. That's right. Whether that's, you
00:16:59 --> 00:17:02 know, screams or crying or body shaking or sort
00:17:02 --> 00:17:06 of trembling. All that stuff is literally your
00:17:06 --> 00:17:08 brain and sort of your body letting go of bad
00:17:08 --> 00:17:11 energy, toxic energy. So I think what happens
00:17:11 --> 00:17:14 with childhood trauma in particular is kids can't
00:17:14 --> 00:17:16 really process trauma very well. So what they
00:17:16 --> 00:17:18 do is they kind of just push it all down. to
00:17:18 --> 00:17:20 kind of your subconscious. And from there, it
00:17:20 --> 00:17:22 can kind of almost get stuck in there. And that's
00:17:22 --> 00:17:25 what a lot of the, you know, IBS or irritable
00:17:25 --> 00:17:28 bowel and kind of autoimmune diseases stem from.
00:17:28 --> 00:17:30 A lot of the chronic muscle tension people have,
00:17:30 --> 00:17:32 like in their back or their neck or their shoulders,
00:17:32 --> 00:17:35 you know, the anger issues people have, things
00:17:35 --> 00:17:37 of that nature. And so I think by letting that
00:17:37 --> 00:17:39 stuff come to the surface, you can literally
00:17:39 --> 00:17:41 let it go almost like you would be taking a dump
00:17:41 --> 00:17:44 or throwing up. And then you can kind of move
00:17:44 --> 00:17:47 on without it, like, because it's just toxic.
00:17:47 --> 00:17:48 And I think I think that's what I've really been
00:17:48 --> 00:17:51 able to do with my sort of the bad energy that
00:17:51 --> 00:17:53 got stuck in me from my childhood abuse. And
00:17:53 --> 00:17:55 the majority of that concentration was right
00:17:55 --> 00:17:58 in your pelvis area. Yeah. And, you know, I'm
00:17:58 --> 00:17:59 still working through stuff now, you know, I'm
00:17:59 --> 00:18:01 still having some body issues, but I know where
00:18:01 --> 00:18:03 it sends from and I'm continuing to kind of move
00:18:03 --> 00:18:05 through it. But I've moved through a lot. I've
00:18:05 --> 00:18:08 shaken for literally, you know, 40 hour work
00:18:08 --> 00:18:11 weeks already of just somatic shaking, literally
00:18:11 --> 00:18:13 like letting go of that sort of trauma. I was
00:18:13 --> 00:18:16 reading, like you said, they have studies, they're
00:18:16 --> 00:18:18 doing a lot of research on it now. Thank goodness,
00:18:18 --> 00:18:21 you know, because there has been, at one time
00:18:21 --> 00:18:23 it was used even for marriage counseling, wasn't
00:18:23 --> 00:18:25 it? Absolutely. Yeah, I think it's a real heart
00:18:25 --> 00:18:27 opener and, you know, you can really feel comfortable
00:18:27 --> 00:18:30 saying things to people that you might not. uh
00:18:30 --> 00:18:32 feel that safety before not in the sense that
00:18:32 --> 00:18:34 like you would tell them someone that they're
00:18:34 --> 00:18:37 like fat it's like sort of a loving thing but
00:18:37 --> 00:18:39 just you know what opening up and feeling less
00:18:39 --> 00:18:42 more vulnerable and less guarded kind of uh helps
00:18:42 --> 00:18:44 strengthen relationships i feel like whether
00:18:44 --> 00:18:46 that's romantically or even with friends i'd
00:18:46 --> 00:18:48 never take it in that context but i know it can
00:18:48 --> 00:18:51 be really effective Right. Now, you had from
00:18:51 --> 00:18:54 the first session that you had to now, you said
00:18:54 --> 00:18:56 you're still doing this about once a month or
00:18:56 --> 00:18:59 so? Once every couple of months, I'm doing psychedelic
00:18:59 --> 00:19:02 therapy, whether that's MDMA therapy or psilocybin
00:19:02 --> 00:19:05 or ayahuasca. So those are all different compounds
00:19:05 --> 00:19:06 I've worked with and they've all really helped
00:19:06 --> 00:19:09 me in different ways. Man, it seems like nowadays
00:19:09 --> 00:19:13 there really is a psychedelic revolution, you
00:19:13 --> 00:19:16 know, because at one point it was just people
00:19:16 --> 00:19:19 were... Well, it was a big stigma behind it.
00:19:19 --> 00:19:21 This was back in the 70s and in the 80s when
00:19:21 --> 00:19:24 you had this movement that was going on and it
00:19:24 --> 00:19:28 was misused. They right away classified it as,
00:19:28 --> 00:19:30 what's the, they classified it as - Schedule
00:19:30 --> 00:19:33 one. Yeah, there you go. And pretty much written
00:19:33 --> 00:19:35 it off, but it seems like nowadays that there's
00:19:35 --> 00:19:39 a lot of people that are finding a therapy. with
00:19:39 --> 00:19:42 psilocybin, with MDMA, with Ayahuasca, with even
00:19:42 --> 00:19:47 a different assortment of plant medicines. And
00:19:47 --> 00:19:49 what would you have to say about people that
00:19:49 --> 00:19:54 are still on the fence about it for the simple
00:19:54 --> 00:19:57 fact of the safety issues? Yeah, I mean, they're
00:19:57 --> 00:19:59 definitely not for everyone. And they definitely
00:19:59 --> 00:20:02 can be very unsafe if you're taking them in the
00:20:02 --> 00:20:04 wrong context. You know, unfortunately, I mean,
00:20:04 --> 00:20:08 I've had You know, I had a friend's brother unfortunately
00:20:08 --> 00:20:13 pass away because he was sort of taking LSD in
00:20:13 --> 00:20:15 like a recreational way and it was just it didn't
00:20:15 --> 00:20:19 work out. And so I do think they are very strong.
00:20:19 --> 00:20:21 I really caution anyone if you are going to take
00:20:21 --> 00:20:24 them to do them in a safe setting with safe people.
00:20:25 --> 00:20:27 And you certainly don't be driving a car or,
00:20:27 --> 00:20:29 you know, being in a place where you know, damage
00:20:29 --> 00:20:32 could happen. So these tools are no joke and
00:20:32 --> 00:20:33 they're not for everyone. But I think in the
00:20:33 --> 00:20:35 right setting and context, they can really help
00:20:35 --> 00:20:39 people. No, 100 percent. I agree. I agree. I
00:20:39 --> 00:20:42 was able to experience plant medicine. It was
00:20:42 --> 00:20:46 Syrian rule. And that was a totally different
00:20:46 --> 00:20:49 experience from any other drug in my life. I've
00:20:49 --> 00:20:51 took it. And I'm not going to say that that's
00:20:51 --> 00:20:53 a drug because that's that's more of a plant
00:20:53 --> 00:20:57 medicine. But yeah, the MDMA. Is this something
00:20:57 --> 00:21:00 that you see Is it becoming more and more accepted?
00:21:00 --> 00:21:02 Were you in your area at least? Yeah, I would
00:21:02 --> 00:21:04 say in Austin, sort of one of the ground zero
00:21:04 --> 00:21:07 place for psychedelic medicine. It's in some
00:21:07 --> 00:21:09 good ways and some not so good ways. You know,
00:21:09 --> 00:21:11 it seems like everybody and their mother is like
00:21:11 --> 00:21:14 doing ketamine now, you know, or like. that,
00:21:14 --> 00:21:16 you know, they're West Coast sober and that they
00:21:16 --> 00:21:17 don't drink alcohol. But, you know, they take
00:21:17 --> 00:21:19 mushrooms like every day to go and parties. So
00:21:19 --> 00:21:22 I don't know. Like I, I don't really do these
00:21:22 --> 00:21:25 compounds recreationally. You know, for me, they've
00:21:25 --> 00:21:26 been really transformative and kind of healing
00:21:26 --> 00:21:29 childhood trauma. But, you know, there's all
00:21:29 --> 00:21:31 sorts of people doing all sorts of things with
00:21:31 --> 00:21:33 with plant medicines these days. And, you know,
00:21:33 --> 00:21:35 I try to pass judgment on that. It's not only
00:21:35 --> 00:21:38 my place, but that's not how I sort of try to
00:21:38 --> 00:21:40 use them. Yeah, you're going about it. a more
00:21:40 --> 00:21:42 respectable way. I mean, this is dealing with
00:21:42 --> 00:21:45 your traumatic issues in your life and helping
00:21:45 --> 00:21:49 you heal, recover, move forward, and just become
00:21:49 --> 00:21:52 a more well -balanced human being. So with the
00:21:52 --> 00:21:54 integration part of it, is it something like,
00:21:54 --> 00:21:55 say, after you go through with your session,
00:21:55 --> 00:21:58 when your body does what it does, when you're
00:21:58 --> 00:22:00 somatically going through these convulsions,
00:22:00 --> 00:22:04 these sweats, these tremors, however it is that
00:22:04 --> 00:22:08 your body is moving, and releasing this energy
00:22:08 --> 00:22:12 afterwards with the therapist. Is this something
00:22:12 --> 00:22:15 that you talk about, you journal or what goes
00:22:15 --> 00:22:18 on after the process of just your body physically
00:22:18 --> 00:22:21 releasing and purging itself? Absolutely. And
00:22:21 --> 00:22:23 there's been a ton of different processes I've
00:22:23 --> 00:22:26 had during my integration kind of period. You
00:22:26 --> 00:22:27 know, I've worked with a shaman to do energy
00:22:27 --> 00:22:31 breath work. You know, I do journal, try to journal
00:22:31 --> 00:22:34 most days. I try to go on walks and kind of get
00:22:34 --> 00:22:38 a meditative sense that way. I was part of a
00:22:38 --> 00:22:39 men's group for men who had been sexually abused
00:22:39 --> 00:22:42 in the Austin area. I saw a body worker for a
00:22:42 --> 00:22:43 while to try to get back in touch with my body.
00:22:44 --> 00:22:47 I did EMDR, eye movement desensitization reprocessing,
00:22:48 --> 00:22:52 and that helps me for a while. And then I saw
00:22:52 --> 00:22:54 an intimacy coach, or I seen an intimacy coach
00:22:54 --> 00:22:56 to kind of help me get back in touch with that
00:22:56 --> 00:22:58 side of myself. So I think all those things together
00:22:58 --> 00:23:00 have consisted of integration practice. And I
00:23:00 --> 00:23:03 haven't done all of those together at once, but
00:23:03 --> 00:23:04 over the last couple of years, I've tried all
00:23:04 --> 00:23:06 of them. and affect it for me in different ways.
00:23:07 --> 00:23:09 You know, I also go to the sauna every, or a
00:23:09 --> 00:23:12 lot of days. What else do I do? You know, I try
00:23:12 --> 00:23:14 to eat well. I try to get enough sleep, things
00:23:14 --> 00:23:17 like that. Wow. Yeah. You're, you're really making
00:23:17 --> 00:23:20 an effort. This is very, very encouraging to
00:23:20 --> 00:23:22 hear. We just met right now, but it's always
00:23:22 --> 00:23:25 great to hear when people have been through different
00:23:25 --> 00:23:27 things, the way that life shakes us up and to
00:23:27 --> 00:23:30 be able to come out a better person and you found
00:23:30 --> 00:23:34 your, you found your medicine. in the psychedelic
00:23:34 --> 00:23:39 arena. Just to go back beforehand, you said this
00:23:39 --> 00:23:43 all happened or these memories surfaced that
00:23:43 --> 00:23:46 you said in your 20s, early 20s? I would say
00:23:46 --> 00:23:49 I was almost 28 when I really came clear that
00:23:49 --> 00:23:51 I'd been sexually abused. But I started having
00:23:51 --> 00:23:54 pelvic floor problems at 23. And how about even
00:23:54 --> 00:23:57 before that? Now, this was something that it
00:23:57 --> 00:24:00 was a blind spot for you. You know, it was like
00:24:00 --> 00:24:05 you said, that the brain has a way of putting
00:24:05 --> 00:24:07 up a wall or a defense mechanism. We suppress
00:24:07 --> 00:24:10 things and it could be subconsciously or consciously,
00:24:10 --> 00:24:13 but just to protect itself and to be able to
00:24:13 --> 00:24:16 just in survival mode, you know, to be able to
00:24:16 --> 00:24:19 function and to get by. So with you beforehand,
00:24:20 --> 00:24:26 were there were you experiencing any? emotional,
00:24:26 --> 00:24:30 psychological, you know, baggage or just issues
00:24:30 --> 00:24:32 throughout that time, and you just kind of didn't
00:24:32 --> 00:24:35 know where it was coming from. So anxiety, fear,
00:24:35 --> 00:24:37 depression, that type of thing? Absolutely. You
00:24:37 --> 00:24:39 know, one thing I think, even when memories are
00:24:39 --> 00:24:41 repressed, like they might have been for me,
00:24:41 --> 00:24:43 you know, I think there are always signs of this
00:24:43 --> 00:24:44 sort of thing. You know, it doesn't tend to just
00:24:44 --> 00:24:47 come out of isolation. Like, you know, I have
00:24:47 --> 00:24:49 a loving family and four kids and, like, have
00:24:49 --> 00:24:52 a... a great job and incredible life. And then
00:24:52 --> 00:24:54 I realized I was like severely sexually abused.
00:24:54 --> 00:24:57 That tends to not happen very much. So I think
00:24:57 --> 00:24:59 for me, you know, I had a ton of issues around
00:24:59 --> 00:25:02 sex. I never really had a girlfriend. I hadn't
00:25:02 --> 00:25:06 had very much sex. I had an anger issue. I didn't
00:25:06 --> 00:25:08 have a ton of friends. I struggled with depression
00:25:08 --> 00:25:11 a lot of my life. I'd been in and out of therapy
00:25:11 --> 00:25:14 for a long time before I started doing psychedelics.
00:25:14 --> 00:25:16 I just kind of complained that I wasn't happy
00:25:16 --> 00:25:18 and felt off. And so I look at all that stuff
00:25:18 --> 00:25:22 and there were so many signs of abuse the way.
00:25:22 --> 00:25:24 Maybe not quite as bad as it ended up being,
00:25:24 --> 00:25:29 but there was a lot of like almost circumstantial
00:25:29 --> 00:25:32 evidence that something had happened. Yeah. Even
00:25:32 --> 00:25:34 with all, everything that you were trying, you
00:25:34 --> 00:25:37 said you tried, there was a laundry list of things
00:25:37 --> 00:25:39 that you tried and just nothing was really putting
00:25:39 --> 00:25:42 the pieces together the way that the MDMA session
00:25:42 --> 00:25:46 did. All of the - Yeah. Yeah, go ahead. I think
00:25:46 --> 00:25:48 psychedelics are the strongest tools available
00:25:48 --> 00:25:50 to heal trauma. And so I really think I need
00:25:50 --> 00:25:52 those to sort of get to the bottom of it. You
00:25:52 --> 00:25:54 know, talk therapy is great, but I think talk
00:25:54 --> 00:25:57 therapy alone is generally not enough for certainly
00:25:57 --> 00:26:01 like big T trauma like, you know, rape or physical
00:26:01 --> 00:26:04 abuse or other things of that nature. So no,
00:26:04 --> 00:26:06 I really had not gotten very far until I started
00:26:06 --> 00:26:09 doing plant medicine. That could be frustrating
00:26:09 --> 00:26:11 though, right? I mean, you're trying, it seems
00:26:11 --> 00:26:13 like everything under the sun and nothing is
00:26:13 --> 00:26:16 working out. And there was that holy grail. Now,
00:26:16 --> 00:26:18 how did you say you came across that again? Can
00:26:18 --> 00:26:21 you? Yeah, so I listened, you know, I'm a fan
00:26:21 --> 00:26:23 of Tim Ferriss. Tim Ferriss. Tim Ferriss, there
00:26:23 --> 00:26:25 you go. Tim Ferriss had also unfortunately been
00:26:25 --> 00:26:26 sexually abused. I didn't make any connection
00:26:26 --> 00:26:28 at that time, but I thought it was really sad
00:26:28 --> 00:26:31 what happened to him at the time. And he said
00:26:31 --> 00:26:33 that NDNA and psilocybin really helped him. So
00:26:33 --> 00:26:36 I sort of took it. uh took note of that and then
00:26:36 --> 00:26:39 another writer uh tucker max um had sort of written
00:26:39 --> 00:26:42 about his own ndma experiences and he helped
00:26:42 --> 00:26:44 me find a guy my first guy in new york city and
00:26:44 --> 00:26:46 uh it sort of jumped to the races from there
00:26:46 --> 00:26:49 that's pretty that's pretty damn awesome that
00:26:49 --> 00:26:52 even uh well you know I don't want to say desperate,
00:26:52 --> 00:26:54 desperate times, but in the way it is, if you're
00:26:54 --> 00:26:56 trying to get well, you're trying to be well,
00:26:56 --> 00:26:58 and you feel like you have all these things going
00:26:58 --> 00:27:00 on with you, like psychologically, emotionally,
00:27:00 --> 00:27:04 you can't get, there's the, the intimacy is lacking
00:27:04 --> 00:27:07 and there's just a, even with the physical pains
00:27:07 --> 00:27:10 and the ailments and things that are going awry,
00:27:10 --> 00:27:15 but with the still seeking and desperately, you
00:27:15 --> 00:27:17 know, trying to find something that can at least
00:27:17 --> 00:27:20 put you back together again or help you to start.
00:27:20 --> 00:27:24 Working towards healing what's been done. So
00:27:24 --> 00:27:29 you eventually after The sessions after your
00:27:29 --> 00:27:33 healing process and dealing with with the events
00:27:33 --> 00:27:35 that happen You know getting well working towards
00:27:35 --> 00:27:37 getting well working towards your recovery working
00:27:37 --> 00:27:40 towards healing you eventually Put this how did
00:27:40 --> 00:27:43 this book come about? What was the the process
00:27:43 --> 00:27:46 like for that? Sure. Yeah, I was doing work with
00:27:46 --> 00:27:48 my shaman and she's like, you know what, you
00:27:48 --> 00:27:50 could write a really good book about this. And
00:27:50 --> 00:27:52 it just sort of happened pretty quickly about
00:27:52 --> 00:27:54 that. And at the same time, I'd actually gone
00:27:54 --> 00:27:56 public against my abuser. I wrote an open letter
00:27:56 --> 00:27:59 to my school system naming him. And you know,
00:27:59 --> 00:28:02 action was not taken. So I particularly at the
00:28:02 --> 00:28:03 beginning, I was really motivated to get the
00:28:03 --> 00:28:06 book out to potentially hold him accountable.
00:28:06 --> 00:28:08 Again, we'll see what happens if anything there.
00:28:08 --> 00:28:10 So far, nothing appears to have happened since
00:28:10 --> 00:28:12 the book came out. But that was one of the reasons
00:28:12 --> 00:28:15 to put out the book. It kind of helped me process
00:28:15 --> 00:28:17 all the stuff that happened to me to help others
00:28:17 --> 00:28:19 who have been through abuse or clinicians or
00:28:19 --> 00:28:21 are curious about psychedelics and things like
00:28:21 --> 00:28:23 that. And then to have kind of just a written
00:28:23 --> 00:28:26 record for, you know, family and future, if I
00:28:26 --> 00:28:28 have any kids, things like that. So I think all
00:28:28 --> 00:28:30 those together was sort of the impetus for me
00:28:30 --> 00:28:32 to write this book. Could I ask you the reason
00:28:32 --> 00:28:35 behind them not wanting to take action? Is it
00:28:35 --> 00:28:38 because of the fact that it happened within a
00:28:38 --> 00:28:40 certain time frame and that this can be false
00:28:40 --> 00:28:44 memories? Well they, you know, I went to the
00:28:44 --> 00:28:46 police first and the police asked him if he did
00:28:46 --> 00:28:50 it and he said no. And so that was sort of the
00:28:50 --> 00:28:52 extent of their investigation. You know, I have
00:28:52 --> 00:28:55 all the tapes. I think they interviewed him for
00:28:55 --> 00:28:58 about half an hour at his house. And that was
00:28:58 --> 00:29:00 it there. And then I was getting pretty frustrated
00:29:00 --> 00:29:02 that it was clear they were going to close the
00:29:02 --> 00:29:04 case. So I wrote an open letter to my school
00:29:04 --> 00:29:05 system in the hopes of trying to get him out
00:29:05 --> 00:29:08 of the school. And the school system wrote a
00:29:08 --> 00:29:10 letter back, you know, because I sent to like
00:29:10 --> 00:29:12 30 people, including parents to the school and
00:29:12 --> 00:29:13 things like that. And they wrote an open letter
00:29:13 --> 00:29:15 back to everybody saying, you know, the police
00:29:15 --> 00:29:18 have now closed the case. It's been dismissed.
00:29:18 --> 00:29:20 There's no evidence. So, you know, we're going
00:29:20 --> 00:29:23 to keep him and then he won an award. for that
00:29:23 --> 00:29:26 year so uh so you know it's it's definitely been
00:29:26 --> 00:29:28 tough uh we'll see what happens again you know
00:29:28 --> 00:29:30 if anything but uh i'm satisfied that i wrote
00:29:30 --> 00:29:33 that letter i don't have any grunts about it
00:29:33 --> 00:29:35 i'm satisfied with the book um you know we'll
00:29:35 --> 00:29:38 see what happens so to this day he's still teaching
00:29:38 --> 00:29:41 it certainly appears that way his name is listed
00:29:41 --> 00:29:43 on the uh school website still as as a current
00:29:43 --> 00:29:47 faculty member so uh i i look every month or
00:29:47 --> 00:29:49 two uh he's still there i haven't heard anything
00:29:49 --> 00:29:52 to indicate that he's not there anymore Um, so,
00:29:52 --> 00:29:54 uh, I don't know, but my book's not going anywhere.
00:29:55 --> 00:29:57 So again, he's a young, he's a pretty young guy.
00:29:57 --> 00:30:00 You think he's like 48 years old. So, uh, so,
00:30:00 --> 00:30:02 you know, who knows? Yeah. You did your part,
00:30:02 --> 00:30:06 right? The main thing is, is to to find that
00:30:06 --> 00:30:09 healing, to be able to free yourself from the
00:30:09 --> 00:30:12 clutches of what somebody at one time did, but
00:30:12 --> 00:30:16 to not be in that prison anymore, to where you're
00:30:16 --> 00:30:18 bound by somebody else's actions, where through
00:30:18 --> 00:30:22 no fault of your own. And I'm sure in a way that
00:30:22 --> 00:30:24 this book, writing your book and expressing the
00:30:24 --> 00:30:29 trauma and just fleshing out your experience
00:30:29 --> 00:30:32 and your road to recovery and what helped you
00:30:32 --> 00:30:35 along the way. Was that something that was bringing
00:30:35 --> 00:30:39 up a lot of those old memories and was it emotional
00:30:39 --> 00:30:41 to write it? It was very difficult. You know,
00:30:42 --> 00:30:45 I got sick several times. I wasn't sleeping very
00:30:45 --> 00:30:47 well for like months. I was tired all the time.
00:30:47 --> 00:30:49 Uh, it was pretty miserable experience. That's
00:30:49 --> 00:30:50 why I'm probably never going to write another
00:30:50 --> 00:30:53 book. Um, but, uh, but, you know, I did write
00:30:53 --> 00:30:56 one. Uh, I think it looks pretty good. Uh, I
00:30:56 --> 00:30:59 put my, I put my best foot forward there. So,
00:30:59 --> 00:31:01 uh, yeah, I'm proud of what I, my output, but
00:31:01 --> 00:31:04 it was very tough. I wouldn't, um, I don't think
00:31:04 --> 00:31:05 I could ever write something like that again.
00:31:05 --> 00:31:08 So, you know, one and done here. Revisiting those
00:31:08 --> 00:31:11 memories. You had to go back to the pit of hell,
00:31:11 --> 00:31:14 so to speak. So bring up all that and to put
00:31:14 --> 00:31:17 it out on paper. I mean, for one, you were. naming
00:31:17 --> 00:31:20 names, right? You were putting a name to the
00:31:20 --> 00:31:22 perpetrator and then you were also talking about
00:31:22 --> 00:31:25 your experience and then also is this talking
00:31:25 --> 00:31:28 about your healing process and what you found
00:31:28 --> 00:31:31 helpful throughout this ordeal? So I actually
00:31:31 --> 00:31:33 clarify, I did name him in an open letter I wrote
00:31:33 --> 00:31:35 to my school system, but in the book I used a
00:31:35 --> 00:31:38 pseudonym that is close to his name, but not
00:31:38 --> 00:31:41 his name. I wanted to name him in the book originally
00:31:41 --> 00:31:42 because I know it's him, like I don't have any
00:31:42 --> 00:31:46 doubt. at all. I felt like the name wouldn't
00:31:46 --> 00:31:48 mean anything to people that weren't in my school
00:31:48 --> 00:31:50 system and people that went to school with me
00:31:50 --> 00:31:53 all know who this is. So I didn't think it would
00:31:53 --> 00:31:56 sort of do that much, if that makes sense. But
00:31:56 --> 00:32:00 you know, I'm happy to name him in private for
00:32:00 --> 00:32:03 anyone that's curious. But in terms of the healing,
00:32:03 --> 00:32:05 yeah, I really tried to emphasize, you know,
00:32:05 --> 00:32:08 integration, healing trauma and sort of almost
00:32:08 --> 00:32:10 put together a field guide of how someone would
00:32:10 --> 00:32:13 try to heal from childhood sexual abuse or other
00:32:13 --> 00:32:16 forms of deep trauma from their childhoods. And
00:32:16 --> 00:32:18 so that would be through, you know, breath energy
00:32:18 --> 00:32:21 work, like I said, EMDR, psychedelic medicine,
00:32:21 --> 00:32:25 kind of body intimacy work, and just journaling
00:32:25 --> 00:32:28 and things of that nature. I find that through
00:32:28 --> 00:32:31 hearing, I'm not going to put everybody's experience
00:32:31 --> 00:32:36 in the same can, but people that have been abused
00:32:36 --> 00:32:39 physically, sexually, emotionally, you hear often
00:32:39 --> 00:32:42 that even though it's no fault of their own,
00:32:42 --> 00:32:45 they still carry a guilt that they could have
00:32:45 --> 00:32:47 did something different. There could have been
00:32:47 --> 00:32:51 some kind of boundaries that were put up. So
00:32:51 --> 00:32:54 I don't know if you experienced that, even though
00:32:54 --> 00:32:57 these were some of the memories that you said
00:32:57 --> 00:32:59 they didn't come to surface till later on in
00:32:59 --> 00:33:02 life. But did you ever go through that during
00:33:02 --> 00:33:05 your healing process of the victimhood of blaming
00:33:05 --> 00:33:09 yourself in some sort of way? Absolutely, you
00:33:09 --> 00:33:11 know, I still struggle with self -esteem and
00:33:11 --> 00:33:13 self -love and sort of self -loathing at times
00:33:13 --> 00:33:14 and I think that was really hard at the beginning
00:33:14 --> 00:33:16 of my healing journey and that's been something
00:33:16 --> 00:33:19 I've been working through my whole life. So yeah,
00:33:19 --> 00:33:21 of course, you know, I think anytime, you know,
00:33:22 --> 00:33:24 children are very egocentric, right? And the
00:33:24 --> 00:33:26 idea that... somebody would be doing something
00:33:26 --> 00:33:28 that's you it's sort of natural I think as a
00:33:28 --> 00:33:30 kid to assume it's because of something defective
00:33:30 --> 00:33:32 with you or something wrong with you or this
00:33:32 --> 00:33:34 must be happening because I'm a bad person or
00:33:34 --> 00:33:36 you know ugly or whatever and I think you really
00:33:36 --> 00:33:38 reinforce that with some of the language you
00:33:38 --> 00:33:41 use you know telling me I was a freak or whatever
00:33:41 --> 00:33:44 so I think you know predators do that to sort
00:33:44 --> 00:33:46 of get control over the victims and you know
00:33:46 --> 00:33:49 he's very good at what he does and you know he's
00:33:49 --> 00:33:52 I think a seasoned you know, seasoned predator.
00:33:52 --> 00:33:54 So I think it was unfortunate to run into him
00:33:54 --> 00:33:57 for sure. But, you know, I also think it's given
00:33:57 --> 00:34:00 me some gifts and and it's really, you know,
00:34:00 --> 00:34:02 I tried to use that pain and turn into art with
00:34:02 --> 00:34:06 this book. Yeah. Yeah, right on. Yes, sometimes
00:34:06 --> 00:34:08 what doesn't that you hear that often, you know,
00:34:08 --> 00:34:10 what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It
00:34:10 --> 00:34:13 builds character, especially with just the fire,
00:34:13 --> 00:34:17 how fire just refines and purifies and forms
00:34:17 --> 00:34:19 part of the alchemical process to form certain
00:34:19 --> 00:34:22 elements and stones and bring out the richness
00:34:22 --> 00:34:26 in it. So definitely you you you turn a negative
00:34:26 --> 00:34:29 into a positive in some sort of way and giving
00:34:29 --> 00:34:31 a gift back to people who may who may be going
00:34:31 --> 00:34:35 through what you have. been through or currently
00:34:35 --> 00:34:38 just struggling with certain things, self -esteem,
00:34:39 --> 00:34:43 self -love. What's helped you right now with
00:34:43 --> 00:34:45 your self -worth and to get some of that back?
00:34:46 --> 00:34:48 Yeah, I think psychedelic medicine has really
00:34:48 --> 00:34:50 showed me that there's nothing defective about
00:34:50 --> 00:34:52 me and that I actually have a lot to offer the
00:34:52 --> 00:34:56 world. I'm a pretty nice guy and I got a lot
00:34:56 --> 00:35:00 of energy and some positive things to say. Yeah,
00:35:01 --> 00:35:04 it's sort of reinforced. I don't think having
00:35:04 --> 00:35:06 low self -esteem is inherent to being human.
00:35:07 --> 00:35:09 I think it tends to happen because it's drilled
00:35:09 --> 00:35:12 into people early on, whether that's by a parent.
00:35:13 --> 00:35:14 Sometimes it's not even on purpose. I look at
00:35:14 --> 00:35:18 my dad, I think he was pretty tough on me and
00:35:18 --> 00:35:20 I think that really... sort of rubbed off of
00:35:20 --> 00:35:22 me in certain ways and frankly in a negative
00:35:22 --> 00:35:25 way. But I also think, you know, he just sort
00:35:25 --> 00:35:27 of had some of his own issues and he sort of
00:35:27 --> 00:35:30 projected them onto me. Unfortunately, you know,
00:35:30 --> 00:35:31 everybody's got their own battles and their own
00:35:31 --> 00:35:33 struggles. And I think, you know, I just wanted
00:35:33 --> 00:35:36 to try to work through my abuse the best I possibly
00:35:36 --> 00:35:39 could to sort of maybe break that cycle of trauma,
00:35:39 --> 00:35:42 so to speak. That's awesome. Can't put myself
00:35:42 --> 00:35:44 in anybody's situation, especially when you're
00:35:44 --> 00:35:46 going through abuse. There's some people that
00:35:46 --> 00:35:51 they They find it hard to have any motivation
00:35:51 --> 00:35:55 to drive to want to come out of that dark pit
00:35:55 --> 00:35:57 and for you It seemed like you were determined
00:35:57 --> 00:36:02 you were fixated you were obsessed if you say
00:36:02 --> 00:36:03 in a way because you were trying so many different
00:36:03 --> 00:36:06 things and I Just want to figure this thing out.
00:36:06 --> 00:36:08 I just want to get get well. I want to sort out
00:36:08 --> 00:36:11 the madness I really you know, I respect that
00:36:11 --> 00:36:13 it's it's great to hear that and I'm curious
00:36:13 --> 00:36:15 just to take it back a little bit because you
00:36:15 --> 00:36:19 mentioned a shaman Was it one shaman in particular,
00:36:19 --> 00:36:21 because did you have more than one session with
00:36:21 --> 00:36:23 different shamans or were you in the jungles
00:36:23 --> 00:36:26 when you experienced this ayahuasca? I found
00:36:26 --> 00:36:28 a shaman in Austin that I really connected with.
00:36:29 --> 00:36:31 I think she's a shaman more for marketing purposes.
00:36:32 --> 00:36:34 I think healer is maybe a better word at this
00:36:34 --> 00:36:37 point. But yeah, I did a bunch of sessions with
00:36:37 --> 00:36:39 her of different compounds and she really has
00:36:39 --> 00:36:42 helped me a lot in my journey and I'm grateful
00:36:42 --> 00:36:46 to have her. I would say the vast majority, the
00:36:46 --> 00:36:47 deepest healing work has been done with her.
00:36:47 --> 00:36:49 So I really appreciate it. And yeah, she's featured
00:36:49 --> 00:36:52 heavily in my book. So you have a lot of people
00:36:52 --> 00:36:56 that have contributed to your overall healing
00:36:56 --> 00:36:59 process. Yeah. I think I've been lucky. I had
00:36:59 --> 00:37:02 some financial support from parents and I was
00:37:02 --> 00:37:04 pretty motivated. And so I've been able to work
00:37:04 --> 00:37:06 with a lot of different practitioners and they've
00:37:06 --> 00:37:08 helped me in different ways. Right. Yeah. Like
00:37:08 --> 00:37:10 I told you beforehand, that's how I was able
00:37:10 --> 00:37:13 to get in contact with you was through your mother.
00:37:13 --> 00:37:16 She was outreaching. She was doing some real
00:37:16 --> 00:37:19 good marketing and sharing a bit of your backstory.
00:37:19 --> 00:37:21 And that was intriguing and that was interesting
00:37:21 --> 00:37:24 just because of what I... red that you had went
00:37:24 --> 00:37:27 through and for you to be able to come out a
00:37:27 --> 00:37:29 better man, a stronger man, a brighter man, and
00:37:29 --> 00:37:32 just shining that light and fighting a good fight
00:37:32 --> 00:37:36 and doing a good deed. How has the response been
00:37:36 --> 00:37:39 for the book so far? Have you gotten any feedback
00:37:39 --> 00:37:41 from it? Yeah. I mean, the reviews have been
00:37:41 --> 00:37:44 really good. I have about 150 reviews on Amazon.
00:37:44 --> 00:37:47 Wow. Yeah, a 4 .8 rating, but I'm always trying
00:37:47 --> 00:37:50 to get more. Uh, so, you know, if any, any, uh,
00:37:50 --> 00:37:53 the book's 499 on Kindle. So, uh, you know, not
00:37:53 --> 00:37:55 a huge lift for most people, but, uh, I really
00:37:55 --> 00:37:57 appreciate any interest and I'm happy to answer
00:37:57 --> 00:37:59 any questions about it. Uh, it's called trauma
00:37:59 --> 00:38:01 and ecstasy, how psychedelics made my life worth
00:38:01 --> 00:38:04 living. And so, you know, my goal is to kind
00:38:04 --> 00:38:06 of spread my message around healing and trauma
00:38:06 --> 00:38:10 and abuse and things of that nature. And yeah,
00:38:10 --> 00:38:12 that's what I'm trying to do with podcasts like
00:38:12 --> 00:38:15 this one and all the speaking and sort of advocacy
00:38:15 --> 00:38:18 that I'm undertaking this year. When did you?
00:38:18 --> 00:38:21 So when was the the initial publishing? Was it
00:38:21 --> 00:38:23 this year? Has it? It came out in December. December
00:38:23 --> 00:38:26 of twenty of twenty twenty four. OK, well, and
00:38:26 --> 00:38:28 you already got one hundred and forty something
00:38:28 --> 00:38:31 view reviews. Yeah, I'm trying to get to a thousand
00:38:31 --> 00:38:34 next couple of years. We'll see that we'll see
00:38:34 --> 00:38:38 that happens. That's right. For the stars. Yeah,
00:38:39 --> 00:38:42 why not as you should and you're also doing I'm
00:38:42 --> 00:38:43 speaking engagements. Like are you doing those
00:38:43 --> 00:38:47 in in person? No, I'm mostly doing speak. Uh,
00:38:47 --> 00:38:49 I when I say speaking I mean podcast like this
00:38:49 --> 00:38:51 one or some right or like I've spoken to the
00:38:51 --> 00:38:54 Colorado psychedelic society But no like paid
00:38:54 --> 00:38:56 speaking. I don't know if I even want to do that
00:38:56 --> 00:38:59 and nobody's uh, nobody's offered so far So maybe
00:38:59 --> 00:39:02 someday Yeah, no, I mean, but that's like with
00:39:02 --> 00:39:04 this right here, the good thing about technology
00:39:04 --> 00:39:06 for for all the bad things sometimes I say about
00:39:06 --> 00:39:08 it, like, my goodness, we're addicted to the
00:39:08 --> 00:39:10 social media and everything. But it also gives
00:39:10 --> 00:39:13 you an international global reach to reach people
00:39:13 --> 00:39:16 like I'm located in Germany. We're speaking,
00:39:16 --> 00:39:18 but I have listeners also in the states. I have
00:39:18 --> 00:39:21 listeners in Europe, in different parts of the
00:39:21 --> 00:39:24 world. So, I mean, just to do you have an overall
00:39:24 --> 00:39:26 reach with this technology? So it's good that
00:39:26 --> 00:39:29 you're out here and you're spreading the word
00:39:29 --> 00:39:31 of what helped for you. It seems that you have
00:39:31 --> 00:39:34 a really, the proof is in the pudding. It's worked
00:39:34 --> 00:39:36 for you and it's worked for thousands of other
00:39:36 --> 00:39:41 people, just the healing from abuse, from PTSD.
00:39:41 --> 00:39:43 We're talking about veterans, we're talking about
00:39:43 --> 00:39:46 children and men, women who have been sexually
00:39:46 --> 00:39:50 abused, physically abused, but the psychedelic.
00:39:51 --> 00:39:54 community has really, really blossomed. And it
00:39:54 --> 00:39:57 seems that more and more people are becoming
00:39:57 --> 00:40:01 open to the idea of maybe giving it a try. But
00:40:01 --> 00:40:04 you need to give it, like you mentioned, said
00:40:04 --> 00:40:07 and said, you have to be respectful when you
00:40:07 --> 00:40:09 come into this. And if you're in a professional
00:40:09 --> 00:40:11 environment, I think that they can help set up
00:40:11 --> 00:40:14 that right and sacred space for you to get some
00:40:14 --> 00:40:17 type of healing work done for whatever it is
00:40:17 --> 00:40:21 that you're dealing with. Absolutely, I completely
00:40:21 --> 00:40:24 agree and you know I think unfortunately there
00:40:24 --> 00:40:26 are some horror stories out there and I do think
00:40:26 --> 00:40:29 you know like there's a lot of crazy shamans
00:40:29 --> 00:40:32 around and a lot of bad retreat centers that
00:40:32 --> 00:40:34 don't take very good care of people or don't
00:40:34 --> 00:40:37 really know what to do and so you know people
00:40:37 --> 00:40:40 naturally glob on to horror stories about psychedelics
00:40:40 --> 00:40:43 because for a variety of reasons, I think. But,
00:40:43 --> 00:40:45 you know, I do think overall that they can have
00:40:45 --> 00:40:48 a really positive net effect on the world. And
00:40:48 --> 00:40:50 they certainly had a positive effect on my life.
00:40:51 --> 00:40:53 You have to do your due diligence, your research.
00:40:53 --> 00:40:55 Now, did you happen to just the first one that
00:40:55 --> 00:40:57 you came across that was the one that hit the
00:40:57 --> 00:40:59 sweet spot for you or you were doing some research
00:40:59 --> 00:41:01 and getting reviews and trying to figure out
00:41:01 --> 00:41:03 where you're going to fit best or what's going
00:41:03 --> 00:41:05 to be best for you? Well, I knew I wanted to
00:41:05 --> 00:41:07 start with MDMA therapy because that's sort of
00:41:07 --> 00:41:09 the gentlest one. I'm really happy I did. I think
00:41:09 --> 00:41:11 if I'd started with ayahuasca or even psilocybin,
00:41:11 --> 00:41:13 it would have been very difficult for me and
00:41:13 --> 00:41:15 it would have set me back. I didn't know if I'd
00:41:15 --> 00:41:16 be here right now because they are very strong
00:41:16 --> 00:41:20 tools and I wasn't ready for those. But I'm really
00:41:20 --> 00:41:22 happy to start with MDMA. I did work with someone
00:41:22 --> 00:41:24 early on that wasn't a good fit and it did really
00:41:24 --> 00:41:27 set me back. After that, I found the shaman I
00:41:27 --> 00:41:30 mentioned earlier and we had a really good partnership
00:41:30 --> 00:41:34 for a long time. um alex i have some you know
00:41:34 --> 00:41:37 i'm not too sure if you can you can give your
00:41:37 --> 00:41:39 take on it but what would you what would you
00:41:39 --> 00:41:42 have to say about somebody who say for instance
00:41:42 --> 00:41:48 would be interested in exploring this but they're
00:41:48 --> 00:41:52 afraid of what how would i how would i put it
00:41:52 --> 00:41:57 they're afraid of the idea of maybe re traumatizing
00:41:57 --> 00:42:00 themselves and setting them back feeling as if
00:42:00 --> 00:42:04 it's going to do more harm than good because
00:42:04 --> 00:42:09 of the fact of it opening up a whole can of worms
00:42:09 --> 00:42:13 that might be just too overwhelming for them
00:42:13 --> 00:42:16 to deal with. Yeah, so I think psychedelics can
00:42:16 --> 00:42:18 definitely make things worse before they get
00:42:18 --> 00:42:20 better and that was certainly my experience because
00:42:20 --> 00:42:23 all the emotions and feelings and memories I
00:42:23 --> 00:42:25 pushed down to the bottom of me like started
00:42:25 --> 00:42:27 coming back up right with with the psychedelic
00:42:27 --> 00:42:29 medicine because they push those to the surface
00:42:29 --> 00:42:31 and so things did get worse and I really need
00:42:31 --> 00:42:35 the support so I recommend anyone in going in
00:42:35 --> 00:42:38 in going on psychedelic therapy for trauma to
00:42:38 --> 00:42:40 make sure you have a good support system, make
00:42:40 --> 00:42:42 sure you have friends or family, and if not those,
00:42:43 --> 00:42:44 like a trained practitioner that you're working
00:42:44 --> 00:42:47 with already that can sort of help you work through
00:42:47 --> 00:42:49 what might come up for you. Because I think doing
00:42:49 --> 00:42:51 this without any support, pre -existing support,
00:42:51 --> 00:42:54 and without any pre -existing therapeutic relationship,
00:42:55 --> 00:42:57 that could be really difficult and really damaging.
00:42:57 --> 00:42:59 So that's what I recommend for anyone that was
00:42:59 --> 00:43:02 trying to engage in psychedelic medicine to heal
00:43:02 --> 00:43:05 trauma. Yeah, I think that's probably, I'm not
00:43:05 --> 00:43:08 going to speak for everybody's experience, but
00:43:08 --> 00:43:10 I think that could be the case sometimes when
00:43:10 --> 00:43:12 people have these horror stories or these horror
00:43:12 --> 00:43:15 experiences. It could be just the mindset that
00:43:15 --> 00:43:18 they're going into. it with they don't feel safe
00:43:18 --> 00:43:20 so then that's reflecting in their experience
00:43:20 --> 00:43:23 and the environment if you do have like you said
00:43:23 --> 00:43:25 if you're doing your research and you have that's
00:43:25 --> 00:43:28 the whole point of some of these ceremonies and
00:43:28 --> 00:43:30 rituals they're setting up that sacred space
00:43:30 --> 00:43:32 for you so that that proper containment is set
00:43:32 --> 00:43:37 and everything is going to you're going to get
00:43:37 --> 00:43:39 from it what you need to get from it at that
00:43:39 --> 00:43:42 point in time Absolutely. Yeah, I think you might
00:43:42 --> 00:43:44 not get the trip you want, but you you usually
00:43:44 --> 00:43:47 get the trip you need. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And
00:43:47 --> 00:43:51 like some people say, all medicine doesn't always
00:43:51 --> 00:43:53 taste the best. So it's going to hurt in the
00:43:53 --> 00:43:56 beginning. And that's right. The physical. Do
00:43:56 --> 00:43:59 you still go through with that? Do you experience
00:43:59 --> 00:44:03 your body releasing still a lot of the negative
00:44:03 --> 00:44:07 energy and a lot of tension or the stresses that
00:44:07 --> 00:44:10 were deep seated in your tissues and in your
00:44:10 --> 00:44:13 physical body? I am still having some lingering
00:44:13 --> 00:44:14 physical symptoms. That's why I'm continuing
00:44:14 --> 00:44:17 to do psychedelics every couple of months. But
00:44:17 --> 00:44:18 things have gotten a lot better. And I would
00:44:18 --> 00:44:21 say, you know, I think lingering physical symptoms
00:44:21 --> 00:44:22 are a testament to how much I've been through,
00:44:22 --> 00:44:24 unfortunately, and how much trauma there was
00:44:24 --> 00:44:28 and how bad the abuse was. So, yeah, I think
00:44:28 --> 00:44:30 I'm mostly towards the end. But there still has
00:44:30 --> 00:44:32 not been that final layer of sort of like an
00:44:32 --> 00:44:35 ego death or ego. Reset maybe and I think once
00:44:35 --> 00:44:37 that happens the physical issues I will I'll
00:44:37 --> 00:44:40 be able to let them go and they'll sort of fade
00:44:40 --> 00:44:43 away Yeah, I don't want to pick at that scab
00:44:43 --> 00:44:46 too much longer, but no worries Yeah, but but
00:44:46 --> 00:44:48 uh, do you have an idea of how long the abuse
00:44:48 --> 00:44:52 went on for was it months years? Yeah, I think
00:44:52 --> 00:44:54 it was about 18 months from start to finish.
00:44:54 --> 00:44:56 It'll maybe a lesson that but uh over a year
00:44:56 --> 00:45:00 for sure Man, okay. Yeah, no that that is something
00:45:00 --> 00:45:02 that you're not gonna get rid of it overnight
00:45:02 --> 00:45:05 and sometimes for some of some of us It's going
00:45:05 --> 00:45:07 to be a lifelong journey but the fact is that
00:45:07 --> 00:45:09 you are getting better and you are seeing on
00:45:09 --> 00:45:12 results and you are feeling a completely different
00:45:12 --> 00:45:15 person than you were Two years ago three years
00:45:15 --> 00:45:18 ago four years ago Yeah, I agree. And I would
00:45:18 --> 00:45:20 have been toast without psychedelics. It would
00:45:20 --> 00:45:22 have been really rough. So I really think these
00:45:22 --> 00:45:25 compounds have changed my life. And again, not
00:45:25 --> 00:45:27 them alone, but they've sort of opened the door
00:45:27 --> 00:45:33 for comprehensive and dramatic change. And yeah,
00:45:33 --> 00:45:34 I think that's why I wanted to spread the message.
00:45:34 --> 00:45:36 And I look at where I was before and where I
00:45:36 --> 00:45:39 am now, and I feel like it's a 90 day difference.
00:45:39 --> 00:45:42 That's not to say I'm perfect or things are going
00:45:42 --> 00:45:44 amazing now, but there's been dramatic improvement.
00:45:45 --> 00:45:47 That and that's where it counts. That's where
00:45:47 --> 00:45:49 it counts that you you're able to you're able
00:45:49 --> 00:45:53 to live function and enjoy your life as Opposed
00:45:53 --> 00:45:55 to how it was before I'm getting there for sure.
00:45:55 --> 00:45:59 You're getting there right man Alex. It's it's
00:45:59 --> 00:46:02 it's really encouraging to hear and I think this
00:46:02 --> 00:46:06 is a message that is Going to be impactful for
00:46:06 --> 00:46:08 a lot of people that are in your situation because
00:46:08 --> 00:46:11 we're not everybody's experience is different
00:46:11 --> 00:46:13 That's what this podcast is about. It's just
00:46:13 --> 00:46:15 sharing and everybody's unique human experience,
00:46:15 --> 00:46:17 but how they were able to get through their struggles
00:46:17 --> 00:46:20 or challenges. And, and it's just encouraging
00:46:20 --> 00:46:23 to hear what you had went through in that you're
00:46:23 --> 00:46:25 still, you're, you're, you're a sharp, you're
00:46:25 --> 00:46:27 a sharp man. You have your head on, um, you had
00:46:27 --> 00:46:30 your head on tight and you, you seem that you
00:46:30 --> 00:46:32 have your, your heart set in the right place
00:46:32 --> 00:46:35 and you seem that you're, um, I don't know how
00:46:35 --> 00:46:37 you were beforehand, but you seem well grounded.
00:46:38 --> 00:46:41 And like you said, it's a big testament to. The
00:46:41 --> 00:46:43 psychedelic journey that you embarked on and
00:46:43 --> 00:46:45 the good message that you're spending right now
00:46:45 --> 00:46:49 in the book that you wrote and What do you what
00:46:49 --> 00:46:51 do you have? What do you have lined up for you
00:46:51 --> 00:46:54 or any plans or goals you have moving forward?
00:46:55 --> 00:46:57 Yeah, so it's funny you ask, you know, I'm sort
00:46:57 --> 00:46:59 of in the midst of an existential crisis right
00:46:59 --> 00:47:02 now You know, I think the books come out for
00:47:02 --> 00:47:05 a couple months You know, I did some traveling
00:47:05 --> 00:47:07 and now it's sort of what am I going to do now
00:47:07 --> 00:47:09 what with my life? So I mean, I'm trying to figure
00:47:09 --> 00:47:11 out jobs, you know, like what am I gonna do for
00:47:11 --> 00:47:15 work? How's that all gonna, you know go down?
00:47:15 --> 00:47:18 So I think one thing I I thought is the book
00:47:18 --> 00:47:21 would help me get a job more than it has I don't
00:47:21 --> 00:47:23 think in the corporate world having a book is
00:47:23 --> 00:47:25 really that mean meaningful. In fact, I think
00:47:25 --> 00:47:27 in some ways, a book about psychedelics might
00:47:27 --> 00:47:29 be a negative signal to certain corporations
00:47:29 --> 00:47:31 or certain bigger companies. So I think I want
00:47:31 --> 00:47:33 to do something entrepreneurial eventually. But
00:47:33 --> 00:47:36 right now, I don't quite have the emotional bandwidth
00:47:36 --> 00:47:39 to start something new. So, yeah, I'm trying
00:47:39 --> 00:47:41 to figure that out right now with kind of a therapist
00:47:41 --> 00:47:43 and kind of different people and journaling.
00:47:43 --> 00:47:45 And so I'm definitely an inflection point, for
00:47:45 --> 00:47:49 sure. But the main thing, I mean, what you've
00:47:49 --> 00:47:52 been dealing with is that's just the healing.
00:47:53 --> 00:47:56 the spiritual component of it, the emotional
00:47:56 --> 00:47:59 component of it, the inner work that you've been
00:47:59 --> 00:48:02 doing. And from the inside out, that's how things
00:48:02 --> 00:48:04 work. And so you change the inside. And for sure,
00:48:04 --> 00:48:07 you can start creating new realities in the outside.
00:48:07 --> 00:48:11 So you're on the right path. Yeah, that's certainly
00:48:11 --> 00:48:15 my intention and my hope. But, you know, it's
00:48:15 --> 00:48:17 every day is a new process. So, you know, even
00:48:17 --> 00:48:20 this week, like I was, you know, do I want it?
00:48:20 --> 00:48:22 you know, you get an entry level sales job, like
00:48:22 --> 00:48:24 I'm applying for those, you know, I'm trying
00:48:24 --> 00:48:27 to figure it out. So you know, So you mentioned
00:48:27 --> 00:48:30 some traveling. Did you go in any places specific?
00:48:31 --> 00:48:32 Did you keep it in Texas or you went abroad a
00:48:32 --> 00:48:36 little bit? I went to Argentina and Chile over
00:48:36 --> 00:48:38 Christmas with my mom and my sister and went
00:48:38 --> 00:48:41 to Patagonia. I went to India for a wedding for
00:48:41 --> 00:48:44 a couple of weeks and then I went to Costa Rica
00:48:44 --> 00:48:47 with a psychedelic coaching class. So all that
00:48:47 --> 00:48:51 in about a two and a half month span. So, you
00:48:51 --> 00:48:53 know, it was a lot of travel. Globetrotting,
00:48:53 --> 00:48:57 that's right. Yeah. And what'd you think? What'd
00:48:57 --> 00:49:00 you think of India? India was great. Yeah, I'd
00:49:00 --> 00:49:02 actually been once before, but definitely seeing
00:49:02 --> 00:49:03 different parts of the country. Yeah, it's so
00:49:03 --> 00:49:07 diverse. And so, you know, each region feels
00:49:07 --> 00:49:10 like almost like its own country. And so I think
00:49:10 --> 00:49:13 it's really one of the richest experiences in
00:49:13 --> 00:49:17 spirituality and in kind of warmth from the people
00:49:17 --> 00:49:20 and the food and and the colors and really an
00:49:20 --> 00:49:23 awesome trip I highly recommend any Westerners
00:49:23 --> 00:49:25 if they're trying to get a you know, unique exotic
00:49:25 --> 00:49:28 Experience the India could be really a fit in
00:49:28 --> 00:49:30 every one of those every one of those countries
00:49:30 --> 00:49:32 You mentioned was it the first time for each
00:49:32 --> 00:49:36 or you've been to a few before? I've been to
00:49:36 --> 00:49:38 India before I not been to Costa Rica Chile or
00:49:38 --> 00:49:43 Argentina before Oh, okay. Wow, man. Yeah. That's
00:49:43 --> 00:49:46 a place I haven't touched yet. South America,
00:49:46 --> 00:49:49 probably just Mexico, but I hear Costa Rica.
00:49:49 --> 00:49:51 I don't know if they still hold the title, but
00:49:51 --> 00:49:54 they were at one time supposed to be the happiest
00:49:54 --> 00:49:57 people in the world. They were living in Costa
00:49:57 --> 00:50:00 Rica. Yeah, they might be. Costa Rica, it's very
00:50:00 --> 00:50:03 comfortable for Westerners and it's very pretty.
00:50:03 --> 00:50:06 It doesn't have as much culture or sort of...
00:50:06 --> 00:50:10 The food is not that exotic or interesting. There's
00:50:10 --> 00:50:13 a lot of pretty beaches, but not a lot of cultural
00:50:13 --> 00:50:16 immersion. I'm happy I went on this trip with
00:50:16 --> 00:50:17 the psychedelic group, but I don't think I'd
00:50:17 --> 00:50:24 go there for vacation. I think there are more
00:50:24 --> 00:50:28 culturally enriching places like Brazil or Colombia
00:50:28 --> 00:50:33 or somewhere in Europe. I just love to learn
00:50:33 --> 00:50:35 new things. Costa Rica doesn't have as much of
00:50:35 --> 00:50:38 that. Yeah, I didn't do it for you and the psychedelic
00:50:38 --> 00:50:41 was it was it ayahuasca that you were partaking
00:50:41 --> 00:50:44 in We just we did mushrooms there and I was a
00:50:44 --> 00:50:46 great group. Yeah, I'm really happy I went with
00:50:46 --> 00:50:49 them So but yeah, I really enjoyed being with
00:50:49 --> 00:50:51 them and that kind of retreat like in setting
00:50:51 --> 00:50:55 intensive setting Is it micro dosing or you guys
00:50:55 --> 00:50:57 going a little bit more than that? We both micro
00:50:57 --> 00:51:01 dose and macro dose there Okay, and what the
00:51:01 --> 00:51:04 the experience is it? because I've never done
00:51:04 --> 00:51:07 mushrooms. But with that, is it how do you how
00:51:07 --> 00:51:09 do you find the I know probably every experience
00:51:09 --> 00:51:12 is different, but is it pretty intense emotionally?
00:51:13 --> 00:51:15 Are you seeing visions? Is it bringing to you?
00:51:15 --> 00:51:16 Is it bringing to the surface things from the
00:51:16 --> 00:51:20 subconscious that were suppressed or? Yeah, I
00:51:20 --> 00:51:22 would say all those. It's sort of it depends
00:51:22 --> 00:51:26 on each person and sort of. Each experience is
00:51:26 --> 00:51:28 different. Each person's trip is different. But
00:51:28 --> 00:51:31 for me, it was very therapeutic and healing.
00:51:31 --> 00:51:35 And I think each psychedelic session I've done
00:51:35 --> 00:51:38 has shown me things about myself and helped me
00:51:38 --> 00:51:42 kind of heal trauma and sort of go work through,
00:51:42 --> 00:51:44 you know, get to know myself better. You know,
00:51:44 --> 00:51:46 but I think right now, I still need it because
00:51:46 --> 00:51:49 I think when you're in trauma, you kind of lose
00:51:49 --> 00:51:51 touch with who you are and kind of your your
00:51:51 --> 00:51:53 likes and dislikes and who you kind of who are
00:51:53 --> 00:51:55 your core. So I do think, you know, I'm not going
00:51:55 --> 00:51:58 to do psychedelics forever, or certainly not
00:51:58 --> 00:52:01 regularly forever. You know, I think I think
00:52:01 --> 00:52:03 self discovery can turn to navel gazing at some
00:52:03 --> 00:52:06 point and sort of you know, narcissism. But I
00:52:06 --> 00:52:08 think for where I am now, it's definitely needed
00:52:08 --> 00:52:11 and sort of let go of more trauma and just sort
00:52:11 --> 00:52:13 of have a better sense of who I am at my core
00:52:13 --> 00:52:16 is really important. Yeah, this is this is part
00:52:16 --> 00:52:18 of your journey for right now. This is yeah,
00:52:18 --> 00:52:20 these are the steps that you're taking. Hey,
00:52:21 --> 00:52:24 Alex, you know, this this is It's been a pleasure
00:52:24 --> 00:52:27 not to hear all the bad that that went on in
00:52:27 --> 00:52:29 your life but to hear where you're at now how
00:52:29 --> 00:52:30 you got through it and walk through the fire
00:52:30 --> 00:52:33 and still pushing pushing in a better direction
00:52:33 --> 00:52:35 and Still hoping for the best and working towards
00:52:35 --> 00:52:39 the best. So Yeah, I appreciate you taking some
00:52:39 --> 00:52:41 time out of your day and sharing sharing something
00:52:41 --> 00:52:44 personal with a complete stranger in the hopes
00:52:44 --> 00:52:47 that maybe it helps somebody so I just have I
00:52:47 --> 00:52:49 just have one more one more question that I'd
00:52:49 --> 00:52:52 like to ask you maybe you Maybe you mentioned
00:52:52 --> 00:52:55 it, but I can't recall it, but how long has it
00:52:55 --> 00:52:58 been so far right now that you've been working
00:52:58 --> 00:53:01 with psychedelics? It's been almost exactly four
00:53:01 --> 00:53:04 years. Okay, four years. All right. Like you
00:53:04 --> 00:53:06 said, it's worked wonders for you. That's been
00:53:06 --> 00:53:09 a minute. Yeah. I mean, not all at once, and
00:53:09 --> 00:53:10 there's still some things, but it definitely
00:53:10 --> 00:53:12 ain't from where I was before. It's definitely
00:53:12 --> 00:53:15 not a magical cure, but over time, it's been
00:53:15 --> 00:53:17 really helpful. And I think I'm still working
00:53:17 --> 00:53:18 through some stuff, but I think at this time
00:53:18 --> 00:53:20 next year at the five -year mark, I'm going to
00:53:20 --> 00:53:22 be in a really good place. You're taking steps
00:53:22 --> 00:53:27 in the magical direction. And like I said, I
00:53:27 --> 00:53:29 appreciate you taking time out of your day. Alex,
00:53:29 --> 00:53:32 I'm going to leave the links in the show notes
00:53:32 --> 00:53:35 once we publish this show and people will have
00:53:35 --> 00:53:37 access and they'll be able to find your book
00:53:37 --> 00:53:41 and purchase it, read it, dive into it. get a
00:53:41 --> 00:53:45 bit more in depth with your story, your journey,
00:53:45 --> 00:53:48 and your whole healing and recovery process.
00:53:48 --> 00:53:52 And it's been great to meet you and to hear more
00:53:52 --> 00:53:54 of your story. Like I said, I just had an overview
00:53:54 --> 00:53:58 beforehand. But if there's any final words or
00:53:58 --> 00:54:01 anything you'd like to leave off with before
00:54:01 --> 00:54:05 we wrap this up, please feel free. Yeah, I would
00:54:05 --> 00:54:09 say, you know, I think anyone can heal with these
00:54:09 --> 00:54:11 tools. That would be my final words. That's right.
00:54:11 --> 00:54:14 Yes. So there's hope. There's promise. Absolutely.
00:54:15 --> 00:54:18 Right on. Hey, you have a great rest of the day.
00:54:18 --> 00:54:20 Thank you so much for taking time out of your
00:54:20 --> 00:54:24 day, man. And all the best to you and the rest
00:54:24 --> 00:54:26 of your journey, my friend. Thanks for having
00:54:26 --> 00:54:30 me. Super happy to be here. I hope you all enjoyed
00:54:30 --> 00:54:34 the conversation today with Alex. As unfortunate
00:54:34 --> 00:54:38 as it was to hear about. what he had to suffer
00:54:38 --> 00:54:43 and endure as a child. And to know that the perpetrator,
00:54:44 --> 00:54:48 this child molester, there was no consequences
00:54:48 --> 00:54:52 for his actions. He's still, for all we know,
00:54:53 --> 00:54:57 working as an active faculty member in that same
00:54:57 --> 00:55:02 school. But regardless of that, Alex has really,
00:55:02 --> 00:55:05 really made the effort to work on his healing
00:55:05 --> 00:55:10 and that huge huge component MDMA psychedelic
00:55:10 --> 00:55:14 therapy in general has been a powerful ingredient
00:55:14 --> 00:55:18 to help him along the way and Alex I appreciate
00:55:18 --> 00:55:23 your act of courage your honesty your vulnerability
00:55:23 --> 00:55:27 I mean that takes some guts to talk with strangers
00:55:27 --> 00:55:31 and share some some graphic details about your
00:55:31 --> 00:55:33 life that are pretty painful and something that
00:55:33 --> 00:55:35 you're still working on and dealing with but
00:55:35 --> 00:55:38 talking about it in the hopes that it can maybe
00:55:38 --> 00:55:42 help somebody along the way in their own trying
00:55:42 --> 00:55:45 times and even to shed a light on the treatment
00:55:45 --> 00:55:48 of psychedelic therapy and how it helped you
00:55:48 --> 00:55:52 and if it's approached in a safe and a respectful
00:55:52 --> 00:55:55 and a cautious manner how it's been beneficial
00:55:55 --> 00:55:58 for not just you but thousands of others and
00:55:58 --> 00:56:01 maybe this alternative treatment could be a useful
00:56:01 --> 00:56:04 tool for somebody else listening right now who
00:56:04 --> 00:56:06 may have been on the fence about it who wasn't
00:56:06 --> 00:56:09 too sure about it who had their fears or their
00:56:09 --> 00:56:12 doubts or their worries maybe this helped answer
00:56:12 --> 00:56:15 a few questions but ultimately it's going to
00:56:15 --> 00:56:17 be left up to the individual it's going to be
00:56:17 --> 00:56:20 left up to you the one who is thinking about
00:56:20 --> 00:56:23 partaking in something like this to do your own
00:56:23 --> 00:56:27 due diligence before you step forward and introduce
00:56:27 --> 00:56:31 any of these plant medicines into your life because
00:56:31 --> 00:56:36 they are a powerful, powerful tool to help with
00:56:36 --> 00:56:40 healing to help with a variety of different treatments
00:56:40 --> 00:56:44 from depression and anxiety but they also can
00:56:44 --> 00:56:48 be abused they can be misused so tread with caution
00:56:48 --> 00:56:52 as you should anything and let's not forget about
00:56:52 --> 00:56:55 the book alex talked about his book trauma in
00:56:55 --> 00:56:59 ecstasy how psychedelics made my life worth living
00:56:59 --> 00:57:02 and that's going to take you on the whole journey
00:57:02 --> 00:57:06 of healing from his sexual abuse and his search
00:57:06 --> 00:57:09 his active search for answers to all of the health
00:57:09 --> 00:57:12 issues he was dealing with I said it during the
00:57:12 --> 00:57:15 talk, Alex, with everything that you're dealing
00:57:15 --> 00:57:19 with, how something that someone does could have
00:57:19 --> 00:57:22 such a long lasting impact and effect on your
00:57:22 --> 00:57:25 life. It could be positive, it could be negative.
00:57:25 --> 00:57:29 In this sense, it was unfortunate. situation
00:57:29 --> 00:57:33 that had occurred on several occasions but when
00:57:33 --> 00:57:36 I was talking with you I I seen someone who who
00:57:36 --> 00:57:39 was upbeat you seem positive you had your head
00:57:39 --> 00:57:42 on straight I know you still are dealing with
00:57:42 --> 00:57:45 um the road to recovery and healing and that's
00:57:45 --> 00:57:47 going to be a lifelong process but you're taking
00:57:47 --> 00:57:51 strides in a better direction um it was inspiring
00:57:51 --> 00:57:54 it was encouraging to hear your attitude and
00:57:54 --> 00:57:58 just the resilience that you had to seek out
00:57:58 --> 00:58:02 answers even when The professionals and the doctors
00:58:02 --> 00:58:05 and the psychiatrist were telling you one thing
00:58:05 --> 00:58:07 that wasn't sitting right. Traditional medicine
00:58:07 --> 00:58:11 was failing you and you decided to go another
00:58:11 --> 00:58:14 route with the psychedelic treatment. And that
00:58:14 --> 00:58:18 proved to be a big, big help with your healing
00:58:18 --> 00:58:22 process. Alex, once again, thank you for your
00:58:22 --> 00:58:27 time, for opening up a page in your story, more
00:58:27 --> 00:58:30 than a few pages and sharing it with us. I wish
00:58:30 --> 00:58:35 you all the best. You are, without a doubt, a
00:58:35 --> 00:58:41 giant amongst us. And of course, I'd like to
00:58:41 --> 00:58:43 give a big shout out to everybody listening to
00:58:43 --> 00:58:46 the show. Wherever you're listening from, however
00:58:46 --> 00:58:49 you're listening to the show, appreciate each
00:58:49 --> 00:58:52 and every one of you. You know where you can
00:58:52 --> 00:58:57 find more of Giants Amongst Us. It's at the home
00:58:57 --> 00:59:02 base hometown giantsamongstus .org and like I
00:59:02 --> 00:59:04 said there are updates there's blogs there's
00:59:04 --> 00:59:08 ways to reach out to us there's all of the social
00:59:08 --> 00:59:12 media platforms that we're available at YouTube
00:59:12 --> 00:59:15 there's a few new YouTube videos that I put up
00:59:15 --> 00:59:17 one where I was sharing a bit of East Germany
00:59:17 --> 00:59:21 I'm living in Germany originally from California
00:59:21 --> 00:59:24 if anybody isn't too familiar with that situation
00:59:24 --> 00:59:27 but and if you wanted to see a little bit of
00:59:27 --> 00:59:31 Germany it's just a calming video of 10 minutes
00:59:31 --> 00:59:35 or so of landscapes of the scenery and um that
00:59:35 --> 00:59:39 cooled down slowed down simple life embracing
00:59:39 --> 00:59:43 the outdoors and mother earth because that is
00:59:43 --> 00:59:47 where we have our church okay and let's see am
00:59:47 --> 00:59:51 i forgetting anything i just appreciate everybody
00:59:52 --> 00:59:55 And all of you who have been a part of this so
00:59:55 --> 00:59:58 far, I look forward to bringing you more stories.
00:59:59 --> 01:00:02 I look forward to connecting with more beautiful
01:00:02 --> 01:00:06 and wonderful souls from across and every corner
01:00:06 --> 01:00:09 of the globe. This has been a great experience.
01:00:10 --> 01:00:15 It's really helped me in my own walk in life.
01:00:15 --> 01:00:19 and working from the inside out because like
01:00:19 --> 01:00:22 you all I'm still a work in progress so before
01:00:22 --> 01:00:27 I wrap this up you guys be safe out there be
01:00:27 --> 01:00:33 sane and be kind to a stranger also if you would
01:00:33 --> 01:00:36 like to be a part of the show and share your
01:00:36 --> 01:00:40 story or maybe a story of someone in your life
01:00:40 --> 01:00:43 that has impacted you in a positive way you could
01:00:43 --> 01:00:47 always reach out to us via email we'd be happy
01:00:47 --> 01:00:53 to connect until next time and very soon peace
01:01:03 --> 01:01:11 Looking for a sign to know I'm on the right road
01:01:11 --> 01:01:17 Ain't seen no sign since Jericho
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